Tuesday, July 15, 2008

This Just In!

FREDERICK (AKA FREDDIE) THE FROG IDENTIFIED!

After several hours of playing Manhunt on a beautiful summer’s night, the loud croaking in the back yard caught the attention of the younger members of the household. Once again, the decision was made that the source of said croaking (tentatively identified as one “Freddie-the-Frog”, although no actual eyewitnesses had been found initially to confirm this) must be isolated and relocated to another section of the area formerly known as the
“quiet neighborhood”.

At approximately 11pm, subject was apprehended and brought in for questioning.

Criminal Case # 5489JV#@&stupidstinkinpaperwork%$#976923

MUG SHOTS

(FRONT)

(SIDE)

Transcript of interrogation:

Kathryn: “Well, well. So…we finally meet, Freddie. May I call you Freddie?”

Freddie: “Whatever. Ya got nothing on me, Copper! NOTHIN!”

K: “Woah! Calm down, Freddie-old-boy! We just need to ask you some questions. No need to get all ‘croaked-out’ about it. He he.”

F: (Gives Kathryn evil frog-eye) “I DEMAND to be released. I know my rights! How would you like a lifetime supply of WARTS?”

K: “That’s enough. You’re charged with disturbing the peace, singing in public without permit # 712-BF and being an overall pain in the butt to the residents of this house. How do you plead?”

F: “Hey. Look. I’m a FROG. The highlight of my short, meaningless existence is to try and find another frog to do the hokey-pokey with before I croak. (Pun intended.) So I sing her a little song and if I’m really lucky, she’ll sing one back. Then I’ll spend the remainder of that short, meaningless life trying to follow the sound of her croaks, which will hopefully lead me to her…assuming I can find her before daybreak, when we’re pretty much prohibited from further croaking due to that whole predator-can-now-see-me-thing during the day. Otherwise, it’s back to waiting for another night, dodging crows, squirrels and other assorted threats against my very existence hoping that she hasn’t become some critter’s lunch and then I have to start the whole croaking thing all over again. So…excuse me if I seem a little tense about moving things along.”

K: “Well. Geez. Ya didn’t have to bite my head off.”

F: “I’m outta here….”


(subject is caught on tape attempting to make a break for it.)

Pandemonium ensued in the interrogation room (which was in reality the main hall bath, presently in a state of chaos, as the previous owner’s beloved and ever-present wallpaper is in the process of being removed) as Freddie made a desperate attempt to flee back into the cover of darkness, only to find himself face-to-face with the most disgusting, ugly wallpaper he’d ever seen! Not knowing what else to do, Freddie placed a frantic call to his mother……

video

….who told him to apologize for the bru-ha-ha and to promise to curb the croaking to between the hours of 10pm and midnight, as defined under the monumental
“Frogs-Feel-Frisky-Too” treaty between man and amphibian from 2002.

In the end, the kids took Freddie back outside in a blue pail. They’d planned on letting him go somewhere else…but once Freddie recognized what was happening, he croaked a most heartfelt song in the little blue bucket that was his temporary holding cell…and little Suzie-Q croaked back from her hiding place in the bushes. The children, having been taught empathy and kindness from their saint-of-a-mother, decided to let Freddie go free…back to doing what Freddie does best.

And so…once again…the true power of love…reminds us all…that no matter how small you are…you can still make a hell of a lot of noise if you really, really try.

And sometimes, it’s worth risking personal annihilation for a little somethin’-somethin’.

That’s Freddie’s lesson to us all.

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