Sunday, September 12, 2010

Laughing in a Monsoon

I shall begin this latest rant, random post with something I read in the latest issue of Psychology Today. Evidently, people who publish several completely random writings per month live longer, healthier lives and are on average, 32% more intelligent than the mainstream population.

Okay, so maybe I made that up. But I shall follow this cutting-edge logic…in case someday, it actually becomes fact. Then think of how impressed you’ll be with me!

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Tech support at Linksys ROCKS thanks to technician #46370…a lovely woman in India that had the unfortunate delight (is this an oxymoron, or what?) of dealing with the likes of me at 5-something A.M. her time. Of course, it was 8-something P.M. my time…and armed with Cloudy in hand, I wasn’t too worried about much of anything. Not only was she polite and spoke English flawlessly but she did that magical thing where she took over Connor’s (13) PC to get his wireless adapter up and working properly. The firewall on our anti-virus turned out to be the culprit. #46370 and I chatted about the weather (it’s evidently monsoon weather over there) whilst I watched the curser swing this way and that…opening and closing files at lightning speed. We were up and running within 20 minutes or so, at which time I advised her that Netgear SUCKS and that I would seriously consider naming any future children I may have "#46370", in her honor. It’s gratifying when you can make someone laugh at 5am during a monsoon.

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In other news, someone (‘cause it ain’t gonna be me) needs to notify the US Government that their attempt at saving trees is failing miserably. The other day, I received this in the mail:


(The small, taped paper clip is to give you a frame of reference. Yeah, I know…I’m a freakin’ genius.)

This stack of papers boiled down to this:

Dear Kathryn,
Nope. We can’t process your request. You missed the deadline, you doofus.
Start over.
Love,
Us.

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I hit my favorite food store to pick up some of their tasty deli meats the other day. (You remember…the place where they have you pull the paper number out of the machine?) In hindsight, I’ve realized that one guy consistently kept re-appearing in other parts of the store…inquiring if I needed assistance finding anything. I always declined. It happened again the other day…but this time, he quietly said, “If you ever need your carpets cleaned, give me a call” and handed me a card. (Is this code for something I should know about?? Mark? You'd know this...) Regardless, I checked out the card when I arrived home. It is, in fact, a business card for a carpet cleaning service. Unfortunately, I’d just cleaned my carpets a mere two days ago (what are the odds?)…and I wasn’t impressed with his catchphrase. It said, “Gary’s Carpet Cleaning…It makes Cents to use Us!” (I've typed the upper-case and lower-case exactly as it's printed. I know…I can hear you groaning from here.)

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Finally, for those of you who ♥ Sephora, JC Penney has them opening within all their stores. This straight from the mouth of the Sephora lady who seemed strangely disturbed by my unbridled enthusiasm. I felt like I'd won the lottery….which, in the world of Kathrynville, I most certainly had.

In the world of emoticons, I was colon capital d.


PS: To those of you who've recently decided to un-follow this here blog, what can I say? I'd like to suggest that you just skim past my posts in your dashboard to save me the devastation of watching my follower numbers decline. I'm trying to maintain a stiff upper lip....but you've wounded my pride and caused me to question my very reason for being here. I thought you should know. Besides, you've hurt my feelings. Colon open parentheses.

KellyGrrl said...

Awww! I hate when I see my follower number drop..... Boo.... But AWESOME about Sephora and JC Penney! :-)

Kristy said...

Why in the hell would anyone stop following you??? I think you should be president.

Dorn said...

Kathryn, normally pish posh to numbers and what not would be appropriate advice right now. But as I'm typing this you currently have 666 followers. I'd take that as a sign to do something entirely out of character...but fun of course...to shake things up! Good luck if you respond to this push!

Carol said...

I'd follow you twice if I could, damn rules! Maybe something beyond their control is causing them to not follow you, like their cat took over the computer and unfollowed you because you like dogs. It could happen, in my world anyway!

Alan W. Davidson said...

I can't image what those deluded people were thinking when they unfollowed your blog. Thier loss, and all that! Perhaps they conspired to get the followers count to 666...and we all know what that means!

Alicia said...

Maybe blogger messed up? Cause I can't imagine anyone dumb enough to un-follow you Kathryn.

