Sunday, June 27, 2010

Implied

When you live with someone for a while, I believe it’s a reasonable expectation for them to be able to interpret your meaning/intentions/body language…even if the actual communication is somewhat…garbled.

Don’t you agree?

Of course you do.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I have certain…phrases that are utilized on a regular basis. They include (in no particular order):

  • WTF?
  • Are you freakin’ kidding me?
  • WTF? You have got to be kidding me. (Okay, so maybe this somewhat redundant but I feel it’s worth repeating.)
  • If I can just remember to…(fill in must-do activity here)…I’ll be golden.
  • Do you not know me?
  • Hel-lo? (I’m starting to notice a trend here….huh.)
  • How hard can it be?
And probably my most oft-used phrase:
  • You know what I meant.
Taylor (18) and I were preparing to head out for Chris’ graduation party. Yes, the Chris with the stick-horse…that Chris:


Not the most excellent photographic quality… but in my defense, I took it with my cell and there were about a thousand people crowding in behind me vying for the optimal angle with which to take their own cell photo.

For edification, Chris’ father was holding up the horse to command attention from the grad-boy, who was not giving his father his undivided attention. Of course, the horse resolved that problem. Go ahead and say it…I know you’re thinking it. Freakin' genius.

And yet….so not the point of this post…

So, I’m brushing my teeth…the absolute/final/last/finishing touch to walking out the door…and Taylor walks into the room…shirtless, with camo shorts on.

Taylor: “Does it matter which shirt I wear? I’m thinking the red one.”


Clinton Kelly (IV with extraordinarily lousy timing): “He's not serious. There will be people…and cameras at this event. No. Absolutely not. I forbid it.”

Me (Mouth full of toothbrush/toothpaste): “Wha? Web? Wif dos sorts?? I dom fink fo. Uh-uh.”

Taylor (Exasperated): “What? Is that a yes?”

Me (I shake my head no): “(Garbled) Bwak?”

Taylor: “What? Go back…or…black? No...too hot. What about the bright blue one?”

Clinton: “Over my dead body. Tell him to lose the shorts. Doesn't the kid own anything neutral?”

Me: “I don no! Wha bout gway?”

Taylor: “What?”

Clinton: “What?”

Kathryn: “GWAY. GWAAAY.”

Clinton: “NEUTRAL. NEUTRAL. HEL-LO?”

Me: “Cab I pweeze spib oub da boobass? By mouf iz sdardig do bum…cwab...”

Taylor: “Whatever.”

Clinton: “Whatever.”

Me: (Sputtering…praying I’ll regain full use of my tongue by party time) “Change shorts. Khaki. Any shirt. I don’t give a crap. We gotta go.”

Clinton: “That’s my girl.”

Fierce said...

I totally got you until "bum... cwab"

:|

You should really be proud, Taylor seems to speak fluent Kathryn-ese; that is not an easy feat and I should know, I'm learning it. Glad to see Chris liked his horse, but then again it's from The Place so who wouldn't love it?

:)
xoxo

Draea Lael (Rose) said...

LOL!!!

Gigi said...

Oh Kath! You have me rolling over here!!!! And yeah, I totally get what you were trying to say! Why? Because I've done/said the same!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Oh no...not cameo and RED...its a good thing Clinton was there to save the day (and have a panic attack).

I admit, even I couldn't interpret your toothpaste-language. It greatly resembled gibberish; sisiughsugcbsiausguifaugsuihg.

Or something of that nature.

kathryn said...

Fierce: Well, you got most of it! At the end I said, "Can I please spit out the toothpaste? My mouth is starting to burn....crap." God, I wish Taylor understood me...he was very exasperated with me. Like it's my fault that I was brushing my teeth...and that he has no fashion sense!!

Draea Lael (Rose): Thanks! That toothpaste burns!

Gigi: I KNEW you'd get it, sweetie! Why, why, WHY do they wait till our mouths are full to ask a question??

Oddyoddyo13: Honey, you had trouble interpreting it 'cause you're not a MOM! You're still young enough to be on the Taylor (receiving) end of the gibberish! (Lucky girl)

Alan W. Davidson said...

I'm sure that you're flawless (ie. pirated from Clinton) fashion sense will click in with Taylor one day. But then again...WTF do I know?

kathryn said...

