Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rant? What Rant??

Okay. I know I’ve been busy…I mean, we’re all very busy, uber-important, terribly attractive people with really good hair. This goes without saying...but lately my inbox is bordering on freakin’ bizarre:

This one arrived not once, not twice…but three times. From three different email addys…but seems to be all the same scam email content:


Okay. So, it looks like Facebook. So, it must be Facebook, right? But wait! What’s that in the fine print??

“The advertisers in this email are not affiliated with any of the above brands. This is a third party advertisement sent to you by the list owner. If you longer wish to receive email from this advertiser, please write Reward Group 1917 West Avenue, Suite 279, Vancouver, B.C. V6J-1M7 or visit our email removal site. If you do not wish to receive correspondence from the list manager you will need to follow the unsunscribe instructions provide by the list manager on how to remove yourself from their list. We honor all advertiser’s unsubscribe links and user s ch oozing to opt ou1 will be permanently removed from all our mailing lists Please use the un subscribe link above or writ e u s at”

Huh. So, if I’m understanding this correctly, even though you’re sending me an email with the word “FACEBOOK” on it, you just…I dunno…co-incidentally pulled it out of your butt? And you’re, in fact, not affiliated in any way, shape or form with the actual bona fide Facebook?? Say it ain’t so! Did you guys have some kind of a falling out? And I don't mind telling you that I believe you're being a tad indignant with that thinly-veiled threat where you remind me that I "will need to follow the unsunscribe"...or...what? Or...else?? I'm sensing this is an "or else" moment. But, maybe that's just me.

I also see that in order to un-sun-scribe, I’ll need to either click on an infected link, or write to you in…Vancouver, is it? WTF do you people in Canada have against us, anyway? Whatever happened to neighborly love?? And again, the end of this message? WTF? (Times deux) Did your (insert any language other than ours here)-to-English online translator crash on you at the very end?

Don’t you hate when that happens?

I believe you should click on THIS LINK to receive your no-obligation, free copy of our “Scam Emails For Dummies…How to perform an internet boink on anyone…anywhere…and they’ll never see it coming or suspect a thing until it’s too late and then they’ll say, ‘Oh, boy…am I freakin’ screwed.’”

And we’ll never let you unsubscribe. We’ll keep selling your email over and over and over again until you think you’re gonna lose your freakin’ mind and you’ll close up shop and move to Greenland (sorry, Greenland…-iers…((ahem))…) where you’ll move into an 8' X 10' rental-igloo with your new BFF, who happens to be a polar bear by the name of Sniggles and you’ll spend your days frantically fishing through a hole in your floor hoping to keep Sniggles relatively satisfied so that he doesn’t eventually go over to the dark side and eat your sorry ass.

Now. Would you like to hear how my readers feel??

MikeVaz said...

Sniggles.....lol

snoble24 said...

i hate spam mail.i get the same email from many differnt email addy's as well.its so anoying.i dont know how these people get my email adress but they sure email it alot.i get the ones alot that are about sex stuff.im like um why am i getting this.i mean i am not signed up to any of those type of sites.so uh what the heck.i also get the ones saying youll get this free or that free but its so a scam cuse you look at it and you gota do this this and this.totaly hate spam mail

Climb2Nowhere said...

Super annoying to get that email. Lately I get emails from people who I know telling me to buy drugs from Canada with a link. It's somebody busting into people's email and somehow getting all their addresses and then sending this BS out! Sooo annoying! Thanks for the heads up!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I didn't know polar bears lived in Greenland...(And I know EXACTLY what you're going to say to that..."Just GO with it". Haha, sorry, I couldn't resist.)

Lauren said...

Now now. Not all Canadians are evil spammers. And we send things "fois deux" because it's actually law. French and English are both official languages... So yeah... sorry, you were ranting. Sniggles the polar bear amused me. I kind of pictured him in hiphop gear for some reason.

Christopher said...

i think i'll just stick to sending money to nigerian princes

Heather said...

I must not have enough friends to get those kind of emails, mine are usually healthcare spam or "Help me I'm dying" scams. Thanks for the heads up on this one.

Love the image of a polar bear waiting for the fish to come out of the hole, while eyeing the scammer with a threatening glare!

Lily Johnson said...

I hate spam mails Kat and you know what, most of the 'unsubscribe' buttons don't even work! I like the name Sniggle for no reason at all. Take care sweetie!

Gigi said...

