Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Definitely Not Nina

They say you can tell a lot about a person based on their Google searches. If this is true, I figure I’ve already got one arm in that straightjacket, so I may as well share. It’s not as if you haven’t already formed a strong opinion of me. (Insert smirk here):

(Random) Sampling of Kathryn’s Google Searches

As you can see by the above, I was deeply troubled by what appeared to be a dark spot on my arm, which resembled either a snowman or the state of California, depending on the angle.

 Ah. Problem solved.

This was a particularly frusttttttttratttttttting day. Turns out that one should never eat a sesame bagel over one’s keyboard. ‘Nuff said.

Nina Garcia
I have harbored a longing for Nina Garcia’s golden, honey-colored, perfectly-highlighted hair for quite a while now. I gave it some serious thought and I came to this conclusion:

“I’ll bet I can do that. I mean, sure…she probably spends hundreds of dollars at some pricey salon in which she spends the lion’s share of a day parked in some colorist’s chair to create this coveted look but really. How hard can it be? I’ll bet if I concentrate really hard and download a photo of her lovely locks on my phone as a guide, I can probably re-create that look for a fraction of the money! And probably in a quarter of the time!”

Yeah. At first, I thought it was maybe a light auburn. Then maybe more of a…copper? But no. It was orange. Craaaaaap. 

Two gentle colorings later, I’m still trying to remove the traces of neon pumpkin from my hair. Let’s face it…there’s only meant to be one Nina. And neon-pumpkin is a color better suited to just about anything other than someone’s hair.

Honestly, I didn’t even think “amnesiatic” was a word. Word says it isn’t…Google allowed it.  Insomnia can be maddening…and can cause one to have diminished brain function, including (but not limited to) when one thinks one is awake. This observation is based on an odd conversation I had with my son Taylor (19) the other morning:

Taylor: “Mom. How weird were you last night?”

Me: “Um. I don’t know how to answer that. Was I ‘Mom weird’ or the usual ‘generally weird’?”

Taylor: “You were weird, even for you. Don’t you remember? You were throwing things from the drawer of your nightstand at the closed door to your room, all while tucked in bed. Evidently, this was your bizarre way of calling me.”

Me: “I did no such thing. You’re such a liar.”

At this point, Taylor shows me the hazardous pile of debris on the floor behind my door. I spy a plastic hair clip, some Chap stick, a quarter and two packs of Juicy Fruit gum.

Uh oh. This can’t be good.

Taylor: “When I opened your door and asked why you didn’t get out of bed, you said you couldn’t stand up because you were sleeping.”

Me: (Eyes wide) “No way. I do not remember this.”

Taylor: “Shocking. Then you went on to explain how the lunch truck at your office makes these killer chili dogs.”

Me: “Oh! They really do. They make them with chopped onions and tomatoes…you would love them.”

Taylor: “I know, Mom. That’s what you said.”

Me: “I guess I was hungry.”

Taylor: “Ya think? All that talk of chili dogs made me hungry, so we got dressed and you drove to the diner to grab a bite.” 

Me: “WHAT??!”

Taylor: “Kidding. This may be a good time for you to cancel that new computer you ordered on your phone, though.”

Me: (Squints) “You’re messing with me. Tell me you’re messing with me…”

This is the part where he walks out of the room.

What about you? Any (ahem) interesting searches on your computer??

(Hope everyone is well. Another meeting on the board for today. I’m still clinging to the hope that life will calm down soon. Miss you guys. Love you. Mean it.)

Slamdunk said...

Always good to hear from you Kathryn.

Funny stuff on the Google searches.

My fav search that leads to my page involves the keywords pimp, slapped, and brachial plexus stun--that leads to one of my posts.

ToBlog today said...

Search great blogs and yours will come up!

Have you seen this one about an old many thinking twitter was how one searches. It's pretty hilarious.!/oldmansearch

Lauren said...

Strange searches? Of course not... I mean, well, of course but none I'm going to admit to. YOU WON'T GET IT OUT OF ME!!!

Gigi said...

All my searches are weird and random. And I would love to see what kind of profile of me they would come up with if a forensic computer person ever had to do so.

I hope things calm down soon for you too! Miss you much!

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

You already kinda look like this Nina chick. You do!
Your searches are hilarious and probably absolutely true. Mine are equally ridiculous. Oh, and I totally effed my hair up this summer by dying it, not orange, but blonde. One day it just broke off. At my scalp. No amount of Googling could save it. Although I did do a search for Broken Hair Krazy Glue.

Tia said...

While spying, er checking on my kids' internet browsing history I came across this one:

How to make out

1. I freaked out wondering just how good my parental controls were at blocking what I just know was porno responses to that one.

2. I decided I better have a little chat with my kiddos.


kathryn said...

Slamdunk: Hey you! Heehee...WTH is brachial plexus stun? I guess I should catch up on my reading, right? Boy, I'm beyond behind. I'm on my way now. Thanks for stopping by!

Angelina: Those tweets are freakin' hilarious. Who even thinks to do this?! Ya gotta love it. Thanks for the sweet comment too, sweets!

Lauren: Oh, c'mon. You know you want to share. I mean, *I* did...and all the cool kids are doing it. Besides, if you don't tell me, I'll have to use my imagination and that would be way weirder.

Alicia said...

Well my son just installed Google chrome so I think all my searches are erased. But your searches prompted me to go look how you do remove hair color from skin. That problem happens to me all the time and even though I have the world at my fingertips it never dawned on me to go find out how to remove it. I just waited it out! Silly me! Do you know you can use cigarette ashes? Yep, mixed with water and then applied with a cotton ball. Hmmm, me thinks I would rather have black face than smell like a cigarette.

So great to hear from you and to know that you're still as randomly funny as always!

Lauren said...

... what do you think I'm searching?

I mostly search recipes.

Red Velvet cake, orange chocolate truffles, biscuits... God eating better sucks.

Full-On-Forward said...

Oh I have so missed you! Sorry I have not been a very good friend, but Real Life reared it's ugly head for a bit!

You make it so much more tolerable!

Love ya K!!!!


When Pigs Fly said...

You're back. Google searches crack me up. You never know what you are going to get.

Daily Panic said...

Taylor: “Mom. How weird were you last night?”

Me: “Um. I don’t know how to answer that. Was I ‘Mom weird’ or the usual ‘generally weird’?”

You are so NORMAL to me!! Lots of Love!

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy said...

Oh, the Nina comment and subsequent google search cracked me up! I used to be jealous of the color of Jennifer Aniston's. Love that warm, honey type hue.

hypnotism techniques said...

Nina's hair surely is to die for! I know you can color your hair in for a cheaper price. Good luck on that!

sage said...

I love your conversations with your son! I'm just catching up on blogs now that I am back in the real world.

sage said...

btw, how did so many of my posts ended up linked to this post?

joel said...

Always love your site and nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Pop on over if you'd like to participate, otherwise, no worries. :)

Betsy said...

I've been MIA from blogland too. Checking in to say hi!

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