Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Ripped Off

Anyone who knows me...knows I am a lover of anything tropical.

Palm trees? Love.

White sandy beaches? Serious love.

Frosty margarita, whilst lounging under a Tiki hut, whilst staring at a turquoise ocean?? Nirvana.

So, it would stand to reason that my January purchase of “A 16-Month 2010 Calendar” entitled “Paradise” would not only fit the bill…but send me straight to tropical heaven.

You would think. But then, I wouldn’t have this post…now would I??

First off, I suppose it’s technically a 16-month calendar….but only because they put 4 months, sans photos, in the front of the calendar:


But, really….how fair is this…when you’re buying the calendar the end of December??

Say it with me now: “Rip off.”

I now turn your attention to February. What is wrong with this photo? (Feel free to click on any of these photos to enlarge...and get the full-on, mind-blowing effect):

Don’t feel bad if you don’t get it right away….although, I’m guessing Allegria’s got a big 'ole grin on her face. I didn’t notice this until three weeks into the month.

Let’s just say that somebody has Photoshop…and they don’t know when to stop. I was staring at this photo (instead of the ever-present snow outside) and I suddenly realized that this is the worst piece of Photoshop crap ever. That waterfall could double as an ice flow…there’s an inordinate amount of unexplained white, foamy water down below…and WAIT! THERE’S A HUGE TIDAL WAVE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR THE CAMERA!!!

RUN AWAY, CAMERA MAN!! RUN AWAY!!!!!

Let’s all say it together: “Rip off.”

Then, I flipped over to March:

Okay. WTF? Did your hand fall asleep? Am I the only one who thinks this…what I can only believe is some kind of coral formation…is just a tad, I dunno…out of freakin’ place?? Isn’t that some kind of a hazard for like, boats and stuff? Is it an underwater table? You know…like those swim-up bars? That would be convenient...

Here’s May:

What’s wrong with the water? Are those wispy clouds in there? Or maybe piranha?! Or is it some kind of swirling acid? Maybe you were ON acid when you worked on this?? Even the sky looks screwed up….what the hell did you people do??

Major rip-off.”

November:

Again…you couldn’t just leave the ocean alone? What was wrong with the original that you had to go and mess with it? Were there rocks in the sand? ‘Cause that weird-colored, stripey version is So. Much. Better.

And so, in conclusion…you, Paradise calendar…have ruined what I’m sure were originally some top-notch photos of some pretty fabulous places.

Sometimes, more is not better. Sometimes…more is just…wrong.

Please be advised that I will hereby be skipping the months of March, May and November of 2010 due to…technical difficulties. Please adjust your calendars accordingly.

I’ll alert the authorities.

(“Hello? Father Time?”)





Alicia said...

Ha! You have such a great eye at catching details in things like this calendar. I would just go nilly-willy about my day without giving a thought to any of that and yet when you point it out I do say WTF?

Especially picture #4 cause the reflection of the trees doesn't look like trees at all...it looks like a big puddle of yucky limey green moss.

KellyGrrl said...

Bummer! I hate when people over-work things and end up making them look terrible...

BlackLOG said...

I must admit that I'm a crop and run merchant when it comes to photo's (Probably because I don't have the time or the drugs to be that creative or should that be uncreative in many cases). I hate it when you see a great photo and then find out it's not what was there when the button was clicked. Sadly we live in a world that has been effectively photoshoped, there has been a bit of scandal hear in the UK over beauty product adverts that have been enhanced... As for the 16 month calendar, if you had purchased it in August when I assume it went on sale you would have got your 16 months.....

Bernadine said...

Hi Kathryn

My oh my you do have a keen eye in looking for details. I would've missed all of those details in the pics. I was actually looking at the first one thinking how nice it looked until I've red the bottom. Ya... I have nothing more to say to these people who think they "fix" the picture and then just ending up messing it up....

You should have a fab Thursday Kath. :)

Jen said...

I just stick to calendars with puppies and kittens. Just kidding. Although, it's tough to screw up a puppy. Unless, of course, you start doing funky things with the photoshop.

Spot said...

