Sunday, April 4, 2010

Milestones Galore


The stage is pitch black. The audience of 10,000 (give or take 9,990 or so) holds their breath in cautious anticipation.

Suddenly, a lone spotlight pierces the darkness and the audience gasps in surprise!

A solitary figure walks quietly to the center of the stage and picks up the microphone waiting there. Only then does she gaze out at the sea of faces before her…and she smiles.



Oprah: “Welcome! I am so glad you can all be with us on this spectacular day…to celebrate this incredible occasion. Never before has such an event captured the hearts of so many. I for one, am honored to have had a voice here at Inside…Out.”

The crowd goes wild! The applause is deafening… and seems to be inexhaustible.

When the room quiets down, there is another figure on the stage.



Bill Gates: “Hello! I also feel privileged to have been an integral part of life here in Blogville and---“

Oprah: “Well, I wouldn’t exactly use the word ‘integral’, Bill. You sound a little bit full of yourself there. It’s not a good look. And speaking of good looks…”



George Clooney: “Hey. I thought I was late. Where is she?”

Bill Gates: “I thought she was with you. I haven’t seen her since she asked me to take a look at her laptop on Friday.”

George Clooney: “Ha. You mean when she called and asked you to come outside and then drove slowly past your house and flung it out the window at your head... managing to behead several ornamental lawn animals before coming in contact with your driveway, shattering it into a million pieces? I saw it on YouTube. I think she’s going with the iPad, buddy.”



Martha Stewart: “She was really mad. I tried to cheer her up by gluing the broken laptop pieces into a pretty mosaic abstract for her entryway. She was having none of it. You never should have promised her Microsoft would name the next operating system ‘Kathrynville’. You knew that wouldn’t end well…she could be anywhere by now.”



Donald Trump: “What’s happening? Why is everyone just standing around? Woah! (Stares out at audience) Did you realize there’s a whole crapload of people watching you?? Bill, you’re fired…I can’t believe you lost our gal. George, call every liquor store within a 30-mile radius. I’m calling the Taj Mahal...maybe she checked in. Ask Ellen if she can entertain the masses.”

George Clooney: “You’re not the boss of me. However, I will check the liquor stores…not because you told me to…but because I want to.”



Ellen DeGeneres: “Aw. Why do I have to do it? I was just about to make myself a sandwich. Why can’t Jerry do it?”



Jerry Seinfeld: “Wait a minute…I’m not doing this all by myself. This crowd is tough…they’ll eat me alive!”

Ellen DeGeneres: (Rolls eyes) “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. Tell ‘em the one about the monkey with the rotten cantaloupe…that cracked me up on the way over here.”

Jerry Seinfeld: “Really? That one?? You don’t think the chimp impression is too much?”



Mrs. Obama: (Breathless) “Sorry we’re late! The traffic on Fifth was diverted because…well, because of us… (Turns to Prez, confused) I still don’t understand how that works…”

President Obama: “I have no idea. Do we have time to grab some bagels while we’re here? Hey, where’s the birthday girl?”

Kathryn (to Clinton…backstage): “C’MON! They’re all waiting for us! I can’t believe you’re wearing THAT…”



Clinton Kelly: “HEY. I was sitting on the couch…watching a little Bravo…when you dragged me over here. A little warning would have been nice. I have a life, you know…”

Kathryn: “Oh, c’mon! You, of all people…it’s been two freakin’ years, Kelly. Get over it and put on a suit. On second thought, forget it…there’s no time…we’ve gotta get out there!”

Clinton Kelly (Sighs): “I wonder if it’s too late to volunteer to be Kirstie Alley’s IV…”

Pushes him onto the stage…and marches out till they reach the middle…where she abruptly stops.

She looks out at the audience and breaks into a huge grin.

Kathryn: “April 5th marks the 2nd anniversary of From the Inside…Out. Two whole years, people! I’ve loved every single freakin’ minute. And since my birthday falls on the 12th, we shall make a week-long party out of it. Let’s boogie!”

Here’s to another amazing 2 years…you guys ROCK!

Lynn said...

Oooh! I get to be first to congratulate you on two bloggy years--and an impending birthday. Good reason to dig out some streamers and a party hat. Whoot!

Gavin said...

Wow...two years? Congrats. :D That's a long time for a blog. XD At least to me it is. But then the days go by so fast anymore. Happy early birthday btw. -throws confetti-

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Two years? Wow, congratulations. Incidentally, I was watching your IV's show and is he wearing a tupee?

I am lookin' and thinkin' noooooo... I bet Kathryn would know.

Happy Blog Birthday.

Dreamfarm Girl said...

whhhheeee!! two years anniversary and your birthday, too -- definitely congratulations are in order! And I am so happy to share in the celebration. I have so enjoyed your blog since finding it about six months ago. Now I'm just bummed I missed a whole year and a half! Cheers===To many more years!!

~:C:~ said...

