Okay. I know I’ve been busy…I mean, we’re all very busy, uber-important, terribly attractive people with really good hair. This goes without saying...but lately my inbox is bordering on freakin’ bizarre:
This one arrived not once, not twice…but three times. From three different email addys…but seems to be all the same
scam email content:
Okay. So, it looks like Facebook. So, it must be Facebook, right? But wait! What’s that in the fine print??
“The advertisers in this email are not affiliated with any of the above brands. This is a third party advertisement sent to you by the list owner. If you longer wish to receive email from this advertiser, please write Reward Group 1917 West Avenue, Suite 279, Vancouver, B.C. V6J-1M7 or visit our email removal site. If you do not wish to receive correspondence from the list manager you will need to follow the unsunscribe instructions provide by the list manager on how to remove yourself from their list. We honor all advertiser’s unsubscribe links and user s ch oozing to opt ou1 will be permanently removed from all our mailing lists Please use the un subscribe link above or writ e u s at”
Huh. So, if I’m understanding this correctly, even though you’re sending me an email with the word “FACEBOOK” on it, you just…I dunno…co-incidentally pulled it out of your butt? And you’re, in fact, not affiliated in any way, shape or form with the actual bona fide Facebook?? Say it ain’t so! Did you guys have some kind of a falling out? And I don't mind telling you that I believe you're being a tad indignant with that thinly-veiled threat where you remind me that I "will need to follow the unsunscribe"...or...what? Or...else?? I'm sensing this is an "or else" moment. But, maybe that's just me.
I also see that in order to un-sun-scribe, I’ll need to either click on an infected link, or write to you in…Vancouver, is it? WTF do you people in Canada have against us, anyway? Whatever happened to neighborly love?? And again, the end of this message? WTF? (Times deux) Did your (insert any language other than ours here)-to-English online translator crash on you at the very end?
Don’t you hate when that happens?
I believe you should click on THIS LINK to receive your no-obligation, free copy of our “Scam Emails For Dummies…How to perform an internet boink on anyone…anywhere…and they’ll never see it coming or suspect a thing until it’s too late and then they’ll say, ‘Oh, boy…am I freakin’ screwed.’”
And we’ll never let you unsubscribe. We’ll keep selling your email over and over and over again until you think you’re gonna lose your freakin’ mind and you’ll close up shop and move to Greenland (sorry, Greenland…-iers…((ahem))…) where you’ll move into an 8' X 10' rental-igloo with your new BFF, who happens to be a polar bear by the name of Sniggles and you’ll spend your days frantically fishing through a hole in your floor hoping to keep Sniggles relatively satisfied so that he doesn’t eventually go over to the dark side and eat your sorry ass.
Now. Would you like to hear how my readers feel??