Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Unreal

I’ve come to the conclusion that most things internet-related are one step removed from civility and therefore, reality.

Clinton Kelly (My ever-witty IV): “I would love to own something in Miami.”

Kathryn (Confused): “What? What the hell? I said re-al-ity….not re-alty.”

CK: “Oh. Then scratch that Miami comment…although I’d still like to look around.”

K: “Um. Okay. We’re getting way off-topic. I’m talking about internet manners. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. We’ll talk Florida real estate another time.”

CK: “That’s what you always say. Whatever. Talk internet civility. I’m all ears.”

K: “Well. I just feel like we’ve moved into such an ‘Immediate Society’. …ya know?? We email, we scan and email…we write letters, then attach them to email…everything is going paperless…and the common rules of etiquette don’t seem to apply. I think we need to create a list of rules and regulations that will apply across the board to any and all Internet Socializers….whether for business or pleasure. Are you on board?”

CK: “'Socializers' is not a word.”

K: “It’s a word if I say it’s one….don’t pay attention to the red ziggity-zaggity line underneath the word. There…see? It doesn’t think ziggity-zaggity is a word, either. Clearly, it’s not updating.”

CK (Chuckles): “Clearly. So, you want to create a list?”

K: “Yes, but not just any list. It’ll be THE list. That everybody has to follow….or ya know, or else.”

CK: “Or else…what?”

K: “Or else I call Bill and we pull ‘em off the internet. No. More. Internet. Poof! You’re done….banned…it’s like you never existed.” (Waves arms in dramatic magician-like motion)

CK: “So, you’re going to be the Internet Police? Are you sure you’ve got the energy? It sounds time-consuming…and just a tad overzealous...”

K: “God, no. I’m not doing it. People can police themselves. I’m all about making up the rules. If they get caught, they’re on their own. Are you ready?”

CK: “No. I need a large cocktail and maybe a nice wedge of cheese...perhaps a Jarlsburg...and some cracked pepper and poppy water crackers…”

K: “In a minute. Let’s work out the rough draft first. This could potentially affect millions of people. This is no time to dilly-dally….”

Rules and Regulations That Will Apply Across the Board to Any and All Internet Socializers….(whether for business or pleasure)

  • When someone sends you an email, you must respond within 48 hours. If you do not respond within 48 hours, you are subject to severe ramifications….set herein.*

(CK: “What? ‘Set herein’? What does that even mean?”)

(K: “It’s Internet-Legal-Slang for ‘you’ll be in a crapload of trouble and un-named people will come to your house at an un-specified time and take away all chocolate from the premises and make you watch reruns of BJ and the Bear until you just. want. to die’.”)

  • If you send someone an attachment, it must be in the ‘compatible Word 97-2003’ so that others can open it. No-one needs to be subjected to seeing a message that says that you’re ‘unable to view the attached document ‘cause you didn’t spring for the newest, latest, spectacular version of Word’. It’s rude…and arrogant…and supercilious. Play nice…be compatible, people. Otherwise, you are subject to severe ramifications*. See above.

(CK: “You’ve just said ‘rude’ three different ways. You might want to fix that.”)

(K: “I’m fully aware. Who Googled ‘legal jargon’ last night? You…or me?? I'm on a roll. Let me finish.”)

  • If you’re on Blogger and Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn and MySpace and Guru and BlogHer, well…bully for you. However, it’s not really fair to expect the rest of us to keep up. Eventually, somebody’s gonna disappoint you. It will probably be ME. I’m apologizing ahead of time. I, however, will not be subject to ramifications….as Bill and I are like this. (Demonstrates two fingers crossed…displaying a bond that cannot be broken.)

K: “That’s it. You may notify the authorities that this is being entered into law on this, the second day of March…in this here two thousand and ten. Hence this official-looking, goopy wax, holographic, slightly pornographic seal. I’m off to get my Internet Law Degree.”

Over and out.



Maureen@IslandRoar said...

You need to write a book on this. I'll buy it.
Internet manners, tech manners. Manners...

Ron said...

..."don’t pay attention to the red ziggity-zaggity line underneath the word. There…see? It doesn’t think ziggity-zaggity is a word, either. Clearly, it’s not updating"...

HAHAHAHAHHAHA...OMG KAthryn, I get that too! I'm forever making up words that are not really words, supposedly. But, who the hell the says they're not? I mean, this a free country to make up whatever words we feel fit the description, right? Right!

Anyway, I totally agree with your Rules and Regulations - AMEN!

Especially, being expected to communicate through umteen social media's. Blogging is more than enough Internet socializing for me.

Over and out.

FAB post, you wonderful Internet lawmaker, you!

Hope you had a great day!

xoxoxox

uo-chan said...

hah well most people dont care about that stuff but im sure if you wrote a book on it people would get interested and yes im just saying ill be sleeping more then usual which means no follow ups on my blog

Ang said...