Happy happy joy joy to Kathrynville. Here's to many more fabularious years to come! *raises mocktail*

Gigi said...

Here's to many more years of blogging! Let's party - we've got lots to celebrate!

Slamdunk said...

Clever way to celebrate and congrats on your 2 years!

ValleyWriter said...

Happy Blog Anniversary! Here's to many more years of witty insights and giggles!

cbk50266 said...

Congrats!

E. Peevie said...

So THAT's why George didn't show up at my house for Easter. He was getting ready for your shindig. Jerk. He could have called, at least.

E. Peevie said...

P.S. Who the hell is Clinton Kelly? Is he Someone? Should I be embarrassed that I don't know who he is?

Kimberly said...

Congrats!!! Looking forward to many, many more years in Kathrynville! ;)

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Happy anniversary! (Happy Birthday too!!!) I hope I have another 2 years, and more, of enjoying your writing. You always make me smile!

Adele said...

Wow, congratulations! By the way, my birthday is also on the 12th! Well, OK, not in April, but October is close enough, don't you think? ;D Anyway, happy birtday both to you and your awesome blog! :)

KellyGrrl said...

That's awesome! Congrats!

injaynesworld said...

Congratulations and Happy Birthday. I clicked on your ad over at I Do Things, so it's working. Now I'm a follower. What a clever post to mark your anniversary. Yes, you do have quite an imagination -- and quite a talent, too.

Selina Kingston said...

Oh wow - two years. Congrats. It must be annivesary season as I have passed a little milestone myself !!
Happy Birthday too x

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Happy blogovesary! I wish all these celebs had come to mine! :-( Well, not Oprah, but you know...the others...OK. Not Donald either.

Alicia said...

Two years? Wowser, that's wonderful Kathryn. Quite an accomplishment. Here's to many, many more years of your wit, sarcasm, humor and insights!

And Happy Birthday as well!

Alan W. Davidson said...

I'm so new here, all I'm allowed to say is "happy anniversary". Hope to be around for your next two. PS, could you please loan me that hyper-active imagination of yours, it'll definatly help with my writing...

Smileyfreak said...

Kathryn,since I have started reading your blog in October of last year you have entertained me with every single post :) Thank you for that!

Your blog inspired me to start my own.I saw how happy yours made you and all of it's readers and thought to myself 'I'll have a bit of that!'

Now that I have my own blog I also know how difficult it is to post some times but your blog has always been brilliant. Well done!

thumbs up to many new posts and continual success in the future,you've earned it! :)

Wendy Blum said...

HA! I KNEW you were an Aries! I just KNEW =) And I never even asked or anything! I am psychic;)
And your psychic blog-ville friend, Wendy is wishing you THE MOST AWESOME BIRTHDAY EVER!!!
btw, love how you create the lines for all of your famous characters =) And did you ever notice how Donald Trump looks as if he's wearing an orange mask?? Around his eyes are healthy pink and his lips are as well. However, if you look at his collar line you can see that someone has given him a fake orange-y tan line. Until this photo of Don, I hadn't noticed his un-natural look either. I think he should consult with George Hamilton for tanning advice ;)

WordLover said...

You have a brilliant blog!

wow! :)

Momma Fargo said...

Happy 2nd birthday! Found you on Slam Dunks blog.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

You ROCK too Kathryn!! Happy Second Bloggy Anniversary/Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope its a good one and that you get a huge diamond or brand new TV or an iPad (hehe)!

Christiejolu said...

Hey! Congrats and I hope you have a great birthday! 2 years! Wow!

kathryn said...

Lynn: Whoot is right! Thanks so much for the wishes...I'm glad we get to celebrate together! PAR-TAY!

Gavin: Thank you, sweetie....it's been a blast. I just had to throw the birthday in...as if we needed another reason to celebrate..!

WannaBeVirginiaW: Nah! Definitely no toupee! Probably just a bad hair day, if it's the one I'm thinking of. It's endearing to know we ALL have 'em, right??

kathryn said...

Dreamfarm Girl: Aw...what a lovely comment, sweetie! I'm so glad to have "met" you...and I'm thrilled to share the next 2 years together...Cheers! (gulp!)

~:C:~ Thank you, my faraway blogbud! I'm so happy we've found each other...(raises Cloudy glass in salutation...)

Gigi: Whee! I know, right? I started blogging, then I turned 29...again! (And again...and again!)

kathryn said...

Slamdunk: Thank you! I decided to take advantage of all those voices in my head....I mean, on my site...
(ahem...)

ValleyWriter: HA! Thanks so much, sweetie! It's been fabulous sharing my world with you...and I love visiting yours as well!

cbk50266: Why thank you, kind sir.

kathryn said...

E. Peevie: Yup! I've got dibs on George!! And, um...I took away his cellphone...couldn't afford any distractions on the big day. I won't tell Clinton you've asked who he is...he can get a tad insulted. He's the handsome dude on my sidebar...by his own admission (the actual guy...I know it's confusing)the "dangerously insistent" voice in my head since I started this here Inside...Out. He's spokesperson for Macy's Makeover America and co-host of TLC's show What Not to Wear. He's witty, dry and I can hear his comments to just about anything. It's sometimes annoying, but unfailingly funny.