Alan W. Davidson: HA! Perfect answer! I have learned over the years that Taylor's lack of fashion sense does not matter as much to me...but I've been cursed (I mean, blessed) with Clinton's ever-snarky opinion, so I'm never truly off the hook. When I told him (the real man) that he wouldn't shut up in my head, he found it "hilarious and scary at the same time". This did not ease my discomfort one bit!

Lauren said...

Hehehe! In a maturity filled moment, I'm going to ask, how does toothpaste come out to boobass? Once again, I'm laughing out loud, causing my family to stare. Thanks for the laugh though.

sage said...

I have a hard enough time undersanding a New Yawk Yankey to start with, a toothbrush and paste would make it impossible.

Lynn said...

Snork! Too funny. Just give him a polo shirt and a pair of khakis and he'd look like my husband ALL the time. OK, except for those occasions when he lives life loose and switches out the khakis for jeans. I'm SERIOUSLY wanting to nominate him for WNTW. He needs help.

But I digress. (ahem) The look of CK's face? Priceless. "Whaat?"

OK. I'm done. None too witty, but it's all I've got! HA!

MissSterlingCooper said...

I take solace in the fact that Chris was just as mesmerized by that equestrian-on-a-stick as everyone on this blog was.

Selina Kingston said...

That Clinton - he's pure genius and such a hero. Thank goodness he was there !!!!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Equestrian-on-a-stick????
LMFAO!!!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I don't know; I understood you Perfectly...

Straight Guy said...

In your son's defense, I tried to buy shorts the other day and, apparently, they now come in two distinct styles: "Cranky Grandpa" and "Skateboard Punk." Not much neutral out there.

More importantly, whatever happens, do not "spib oub da boobass."

Heather said...

I'm still shocked that he asked instead of just putting on whatever he felt like.

I totally understood your toothpaste talk!

kathryn said...

Lauren: Okay, missy. I want you to put a dollop of toothpaste on a toothbrush and start brushing. Make sure it's the kind of toothpaste that fizzes and bubbles and takes up twice it's size to show how well it's working. Then, turn to your fam and say, "Toothpaste". Let me know how that works out for you....they already think you're nuts, right??

sage: HEY. Are you talkin' to ME?? Fuggetaboutit. Okay, I promise to never carry on a discussion with you whilst brushing my teeth. It's rude to talk w/your mouth full anyway...

Lynn: Oh, honey...it was a perfect comment! I totally agree about the expression on CK's face...unfortunately (for him) it seems to surface a lot. Taylor has about 50 t-shirts...the kind with sayings on 'em (not my fav, but hey...I'm not the one wearing them).

kathryn said...

MissSterlingCooper: Yes...the horse-on-a-stick was well received by the 18-year-old male grad. Gee...how often does one get to say that in a sentence??

Selina Kingston: Oh, that Clinton. That snark....that 'tude....and now that you've called him a "genius"...that EGO! God help me!

A Daft Scots Lass: I know! I credit one "MissSterlingCooper" with that line...a mysterious, non-blogger who evidently knows more than she should about the little-known-secret warehouse-place. She's witty, right??

kathryn said...

Maureen@IslandRoar: I'm not at all surprised, honey. You also understand my mangled texts and my garbled phone messages. That's because we are CONNECTED. In a lego, fridge-magnet kinda way...

Straight Guy: You say not to "spib oub da boobass", but I've a strong feeling that (as a dad) you know exactly what I said. As for the shorts, I can't you just hike DOWN the grandpa shorts and find a nice spot in the middle? Just don't try to rock that plumber-crack look, please...

Heather: Of course you understood it, sweetie! I had no doubt! We gals are used to garbled responses...we live with GUYS! (Sorry guys...) Yeah, the only reason Tay asked was because of the whole photo thing...I keep drilling it into him that photos are FOREVER. (Altho, there IS photoshop...)

John McElveen said...

You said Pasties!!!!-- he he he heh heh.....

what?

Paste-- You sure? Just toothpase?

Crap.

Nevermind---

Great Post


are you sure. she didn't say...

John

Jerry said...

It has to be amazing just to be around you -- and that's a fact!

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