Monday, October 11, 2010


Kathryn steps onto the stage. A lone, (and EXTREMELY BRIGHT) spotlight shines down on her particularly-great-looking hair. She winces at the light…then decides it’s a small price to pay for a good hair moment. She smiles.

Kathryn: (Clears her throat delicately) “Greetings, all. I guess you’re wondering why I’ve called you here.”

Jerry: “Aw, crap….this sounds important. What did we forget? Is it her birthday? Did we forget her freakin’ birthday?? Someone get a calendar! Check the date!”

Ellen: “Aw, Jerry. Someone forgot to take their meds this morning. Kathryn's an April baby, remember? Cake, candles…trip to Vegas…something about a restraining order and she and Oprah being banned from the Bellagio, if I remember correctly.”

Oprah: “Hmm? What? It’s not ringing any bells. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Bill: “I hope she’s not thinking of sharing that little, teeny-tiny, practically infinitesimal, hardly-even-worth-mentioning article she may or may not have read about the use of IE falling at a rather alarming rate. Not that it is. 'Cause it's not. Lies….they’re all lies. Chrome and Firefox are just jealous.”

George: “Okay, now I’m definitely bored. Wow, her hair looks really good up there…”

Clinton: “I’m sure she’s announcing the release of my new book, ‘Oh, No She Didn’t: The Top 100 Style Mistakes Women Make and How to Avoid Them’ published by Gallery on October 12th and available at a book store near you….or, you know, online. We know how Kathryn looooves her some Internet.”

Kathryn: “Ahem. No, it is not my birthday. Ellen? You know what they say about Vegas…let it go. We’re not telling you what happened. EVER. Bill? IE sucks….you know it, I know it…everyone in this room knows it. As a basic rule, no-one gets jealous over something that’s painfully slow and crashes a lot. I’m just saying. Georgie? (Smiles) Flattery will get you everywhere. Clinton? Consider your new book pimped. Now, sit down…I’ve done enough for you, already. And, why are your book titles always so long? It’s a good thing they’re freakin’ hilarious, or no-one would ever want to review them. Now, SIT and BE STILL…all of you. I’ve got news!”

A hush falls over the packed stadium. (And you didn’t think I could fill a whole stadium…now, did you?)

I’ll give you a hint:

I's a crappy photo. It’s a keychain. But, it’s not just any keychain. It’s a GOOGLE keychain…and it was given to me by my…………………………………………………(insert dramatic drumroll here)…………………………………
co-worker, Eta.”

(……………………sound of crickets chirping……………….)



(Stadium erupts into THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE! The crowd goes WILD! Kathryn pumps fists in the air in jubilation! The crowd begins throwing Bennys...

...((now officially the universal sign for “hello”, “good-bye”, or anything in-between here in Kathrynville)) up onto the stage.)

Slowly, the crowd grows quiet.

Kathryn: “I’d like to thank everyone who told me to hold out for my dream…where I could be happy going to work every day, instead of taking that job as a hippo hygienist’s assistant at The Bronx Zoo, which I really did not want to do. Although I’ll be busier than in the past, I’ll never leave you guys. (Sniffs) Consider each and every one of you cyber-hugged. It’s up to you to explain to any significant others where the errant glitter came from. I’m going to bed now…because tomorrow shall be my 10th day! I'm a working girl now! Wait. that doesn't sound right. Aw, what the hell!” (WOOHOO!)

Thank you….and good night! xo

Dreamfarm Girl said...

YAY for you!!! I'm sure you will dazzle them with your absolute brilliance, your razor wit and that fameworthy hair! But best of all, I'm so happy for you that you will be paid for what you love to do.

Dorn said...

Congratulations Kathryn! I'm going to have to conquer my own world now and declare the raining down of Bengies the national greeting!

Now get back to making the interwebs a more interesting place!

Lauren said...

CONGRATULATIONS! Yay hair and yay glitter! I cyber hug you back while squealing gleefully! Just don't tell anyone about the squealing.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

*hugs back*

Congrats Kathryn! You BETTER not leave us though...I mean, I know you've got your dream and everything, but we demand your presence!

