Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Think. Or Maybe Not.

I have a question for you:

“McDonald’s sells milkshakes in two sizes. A small milkshake contains 300ml and a large milkshake contains 2/3 more. How much does a large milkshake contain? If Mr. Murrin drinks 2/3 of a small milkshake and Miss Hoyne drinks ½ of a large milkshake, who drinks the most?”

Welcome to 9:30pm on a Tuesday night…as a stressed Connor (13) and a clueless ME…attempt to compute twenty questions…including the one above.

Yes, that is correct.

Twenty questions...9:30pm.

Say it with me now: “Are you freakin’ kidding me?”

Connor: “I think it’s a multiplication problem.”

Me: “I think it’s a gastro-intestinal problem. Who the hell drinks McDonald’s milkshakes anymore, anyway? Doesn't everybody go to Dunkin Donuts? And this ‘Miss Hoyne’ person…shouldn’t she be home, nuking a Healthy Choice dinner...instead of chowing down at Mickey-D’s?”


“A gasoline additive is used at a rate of 2 ¾ gallon for each storage tank. If 230 ½ gallons of additive are available, how many storage tanks can receive the additive?”

Connor: “Wait. What?”

Me: “I’m emailing your teacher. This has to be child abuse.”


“Tara is using boards and cement blocks to make shelves for her dorm room. Each shelf uses ½ of a board and 2 cement blocks. If Tara has 7 boards and 16 cement blocks, how many shelves can she make?”

Connor: “So, half a board…times the two cement blocks would equal….?”

Me: “What is wrong with this Tara-person? And where are her parents? If she can afford to go to college and live in a dorm, she shouldn’t be resorting to boards and cement blocks to decorate. She’ll be the laughingstock of the entire campus! It's horrifying. It's just wrong.”


“A store sold 5/8 of its 48 rose plants at the full price of $24 and sold the rest for 2/3 of the full price. How much money did they take in for the rose plants?”

Connor: “So 5/8 of 48, divided by $24….? Wait….”

Me: (Exasperated) “Where’s the calculator? Where’s my laptop? Life is too freakin’ short! Just make something up…I don’t even like roses. Who pays full price anyway? Just buy a regular old bush and be done with it.”

And finally:

“Willow bought 12 ¾ yards of fabric and used 5 ½ yards for a pair of curtains and 2 5/12 yards for a tablecloth. On a scale of one to ten, how hideous was the end result? And, did Willow really use the remaining material to make several toilet-tissue cozies for future Christmas gifts?”

Connor went to bed...I poured another glass.

Okay, so maybe I embellished that last one...just a tad. Can someone please explain to me the logic of this....item? How does this help the...overall...(*cough!*)...process? What am I missing here?

(As a sidenote to this post…I have to mention that whilst googling toilet cozies, I became temporarily insane distracted with the search word “portable”. I found these hits interesting, to say the least:)
  • Portable stripper pole
  • Portable fork-truck
  • Portable bartending bar (Ooooohhhhh…..)
  • Portable toilets
  • Portable radiation bunker (I’m not making this up. You think I’m making this up?)
  • Portable fish bowl:

And (drumroll please)…possibly the most asked-for “portable” anythingsomething you simply cannot EVER be without….(wait for it…)…you’re gonna want to run right out and pick up one of these babies…..:

…..because it’s such a hassle to have to go out to be baptized, don’t-cha-know. I know you’re just dying to know the cost for one of these babies, so I went into the site. ('Cause inquiring readers just have to know...) First page explains that you can evidently “set up and take down in minutes….Baptize and store away!” It's like they're inside my freakin' head!

Anyway, you can get the “basic package” for $1999, but that (of course) does NOT include the “Bapistry Heater”, which will set you back another $459.00.

And it just seems to me....that you can't possibly have one without the other. I mean, seriously.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I have a question; who thinks those things through in real life? What's the point of those problems anyway.

P.S. Love the portable baptizer.

Anonymous said...

This made my brain tired just reading. XD Interesting though to say the least. I think someone has too much time on their hands though to think up all that stuff.

Anonymous said...

I just got finished with this week and had similar questions as these. I swore off math for the rest of this week till I go back on Monday!

Portable baptizer...really? LOL!

Jenny said...

Hold me.

The Shitty Astrologer said...