Gigi said...

Well, if Psychology Today is to be believed - then I will live forever and am a freakin' genius since everything I publish is completely and totally random. Unless by "publish" they mean something other than a blog - if so, then I'm screwed.

BlackLOG said...

I see your current count of followers is 666 (Sounds a bit evil) ... I can't get out of the 40's myself. a couple of times I get near 50 only for it to drop back again. Now that's cruel

Wendy Ramer said...

1. How could anyone stop following YOU?
2. If they did, they wouldn't be here reading about your disappointment, now would they?
3. I confess to scrolling through several blogs on my roll b/c I've lost interest, but I don't un-follow them on the off chance some of them are following me...so I get it.
4. Love the paper clip frame of reference :-P (my daughter taught me this one - sticking tongue out)

Hannah said...

AH! I HATE when someone stops following my blog. Makes me all sad and surly. I've considered following my own blog just to see the number go up. C'est la vie. You're still hilarious.

ValleyWriter said...

On one hand, being unfollowed totally sux (just like Netgear - I concur with that wholeheartedley). On the other hand, having 666 followers is pretty freakin' cool!

Kimberly said...

You read Psychology Today? :)

I'm not going to be the one to tell the government that either. I don't want to be on hold until I'm 65. Or have to press 1 for English, then 2, then 6, then 0, only to find myself back at pressing 1 for English.

Love ya, Kathryn! Won't be un-following you anytime soon!

:)

Lauren said...

NOT COLON OPEN PARENTHESES!ANYTHING BUT THAT! I shall follow you twice! I have the spare time now that I don't have a job!

Krista said...

Aw. *hugs* We still love you.

Re: Laughing in a monsoon... the customer service people at my phone/internet/cable company ROCK! Seriously, they made it almost fun to deal with moving and getting new services hooked up.

I remembered a few of the techs, over the course of several phone calls, and asked them about their lives, referenced things we had laughed about in prior convos... etc... and didn't have to pay a single connection fee. ;oD GIANT capital D on that smiley. lol

I find it always helps to remember that there are people on the other end of the phone, and they appreciate it when you treat them as such. I'm glad it was rewarding for you, too! :o)

Vince said...

By the same token swiping pic-a-nic baskets should do much the same, smarts-wise. And you wouldn't have the effort of reading mindbending english, all you would need for guidance would be to view Yogi Bear.

Boonie S said...

The carpet guy's slogan is poor. He ought to change it to something like, "I live to work on your piles" don't you think?
Great post. And don't worry, I'll follow you anywhere.

Have a nice day, Boonie

kathryn said...

KellyGrrl: I find that losing followers is always frustrating...and I guess in my case it's not 'cause I'm posting too often! Like it or not, those #s have an effect. But it was definitely offset when I found out Sephora was now in Penneys!!

Kristy: Awwww. Now I feel so much better! And I feel the same way about you. What's wrong with these callous people, anyway?

Dorn: I know! The 666 is freaking me out a little...but I've been here before and hung there for weeks. I hate to start trolling other blogs for flwgrs if I feel I can't take on more reads and honestly, some days it's hard to manage as it is. I only wish I could do this full time!

Smileyfreak said...

Those people who un-followed don't know what their missing! You're blog always makes my dya a little brighter :) Thanks!

Cathy Olliffe said...

Maybe they died? Really, that's the only reason that makes sense.

HulaBuns said...

You rock and the un-followers (Unfers?) suck or as Cathy says must have "died" (honestly, that's what I was thinking too), I'm just sayin! I love reading your blog, it always makes me smile.

Also, I'm certain that I read the same article, so it must exist. ;) Thanks for the laugh today!

TC said...

They are nuts for unfollowing you. Now me on the other hand who lazily used an email from Milk Bones for a post...hey they sent it to me for my blog....it's OK.
I've talked to tech support in India, for hughes or direcway satellite service and we talked about the monsoons too!! Actually that is the only time I didn't get off the phone with hughes spouting smoke out of both ears...(lightning bolts out of the eyes too)
32% you say? I believe you totally...

Mark Price said...

