Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Dying Season


Dear Mother Nature,
I am writing this letter on behalf of human beings everywhere.
Okay, so maybe I'm actually writing it on behalf of soggy New Yorkers everywhere.
And, when are you gonna get email? I mean, I had to schlep to the Post Office for a stamp and everything. So, since I was there, I opted for return receipt. I figured if I'm going to the trouble to write you via snail mail, then you can be inconvenienced enough to sign for it, dammit.

But, I digress.

I hesitate to criticize...being a generally crabby optimistic person with absolutely no patience all the time in the freakin' world, but I believe you've gotten New York mixed up with Seattle. See, they expect to have endless amounts of wicked, mind-numbing, depressing rain in Seattle. As a matter of fact, I do believe Washington is called the "Rainy, wicked, mind-numbing, depressing state". I still don't know how they got all that to fit on their license plates....but they seem to like it.

But, I digress. Again.

I realize we've just come off a stellar autumn weekend...but you need to understand: Last Wednesday, it rained. On Thursday, it rained. On Friday? You betcha. Rain.

Yes, we got Saturday and Sunday off. Woohoo? (Tries to feign excitement...attempts to pump fist in the air...it comes out more like a half-hearted, limp wave)  But then Monday? Rain. Tuesday....well, you see where I'm going with all this.

I realize that as a general rule of thumb, we need water. But are you aware that we're in the dying season? The trees are done. The leaves? Dying. No. Water. Required.

If I have to drive in the rain for one more day, I'm gonna lose my freakin' mind....no disrespect intended. I just think that you may have forgotten to shut off the water over here. Do you mind? Enough, already.

Thanks for the flowers and rainbows and stuff.

And I really don't think it's fair that we have to stand outside in the pouring rain to enjoy the fall foliage, so I'd appreciate your putting it on hold...or pause....or whatever it is you do to make time stand still...you know, like you did the last time I went to the DMV.

Okay. I'll stop.

Your friend (when it's sunny and 70 degrees with no bugs or humidity),
Kathryn

PS: I don't know if you had anything to do with this, but was having the sprayer-thing on my kitchen faucet stick and thereby spraying water all over myself, the floor and the pots I'd just washed and dried really necessary? Haven't I suffered enough with the water, already?? If this wasn't you, feel free to disregard. I'm thinking you will anyway...

Carol said...

Send it over here, wait, nevermind, by the time it gets to Utah it will be freaking snow. Now where did I put that window scrapey thingamabob. Dammit, Kathryn is sending me snow and I'm unprepared, as usual!

kathryn said...

Carol: Ew! Ew! You said the "S" word! You are not seriously having snow over there...are you? I'd like to tell you that I thought ahead and sent you a scraper-thingie with the weather...but I'm not nearly that prepared. Ha! Another thing we have in common!

j.m. neeb said...

Not that I mean to gloat, but it's been quite nice here in MI as of late. The trees are pretty and stuff and the weather has been pleasant... to the point where I'm going to write MY OWN letter to Mother Nature telling her "thanks" and asking her kindly to disregard your letter.

Oh, I guess I did mean to gloat.

(Fine, I was just kidding and won't really send M.N. a letter. Be thankful that you're funny and I like your blog.)

kathryn said...

j.m. neeb: HEY. You are forbidden to cancel out my complaining letter with a nice one. There must be some law somewhere that outlines this. As for the gloating? Gloat away, my friend. I'm only jealous if it's 70 degrees and no bugs and no humidity. Otherwise, I say, "Live and let live". Rock on.

Wendy Ramer said...

Mother Nature must be a South Floridian who's vacationing in New York this autumn, because ever since last Thursday, we've had GORGEOUS weather, completely unseasonable. No rain, cooler temps (80s instead of 90s), and an actual breeze worth envying. Not trying to rub it in, just saying that She's confused right now 'cuz she's on vacay. I'm sure She'll bring the water back down here real soon. Hang in there!

BTW, I'll be in NYC 10/15-17. Any chance the NY you're talking about is the city? Would love to meet you.

Wendy Ramer said...

Mother Nature must be a South Floridian who's vacationing in New York this autumn, because ever since last Thursday, we've had GORGEOUS weather, completely unseasonable. No rain, cooler temps (80s instead of 90s), and an actual breeze worth envying. Not trying to rub it in, just saying that She's confused right now 'cuz she's on vacay. I'm sure She'll bring the water back down here real soon. Hang in there!

