Sunday, December 12, 2010

To Be or Not to Be (Bitchy)


Recently, I had another epiphany. Or maybe it was just a really deep, meaningful, life-changing thought…which is essentially another way of calling it an epiphany, right?

I’ve realized that my two-hour-a-day commute, combined with a lack of serious shut-eye during the week has left me a tad…bitchy. I know…it’s hard to believe….but it’s true.

Besides that, I’m making knee-jerk assumptions and conclusions as a by-product of my bitchiness.

Yikes.

I’ll give you an example:

There’s a show on (I have no idea what channel) about a newly-blended family called “Downsizing”….or maybe it’s called “Downsized”. There’s the mom…whom we’ll call Judy (‘cause you know I cannot remember her name) who has like, five kids from her first marriage. The guy, (we’ll call him Doug…what the hell…) has two kids. So, they’re a blended family of nine. They were living the good life…in…Phoenix...or’Vegas...again, not sure…but sooooo not the point. Stay with me, people. Doug owns his own construction company and did very well until the recession hits and then his company goes belly-up. So, Kathryn (yours truly) joins this show as Doug and Judy are talking about how they’re way behind on their rent (I think they’d already lost the home they owned to foreclosure) and Judy’s asking Doug what he’s gonna do to bring in some extra green.

Kathryn’s knee-jerk, stupid assumption #1:
(I'm talking to Judy on the tv. I’m pretty sure Judy can’t hear me.) “Why don’t you get your sorry lazy ass off that couch and find yourself a job, missy? Your youngest kid is like, what? 10??…WTF are you doing all day?” (Okay, so I may have not said it exactly like this…but you get the idea.)

I come to discover that Judy has a master’s degree and works fulltime as an elementary school teacher.

**SUH-NAP**

Then the cameraman keep panning to the outside of their rental home, where there sits a white van and a lovely Mercedes Benz.

Kathryn’s knee-jerk, stupid assumption #2:
“Hey, if you’re in such dire straits, why don’t you try turning in that Benz for something a tad more...practical, bi-atch?” (Again, I’m paraphrasing.)

Turns out that the car is ten years old and was passed down to her by her deceased mother…it’s the only thing she has left from her MOM, she tearfully explains.

This is the part where I hang my head in shame.

I suppose everyone does it at one time or another…this snap-judgment…but I, for one, am going to do everything in my power to cut it out, dammit. I’ve always prided myself on being open minded. Whether you’re gay, straight, rich, poor, black, white, have no children or enough to form your own football team, it’s not my place to put you into some preconceived category under a predefined header…especially without getting all my facts straight. And even then…I haven’t lived your life…any more than you’ve lived mine. Especially in this season of giving, I'm going to do my best to try and be a better person. And I'm dragging all of you along with me...'cause no-one's perfect, right? I mean, we're all pretty awesome...but there's always room for improvement. At least, I think there is.

So, accept my apologies, Betsy and Bill…or whatever the hell your names are. I’ve learned a valuable lesson from watching snippets of your show.

I've got to seriously stop watching reality tv.

Fierce said...

Oh Kathryn, it's nothing to feel TOOOOOO horribly bad about; we all get like that sometimes and I find the best thing is to let all your frustration out. TV's your best sounding board, since Betsy and Bill (or Judy and Doug... who cares really) can't actually hear you and be hurt by what you're saying. So fuggetaboutit. Be happy! It's almost Christmas

:)
xoxo

Climb2Nowhere said...

We all get bitchy! No worries. I think instead of worrying about being bitchy get a job with a shorter commute! I know you love your job, but that commute would make anyone bitchy! Hang in there and drink more! LOL!

John McElveen said...

Who the hell are you to tell me to...

Oh--Is this thing on-- tap tap--

My Bad!! Hanging head in embarrassment.... Anyway-

K--Don't we all do that? And it takes a slap in the face, or something like that show to SUH NAP--(Loved it), jerk us back into reality!

I had an Epiphany yesterday too- But, then I passed gas and well- That was that! No Epiphany. Just shi**yyy thoughts!

Yes- Yes-- I know- MEN and Bodily Functions YES???

Butt- I have no Colon! Now how do you feel. OK, that is BS, but I just wanted to see if your snap judgment had passed as well!

Love Ya Mean it- form now on-- LYMI

Hugs,

John

j.m. neeb said...

Reality tv is hereby banned in the newest-named state in the union! (The state of Fiesta, brought to you by Ford.)

Hopefully that helps your plight.

(If not, download the Phish song "Joy" and see if that doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.) (No, I'm not in the band, nor do I receive commission... just some -- hopefully -- helpful advice from a blogging buddy.)

Cordially yours,

The Nation's Most Delusional Governator

Alicia said...