Kimberly: Thank you, sweetie! Here's to many more years of insanity! (Nothing like putting it out there...for all to see!)

Tinkerschnitzel: Aw...thank you, honey! I so appreciate the kind wishes...and I'm so glad we've found each other!

kathryn said...

Adele: Oh, you are too funny! Okay, I guess the 12th of anything gives us oodles in common. I say "Cheers" to both of us! (gulp!)

KellyGrrl: Thank you, doll. I appreciate the comment!

injaynesworld: Welcome...and thanks for the kind words and the follow. Of course, we all know how fabulous JD is...I appreciate the shout-out!

kathryn said...

Selina Kingston: Yes...you've posted your 100th post, right? Congrats right back at-cha...it's quite the month, right?

Lisa@Boondock Ramblings: Thank you! You are too funny...okay, so scratch The Donald...and Oprah. The others are cleared to head to your place??

Alicia: Thank you, sweetie. It's been the utmost honor to know and read you...and I'm proud to have you in my reader. (The modern-day equivalent of being honored to meet someone!)

Alan W. Davidson: Well, welcome! Oh, you're welcome to my imagination...I should seriously loan it out. It's waaay overkill for one person....seriously...

kathryn said...

Smileyfreak: Oh, honey...this was such a beautiful comment! I'm so happy you've taken the plunge into blogville...'cause you know it's a better place with you in it. I'm thrilled I've been able to make you smile...that's more than I ever could have asked for. Thank you for making me smile!

Wendy Blum: HA! You're the second person to bring up the whole Aries-thing! Do I give off an Aries-vibe?? I know what you mean about that photo of Donald. I had to choose between the orang-y tan or a guy who was yelling and angry! Sometimes, it's the lesser of two evils. (Can't you just HEAR those characters talking, though? Or is it just ME??)

WordLover: Thank you! So kind of you to say....

kathryn said...

Momma Fargo: Thank you...and welcome! I'm glad you're here...and I appreciate the comment!

Oddyoddyo13: Yeah! I'd LIKE that iPad, right?? Doesn't it look awesome? And I want it even more 'cause I know they're impossible to find. Thanks so much for the wishes, sweetie...I'm glad we've found each other...

Christiejolu: Yup....2. Whole. Years. It flew by, actually. It's like a second home...I'm sure you feel that way as well. Thanks for the wishes!

Carol said...

Wow!! Party at Kathryn's, who wants to car pool! Happy birthiversary darlin! No one does it better than you!

Heather said...

Congrats on your pheonominal milestone!

Have a great time at your party.

kathryn said...

Carol: Awwwwww....thanks, honey! Yeah, car-pooling's a good idea...although Donald already ripped up the lawn w/his limo, so just park anywhere. We won't care in a few hours, anyway!! Let's dance!!

Heather: Thank you sweetie! We're having our party for a whole week! (Ya know...balloons and cupcakes from my header?) Lame, I know...but I couldn't think of what else to do!

Tina said...

Kathryn, no one does it better! Congratulations and long may you continue.

kathryn said...

Tina: Thank you...that means a lot coming from you! I've truly enjoyed this amazing experience...now I'm so glad I kept going thru the lean times! I hope things are progressing well on your end? Fingers & toes crossed...

....Petty Witter said...

I come waving a white flag - I'm sure there are some great things happening over the pond and I'd love to spend some time in your company BUT ...... I'm not a good flyer and would never survive a long haul flight (goodness knows I get jet-lag on a 2 hour flight to Germany).

If you'd like to pop over to my blog again, I have a prolific blogger award with your name on it.

KT said...

your imagination still blows me away. Happy 2 years Kathryn in BLOGVILLE! and happy....25th bday? lol....Hope you have a GREAT WEEK!!!!

Daily Panic said...

I am one in the audience Clapping like a wound up monkey with cymbals! Hurray!

lifelove'n'wine said...

Oh my gosh! I was just looking and I swear I commented the other day...but I think your blog ate it? I'm sorry!

Anyway, I am so glad that you are in the blog world and that I found you. You are one of my very favorite parts of the whole internet. I can't help but smile when I see a new post from you or a comment from you on my page. You are amazing and wonderful and I hope you never stop!

kathryn said...

...Petty Witter: Oh! I'm honored! I'm so sorry I've taken so very long to catch up....story of my life...always trying to catch up!

KT: Uh-huh...that's it....25 AGAIN...and again...and again! Thank you for the sweet wishes, doll! I appreciate it very much!

Daily Panic: Oh, YAY! Thank you, sweetie! I appreciate the applause!

kathryn said...

lifelove'n'wine: No worries, sweetie...how could anyone be upset when left with such a lovely comment? I'm so happy we found each other....all those many months ago!

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