BTW, I'll be in NYC 10/15-17. Any chance the NY you're talking about is the city? Would love to meet you.

Lauren said...

Okay, so I'm thinking Mother Nature is operating out of a very run down factory or something. Remember this summer when I tried to get her to turn the heater off? We've finally started getting some decent weather up here so hopefully it's coming your way. Logically speaking it should be. Because I said so.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Well then! We finally have something in common weather-wise. :)

It's been a rainy day here too-buckets! Torrents! A hailstorm about twenty minutes ago! Sadly, I enjoy this weather, because we get so little of it.

So I sympathize.

Sort of.

Slamdunk said...

Living close to NY, I am voicing your frustrations with the rain as well. Maybe tomorrow I'll catch a break.

sage said...

Is Kathyrn in danger of melting? Funny post!

sage said...

Oh yeah, we had frost yesterday (and it's suppose to be 70 on Friday, go figure)

Heather said...

I guess we got a little bit lucky this season, we got our downpoaring rain last month but I'm sure there is another round of it just around the corner.

Hopefully she will listen to you for the sake of all New Yorkers.

Vince said...

LOL, rain is one of the times Irish people and those from Seattle/Vancouver BC can tell the rest of you to 'suck it up, ya moaning Minnies'. For when on a regular basis we sit under a six week weather system with a 500ft cloud base, you can put up with a week of the stuff once in a while. Buy Wellingtons and a Macintosh, and think yourself at the solstice festival at Glastonbury with scissor sisters and the pet shop boys

Gigi said...

It' still raining up there???? Holy cow what have y'all done to tick her off? How about I send her a letter of my own asking her to send it to Hawaii? Why yes, I'd do that for you - that's what friends are for.

Angelina said...

Yesterday it was 21c and sunny in Ottawa. My hubby must have a more direct line to MN with our fine fall weather thus far. He has been praying for sunny days so he can drive his new toy car with the top down. So far so good.

I'll have him put in a good word for your part of the world.

Fierce said...

Do you think mother nature will actually consider your request? Or just toss it in the pile of letters from you (and yes a couple from me too).

She's playing mind trick on ME though. At least you know what to expect; on Monday it was freezing, yesterday I couldn't walk around with my jacket because it was too hot! I just wish Mother Nature would make up her mind already. And also if she could maybe NOT dish out any of the dreaded S-word this year? That would be fantastic. Who wants a white Christmas when you could have a nice warm Christmas.

:)
xoxo

HulaBuns said...

LOL!! You'll have to let us know if he writes back. I'm guessing if he does the letter will be all smeared and smudged from having rain/water on it (just to mock you) and you won't even be able to read it. ;)

Alan W. Davidson said...

Look at the bright side (that's what we do here in Newfoundland)...it could be coming at ya in the form of snow...

Alan W. Davidson said...

and...doesn't all that rain do the public service of washin' all the dirt and trash off the sidewalks downtown?

Christiejolu said...

Tell Mother Nature she can send that rain to Arizona!

Wendy Blum said...

Oh, I am so not looking forward to the end of fall and that dreaded "F" word. Freezerdoodle!!!! There. I said it for us both. Even though it's out in the open, it doesn't make me feel any more pumped up for seasons to change over. Kinda like your half-hearted woo-hoo. But since Mother N. is in control there's nothing I can do but cry, kick, swear, scream and finally go mind-numb and try to block it out till the grass and flowers begin to appear again. And they will :)

dailyseeking said...

We haven't had rain literally in 4 months--send some over to Georgia!

kathryn said...

Wendy Ramer: Well, you must be right. Fortunately for us, that letter (return receipt requested, no less) did the trick, for blue skies returned this afternoon! Now we shall rejoice with upturned glasses. Aw, I would love to meet you, too! Unfortunately, I presently reside about 2 hours north of the city. It seems that every time I move, it's a little further north, which is wrong on so many levels! I want to be down south...with you! ('Specially now that winter's coming)

Lauren: Oh, that's right. I forgot that you've got an "in" with good 'ole Mom N. It's so nice to have friends who have friends in high places. (Sighs in satisfaction)

Oddyoddyo13: Um. It doesn't sound like you're sympathizing. It sounds like you're envious...which makes me want to surprise you with an entire week of cold, dreary, mind-numbing rain. I'll see what I can do!

kathryn said...