I was watching this same thing with my daughter. Well actually I was just listening and trying to catch up on blog reading while she watched it.

My big reaction to it was to ask her to change it to something a bit more cheerful. After a strange look from my daughter I explained to her that in this economy we're all struggling and wondering from one day to the next if we're gonna make it and I have my own issues and problems so I don't want to hear someone else's...especially some strangers on tv.

I don't like reality shows, because I already live in reality!!!

So she changed it to another reality show, Prisons of Maricopa County or something like that where they glorify prisoners and we have the privilege of getting to watch them. Did I mention I don't like reality TV?

But I do understand what you say about making snap judgments. I'm on the band wagon with you on being less judgmental! Ummm, will there be drinks on this band wagon though? I'm just saying. . .

Slamdunk said...

Ouch.

Perhaps, you witty comments on tv shows would make a great new program.

Christopher said...

You're dragging me with you? I have to stop judging people? Really? but... but... but...

Lauren said...

Hmmm... Downsized the new Oprah?

Meh, I think you could have done a lot worse. At least you were only swearing at your TV and not outside putting the crazy on display... you were indoors right? Not at someone's window?

Although, I suppose I could try to be less "bitchy" too... God the effort it's going to take.

Vince said...

And they allow a camera crew follow them about for the jollies. Yeah right. I cannot stand this cheap ass shit masquerading as 'real' drama. If you're not some twenty-something former kids TV presenter having tried the Glamor route then the Lindsey route and is left with now college-age fans forcing her to eat kangaroo genitals and Widgery grubs. But this stuff is designed to cause exactly that reaction from you for you are invited to see yourself in them. But unless you can now turn your head and John, Jean and Miguel have a lense panning over your dirty laundry with an up-link in your drive. And have a cheque for several million cashed in your bank. It has no bearing on reality.

Miss Sara said...

Lemme tell you… when I was working 60 hrs a wk (@ a job I HATED) I was DEAD tired… and when I look back on that (few months ago) I KNOW there was awhile where I was a complete bitch. I said & did things completely out of character. Tired & stressed will do it to ya! I found myself making snap judgments & well, just hating EVERYONE. So don’t be too hard on yourself… get some rest, DAMMIT! :D

Alan W. Davidson said...

I hear ya on the reality TV...life is reality enough. Good for you, Kathryn! It's nice that you're making those New Year resolutions so early. I'm sure many of us will follow along. Or not.

Gigi said...

So as a result of poor TV - we all have to change our ways? Fine. I'll go along - but it won't be easy. Because the first time that jerk nearly runs me off the road because he doesn't know the meaning of the word "merge" it will be REALLY hard to not make assumptions about his personality.....

Get some sleep, Kathryn!

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

But being bitchy is so much fun!

Runnergirl said...

I have to admit that I am horribly judgemental, on a daily basis, although I do keep my judgements to myself and assume that everyone else is making similar judgements about me...

Mind you, where I work, it's kind of hard not to make judgements about overweight women screaming swearwords at their kids in the shopping centre in the middle of the day...

sage said...

"'ve got to seriously stop watching reality tv"

That's your epiphany! And it's why I don't care much for TV, but I did watch with my daughter last night, "My Dog Skip," a good movie from a book by an excellent author, the late Willie Morris. (Now are you going to be a real "B" and send me a bill for making a commercial on your blog?) Sorry, I don't use that word around women... I did once and it cost me my 7th grade girlfriend, lesson learned.

Jen said...

The two hour commute is not good. I hope you can take a train so you can write more fabulousness while commuting. Somehow I don't it. Hang in there.

Wendy Ramer said...

Really, Kathryn, you DO need to stop watching reality TV. It's brain-rotting drivel ;-) As for being judgmental without knowing all the facts, we've all been there, and you're right...we don't know what goes on in others' lives so it's really a waste of energy to throw judgment out there. Still, if you feel like a bitch from time to time, that's okay too. The world needs more smart bitches!

Straight Guy said...

I saw a preview of this. I bounced from sympathy to snark myself.

One minute: Nine kids? They need all the help they can get.

The next: Nine kids? What were they thinking?

HulaBuns said...

Wow, a 2 hour commute! My hubs just turned down a job that would've required that - I'm glad after hearing how you feel it's making you bitchy that he did (I don't need him any more grumpy than he already is). I understand though, I guess I'm a bit of a grump lately too and kind of doing the same thing. Christmas brings it out in me....we travel home and it's never a vacation and more like work.

At least you're aware of it, isn't admitting you have a problem the first step?

kathryn said...

Fierce: Aw. You always know the right thing to say, sweetie. I'm still gonna work on it, though. I don't like this bitchy-version of me nearly as much as the fun-Kathryn.

