Sunday, October 17, 2010

Times Two

I have come to the conclusion that my world would be a much less stressful place if there were simply two of me.

I can see you’re nodding enthusiastically, so I can only assume this means you’d appreciate the same, yes?
Isn't it amazing how you keep forgetting that I can see you?? (Now, you're just a little freaked...right?)

Let’s explore, shall we?

(This is the part where the screen gets all blurry and smoky as we imagine the topic of our discussion. C'mon...work with me here, people.)

First, there would be the practical-Kathryn. We’ll call her PracKat. She’d do all the stuff no-one really wants to do…but we know we have to. She’s responsible, efficient and has no patience for slackers. She’s uptight, does everything by the book and doesn’t smoke, drink or ever laugh till she pees a little. I figure she’d look something like this:


Then, there’s the fun-loving, glitter-wearing, biker-chick gal who doesn’t give a crap about anything other than enjoying life. We’ll call her Boom-Chicka-Wah-Wah-Kat…or BoomKat, for short. She’s all about living in the moment and doesn’t believe a precious second should be wasted on anything other than a good time. She’ll look like this:


(Shhh. Do not disturb…she’s got a hot date with a Patrick Dempsey look-alike in two hours and she’s debating between the Armani black number or the red Prada with the plunging neckline.)

I figure a typical conversation between the two on a Saturday afternoon would go something like this:

PratKat: “Well. I say we tackle filing those papers in the office first. Then, we’ll combine a few loads of laundry with several trips involving the cleaners, the pharmacy and the office supply store in town.”

BoomKat: “Huh. OR, we could hit the tanning salon, grab a bite at Mojo’s (where they have those awesome Mojitos), stop by the salon for a little color/mani-pedi, see if we can catch that sale over at Barneys and fit in a quick nap before tonight.”

PratKat: “Tonight? You mean watching The Suze Orman show while we color our hair, iron our clothes for work and research the benefits versus detriments of powering down one’s wireless router before retiring for bed? I've been meaning to do my due-diligence on that forever.”

BoomKat: “Um. That would be a no. I’ve made reservations at The Chart House for dinner and thought we could go clubbing and drag our sorry asses in around 3, collapsing fully-dressed and not coming to until around 2pm on Sunday.”

PK: “But. What about the filing?”

BK: “It’ll wait.”

PK: “The laundry?”

BK: “That’s why we’re going shopping.”

PK: “The cleaners? The pharmacy? The office supply store?”

BK: “Not going anywhere.”

PK: “But. Suze Orman?”

BK: (Rolls yes) “We’ll tape it.”

PK: “Our hair? The wrinkled clothes? The router?”

BK: (Sighs) “Again…salon, Barney’s and who gives a damn? Seriously?? Life is too freakin' short.”

PK: (Defeated) “Okay. Should I take off this honeycomb-ballet-skirt-bib and lose the shoulder pads and splints in my sleeves? I believe both my arms have fallen asleep.”

BK: (Smiles) “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

Here’s hoping your weekend combined the best of both worlds…

Molly Louise said...

Cheers! Hope your weekend was as good as it sounded in debate.

Christopher said...

i keep practical christopher locked up during the weekends

Gigi said...

Kathryn - I have the EXACT same conversation with myself (or should I say myselves?) all the time! Unfortunately, the dutiful one usually wins out. I'm gonna have to something about her.

Angelina said...

I think Prakat's clothes are too restricting which accounts for her no nonsense sensibilities. The best way to avoid entertaining a losing battle with her is to start the debate in a bubble bath... might want to add a glass of bubbly too. If it is too early in the morning, and it makes you feel better, add orange juice. Cheers!

diane rene said...

so does this mean you found some "kathryn time" this weekend? or is this how you WISH the argument played out? ;0)

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Throughout their whole conversation I had those two images in my head...you would not BELIEVE how bizarre that is...

Haha, you just want someone who'll do the chores while you party. ;)

Lauren said...

HEY! I'm currently unemployed and I'm already responsible, efficient, have no patience for slackers AND I'm uptight! While always maintaining my usual almost upbeat self? I'll bake you cookies!

Climb2Nowhere said...

I hope fun Kathryn won out this weekend. We all need practical Kathryn around at times, but I hope you had fun Kathryn out for the majority!

kathryn said...

Molly Louise: Thank you! I hope yours was a productive, yet fun-filled weekend as well. It's hard sometimes to find that balance, right?

Christopher: I like that idea. Plenty of time for Practical Christopher to rule the roost. Does he wear a hat? I'm thinking he wears a hat.

