Thursday, September 30, 2010

Social?

I swear. We need a new word for our social networking, as there are times when there is simply nothing “social” about it.

My emails are getting spammier and spammier. It’s insane…and I’d like to personally crucify the person or persons who sold my email address down the river to the ten kazillion illegal drug dealers who are trying to sell me everything from drugs to increase my man-part size to drugs that will make my man-parts bigger.

(No, I do not have man-parts. And I can’t believe you even thought that. Why would you think such a thing? That was mean…and totally un-called for and you should be ashamed. ASHAMED.)

Anyway. Where was I?

Oh, right. My apparent problems with some kind of “dysfunction”. I keep getting these emails like this:

"I was kept up to speed that you still have not requested for those tablets so I presume you did not receive my email some days back. Anyway, as I wrote, it can be obtained with the use of http://Ipromisethislinkwillmakeyouhavemanparts.com.
Rely on me on this one because I and our other friends have been making use of their meds since the year before this. All you have to do now is to have that order."

Then it has a bunch of non-sensical blabber after it, like:

Alarming Spokane lost sheep Enclosed margarine typhoid neutered phlegm Skeptical advancement cantaloupe environment philanthropist cuticle theory botched tummy tuck.

Then he finishes off with:

Talk to you really soon
Michail

Like, I’m gonna read that last part and say, “Oh! It’s my bud Michail…now it all makes perfect sense! Now, where’s that link?”

Then, there’s the Facebook message I get from someone named Ima Cray Seeguy who wants me to “Check out my photos on Facebook!”…and the guy has 0 friends and 0 photos and 0 notes and 1 wall post, which you could not pay me enough money to consider reading…and he has a photo that looks like this:


Gee. And I wonder why I’m not becoming more social.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Hold on a second, I think I actually imitated him when I saw that picture....talk about cre-epy.

Alan W. Davidson said...

He looks a bit like my physics prof back in college...

Slamdunk said...

Yikes. I am sure that is not a mugshot of Mr. Seeguy. Ok, so if it is a mugshot, maybe he was just arrested for jaywalking as opposed to well something serious...

Lauren said...

The guy kind of looks like Christopher Lloyd. Creepier mind you. And about your man parts, I would like you anyway. I think you're great just the way you are.

Christopher said...

Those drugs don't even work! Err, so I've heard...

Boonie S said...

I know the guy in the photo. How is he now? Is his new medication a success? And if so, would you like to buy some of the other medications that I have on sale?
Fun post. Thanks.

All the best, Boonie

Gigi said...

I don't understand why you wouldn't want to be friends with this guy. He seems to have a certain kind of *aura* about him.....

j.m. neeb said...

You know, I've thought about pulling the plug on my FB account for a while now and was getting really close to following through with it... but then one of the kids on the water polo team I coach created a "fan page" for me, which, naturally, I joined.

(I mean, if you can't be your own fan, how can anyone else, right? Right??)

So now I'm even more conflicted than I usually am. (I'm a complex dude.)

Fortunately, I previously ordered some "medication" via a spam email -- the single most effective marketing technique known to man -- and my man parts are getting huge. So that puts my mind at ease.

(I meant to write "more huge than the man parts already were, because I totally didn't need any help in that department or anything like that at all and I only ordered them as a bet and accidently took them instead of some other meds and now my anxiety isn't gone, but, hey, huge-er man parts!")

(Is it getting awkward in here, or is it just me?) :)

brite said...

It might be handy to 'temporarily' have man-parts...just so long as I wouldn't have to put up with all that junk between my legs ALL the time!

KellyGrrl said...

Ima Cray Seeguy :-) haha Dude seems legit.... I think you can trust him... hahaha

Christiejolu said...

HAHAHA! That picture...I get those emails too...

Alicia said...

I've always wondered about the wording on those emails, but the other day I typed a big paragraph into a language translator in order to translate from English to Spanish and when I read the Spanish version it made about as much sense as those your typed in your post. I think that's why they are worded so weirdly.

Alicia said...

I've always wondered about the wording on those emails, but the other day I typed a big paragraph into a language translator in order to translate from English to Spanish and when I read the Spanish version it made about as much sense as those your typed in your post. I think that's why they are worded so weirdly.

Runnergirl said...

So funny, I had to read it out to my husband!!

Smileyfreak said...

ugh facebook...the many joys it holds :L

Sawah said...

AHH! CREPPER ALERT! STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER!!!!!!!!!

Jerry said...

I'm sorry...what was that address for the man-parts enhancement again?

Pearl said...

Aw, come on! No one writes to him anymore and he doesn't like his cellmate! Go ahead and friend a guy!

Pearl

Angelina said...

Those eyes... I think you better do as he says...

Too funny!

Wendy Blum said...