No exceptions. :)

brite said...

Congratulations Kathryn! Doing something you love AND getting paid for it...perfect!But please don't abandon us...we need your funny!

Vince said...

WAY-TA-GO girl.

Gigi said...

You know how happy I am for you! I'm glad it's all going so well. I told you if you would just hold out for the moon - you would get it. Didn't I? Well, I'm sure I did - maybe you weren't listening.

Congrats, sweetie! Don't forget about us while you are rocketing to fame. :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you! You deserve a job that you're happy to do every day. The universe ain't got nothing on you.


Momiji chan said...

wow that's great!I'm so happy for you X)! and yay cyber hug but seriouslly if you did leave we would all be lonely sorry I haven't been on lately my brother sgetting ready to go off to the navy so I'm spending time with him and plus guess what my parents have agreed too?!you'll have to find out on my blog X) hehe

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Yay! Good jobs that make you happy are difficult to find, so I'm really glad you found one. Hopefully, now, I can catch up on your blogdom. :D

HulaBuns said...

AWESOME!!!! Congrats on the new job, and one that you will enjoy!!!! Very exciting! Oh and your hair does look fabulous (but you already knew that). :)

Alicia said...

And they said it couldn't be done! Well congratulations! I couldn't be happier. Now the outside world will get to enjoy your dazzling wit and hair!

We know you wouldn't leave us Kathryn...we now know where you work, we'd camp out on your workplace doorstep!

Kelly@MentalGarbage said...

Congratulations!!! That is AWESOME :-)

Bee said...

I want that keychain.

j.m. neeb said...

Congratulations!! Speaking as someone who absolutely hates his job, it is AWESOME that you've found something you love doing. It sounds like a great job! :)

kathryn said...

Dreamfarm Girl: Aw, thank you so much, sweetie! I am over the moon...and still can't believe it's real. The stars have aligned...finally!!

Dorn: And, there you go! We could all use some more Bennys in our lives, right? (I only wish they didn't have that stupid drug association with the name. OUR Bennys are pure and beautiful...and always welcome!)Thanks for the shout out!

Lauren: WHEE! Your squealing is safe with me. Wait. Did I just say that out loud? (Hangs head) Sor-ry.
(Head snaps back up) No, I'm NOT...'cause I'm too freakin' happy!

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Ha! No worries there, know you guys are my first loves. I do believe I am now a Biker-Chick-Geek!

brite: Aw, thanks so much, doll! I promise that I'm not going anywhere. I honestly love hanging out with all of you.

Vince: Thank you, my man. I am one happy dude-ette. Grinning from ear-to-ear. I'm....Snoopy-Dance happy!

kathryn said...

Gigi: Ha! Yes, sweetie...I distinctly remember your tweet where you said, "You simply must hold out for the moon, doll. You're funnier than anyone I've ever known on the whole, entire planet." ...or, something to that effect. Wait. Was that more than 140 characters?? Thanks for the shout-out!

Fierce: Thank you, honey! I love the mention of the universe...'cause it's kinda the universe-in-action, or something...right?? I couldn't wait to tell you guys that sometimes, we really DO get to have what we'd really want!

uo-chan: Aw. Thanks for the sweet comment, girlfriend. I was wondering where you'd been! I'll be by any minute now to say "hey".

kathryn said...

Tinkerschnitzel: Ha! I think we've all been a little crazy lately, right? I've noticed everyone suddenly got very... sporadic with postings. Maybe it's the change of seasons? Not sure. And yes, I'm aware how rare it is to find a job you actually love to do!

HulaBuns: Well, yeah....but thank you for bringing up my hair anyway! I've always stood by the simple rule that the day cannot be a bad one if the hair looks good. It's simple logic, right? Thanks for the shout-out, sweets!

Alicia: HA! Could you imagine? I come into work and there are all these sweet little bobble-head faces are lined up outside the door...I do believe we'd make the local news with that one! But I'd be so happy to see you all! Thanks for the kudos, sweetie. I'm psyched!

kathryn said...

