It’s time once again for me to purge my muddled brain of any and all random thoughts. This bona fide condition (muddled brain) leads to many, many Post-its in shades of yellow, pink, orange, blue, green and purple. Right now, my wall looks like the Lucky Charms Leprechaun threw up all over it.
…and, that would be random fact #1.
Random fact #2 is a fact that some of you may not realize: According to the top allergist in The Hudson Valley, I am allergic to everything found in nature. This includes (but is not limited to) cats, trees, horses, grasses, dust, ragweed and something called “alternaria”, which I believe is allergist-lingo for an Alternate Universe…(which is probably one universe over from Kathrynville… “Just take a left at Alternaria and then it’s straight on till you hit Kathrynville, suckah.”) and something else called “dock/sorrel”, which I believe is Irish for “Don’t be sitting on any docks in the county of Sorrel, or you’ll be a-sneezin’.” (When you say it in your head with an Irish accent, it sounds good, right??)
Anyway. The allergist said I should drive with the windows shut, I should sleep with the windows shut and I should hold my breath from May through July.
Then, he proceeded to give me these handy-dandy notes to remind me:
So. As we can plainly read on page 1, item#1, I have “Real Allergies Avoidance” work to do. None of that fake-allergy crap for me! This is serious business. Then there’s a bunch of crap I can’t read and then it clearly says “DROID”, which I personally find quite offensive…because it’s not my fault if Benedryl makes me all woozy and robot-like.
Then there’s something about “1 Alka-Seltzer”, “willows dozed” and “molemwork”, which may be code for “You can’t go to work during these months and you must stay home in your house like a mole and play”…but I could be wrong.
Here’s the back:
Clearly, I’m to “Let…Arial…house…around…molt…removable” and “consider…Plavix 5mg?…fairly amended” or consider moving to "Mexico" or becoming a "Pulpwood DDS", which I believe is some sort of tree-dentist sub-specialty.
So, as you can see…I’m one sick little puppy…in the allergic kinda way. I don’t drive with the windows closed…as a matter of fact, I’m known to drive with all the windows (and sunroof) wide open and the heater on high…just because I’m a grown-up and Dad can’t tell me to stop heating the neighborhood….and really...what do these doctors know, anyway??
Now, I’ll just sit here and wait for Chrissy and Maureen to tell me what he REALLY said. (It’s great to know people in high places…)
PS: To everyone who was kind enough to offer their birthday wishes, I say “Tank woo…ib’s pnibse to pee so lobed.”