Tuesday, April 13, 2010

...and a Little Bit of That.

I’m not done yet. You thought I was done, didn’t you? More Post-its…more muddled thoughts. It has to go somewhere, people...

I’d sent myself this email message a week ago:

Med for shirt w/food fa$lling into stOm$ach. Dfoodsbnasrt. For bluh grey key li$me glaro mesds.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Yes, I sent it from my bedto my computervia my Blackberry. Now, I’ll admit…I may not have this typing thing down just yet. All I remember was that I was too tired to get up and search for pen and paper…but I didn’t want to forget, dammit. “Forget what?” you ask. I’m not quite sure. All I can safely decipher is something about key lime gelato…I think. I’m open to suggestions…’cause I know it’s tres important.

Something reminded me of ink blots the other day. I know this because I have a Post-it, so that makes it so. Let’s interpret, shall we? Clinton Kelly (my ever-patient, stirred-not-shaken IV needs to help. Evidently, he’s been locked up for too long…and he really should stretch those long legs.)

#1:

Clinton: “It’s one of those Power-Ranger-Deltoid-Mechanical-Teddy-Bear-Robot-Thingies.”

Kathryn: “What? Seriously? It so…is not. It’s clearly a woman lying on her back whilst the blanket that was covering her has burst into tall, angry, maniacal flames, with a generic skull and crossbones interpretation in the subsequent smoke that ensued.”

Clinton: (Frowning) “Huh. That’s what you see? In number 1…?”

Kathryn: “Uh-huh. See? There’s her little feet…facing us. I wanna say, ‘GET UP, LITTLE LADY….YOU ARE ON FIRE’ but I’m assuming she’s aware.”

#2:

Clinton: “It’s Count Chockula with the cape and - - -“

Kathryn: “Nope. It’s obviously Telly Savalas posing for an x-ray. He must be doing a PSA for lung cancer. See all those spots around his head? That’s ‘cause he’s dizzy from all that smoking. I didn’t realize his ears were that big.”

Clinton: “Fascinating….”

Kathryn: “Bite me. NEXT!”

#3:

Kathryn: “This one is clearly the direct result of a sledding accident involving someone wearing a string bikini. See? Cup…cup….and thong. What a shame…now it’s all twisted. Further proof of the dangers of tequila and sledding.”

Clinton: “And speaking of twisted…”

Kathryn: “Okay. You can do the next one, Mr. Smarty Pants.”



Clinton: “WTF? It’s ink-blot fashion. It’s hurting my eyes…”

Kathryn: “Huh. How did that get in there? Look at those really pointy shoulder pads…”

Clinton: “It’s an origami nightmare. Moving on…”

Kathryn: “Only 1 more Post-it! I’d like to know why they put the cranberry sauce in the cereal aisle….it’s the last place I’d ever look. The lady checking me out was trying to explain to me that you can evidently take the plastic grocery bags and reuse 'em by cutting the bottom and crocheting something....with something else that sounded suspiciously crafty-like...(I may have actually blanked out for a few seconds around this part)...through the middle and turn them into decorative bath mats for camping and other insanely barbaric rituals. The ‘insanely barbaric ritual'-part is my take on it. You got that, right? 'Cause I'm such an enthusiastic little camper....not.”

Clinton: “I’m sorry…the lady was checking you out?”

Kathryn: “That’s what you took from that paragraph? I do believe we’re done here. Let’s go see what we can make with a nail file, a thumb tack, some peanuts and a baggie.”


Gavin said...

Where in the world do you come up with this stuff, Kathryn? XD I don't know what I'd do without your awesome posts to make me smile.

Arizona Mamma said...

I'm with Gavin...where in the world do you get this stuff?!! :)

diane rene said...

you've left me, again, with new thoughts to ponder. thank you :)

brite said...

I'm totes with you on the sledding accident/string bikini, but ...um...not so sure about the other two.

Bernadine said...

Kathryn you have a very creative mind. You post the most cutest things in your blog. :)

You always make me smile. Just like Ron does in his posts. :)

You should have a fab Wednesday, :)

Tina said...

The last part is reminiscent of McGyver. Try not to make anything nuclear in the kitchen...you should be okay as long as a paper clip doesn't get involved.

The Clean White Page

Fierce said...

Ok where is Clinton getting these ridiculous ideas. #2 is clearly a woman, and count chockula?! Honestly?! I guess we're just lucky he didn't say it was Stewie.

:)
xoxo

Gillian said...

Love the ink blots and I was also thinking about a bikini...

....Petty Witter said...

I love the ink spots. I even printed them onto paper so I could look at them from several diffferent angles. Another great post.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Okay, I totally agree on the first ink blot. And it's a little scary how I saw the string bikini sledding deal after you suggested it on the third. Scary, I know.
At least you tried to send yourself a note. I often wake up and say things out loud in the middle of the night, convinced that will help me remember in the morning. It never does.

Spot said...