Slamdunk: Well, I'm happy to report that we have, in fact, caught that much-deserved break. And not a moment too soon! It was great driving without worrying about hydroplaning all over the place, right?

sage: Uh-huh....we're all painfully aware of how sweet I am. As you are well aware, rain makes for terribly bad hair days, which is completely and utterly unacceptable. Amen. And your weather sounds slightly schizophrenic, if you ask me...which I know you didn't.

Heather: And New York thanks you. What's with the extremes these days? Whatever happened to moderation? Maybe we need to send Mother Nature a dictionary.

kathryn said...

Vince: Yeah? Well....easy for you to say. This is YOUR weather, bud...you're used to it...practically revel in it! Rain in NY means you get wet. Period. You can keep it!

Gigi: You are such a good friend. Would you mind sending it return receipt with a signature required? That way, she'll figure it's the "in" thing to do...instead of getting even madder at me. Oh, and just a suggestion...but I think Arizona's offered to take it off our hands.

Angelina: Okay, so I had to convert your Celsius to Fahrenheit. (Well, technically Google did it for me. 70 degrees is just what I wanted! I do believe you've stolen our weather. Someone's getting a complaint letter from me...

kathryn said...

Fierce: Aw. LOVE your thought process, sweets. And you KNOW I'm totally behind you....100%. But maybe if we ease up on the letters, she won't be so MEAN this winter. Ya think? Nah...neither do I.

HulaBuns: I wouldn't be surprised if my return receipt arrives all moldy and drippy...just out of spite! I've said it before and I'll say it again: Whatever happened to weather in moderation??

Alan W. Davidson: Sweetie, we're way past hosing down the sidewalks! We've got puddles the size of CARS over here! BUT. I will concede that I'm grateful it's not the "s" word. But I'm still gonna whine. It's just....what I do.

kathryn said...

Christiejolu: You're more than welcome to it, sweetie! We've had enough to last us till spring. Seriously...flooding everywhere!

Wendy Blum: Aw, honey! I'd forgotten all about Freezerdoodle! Bless you for remembering...you've given me reason to appreciate the here and now....before we reach Freezerdoodle season. Woohoo??

dailyseeking: I'm trying! I'm blowing as hard as I can! Oh, wait. I think I've been sending it North....

Jen said...

Good luck with that. Mother Nature does as she pleases, when she pleases. I don't think she believes in "everything in moderation" at all.

f8hasit said...

We've been having the same weather here in Cleveland, although it IS gorgeous today and I heard (ssshhhh, don't want to jinx it) that it's going to be low 70's and sunny ALL F**KING WEEKEND.

Let me hear a Woo*Hoo!

Oh, and I went to two, not one but two clambakes in that nasty weather last weekend. Bleck.

Ingwa said...

Kathryn, I've just read your first blog post, and being a New Yorker (well kind of) I have to say that the rainy season here has been quite respectable considering we were completely swamped last year with what seemed to be non-stop rain.

I lived in Belfast for 7 years prior to moving to the States and I was sick to death of rain by the time I left only to have the 2nd year in New York water logged. This year thankfully was nice and sunny, perhaps too humid on occasion but it was bearable non the less.

However, I do agree that rain isn't the best of environments to experience while driving as it doesn't help with traction, visibility, and generally the grey mood we experience when it doesn't seem to stop.

kathryn said...

Jen: Yeah. I do believe you're correct in this assumption. She sent down sheets of cold rain again this morning...just to let me know she could. She's one tough cookie!

f8hasit: Hey, girlfriend! Wow. 2 clambakes in the rain. Of course, we know the clams don't mind getting wet. And they have no hair, so that's not an issue, either. I've just checked our weather and....WOOHOO!!!...we're expecting the same thing! (Pumps fist in the air)

Ingwa: Did it rain like crazy here last year? Huh. I can't even remember last month, much less last year. I should just check this here site a year ago...I'm sure I was whining about it then, as well. Welcome...and thanks for commenting! Hope you'll visit again.

Alicia said...

We got a bit of rain yesterday and I was in heaven. I love rain and always thought I should live in Seattle! But then again it very seldom rains here in Kern County.

I miss the thunder and rain storms we had in Arizona growing up. But considering the tornado's Arizona experienced yesterday I should consider myself lucky that we just received a light drizzle!

Oh...by the by Kathryn, I did my review of Lucille O'Neals book today on my blog is you would like to check it out. Thanks for sharing!

Boonie S said...

Hilarious!

Have a nice day, Boonie

Jerry said...

A soaking wet Kathryn -- too scrumptious to even think of.

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