Haha..love the book idea from Maureen@IslandRoar!!! I know a few people who could use the read. :)

WannabeVirginia W. said...

No worries, I have no twitter, link thingy majigy and the rest of the stuff you mentioned. I still live in the dark ages.

Gillian said...

Screw internet / social networking ettiquette. I never did fit into a box anyway....

Bernadine said...

Hi Kath

I like the one where you have to reply to a email within 48hours. Nice. :)

I agree with Maureen. You have to write a book about it and get published quick!! :)

You should enjoy your Wednesday!!! :)

Lots of love

from South Africa :)

Runnergirl said...

Couldn't agree more - especially on the replying to emails - I have had numerous emails just go unanswered and it is just plain RUDE. And then I end up pissing the other person off by following up on my first email and them feeling like I'm hounding them, but without me knowing that I'm making them feel like that. Therefore, do I risk sending a third email to try and elicit a response, or does that just piss them off further? and on and on... if they just replied to the email in the first place they'd save me and them a lot of stress.

Collette said...

Oh no! I jusy don't know if I can conform. You knowI am just a free spirit (lazy)! LOL.
I will try my hardest, for you! (((HUGS)))

Gavin said...

Haha. This was awesome. Like usual, of course. I think you are totally on to something here. I never was one for rules, though so let's hope I don't get caught. (;

*G*R*U*N*T*I*L*D*A* said...

I'm gonna need a lawyer to look over that Kathryn because I didn't understand a bloody thing...Ooops, did I just break a rule?

jmberrygirl said...

Manners have gone the way of dinosaurs, I'm afraid.

TC said...

I totally agree, people need to remember there are other people on the internet.
(understatement of the year)
My son invited me to be on Linkedeln, then a friend, I never could really get into it but I see networking as sort of using people? I'm more of a build it and they will come type of person which explains why I'm not much past poverty!! LOL

Gingerella said...

I vote for going back to writing letters by pen and paper, using a real ink pen and pretty stationary....just sayin. ;)

Spot said...

I'm kind of allergic to rules...

However, I usually respond to emails within 24 hours. Mostly because I'm an internet junkie. =]

♥Spot

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

I'm all for Manners and rules but I surely don't want my chocolate taken away.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I totally agree. Wait. Do we have to swear on this stuff because *raises right hand tentatively* I'm willing to do anything as long as they don't take away the chocolate.

Alicia said...

Glad to see Clinton made it through all that snow to come by and hang with you! I love it when you two get together!

Funny, we just had that compatible Word 97-2003 thing come up this morning at work.

I think part of the rules and regulations of email should be "Thou shalt read the complete email".

I'm so sick of people at work only responding to the first line of my emails. Not that I'm wordy or anything but the least they could do is read the whole thing right? I'm not wordy right? It's just them?

ValleyWriter said...

Oh - I totally agree with Alicia there that we need a rule about reading the full email. I swear, if my boss comes by one more time and asks me a question that I already answered in an email I JUST sent.... well, let's just say, I can't be held accountable for my actions! AHHH!!!

Kristy said...

Maybe this will help ya feel better - I gave you an Honest Scrap award! Let me know if I haven't followed any rules of etiquette - I'm new at this!

KT said...

I am so issues with my peeps from Facebook...I was looking around for an Internet Lawyer, but Lo and Behold here I have one at my disposal..wait no that doesn't sound right....Anyways.....
i missed you and Clinton and your AMAZING ideas and rules and such. I'm glad I'm back...lol (Just like I told Penny..I mean Krista ( i missed that post) I'll be feeling nostalgic for a while so bear with me)...

Lauren said...

Dang it... now I'm really screwed... Does this involve the etiquette of imaginary persons or just physical persons. Because I share my internet connection and go to school and therefore cannot be held liable for whatever my four imaginary friends and cat do while I'm away. THINK OF WHAT YOU'LL BE DOING KATHRYN! PLEASE!

Kathryn said...

Maureen@IslandRoar: Yes...because I'm SUCH an expert on all things related to polite-ness. Okay, so that's....one copy sold. I am so golden!

uo-chan: Well, you get your rest, sweetie. We'll be here when you're all rested.

Ang: Well, doesn't it seem like there's no true Internet-etiquette? I mean, people can read your email and just...not respond. It just doesn't seem right.

Kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: HA! I don't have any issues with anyone who DOES have these things. I just don't think it's fair to expect ME to have them!

Gillian: There you go! That's my kinda thinking! OUTSIDE the box!

Bernadine: Yes...I think it's important to be polite...even ONLINE. Just because they're not in front of you doesn't mean you can't practice manners, right?

Kathryn said...

Runnergirl: I totally agree with what you're saying. That's why so much gets misunderstood online...'cause the same rules we apply in real life don't seem to apply here. It's too easy to just ignore someone..even unintentionally.