I'm hoping this was one of those calendars you find in the dollar bin at the craft stores. You know, so that you didn't waste a lot of money on it.

But hey, at least you know where not to visit now, right??!

♥Spot

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh that's funny. I'm so sun and sand deprived right now that I'd never have noticed...

uo-chan said...

you think you couldnt have picked a better tpoic hah i stick with twilight and photography calenders the landscapes are the best and you can always see your self in the picture and day dream also i am not gonna do any more posts for awhile so but of course i wil still be looking t your updates later

Daily Panic said...

I live 45 min. from one of the world's most beautiful beaches a.k.a. Panama City Beach,FL My grandmother lives in Oregon, and when I was a baby playing on the sugar white sand in my diaper- my grandmother would write after recieving the pics -"Why is my grandbaby in the snow in a diaper?" Forget the snow... Come south but right now it is still cold 35 degrees this morning!

*G*R*U*N*T*I*L*D*A* said...

I stick to kitten and puppy calendars. No cursing the geographical Gods. No larger than life fantasy escapes. No trips to exotic locations that are not in the cards. Just cute furry things that talk to me so I don't have to talk to myself while I'm in my frozen wonderland cage...

Ron said...

OMG...leave it to you to catch this!

You've got an awesome eye for detail, because until you pointed this out, I honestly wouldn't have noticed!?!?

For me, the last two were the worst. OMG, the sky looks like something out of an old Hollywood movie set from one of Elvis Presley's beach blanket bingo movies. It literally looks painted. And the foamy sea edge looks like a fog rolling in!

I just got a 2010 calendar from PARIS! One of my friends from France sent it to me. I don't think there's any photoshopping in them. However, now that you brought my attention to this, I may have to look closer - HA!

FUN post, Tootsie!

Have a freakin' fabulous Thursday!

xoxox

Noelle said...

i just have one question Kat, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU FIND THIS THING? Well, okay, maybe two, you want a lawyer, I mean was there ANY bait and switch crap going on here AT ALL, what can we trump up, give em another (because I'm shoa we're not alone heah, an they don deserve a class action, ya kno?)
Also, hah, HAH! I'm confused.......

Noelle said...

ALSO....yea, you got photoshop doncha? Lets fix em up another one and send it back right back like pronto, I have pneumonia this week, no plans or anything, I could help, and the meds are really twisting my mind in case you haven't noticed so, YEA uh hu, I"LL HELP YOU!!! hahhahahahahaha!

Gavin said...

Ok now I'm never going to look at a calender the same way again. XD

Lauren said...

lol oh my goodness... I'm so sorry for your loss. Might I suggest making your own calender? Then you can choose your own photos. And adjust them however you like. With swirling water, underwater tables and tidal waves if you so choose.

Wendy Blum said...

You know, you are quite computer savvy, Kathryn. I would bet that you could make your own calendar and add real un-retouched photos of tropical paradise yourself. It would be way nicer and perhaps cost less than what you paid for the rip-off calendar. Just a thought =)

Homesick Cajun said...

Lmao...that's terrible photoshopping!!

Carol said...

I've already started March, is it too late to skip it? What about daylight savings, when can we have that, oh and daffodils, and crocuses, I think I can skip November though.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I hate it when they photoshop stuff like that, especially when its not necessary. Who wants foamy water? Stripey sand? What is that stuff anyway? What did they think it would look like, because it doesn't even look like sand to me! In fact, it sort of looks like pudding, you know, the pudding with different flavors swirled inside....

Kathryn said...

Alicia: You're absolutely right! Isn't it just AWFUL?? Even if I'd been above to view the full-sized photos, I doubt I'd have caught the first one...but the rest are just terrible!

KellyGrrl: I know...I do too. Why can't they just leave them alone? I wonder why someone doesn't catch it and say, "Wait! This sucks!"

BlackLOG: Nuh-uh. No sane person buys next year's calendar in August. I'm not buying that! No way...no how!

Kathryn said...

Bernadine: It's such a shame, though...isn't it? If you're going to "enhance" a photo...aren't you supposed to make it BETTER?

Hey Jen! Oh, you'd be surprised...although, I'd think if you stick with one-headed puppies, you should be alright. Maybe.