I think Pearl is right. You should friend the poor guy. It's only internet talk, right? But if you ever did decide to meet him, make sure you wear your hair in that fancy Half Beehive Up-Do! You've got a lot of hair. Best get started now!

HulaBuns said...

OMG, what a perfect name "Ima Cray Seeguy". Hilarious. He looks like a cross between a giraffe and a meth addict. Scccaaaarrry :-|

E. Peevie said...

I want to know how you came up with "Alarming Spokane lost sheep Enclosed margarine typhoid neutered phlegm Skeptical advancement cantaloupe environment philanthropist cuticle theory botched tummy tuck"--because that is some hilarious randomosity.

As my 9-year-old would say, "That is a non-sequitur, Mommy."

Carol said...

Sometimes I wish I had a virtual door I could lock to keep the crazies out, but then I remember, if all my friends had one I couldn't visit them!

Vince said...

Is he related to you ?. As you reeeeeeeeeally didn't say. And I don't want to insult you. Well, I've no real problem with insulting you, but not over Hugo in the family.

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13:I KNOW! That expression is kind of the only one to have when you see that face, don't you think? Scary...

Alan W. Davidson: Then, poor you! You must've either worked really hard ('cause he scared the crap out of you) or cut that class a lot! I could easily see him as the absent-minded professor...give him some taped glasses and lose that creepy "I'm going to kill you" look...

Slamdunk: Oh, I think it's definitely a mugshot of somebody. And yeah...I'm sure it was nothing more serious than jaywalking...he doesn't look even a little bit dangerous...

kathryn said...

Lauren: Aw. So, my rumored man-parts don't change your love for me? Always good to know. It's people like you that remind me that unconditional love still exists....(sigh)....

Christopher: HA! So...that's what you've heard, eh? Wait, let's see if I can still cancel my order...

Boonie S: Yes! He says to say hello and that he's been meaning to stop by and visit you. He lost your address, so I gave it to him. I'm sure you don't mind.

Jen said...

That is frightening. I too am tired of all those ridiculous e-mails. Several of them have been passing viruses around. I even got virus scan software for my Mac. I didn't think I needed to do that but I guess I was wrong.

kathryn said...

Gigi: Uh-huh....definitely an "aura" alright. I've sent him your way so you may investigate. You can get back to me on this.

j.m. neeb: HA!Nah...not awkward at all! So, your anxiety must be waaaay down, now that you have those accidentally-huge man-parts, right? And you've probably gone from a Facebook hater to a FB lovah, if someone's created a fan page for you! I'd definitely go from hating it to pimping it! PS: Don't forget to take your vitamins...I think you're gonna be needing 'em!

brite: I know, right?! Who wants to have to worry about sitting down too fast?? It would make peeing so much easier, though.

kathryn said...

KellyGrrl: Oh, I'm sure he's a lovely human being. In another dimension, maybe. I'm anxious to post again just to get that face off my page on everyone's readers!

Christiejolu: I know! I guess we all get them...but who's selling us down the river?

Alicia: I really don't get it. I could see if they were posting words to just try and get the search engines to pick up on them...but these are emails. That makes them extra scary!

kathryn said...

Runnergirl: HA! I'm glad you enjoyed it, sweetie. I think everyone can relate, right?

Smileyfreak: Joys? Facebook?? There's 2 words I wouldn't expect to see in the same sentence!

Sawah: That's right, sweetie. You RUN....AS FAST AS YOU CAN! (Actually, it's probably the "normal" looking guys you have to watch out for...)

kathryn said...

Jerry: Don't worry....I've sent them your email address, telephone number and home address so they can contact you. Oh, and I also sent them the info for your boss and next-door neighbors (both sides). I didn't think you'd mind.

Pearl: Gee...I wonder why no-one wants to write to Ima? Maybe you're right...I'm sure he's very misunderstood. We'll BOTH write to him. OK??

Angelina: I know! How scary is he? I actually think that might have been my search criteria on Google...."scary guy". Boy, did they deliver!

kathryn said...

Wendy Blum: HA! Oh, I'll bet Ima would looooove the "Half Beehive Up-do"! I mean, who wouldn't...with it being fashioned after a public figure's wife and all. I'd be such a trend-setter...I'd be the most popular one in the prison!

HulaBuns: That's an excellent way to describe him, sweetie! LOVE that description. And you just know the meth part must be true with that look on his face!

E. Peevie: I cannot believe you picked up on that. Does nothing get by you?? Honestly, I cleared my mind (okay, so not very hard to do) and let the words come...the more random, the better. And it's all original! (I know...you're shocked!)

kathryn said...

Carol: Ha! Yeah, I'm guessing that revolving door can be a Godsend or a curse! But, we're the crazy like a fox kind of crazy!

Vince: Well....actually, I figured he was a relative of yours. (Hey...two can play this game!)

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