I'm still trying to decipher that email...it's making my head hurt.

Clinton's so boring with his interpretations. You are truly a creative genius.

Reuse paper sacks. No craft involved. Unless you want to decorate them. Nothing makes a bagger smile like a "Happy Easter" bag at Thanksgiving.

Totally laughing at that email.
♥Spot

Lauren said...

Okay, number 1 is a turtle, number two is a dog and I agree with you on number three. I did this with a friend once and I got two men playing chess. He was scared. At least now you know what you can do with all your post its instead of throwing them away! Make a "fashionable" dress!

Kristy said...

Look at that model's face! She's like, "OF COURSE I'm wearing spiky, armored, unflattering, architectural type tunic with touch-me-not shoulder pads. DUH!"

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I agree with you on the first one definitely. So good to see Clinton back, by the way. Hilarious, as ever!

Alicia said...

Just a thought, but when I have a brilliant idea in the middle of the night I just call my own cell phone and leave myself a voice mail. I know...brilliant huh?

I'd been missing Clinton, glad he showed up for an episode :-)

When Pigs Fly said...

"insanely barbaric," yes, I must agree on that point regarding camping. I think it must be a spring thing about the random thoughts. It seems like several of my blogging buddies, including myself have been unable to unscramble our brains over the past couple of weeks.

Tinkerschnitzel said...

lmao! love it!

Wendy Blum said...

Origami nightmare is right on the mark. Even the model is peeved that SHE was the chosen one to wear this geometric fashion faux pas. And then to have her photo taken in it as a reminder of wearing the pointy disaster...I'd be crabby, too.
I thought the first ink blot looked like a mask that a cannibal would wear while boiling your bones, the second like an evil futuristic robot, and the third like two people slumped over and the person on the left is trying hard to comfort the two that are slumping.
Your interpretation was WAY funnier, I wouldn't have gotten a string bikini sledding accident.
You are probably one of those genius people who are bordering on insanity, LMAO ;)

Kingsmom said...

#1 reminds me of a guy from high school.

uo-chan said...

sometimes i think that maybe your working to hard XD

Jerry said...

Okay -- you're right. The first inkblot was definitely female! Now I have to go off an ponder the Insanely Barbaric Ritual thing.

kathryn said...

Gavin: I honestly don't know. But I'm glad it makes you smile...'cause that means I don't have to worry about it.

Arizona Mamma: It's all swirling around in there...hence the Post-it's. If I don't say it to YOU, then I'm in Post-it hell.

diane rene: You're very welcome, sweetie! I hope I didn't make your head hurt...

kathryn said...

brite: Oh, just roll with me, sweetie. You know that somewhere in your subconscious you're agreeing with me, right?

Bernadine: Thank you, honey! I'm glad I can make you smile. It's fun for me too! Hope you've enjoyed your day!

Tina: Got it...no metal. Not gonna be nearly as fun, but okay...(grumbles)

kathryn said...

Fierce: Well, there you go. I can sorta see the whole cape-thing...but we all know I basically over-ride everything he says anyway.

Gillian: Ha! Definitely a string bikini, right? The great thing about ink blots is you can never be wrong.

...Petty Witter: Thanks, sweetie. They are fun, right? You can make 'em into anything you like. I'll bet there are many interpretations out there.

kathryn said...

Maureen@IslandRoar: LOL! So, you think if you say the words out loud that...what? They'll hang around in the atmosphere and return into your head in the morning??

Spot: I know! I'm beginning to formulate a possible explanation for the first part of that email, but the rest? No freakin idea. Honestly.

Lauren: Oh, too funny! Two men playing chess?? I'm going to have to look at them again and channel Lauren into my head...

kathryn said...

Kristy: I know! She looks CRAZED...right? I would so NOT want to meet up with her in a dark alley!
She'd whip off one of those origami sharp, pointy things and I'd be a goner!!

Oddyoddyo13: So, you see the lady as well? Good. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Clinton's always a hoot...makes me a better version of me, I think.

Alicia: Huh. I guess that would be easier than texting an email...esp. since I can't read it the next day anyway. Good to know. I know, I found myself missing Clinton too!

kathryn said...

When Pigs Fly: (Hey Jen!) Yeah, I'm sure you're right about spring bringing on the brain-scramble. At least, that's a good excuse to use for now...for me....

Tinkerschnitzel: Ha! I'm glad!

Wendy Blum: Ha! I'm loving your take on the model's bitchy look...I think you've nailed it! As for my bordering on insanity...don't think it hasn't crossed my mind, sweetie!!

kathryn said...

Kingsmom: HA! Uh-oh....that can never be good. Ink blots that look like people is never good...

uo-chan: Ya think? Maybe. Nah. That can't be it. I'm sure it's just me being...well, me.

Jerry: Thank you. I'm glad you concur. As for the "Insanely barbaric ritual thing", you probably won't agree. I believe you're much more of a mountain man than I am a little camper...

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