KellyGrrl: Thanks so much, sweetie! It's been crazy-busy...but definitely the good kind.

Bee: I KNOW, RIGHT?? I feel like such a geek for gushing over this little keychain...but I LOVE it.

j.m. neeb: Thank you! I know, I know...many ppl are miserable at their jobs. And I feel truly blessed to be one of the lucky ones. Now, I'll try and send some of this great karma YOUR way!

Unknown said...

A working girl with fabulous hair! Dear Kat is living the life. Congrats hon. I wish you all the best but please find time to blog and tell us about the job.

Full-On-Forward said...

AWESOME! WTG! Uh, is this a Good thing? I never think to ask and then somebody says, you dumbass, she was fired and this is all she could get- and it 50K a wekk than her last "JOB"!

Love ua mean- missed ya-- I'll be back.....uh, yeah,

I'll call--your people that is-I'll call your people at your new Book signing, on Computers was it?

No thanks, just Browsing!

Now that's funny right there!



ValleyWriter said...

OMG - 3rd time trying to post this comment!! Crossing fingers I don't get an error...

Hurray! Hurrah! Woo hoo! and Congrats!

(And on a side note... I'm kind of wanting to check out Clinton's book. I know it's probably all the same stuff I've already heard, but I'm still kind of intrigued - like maybe I'll learn your great hair secrets in there or something..)

Jerry said...

What is a Web Content Developer -- isn't that kind of like a spider or something? Who is Clinton Kelly? A Google keychain -- have you gone over to the dark side?

No matter -- if you are happy, I'm ecstatic! Congratulations Princess.

kathryn said...

Lily Johnson: Aw, thank you, sweets! You know I'll keep talking (tawking). A 2-hour round-trip commute and 8 hours of online surfing won't keep me away from YOU GUYS!

John McElveen: You're too funny, dude. Yeah, it's a good thing! Freelancing is hard work! Kathrynville's gonna need a new laptop sooner or later! And gotta pay that internet bill somehow! It's all good!

kathryn said...

ValleyWriter: Oh, honey! Thank YOU for being so patient with trying to get that comment through! I'm so glad you did. And, you know I'm totally with you on the Clinton-book-thang. I don't even care if it's the same stuff I've already heard. The man makes me can that be a bad thing??

Jerry: A Web Content Developer is someone who develops content on the web. (Rolls eyes) I write stuff for the internet. Clinton Kelly is my IV...(inner voice)...that blue-eyed guy on my sidebar? Do you ever listen to me, mister? And I LOVE Google! If that makes me dark, then so be it. (Says the Princess, giggling.)

Climb2Nowhere said...

That's amazing! You're my hero! I love when people hold out to get what they want. It's just really hard to do! So happy for you!!!! Congrats! Congrats!

And very funny post!

Christopher said...

thats awesome! i know you'll kick ass, congrats

Heather said...

Wow that is wonderful! I can tell you are super happy about it and I'm sure you are having fun. Congrats!

Runnergirl said...

yay! Well done you! Enjoy the new adventure!!

injaynesworld said...

Congrats! And I love Clinton, too. I really miss "WNTW."

kathryn said...

Climb2Nowhere: Thank you, sweetie! I's really hard to hold onto the dream. So, we do what we have to in the meantime...but YOUR DAY WILL COME!

Christopher: Thank you, kind sir. I shall do my very best to kick ass!

Heather: Thanks, doll! I AM having a could I not? Now, I get paid for sitting in front of the computer...and I have TWO monitors! (It's the little things)

kathryn said...

Runnergirl: Thank you, hon. I'm just starting to get used to finding the balance between being away from home for 11 1/2 hours! This isn't easy!

injaynesworld: Aw. Thank you, my blogbud. Yeah, Mr. Kelly is one busy guy...doesn't stay still for long. I do believe WNTW will be back on 10/29, so you can set up that DV-R!

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