Golden rule of maths: Don't drink and compute. That said, if I had more than 2 brain cells left, I'd most certainly devote them to helping out your kid with his math stuff. But since all I can do is sit idly by...I'll wish him and you all the best luck with it!

Love that portable baptism thingy...it reminds me of what my Mom always says to me..."Tomorrow another Pope might be born".

Thaydra said...

What really frustrates me, is that my 4th grader brings home homework questions like this. Just like this. But, they don't even teach until 5th grade (even though, in her math book, it says "divide".). I can't even wrap my brain around some of it... let alone my 10 year old!

And I'm constantly having to google some of the terms they want her to do... Most she knows, but I'm shaking my head screaming "What???".

I feel for ya.

Thaydra said...

That was suppose to say they don't even teach division... apparently, I forgot to put that in there.

Runnergirl said...

I have to do these sorts of sums when I am doing DIY around the house - like how much material do I need to get to make curtains, taking into account the pattern repeat and width of the window etc.? Or cans of paint if each can will do x square metres. Or rolls of wallpaper.

Thankfully it doesn't happen often, and I usually go on the interweb until I find some nifty calculator that someone else has set up. And then order extra just in case anyway and end up with loads left over cos I miscalculated in the first place!!

Poor Connor (and you!)!

brite said...

I have to admit, being able to do the 'curtain math' is pretty impressive...I was agog watching the woman in the curtain shop fiddle around with figures and terms like 'pattern repeat' and 'selvage', but then again, I'm easily impressed.

Anonymous said...

I WANT A PORTABLE BAPTISTRY!! Oh and a portable radiation bunker. I'm not at liberty to deny or confirm this, but I think the martians are planning something. How would the baptistry help me you ask? Why, we'd baptize them first to show them that human kind is good, and then run for cover in the bunker when they get pissed for being dunked. Don't worry, there's enough space in the bunker for all of us, and then we can use the baptistry as an indoor swimming pool. See? Recycling.


KT said...

So, it seems like I'm your only reader that actually tried to come up with answers. Well, I thought I'd answer them for you so here they are:
1) there is 500mL in the large so that would Ms. Hoyne the little piggy for drinking more than Mr. Murrin by 50mL.
2) this one was a little harder because i don't have a calculator, but I guess 83.82 tanks. So rounding off to 84 tanks.
3) she can make 8 shelves and she will have 3 boards left.
4) they earned $936.
5) they'd definitely be hideous....

LOVE the portable baptizer btw. just simply AMAZING!!! (and no I'm not a nerd. I like math, so shoot me)

Unknown said...

Oh - the portable baptistry can be heated? Even for $2458 (look - I did Math! in my head!) - that's cheaper than a hot tub. Sign me up!

Gigi said...

Oh my hell. Just reading those problems made me want a drink - and it's not even 9:00 am yet! I agree with you - it's child (and parent) abuse.

BlackLOG said...

McDonald’s sells milkshakes in two sizes. A small milkshake contains 300ml and a large milkshake contains 2/3 more. How much does a large milkshake contain? If Mr. Murrin drinks 2/3 of a small milkshake and Miss Hoyne drinks ½ of a large milkshake, who drinks the most?” Easy one, everyone knows that Miss Hoyne is a lush and drinks herself stupid every night while Mr Murrin is a pussey and falls over after half a shandy

“A gasoline additive is used at a rate of 2 ¾ gallon for each storage tank. If 230 ½ gallons of additive are available, how many storage tanks can receive the additive?” All of them...

“Tara is using boards and cement blocks to make shelves for her dorm room. Each shelf uses ½ of a board and 2 cement blocks. If Tara has 7 boards and 16 cement blocks, how many shelves can she make?” None as Tara has a rich dad who will buy her some nice expesive shelve units

“A store sold 5/8 of its 48 rose plants at the full price of $24 and sold the rest for 2/3 of the full price. How much money did they take in for the rose plants? The shop made nothing as they were robbed just before they closed...

“Willow bought 12 ¾ yards of fabric and used 5 ½ yards for a pair of curtains and 2 5/12 yards for a tablecloth. On a scale of one to ten, how hideous was the end result? And, did Willow really use the remaining material to make several toilet-tissue cozies for future Christmas gifts?” I purchased three of those Toilet-tissue cozies - I particularly liked the lime green, orange and pink stripes with the brown and yellow circles. Gosh, I did't know willow had made matching curtains and tablecloth. Where Can I buy them?

