Picture it: Kathryn’s standing high on a podium…surrounded on all sides by thousands of listeners…they are silent…their upturned faces glowing with the expectation of her daily pearls of infinite wisdom. She taps the microphone…and begins to speak:
We (we…we…we…)…as human beings (-eings…-eings...-eings)……are creatures (-ures, -ures, -ures) of habit (-abit…-abit…-abit).
(I begin this with a nifty disclaimer….having no clue if it’s actually true or not…on the off-chance that not one of my blogbuds will comment with habits of their own. See how I did that? It’s freakin’ genius…I am one of many if you share my “affliction” and I can just as easily claim that you’re the strange one for not having any, if need be. Freakin’ genius, I tell ya.)
I will show you mine if you’ll show me yours. Deal?
What?! You’re not sure you wanna play? Well then, fuggetaboutit. I’m out of here. You think I don’t have anything else to do right now? I’ve got dog poop to scoop, I’ve got papers up the kazoo and those two loads of laundry aren’t gonna fold themselves, ya know.
Oh, so now you’re considering it??
I dunno….I mean, before I was in the mood to share. I’m not really feeling it anymore. I do believe the moment has passed. We can discuss the merits of liquid dishwasher soap versus the powder, if you’d like…
What? You’re sorry? Is that like, the hanging-your-head-low kinda sorry, or more like “sor-ree!” that you say when you really don’t mean it? ‘Cause I’m listening carefully now….
Things I Have to Do In a Certain Way At a Certain Time or I Will Die.
- I must put on Chapstick before I go to sleep. I have very absorbent lips.
- I must put lotion on my hands and feet before I go to sleep. I have very absorbent hands and feet.
- I must have a freshly laundered towel after each shower, so I can breathe in that Snuggle-fresh smell, just like that fluffy bear on the box of dryer sheets.
- I am addicted to Coffeemate French Vanilla liquid creamer for my morning java. (It’s my sister Laura’s fault ‘cause she got me hooked. On purpose. Served it to me so religiously and with such zeal that now I will forgo coffee completely if I’m out.) No, regular milk or half and half doesn’t cut it. I’m too far gone...go on…save yourselves!!
- I must have a box of tissues in every single room of the house. This is because I am (evidently) allergic to everything found in nature (and a few very un-natural things, I believe) and…well, you get it. Yes, this includes the garage…and the laundry room.
- I cannot sit down and talk on the phone at the same time. I must be pacing, cleaning, driving, cooking (okay, so that’s a joke) or moving in some way, or I cannot speak or think coherently. I know…it’s weird. I could sit down, but then I wouldn’t hear a word you’d say.
Okay. Your turn…no take-backies….you said you’d play. I’ve just divulged six die-hard can’t-survive-without-‘em habits of mine…don’t make me come over there.