Gigi: We may have to temporarily take her down. (And I do believe it's "yourselves"...plural, sweetie.)We need a little less dutiful and a little more glitter!

kathryn said...

Angelina: Oh, so true! A little Mimosa in the morning is just the ticket. I haven't had one of those in ages. Now I'm thirsty. And you're right...she definitely needs to loosen up a little.

diane rene: Oh, I'd say more of the latter. I got a lot done, though...but kept wishing I could have been a schlub and watched the 9 hours of shows stored up on my DV-R! I got out, though...so, that's good. Right?

Oddyoddyo13: How did you know? Honey you know me too well. Yup...I want PratKat to do all the crap so I can just have FUN! And don't think I'm unaware of the "bizarre" factor...they were talking in MY head first!!

Dreamfarm Girl said...

I love your Jeckell and Hyde, so much more realistic! I hope BoomKat got to win at least one round.

Heather said...

Very clever post and funny too! My fun side has been locked up and the key has gone missing! Paperwork is fun, right? LOL!

Lily Johnson said...

Hahahahaha! BoomKat is awesome! You'd think she would be bullied by PracKat but nooo! She rocks! I love this post and your blog Kat. Then a lot of people do. And you know it right? Right! Thanks for giving me a good laugh this Monday morning.

ValleyWriter said...

Too funny - this weekend I had Practical Saturday and Free-wheelin' Sunday. I figured if I couldn't have 2 versions of myself, at least I could split the weekend into 2 versions. This was my first attempt (practical Saturday usually lasts all weekend...) and I loved it!!

Vince said...

What's keeping BoomKat from sliding on her arse down into that bath. For physics says she should spluttering like some damp cat. Ha Ha, brings me to the moist-bint.

King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

KellyGrrl said...

Hahaha that cracked me up :-)

injaynesworld said...

That's just freakin' genius, my friend. Do you remember the movie "Multiplicity" where Michael Keaton found a way to create clones of himself for all the jobs he didn't want to do and then they all started fighting about who was getting stuck with the shitty jobs? I'm thinking one of me is probably enough. Fortunately, depending on who you ask (not my accountant), that would be the fun one.

Alicia said...

How do you manage to get anything done with those two in your head? :-)

family guy dvd said...

I love your Jeckell and Hyde

kathryn said...

Lauren: I'll take a dozen chocolate-chip, please. And I'll wear that honeycomb ballet bib to catch all the errant crumbs. Ingenious!

Climb2Nowhere: Alas, Prat-Kat beat the crap out of the fun-Kat and we did the "have-tos" this past weekend. That's why I whined. But, I'll admit, it felt good to get some of that off my plate. NEXT weekend, however...is a whole different ball game!

Dreamfarm Girl: Boom-Kat's always right below the surface! She can usually put a crimp in the practical-Kat's plans...but this past weekend was a little too...responsible for me. I need balance...

kathryn said...

Heather: Ha! Well, find that damn key and let Fun-Heather OUT! She needs to par-tay...and she's got some serious catching-up to do!!

Lily Johnson: Aw...you're so welcome, sweetie! I'm very happy when I can make you laugh, especially on a Monday! Yeah...I'm a HUGE fan of BoomKat. I'm glad you are too!

ValleyWriter: Oh, I'm so glad, sweets. That's how it should be...a compromise that has a little bit of both. I'm aiming for that. I figure it'll all come with some practice.

kathryn said...

Vince: Huh. It's interesting that you seem to equate an awful lot of womanly stuff with kings and stuff. Did you play a lot of dungeons and dragons as a kid? C'mon...you can tell me. I won't tell anyone.

KellyGrrl: Good! I'm glad I could make you smile!

injaynesworld: Ha! I don't know if I've seen that movie. (Yeah, I know...I live under a rock.) LOVING the concept...and can totally see the arguing over who's job sucks the most! I just think we need more of the fun-versions of ourselves, ya know? Life=too freakin' short.

kathryn said...

Alicia: What makes you think there's only two in there?? You should know better than that.

family guy dvd: It's a little exaggerated, but c'mon...we all have a little bit of that going on, right?
Ironic you commented today...I was just talking about Family Guy to someone earlier!

Stewie Speaks Out said...

I love this post, Kathryn! Would you settle for a third arm instead? At least you could carry around another armload of stuff, thereby saving a trip!

Jen said...

If only I had two of me. Then all of the crap stuff could get done and I could get some blog posts up and fine tune my cocktail recipes. Ahh....

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