Un-Follow YOU? Surely its a mistake.
OK Now in my travels through the seedy underground that is my world I have heard whispers about the alleged "carpet cleaning" services. Personally I prefer the less obvious "lost kitten in the woods" line, and follow it up the next time I see my prey with the "I found my kitten but she is ill and needs me to be home with her so you should come over and help me kitten-sit" line. If she isn't totally in love with me by then the odds are good I will begin stalking her till she gives in or has me arrested.(sidenote to aspiring stalkers, remember to remove any duct-tape from your trunk before the cops show up)

Oddly enough 46370 was my inmate number. (Just kidding)...(it was different)

Long story short, you shouldn't try to be prison pen-pals with chicks who have already had you arrested for stalking.
Have a great day!

Slamdunk said...

Glad the tech support worked out. It can be hit or miss for us on those things.

I can see your point on the government paper creating--the paperwork on our youngest has been fun.

Sorry to hear about your unfollowers. I usually can point to a post where I said something I should not have said or showed 6,00 images in one entry of a family vacation to the musueum of corn.

Straight Guy said...

Wow. I'm nominating the-gentleman-who-tries-to-pick-up-ladies-at-the-meat-store-by-offering-to-clean-their-carpets for our Straight Guy Hall of Shame. Next time he asks, raise your eyebrow and ask him about his equipment.

Kiwi said...

I'm one of those lurkers who follow and don't say anything. If it makes you feel better I am actually reading it :P

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I believe you, my dear Kathryn, will live to be a hundred and fifty and out wit us all...if the random posts things proves true, of course. :)

Can't imagine not following you...lot of psychos out there. Remain stiff upper lip! You've still got us. Right?

*bats eyelashes*

Nance said...

I unfollowed about four blogs yesterday, and yours will probably never come under the ax. Those who got a fair trial and were summarily executed:

1)Publish new political rants about every fifteen minutes, crowding my reader so I never get to the good stuff. I love a good rant, but not every fifteen minutes; eventually, I become inured.

2)Can't write two lines without obscenities. Can't write a paragraph about the Koch Party without crude metaphors. I like sophisticated metaphors.

3)Never, ever reciprocate by reading my blog and commenting in return.

So my little avatar and I will stick around right here.

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Those people are nuts for unfollowing you! Where do you think I get my regular dose of hillarity from? :D

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Those people are nuts for unfollowing you! Where do you think I get my regular dose of hillarity from? :D

Jerry said...

I keep tryin' and tryin' to follow you -- but I can't keep up! When I have a few minutes to spend with you -- I find that you have sixteen essays and discover that I have to spend the night with you.

....

....

Naw -- I'm not gonna' re-word that.

kathryn said...

Carol: Ha! Thanks for the chuckle, sweetie. I'm sorry...I NEVER un-follow someone...unless they've really pissed me off. Otherwise, I realize that those stupid numbers are really important to people...and that our self-esteem gets entangled with them more than some of us (I'd) like to admit.

Alan W. Davidson: Yes...I was rather...er....uncomfortable with the 666, which at this particular second happens to be 667. I swear...I have another (unused) blog account...I'm tempted to open up several more and run around surprising people with 3 or 4 new followers. (Help. I think I'm becoming obsessed.)

Alicia: Aw. Thanks, sweetie. I guess since I'd never do it, I assume no-one else would either. I'll skip it if it doesn't interest me. Those followers number move so damn slowly, right?

kathryn said...

Gigi: Ha! Well. The way *I* understood it (and since I made it up, it's my way or the highway)we will live forever and should be receiving the Nobel prize within the next two years and 14 days. And I'm almost never wrong.

BlackLOG: Honey, I truly believe that the main secret to increasing followers is to visit, comment & flw others. BUT. Not everyone flwgs back, it seems. So, go with plan B: Plan a giveaway of your 52" plasma...and they all have to follow you to get it. Problem solved.

Wendy Ramer:
1. I don't know. (Hangs head)
2. Gee, I hadn't thought of that. I'll need to hire a private investigator.
3. You totally get it. It's scary how much you totally get it.
4. That's 'cause I told your daughter about it last week. (Just kidding)

kathryn said...

