Thursday, June 24, 2010

Take Your Chances

With Taylor’s BFF (said in the most manliest of ways) celebrating his high school graduation soon, the conversation in Kathrynville turned to the inevitable dreaded Grad Gift.

I know. You’re supposed to throw the grad some green…but, c’mon….anyone can do that. And so, Tay and I took off for that super-secret-warehouse-that-you-are-all-sworn-to-secrecy-or-I’ll-have-to-off-you to find something…as a prelude to the giving of the green.

Of course, I missed the turn-off for it ‘cause it’s not marked. Then you need to stop at the two discreet inspection points where you must provide copies of your last 1099 and answer the question of who sang the song “Careless Whisper” and what year…Kathryn: “That would be…Wham?…in…1984?" (blink, blink) and then drive through the x-ray machine disguised as a brushless car wash so that they can be sure you don’t have any federal agents in your trunk….(I can only assume they've had this issue come up from time to time) before ultimately pulling into the parking lot of…ya know, The Place.

There were about 4 cars in the whole lot and this seemed to make Taylor nervous.

Taylor: “I don’t have bail money. Just so you know…”

Me: “Doesn’t really matter, hon. You’re 18 now…if I go, you’re going down with me. Don’t bring in anything that could potentially ignite. Let’s go.”

He didn’t exactly leap out of the car…

We wanted to pick up some serious gag gifts (oxymoron, I know) for his friend Chris. We found some pretty interesting things for us as well:


This was for me. You guys know my obsession with Post-its…and would you look at that price! How could I not?? This'll set me up for at least a couple of months....

For Chris:


I’d meant to put a pencil next to it for scope, dammit. This thing is massive…like 11” by 6”. We’re gonna tell him that the “sleep” button is for when he’s tired, the “go back” button is to return to a simpler time, the “sat” button is to fast-forward to Saturday and the speaker with the line through it is for when he wants everyone to just zip it. You get the idea.

This was for Connor (13):


It’s this dry shampoo I thought he could use in-between me needing to straighten his hair. Gee, maybe that means it’s really more for ME than he. I’m holding it up to the light to show you how much of a ripoff this is. Gee, unless it was an innocent mistake that only half the bottle has any product in it and I haven’t even opened it yet?? Just saying….

For Metro (wonderdog):


Yeah, I know. They evidently make these stuffed animals sans stuffing so dogs won’t make such a mess when they rip ‘em to shreds. Kinda looks like he’s lying next to road kill, right? Sweet.

I found the perfect grad card for Chris, too:



Wait for it………………………





HA! Gotta love it.

And finally. Another must-have grad-gag-gift for Chris:


We’re telling him that since he won’t have a car, he can use this when he feels the need to get out of town. Or is asked to get out of town…whichever comes first. But, the thing that sent Taylor and I into gales of laughter? See hear for yourself:



The guys at The Place say we’re on probation for the next three months…something about “lack of decorum, restraint and disturbing the peace”.

Once safely back in the car, I remarked to Taylor, “I bet we could've taken ‘em.”

Fierce said...

Probation?! Because you pressed the button that made the horse/witch's-broom-stick-thingamajig winnie and trot? Possibly even giving away the secret location of The Place to those poor FBI agents who are still camping out at a Lowe's parking lot waiting for a blonde husband-killer to walk by carrying a giant rubbermaid and also simultaneously twisting her ANNOYING hair? What nerve, what audacity, what... ok I've run out of words but you get the basic idea. Yeah I think you could've taken 'em; I mean come on! You're from Kathrynville, land of the unintentionally awesome!

Happy graduation to Chris and Taylor. 4 more days 'til I walk down the aisle (for my diploma I mean)

;)
xoxo

Christiejolu said...

LOL! I love your posts...They are always so entertaining....

Alicia said...

Nice one Kathryn. Great gag gifts. I love the little pony and the galloping noises. I would love to have that at work and freak people out.

Wow, graduation. The end of an era. Are you ready for it?

Lauren said...

The horse reminds me of Monty Python. The Holy Grail. Love their horses.

Anyway... Congrats to Taylor!

I'm also considering getting one of those remotes for my parents. They complain they can't see the buttons on ours.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Okay, was the crunching in the background of the video the horse or someone enjoying a bag of chips? Or is it something else, because I'm hearing it right now....Okay, creepy.

Moving on; Those are PERFECT gag gifts! The place to get them might have been a LITTLE questionable...but hey, how can you pass up a life's worth (for me, anyway) of post-its for FIVE BUCKS. Even Wheel of Fortune couldn't top that deal.

Heather said...

That was hilarious!! Hubby and I both enjoyed it. I am under strict orders now to find that remote for the hubby! (as if) LOL!

Gigi said...

I now which particular brain to pick when I'm stumped for gifts!

Loved the giant remote and the explanations for the buttons - I need one that does that - seriously.

Congrats to the grads!

MissSterlingCooper said...

Yes, I will often trek down to the old warehouse on Commerce Street by the LaGrange Library for a few raw-deals. But sometimes I just can't get over the stale smell that permeates the building, especially in the basement area! And I'm pretty sure the cashiers pocket some of the cash. They do have some very good deals though.