Spot: Yeah...I know never to buy a photo from the photographer who's got the copyright on the bottom of the page! (Can you believe some schmuck actually took credit for these things??)

Kathryn said...

Maureen@IslandRoar: I know! I felt the same way...staring longingly at that photo in February...until I saw that tidal wave coming right for me...

uo-chan: Okay, sweetie! I hope your photography and landscape calendars make you happy! Be well!

Daily Panic: NO! REALLY?? 35 degrees? Um. I think I'll stay put. We were at about 28 this morning! How is this possible?!?

Gruntilda: HA! You're the second person to mention puppies and kittens. I guess there's no freaky two-headed ones then. That's probably for the best...it would just give little kids nightmares.

Kathryn said...

RON! FOG ROLLING IN!!! That's IT! I couldn't quite put my finger on what it reminded me of.

I should've run it by you first, Ronnie.

I'll bet that Paris calendar is positively perfect, sweetie. I'll bet they know beautiful art when they see it and hopefully just leave it alone!

xoxo

Lily Johnson said...

Auch!! Bad bad Photoshop job. Everything looks like colourful plastic. I fixed the comment stuff Kat so do come over.

Kathryn said...

Hey Noelle! Happy to see you!
I honestly believe that must people don't even realize it's BEEN Photoshopped. People believe most of what they see...don't you agree? I must've paid a good ten bucks for this stupid thing...(and I really only got 8 good months out of it!)

And, oh God! Could you imagine what you'd come up with in your medicated state? You'd have unicorns skating down the "waterfall/iceflow"!! All I know is that we could do a WAY better job than THESE. I mean, seriously.

Feel better soon, sweetie!
xo

Kathryn said...

Gavin: Well, good! You don't seem like the idealistic type anyway! I'm seriously starting to wonder how many "real" photos are still out there. I don't trust ANYTHING myself anymore...now that I know what to look for.

Lauren: HA! Gee...now, why didn't I think of that? Actually, I used to do a collage of photos for my fam every year...it was SO labor intensive...but I had about 25 photos on each month! These guys only have ONE. That tidal wave sounds good, though...

Wendy Blum: Yeah! Maybe I'll just tape over the 4 stupid ones I've posted here with past trips of my own! That would definitely work!

Kathryn said...

Homesick Cajun: I KNOW, right? What were they thinking???

Carol: Hm. You have brought up some extremely valid points, dear lady. I shall have to discuss them with my grievance committee and come up with a reasonable solution that will allow both Daylight savings and daffodils to co-exist. Crocuses only last about 12 hours...so, I don't really care about them. (Sorry.)

Oddyoddyo13: You're right, sweetie! I can't help but think, "Did they run this by anyone before they sent it out to the printer?" Maybe they asked someone who was 80% sight-impaired...'cause anyone with EYES would realize it's TERRIBLE STUFF!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

That is a total rip off. I would just buy a calendar of rocks.

Allegria said...

ACK! Are you sure they're not just genuine freakish events that take place in the natural world? Really? ;) Water doesn't look like moss? Ice doesn't appear out of the side of a tropical mountain?

The link will make your calendar small potatoes in the Photoshop disaster department. The makers of your calendar could find serious inspiration in these horrors.

http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/

Kathryn said...

Lily Johnson: HA! Well put, sweetie! Colorful plastic....great description!

WannabeVirginiaW: HA! Now, knowing MY luck, they'd Photoshop the rocks as well. Put little bugs crawling in them...or have one shaped like the Virgin Mary....

Allegria: Hey sweetie! YES. I'm SURE you were TOTALLY FOOLED by these incredibly LIFELIKE photographs! My bad. Oh, YES! I've seen that site, but I'd forgotten all about it! Should I submit these? (Maybe I should remove my helpful comments first, though...)

Heather said...

I guess I'm an idiot, cause I would never had caught that.

Going to miss you in May and November! LOL!

kathryn said...

Heather: HA! I'll have to write to you from an alternate universe!! Honey, I never would have caught it either....except I was staring at it for about 2 weeks! Trust me. After that long, you start to notice things...

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