I do believe I’ve had an epiphany.
“An actual epiphany,” you say? “Or, is it one of those backward, questionably-sane rants of yours that some in the psychiatric community would consider more likely to be some sort of breakthrough psychosis disguised as an epiphany?”
Clinton?? Is that you??
Clinton Kelly: “Um hm. It’s me. Don’t act so surprised. I’ve been lurking.”
Kathryn: “Well, you’d never know it. Where the hell have you been? And don’t even bother to use the excuse that you’ve got more important things to do. I can’t believe you just left me…all alone…with no-one to talk to….”
CK: “Excluding your 600 followers, evidently. Poor you. And yet, even in my absence, you managed to have an epiphany, my independent little ram.”
K: “Aw…that’s sweet. Wait. Are you calling me a ram because you know I’m an Aries, or because you think I’m rather stubborn and hopelessly antagonistic?”
CK: (Stares helplessly...unsure of the best way to respond) “What’s your epiphany?”
K: “Do you really care?”
CK: “Tick tock, kiddo…”
K: “FINE. The times…they are a-changing, right? So, how about we take a break from the old stereotypes of the past and break in some new ones?
CK: “I’m feeling a sense of foreboding…mixed with….what?? Ah. I believe it's an ominous premonition of calamity. Care to elaborate?”
K: (Gives evil eye) “Despite your sarcastic lack of confidence in my innate ability to extract superior knowledge from the depths of mediocrity, I shall tell you, oh great sarcastic one:
I’d like to see the gender roles completely and utterly reversed…for say, one year. Women already work the full-time jobs, so now they’ll simply receive the equivalent to the male genders' compensation. I’d also like to see the male responsible for 80% of the daily chores, handle the gestation and subsequent birth of their offspring and suffer through a monthly menstrual cycle. They must shave their legs, shave the pits, wax the eyebrows and upper lip, color their hair, search endlessly for the perfect bra to keep their girls from drooping painfully close to their belly buttons, endure the pain & blisters associated with donning heels ten hours a day/five days a week, remember & buy gifts for everyone’s birthday/anniversary, etc in their immediate family and beyond, deal with hot flashes, mammograms, pantyhose, bad hair days, makeup, pap smears, the infuriation of trying to find pants that elongate the leg and tops that accentuate the smallest part of our waists. And finally, I’d like the male gender to take OUR last name in marriage…for a change. Same for our offspring. You’ve had it the other way for like, the last thousand years….I think it’s our turn. Any questions?”
CK: “Only one. Would you like a refill?”
K: “Good man, Kelly. Good, wise man..”