I love gag gifts, it really lets the person know that you care what they think about your gift and its not just some obligatory gesture. Taylor was really creative in those gifts, that's one of the few greeting cards I've laughed at in a while! I hope Taylor is a nice to his other friends as he is Chris!

KellyGrrl said...

OMG I need that gigantic pack of Post-Its......

And those are awesome gifts... The car reminds me of my favorite stupid joke... "Why can't Helen Keller have kids?"

WAIT FOR IT................

She's dead.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Jerry said...

Really? Albert Einstein invented the stick horse thing? And then he died?

How do you know so much?

Straight Guy said...

I have heard that horse before! These are not considered gag gifts to horse-obsessed little girls.

sage said...

I like the card and the horse! Great gifts.

Viv said...

Great gifts... Shoot, what do I need to do to get a pack of post-its like that?!! Awesome! That many would last me like... 2 weeks!

Happy grad to Taylor!!

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Every grad needs a stick horse, absolutely! But my favorite has to be the road kill. What dog doesn't love road kill, I ask you?

kathryn said...

Fierce: YAY for 4 more days, sweets! I can't wait to hear all about it! You are too funny...you've managed to combine my 2 favorite things, the stupid-blonde-flippy-hair-murderer with with FBI agents in Lowe's who probably thought my door-stop purchase was so small, it must be an undercover operation for something illegal. I'll pass on your congrats to Chris & Taylor, thanks!

Christiejolu: Oh, honey....I try. Thank you for telling me this...I honestly never get tired of hearing it!

Alicia: Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, the horse was a huge hit. Chris walked around with it for hours. Pretty funny. Yeah, I'm ready for it...but only 'cause I've still got my baby (13) at home!

kathryn said...

Lauren: OMG...once I read this (I actually read it on my blackberry at the party!) I couldn't stop thinking about it...and of course, had to tell everyone! So, yeah...one of Chris' friends followed behind him making the clacking noise.

Oddyoddyo13: You silly girl! That's *supposed to be* the "clickety-clack" of the horse's hooves. Yikes...that would be very rude of me to chomp on chips during my video! And...I know! A whole crapload of Post-Its for 4.99! Whee!

Heather: HA! That remote is starting to sound pretty popular! Maybe it's not as hard to find as we might think! It's an Emerson...and it IS a universal...and even at the "original price" of $9.99, it would be worth it, don't you think?

kathryn said...

Gigi: I'll pass the congrats on...thanks, doll. Yeah, I'm the queen for looking for something different...usually not so easy...but sometimes wildly successful. Chris has the kind of sense of humor that could appreciate all of it.

MissSterlingCooper: Ahem. Is this a subtle way of checking to see if I'll make good on my "I'll-have-to-off-you-if-you-divulge-the-location-of-this-uber-secret-place"? 'Cause I know people, ya know...and I could have you blacklisted at the first security point in a heartbeat.

KellyGrrl: HA! Great card yourself, sweets! Aw...I'd gladly have picked up a package of the prized Post-Its for you as well. Of course, the shipping to you would cost more than the item!

kathryn said...

Jerry: Huh. I'm trying to decide of you merely skimmed my deeply-thought-out, painstakingly-written piece...or have made the oft-mistake of thinking everything I discuss in a single post has relevance on everything else in that same post. Huh I'm not sure how I feel about either one...

Straight Guy: Ah...words that can only be spoken from an adult who's raising little girls! Honey, I never even thought of the reason most ppl would buy that toy! This is evidently what happens when you have no exposure to the pink aisle in the toy stores....

sage: Thanks. Admittedly, they're not for everyone...but they were a huge hit for our grad.

kathryn said...

Viv: Thanks! I know...maybe I should become a Post-it reseller! Wow....2 weeks? You must go thru them even faster than I do! I bow to you!

Dreamfarm Girl: HA! Me too! It's the strangest toy! And every time I accidentally step on it? Ewwwwww.

Wendy Blum said...

As you can see, I gave up on the other blog. It was too hard trying to add everyone to that blog. So...
here I be :)
I got a HUGE remote for my dad one Father's Day. He laughed so hard he cried. And my youngest son had a horse like the one you bought for Chris, only his was black and Arden called him, what else? Blackie.
Seeing how little shampoo you got in your bottle makes me wonder if everyone should start holding bottles of detergent, shampoo, and other bottles of liquid we can't see into up to light so we can see what we're paying for. I don't think manufacturerers can blame the lack of shampoo you ended up with to settling of product like they do with potato chips. What gives?? People are so stingy these days!
Your grad card is great! I hope Chris loves his gifts and appreciates the wonderful,unique friends he has in you guys :)

John McElveen said...

Bwaaaaaahhhhhaaahhaaaaa!!

J

David said...

The gifts were inspired and Chris loved them all. I'm glad to know the story of how you got them.

kathryn said...

Wendy Blum: Thank you so much for the lovely comment, sweetie! I'm sorry you've had so much trouble with the blog-issue...I can only imagine how hard it must be to transfer an entire blog, with flwgrs, etc over to something new. Hopefully, things will settle down for you now. I totally agree about holding product up to the light! That...and trying to get the last of it out after the straw-thingie doesn't reach the last inch or so!

John McElveen: Right back at'cha, bud!

David: Taylor and I had a blast shopping for Chris...it's effortless (well, almost) when shopping for someone you adore who has such a great sense of humor...

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