Climb2Nowhere: Ha! I knew I liked you. It's 'cause you often suggest cocktails. The hour commute doesn't really feel like an hour...I think I just need to work a 6-hour day. Maybe 10-4. Yeah, that'll do me just fine.

John McElveen: You are completely INSANE. But, in such a good way. Uh, yeah...the mike was ON, bud. So, SUH-NAP to you...and your bodily functions, too!

injaynesworld said...

How bad could they be doing? They've got to be getting paid to be on that stupid show. Screw them!

Or in the spirit of Christmas I can simply bless them and their good fortune to be on TV.

Nah! Screw 'em.

Disclaimer: Writer of this comment has been on a Sudafed and cough syrup binge for the last 48 hours.

kathryn said...

j.m. neeb: Oh, God. Are you re-naming states again?? You must be feeling better. What happened to the "stocking state"? Or was it the "gloveless state"? Am I getting warm??

Alicia: Oh, yeah. Drinks are mandatory on this ride. I completely and totally agree with everything you've said, sweetie. And that remark about us "living reality"?? SPOT ON! And I can't help but wonder: How much is that network paying them to be on that show? Ya know??

Slamdunk: "Ouch" is right. I'm not proud of my snarky (read: bitchy) comments to the downsize-lady. I figure I can "own" it here and then try and do better. Your job is to hold me accountable. Got it?

hot girl said...

nice

BlackLOG said...

Reality TV is a nightmare it is 50% manipulation of the viewer, 50% addictive and 100% rubbish (a bit like my maths today)

Nance said...

A good New Year's Resolution. But can we exercise good judgment without a high risk of being judgmental? I struggle with crap like that. The elderly (moi) are famously vulnerable to being taken advantage of by shysters and cons...on the one hand. On the other, profiling generates bad vibes and the country is in desperate need of good vibes it can get right now--primarily because none of us can figure out who the heck to trust.

Kristy said...

I have been impatient lately too. But this is no need to stop watching reality TV. These are the perfect people to take your anger and judgment out on. It is just too much fun.

kathryn said...

Christopher: Oh, c'mon! It'll be fun...we'll.....(...***crickets chirping***...). Actually, what would we do? It might be kind of boring. Maybe we should just plan on cutting back.

Lauren: Ha! Yes, I was inside...and not "outside putting the crazy on display". (Love this, btw.) But I may as well have been making a public spectacle of myself, given I've just announced it here.

Vince: Well, I've no idea to whom you are referring but I have no qualms with turning it off...or leaving all of it behind. I happen to totally agree w/you on the whole reality thing. It's fabricated drama...and I can always hear the director in my head, yelling "CUT! Now, do that again...but with feeling". SO not my thing...

kathryn said...

Miss Sara: HA! "Hating EVERYONE"...so freakin' true! When I'm tired, I manage to find fault with everything. Obviously, you know what I'm talking about. For me, it's a job I love...it's just getting my rhythm. I'm not getting to sleep early enough. But, there's stuff I wanna do!

Alan W. Davidson: (snicker) Oh, great. So, you're gonna leave me to do this all alone? I'm sensing quite a bit of judgment in my suggestion that everyone join my anti-snap-judgment movement. There are absolutely two separate camps on this issue. Interesting, Alan...very interesting...

Gigi: (Holds up hands in surrender) FINE. You guys are TOUGH. Christmas spirit, people....
I will say this: I'd rather be with you than against you, that's for sure.

Lynn said...

My dear mother always used to say, "Now dear, people don't *insert applicable phrase here from list below*

--deliberately go out trying to dress as badly as possible.
--deliberately try to offend.
--deliberately try to do badly to people.

etc etc.


And while I'll admit that saying to oneself after the guy ahead of you has been driving at a snails pace before finally turning without using his signal, "I guess he's a bit lost and doesn't know where he's going, so give him a break," is kinder than, "That idiot should just get off the road already," sometimes venting and being a bit snarky can be soooo much more cathartic. I'm not advocating it, mind you, just sayin'...

Now go get some sleep, woman!

Missed Periods said...

But it's so much more fun to be bitchy.

Jerry said...

They should tell you all these things up front...cars and jobs and stuff. Prevent well-informed, well-intentioned, jerking of beautiful knee reactions. (Okay, that was a knee jerk reaction of my own. I assumed knee when in fact it may be a knobby knee. See, you gotta' inform us right at top!)

.end transmission. said...

This week on Downsizing, Judy decides that she will complete her downsizing by putting 3 of her worthless unemployed children up for adoption. Tune in to see which 3 get the axe, and which one winds up working in a sweatshop in Malaysia.

GAWD, we could only HOPE for TV that good!

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