I'm with ya Kathryn! Like we don't have enough to do in a day without having to deal with spammers. I'm convinced there is a special place in hell for them.

Monica said...

LOL This sounds like a call I got from someone trying to get me to sign up for their credit card debt removal system. When I asked to be removed she told me I was gonna have to pay and then hung up on me! Hahahaha...ok! People are idiots sometimes.

ValleyWriter said...

Hee-hee - love that Sniggles image ;-D

Christiejolu said...

Blogger hasn't let me comment on your last 2 posts...I don't know what is up with that but I hope this one goes through...I am glad you got a new job you like! (I know old news)

I get those emails too...

Vince said...

spam is a pest but I find g-mail filters pretty good. So good in fact that it needs a decko now and then to make sure that good stuff isn't dropped in by mistake. But mostly I work on the idea of a weekly purge of that file.

j.m. neeb said...

This reader feels sleepy.

(Uh, you meant how your readers are feeling in general, right?)

kathryn said...

MikeVaz: Ha. First name that popped into my head. I wonder where the polar bear/ice fishing reference came from? "The brain works in mysterious ways." Okay, so maybe my brain works in mysterious ways. Thanks for commenting!

snoble24: I know, sweetie. Just don't click on any of those links! They're nothing but trouble! I believe our email addresses are sold over and over again. I don't know how to make it stop!

Climb2Nowhere: Un-freakin'-believable. Now we can't even trust email from the people we know! Email-Identity-Theft...where will it end??

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Well, how do you know that they don't live in Greenland? Although, honestly...I should have checked my sources before making such a statement. However, my disclaimer is that I do not believe anyone from Greenland reads this here blog, so we'll never know for sure. And my imagination says they're there. (So there!)

Lauren: Ha! Yeah...and Sniggles would wear iPod headphones and a baseball cap backwards, right?? Now I have to Google "fois deux", dammit. BRB................................
Ah. I knew the "deux" was two but I didn't know the "fois" meant times. And honestly?? You really don't sound all that sorry to me...you....Canadian....you.

Christopher: Oh, Nigerian prince-money is so last month. My spammers are still pushing the illegal drugs and some kind of hip replacement lawsuit. (Future post, of course...)

Carol said...

Junk email, chain letters, money from rich relatives who have died, a recall on my hip replacement ( I didn't know I had one), my inbox is full of wonderful things and fairies. I never read email from my friends, I'm too busy trying to find out how to enlarge my penis!

kathryn said...

Heather: Ha! Yup...that's exactly the image that was in my head. You've coined it perfectly! And hey....remember it has nothing to DO with our FB friends at all!

Lily Johnson: I'm deathly afraid to even hit that "unsubscribe" button...I figure no good can come from it. Yeah, I like the name Sniggles too!

Gigi: I agree, doll. Let's start sending 'em down there, pronto. They have no place among us decent folks. Such bad, bad people!

Jen said...

What is up with the Canadians? I got my e-mail hijacked and then people in my address book were sent a link to low cost male enhancement drugs in Canada. So wrong. At least, I haven't gotten that Facebook thing you've been getting. If I wasn't so addicted to my computer and the internet I would throw it up against the wall.

kathryn said...

Monica: Oh, that would drive me MAD! One of the (few) really good things about Comcast is the ability to REJECT 10 phone #'s. I think I'm on #7 or 8 already. Make sure you're on the Do Not Call Registry...you can register online and do your cell as well.

ValleyWriter: I know, right? I can totally picture him. I'll bet he'd be fun to have around!

Christiejolu: Aw, honey. I'm so sorry you've been having trouble commenting. Lynn at Allegra's Images was having trouble as well. I wonder what's up with that? Thanks for the shout-out...and thanks for continuing to try to comment. You know I appreciate it!

kathryn said...

Vince: I've heard that from others as well. Leave it to Google to do what Microsoft never could: properly filter out spam!

j.m. neeb: Oh....sure. That's exactly what I meant. I mean, what else could I possibly have meant? Get a cup of coffee, dear. And I've moved your bedtime up to 9pm, sharp!

Carol: HA! YOU GOT THE HIP REPLACEMENT ONE, TOO?? Thank GOD...now, I don't feel so freakin' old! And YES....so much spam leaves so little time for the REAL emails!
(Keep me posted on your penis enlargement, sweetie!)

Slamdunk said...

I hear your pain.

I have always wanted to visit Greenland by the way...

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