For the portable items you forgot the :-

Portable coffin (Incase you want to take your loved one on holiday with you?)
Portable North pole (no portable South pole though, so there might be an opening in the market....)

Yes both of these appeared in a google search

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

A portable heater on the baptistry?? Isn't that another word for hot tub?
I always hated word problems in math. Thank goodness the Ex is an engineer.

Spot said...

Well, I agree with KT on the first answer. And the second, except you have to round down not up. Number three she nailed too. But the store made $1008 on the rosebushes. I love me some math. Next time, just text sweetie. I got you covered. =]

But who the heck makes toilet paper cozies and why the heck did Miss Hoyne buy a large milkshake if she was only going to drink half of it. Doesn't she know there are starving kids in the world? Disgraceful, such wastefulness.


Adele said...

Wow, this post really reminded me of my today's maths lesson...

One car drove at 90 km/h and the other one drove at 110 km/h. How long was the distance between two towns when the other car spent 30 minutes less driving from one town to the second town?

And I was like, OK, the distance between the towns is x... and then I just stared at my book for 10 minutes. Eventually, my teacher explained all of it and wrote it on the blackboard, but did I understand? Noooo, I just stared at her and asked: "But...but...wha...?" And I'm only 14. Like, seriously, what happened to childhood?:D

Anonymous said...

I hate word problems. Hate them, hate them, hate them. My poor child is doomed!

KT said...

SPOT ugh, I did a stupid mistake. GRR. that used to happen to me all the time. I do too much in my head instead of on paper and i rush into answers.

Momiji chan said...

lol i drink mcd's milkshakes and so do my friends but mostly we just go to dairy queen ek anyways i feel bad for connor who was in the middle of this silly conversation any ways i loved your post really random even in the morning haha have a great day ^^

Anonymous said...

That portable baptism cauldron (lol) may be called a hot tub in our neck of the woods.

Lynn said...

Oh maaan. Maybe I'll just hand over all math homework to hubs. I'm having trouble with grade one homework some days...

Love LOVE how you go on tangents with the problems. Reminds me of the book "Math Curse." It truly, truly, is.

Tina said...

Just once in my entire working life (and I reckon that was a lot) I was asked to figure out something like that. There was someone in the office who could do it. Her ambition is to be an actuary. Those things are best left to the strange individuals who know the answer automatically. The rest of us have better things to think about!

Tia said...

Ok. Don't hate me but as I was reading those word problems I was solving them in my head. This is why my sisters always hated me when we were younger. It's a sickness. I know. I can't help myself.

If it helps, I couldn't solve all of them. :)

And I really hope this comment doesn't post twice. My comments always seem to do that and I don't know why. lol

Straight Guy said...

And if anyone happens to -- ahem -- make a baby in the mobile hot tub / heated baptistry (you KNOW it happens), they should technically be able to skip the actual baptism, no?

wendy said...

Math sucks. 'nuf said on that topic. And Praise The Lord! How did you know that I asked for a Portable Baptistry and Baptistry Heater?! I asked for one for Easter. My friends and I are gonna have a blast after church in my backyard. My neighbors are gonna be soooo jealous! And what guy/gal doesn't want a portable stripper pole? One can never tell when you might be asked to strip down at oh, say church, next bbq, half-time at a football game. Really, when is there NOT a time to want to use a portable stripper pole?! I may ask for one of those for Mother's Day. Maybe get my mom and my mom-in-law one as well. I hear they make the perfect gift for all occassions. Of course after we get finished on the stripper pole we'll hop into my handy Portable Baptistry. Gotta wash away that sin right outta our hair! LMAO =)

Moonrayvenne said...

I couldn't stand story problems either. If I'm going somewhere, Mapquest can tell me the shortest & fastest way to go & even lets me avoid construction!
Now, the portable baptistry...awesome idea! Get a traveling priest & you could make a lot of money doing group baptisms at parks, go door-to-door or get a few & fill a stadium for a mass baptism! (((HUGS)))

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Ha! I don't know, sweetie! I guess maybe people's toilet tissue was getting cold? (Tissue cozy...get it?) Weird stuff.