Collette: HA! You can TOTALLY do it, sweetie! (And I didn't mean YOU, anyway. 'Cause you and Bill are like this (insert hand gesture here.)

Gavin: Aw. Like I said, you can police yourself. Which basically means I just wanted the opportunity to make the rules...I don't want to enforce 'em!

Kathryn said...

Gruntilda: HA! Nope...no rule against being funny! You don't need no stinkin' lawyer...it's FINE. TRUST ME.

jmberrygirl: Tis true. Internet manners...and maybe in-person ones as well...but that's a totally different post.

TC: HA! I know what you mean...be great, and they will come? Unfortunately, NOT. I think we need to realize that networking is just part of internet society...but can it still be done with class and dignity? I hope so.

Kathryn said...

RON! Thank you, sweetie. I'm glad I've got your support.

I think people need to remember that there's a REAL PERSON on the other end of that email/tweet/post/comment/update/whatever....and act accordingly.

I'm just saying...
xoxo

Kathryn said...

Gingerella: Wow...now, that may be too far the OTHER WAY for me! People may NEVER hear from me again! (Although, I'm willing to try. How about a typed note INSIDE some pretty stationary as a compromise?)

Spot: Well, there you go. It doesn't matter where your motivation comes from...it's just the polite thing to do! And since you're online anyway...

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: Ha! Sounds like I hit a nerve with the chocolate reference...well, it'll just have to be incentive. You'll be just fine!

Oddyoddyo13: HA! You and Erin with the chocolate! I figured that would be some added incentive to stay on track. My, chocolate has some serious effects, huh??

Kathryn said...

Alicia: OF COURSE it's them! You are not wordy AT ALL. ('Cause if you are, then I am...and that is unacceptable.) I hear you on the partial-read of the emails...how annoying is THAT?

ValleyWriter: I know, I know! Honestly, between you and I (shhhh), I would have put that in, but I'd just read about that topic at JennyMac's (http://www.letshaveacocktail.com/) and I didn't want her to think I was...ya know, copying. 'Cause that wouldn't be polite, either.

Kristy: I've just stopped over to your place, sweetie! Thanks so much! You did it perfectly...I'm just a tad behind in my comments!

Kathryn said...

KT: Aw. I'm glad you're back, sweetie. I'm sure I can provide you with stellar internet-lawyer-ing...stuff. Herein. Thereunto...

Lauren: FINE. Rochester, Maggie, Meeko, Freud and Cooper/Mr. Plunk are hereby exempt from any and all internet-etiquette rules, Lauren's sanity notwithstanding. (I have no idea what I've just said.) M'kay?

Carol said...

I must hide. I'm afraid I may be guilty, I have too many emails, how long exactly is 48 hours? I hate that I can't say the dog ate your email. I can't even say the computer is down or the electricity is out, I have too many ways to communicate, I can't cope, must have wine........

Kathryn said...

Carol: Yes...more wine! Everything is better with wine. Have you noticed this? A little wine, a little snack...it's all good. Now, what were we talking about? (You are sneaky...distracting me!)

Homesick Cajun said...

Lmao!! This is hilarious!

Gay Guy said...

Sometimes, I need my correspondents to NOT respond for 48 hours so that I can tidy up messy spots in my life. Sometimes I need e-mail to stay on the other side of the 'net, then I will answer other e-mails, delete some files, unload the dishwasher, fold some laundry . . . .

Kathryn said...

Homesick Cajun: Ha! I'm glad you liked it-

Gay Guy: Well, I'm all for that...'cause that laundry isn't gonna fold itself. I think 48 hours is reasonable...don't you? Any longer and you just KNOW your email is buried beneath 50 others....

Jenny said...

Sigh. Sadly, I am a delayed email responder. I am shamed to admit I have emails over a week old in my inbox that are patiently waiting to be replied to. I get busy, man.

Arrest me internet. I am guilty.

kathryn said...

Jenny: Aw. Are you overwhelmed? Too much on your plate? I'm writing you a prescription for a 2-week vacation at a destination of your choice. You may bring Bill Gate's laptop to catch up on emails down by the beach.
Now,pass me that sunscreen!

Fierce said...

I might be guilty of the replying one, but then again I hardly ever get e-mails I actually need to reply to. But, yay internet laws!

:)
xoxo

kathryn said...

Fierce: yeah...well, there's no-one enforcing the rules anyway, so I wouldn't worry too much. But, it was fun making them up!!

Heather said...

I'm a true believer that the manners you present on the internet are a reflection of what kind of person you really are.

I am always amazed at how some people behave.

I will be banned for not getting to those emails in 48 hrs.

kathryn said...

Heather: Well, I should have made it longer than 48 hours....I'm constantly breaking my own rules!

And I agree with you on people showing their true colors online...I think it would be too hard for people to keep up a facade. That said, there's a definite shortage of manners around sometimes...

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