Hannah: I hear you. I swear...I know it shouldn't bother me...but there you go. I can't help but feel like they're saying, "I don't like you."
makes no sense...but it's what I feel.

ValleyWriter: Well, for now...at least Netgear is history in Kathrynville...and it will probably never return. As for the 666? I'm betting we'll keep dodging it for a while now.

Kimberly: Ha! I should be studied by Psychology Today! Thanks for the loooove, sweetie...and it's coming right back at'cha!

kathryn said...

Lauren: Honey, good things are right around the corner for you! You know that, right?? You didn't want that stinkin' old job anymore anyway, right? You've got IMPORTANT things to do! Ya hear me? I said, "YA HEAR ME?"

SMOOG: You are SO FREAKIN' WISE, honey! I always say the same thing...I'm not just a voice on the phone...they need to know I'm a PERSON (and a fabulous one, at that!). It really does make a diff...esp. when we need them to do something for us, right??

Vince: Ya know what? I have absolutely no idea what you're referring to here! And I haven't even had a drink. (Yet) I'm thinking I'm missing something.

kathryn said...

Boonie S: Aw. The "I'll follow you anywhere" comment definitely made my week! I love your slogan...his was positively lame. This is why we writers should have the monopoly for writing any and all slogans everywhere. I shall have to put out a memo.

Smileyfreak: Aw...you say the sweetest things, honey! It's always so nice to hear, believe me. I don't know why I consider "unfollowing" someone to be kinda mean, but I DO.

Cathy Olliffe: YES! That's got to be it! I'll send an e-sympathy card and then I'll feel MUCH BETTER. YOU, my dear, are a freakin' genius.

kathryn said...

HulaBuns: Oh, good! Maybe all those imaginary articles I think I read really do exist! Gee, maybe I even wrote 'em! (Okay...too far?)

TC: Wow! Maybe you spoke with Tech# 46370. I mean, maybe they work for more than one company for tech support...ya never know. Wasn't she great? Maybe we should send her a card...or maybe a basket of muffins.

kathryn said...

Mark Price: I'll admit...I couldn't wait to hear your response to this one. First of all, I love how you call the carpet cleaning services "alleged". (Laugh #1) So, women actually think your lost kitten is important enough for them to leave the bar? Oops...you didn't say you were in a bar...did you? (Laugh #2) Do the women often fall in love with you as they watch you attempt to force-medicate a rented kitten in your seedy hotel room whilst "kitten-sitting"? (#3)

Okay, mister (or should I call you number, I mean stalker) 46370, your advice and subsequent comment has left me weak from laughter and I now need a new box of kleenex. Aw hell...I'll just use my sleeve.

kathryn said...

Slamdunk: You're so right...tech support can be hit or miss. That's why I wanted to shout from the rooftops when I found a good one. Yeah, the gov't paperwork...as if we're not dealing with enough already, right? As for the unfollowers...I don't know. It shouldn't matter...I know this. But I'm an equal opportunity reactor...I'm thrilled when the #s go UP!

Straight Guy: HA! Feel free to nominate away, SG. And YES! I'm going to inquire if his equipment includes the "wide" version...which my Stop & Shop swears is much better.

Kiwi: Well, I'm glad to hear you're reading! But how do you manage to not pipe up with a response? I'm usually formulating a comeback around halfway through someone's post. (I believe this means I have very little self restraint) You're always welcome to throw your two cents into the ring...and remember that as long as I can link your name to a blog, I'll visit. Promise.

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Yes, dear girl....I've got you...and what could be better than that?? And it simply makes good common sense that getting all that random stuff out of one's head is psychologically healthy...thus leading to a longer, less stressful life. (At least, I think that's what I read.)

Nance: I totally agree. And although political topics are not my thing, I do wish ppl would keep in mind that not everyone can read and read and read all day long! I've always figured that erring on the side of writing less posts would ensure less loss of followers.

Tinkerschnitzel: Aw....what a sweetie you are! I'm glad I can put a smile on your face. And now I can only hope to get back into some sort of regular posting routine!

kathryn said...

Jerry: Oh, pulease don't re-word it! It's perfect just the way it is! There are so many innuendos hidden in your comment, I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'm just gonna sit here and laugh....and laugh.....!

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