Gavin: Uh-huh. I'd be interested to know how much green these ppl actually make...could there actually be ppl out there that think, "I MUST HAVE THAT!"

christiejolu: Ha! I thought it was important for our sanity that I finish off those brain-numbing questions of Connor's with something light and well, ridiculous!

kathryn said...

Jenny: Aw, baby....it's okay....it's all over now. No more numbers...Connor'll finish the rest...I don't even CARE what grade he gets. Here...have a cupcake. Better?? Now, give me a bite!

GRUNTILDA: Well, you could always sit NEXT TO Connor and say big, encouraging words like, "Way to go!" And, "You can do this!" whilst sipping a dirty martini. It won't be the first time he's seen people do this, ya know.

Thaydra: I feel your pain. It's incredibly frustrating...and it's getting harder and harder for me to help at all...esp. if I have to keep Googling Dr. Math, or whatever his name is...and then I don't understand his explanation either! I'm starting to feel really stupid!

kathryn said...

Runnergirl: Well, you've just given me a great way to explain to him that some of this stuff really will be used again in "real life". He's convinced they invent this stuff just to punish him!

brite: Oh, she'd lose me at the word "selvage". I'd be the one with the blank stare, wondering how much I could offer her to come home with me and just complete the job then and there!

Fierce: Oh, you are SOOOO smart! You've thought of everything! And we'll have the portable fish as a pet (or an emergency meal ((ew)) and the portable stripper pole for entertainment purposes only. Plus, it could double as a jousting tool and a balance beam! Good times!!

kathryn said...

KT: You are my IDOL! Gee...wish I'd thought to check my comments earlier. I'll have to double check yours and Connor's answers when he gets home today. From now on, will you be our "GO TO" KT-Math-Wizard-Extraordinaire? Ya know, in case of emergency??

ValleyWriter: Yum! Where are you gonna put it, sweetie? In the middle of the living room? I mean, it IS portable...so you could pick a different room for every day of the week. I'll be over on Monday, k?

kathryn said...

Gigi: I think it's reached that point! Maybe it's me, but it seems like a LOT for one so young...and it doesn't help that I'm quickly becoming WAY over my head with this stuff! This does not bode well.

BlackLOG: HA! I particularly enjoyed your enthusiasm for Willow's matching curtains, tablecloths and toilet-seat-covers (did I mention that) to match your TP cozie...I've given her your contact info, so you should hear shortly. Try to contain your excitement. Um. The portable coffin would be an urn? And I'm penning a letter now to whom it may concern about acquiring the rights to the south pole. What a find! Score!

kathryn said...

Maureen@IslandRoar: There you go...that's why parents should be required to compliment each other...in some fashion. Otherwise, you're stuck with good old Dr. Math...who's not all that helpful, imho.

Spot: Don't worry. I've got you on speed-dial, and Mrs. Hoyne is getting a wake-up call in the form of a concise reminder that "waste not, want not." That'll show her!

Adele: YIKES! Well, the only thing I've retained is that if you're traveling at 60mph, you'll go 60 miles in an hour. Isn't that enough? I mean, seriously?? Oh, and PS: I wish Blogger had an easy way to translate your page so I can read it...any suggestions would be appreciated!

BlackLOG said...

No, no the portable coffin is not an an urn. That would be the equivalent of a space saver tyre - we are talking full size, uncooked body carrier.

Looking forward to the entire willow range. I hope she does wallpaper and carpet?

P.S. sorry beat you to the portable South pole and took out inter-planetary rights to its distribution last night.

kathryn said...

jmberrygirl: Nah...not doomed! Either hubby will know what to do, or one of the Grandparents will. You don't have to know EVERYTHING, sweetie!

Krista: HA! Me too...but minus the Micky D's shake. I'll take a strawberry banana smoothie from Dunkin, if you're going out anyway...

uo-chan: Thanks, honey. Go easy on those shakes...and have a great day yourself!

kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: HA! Well, when you add a religious reference to it, you can evidently call it anything you want...and charge accordingly. What are ya gonna do? Sometimes, ya just gotta have one.

Allegria: Is this "Math Curse" a math book? Or a novel with a name that just happens to include math? 'Cause one I'd buy, the other? Not so much.

Tina: God..I just think people who can do this stuff are totally wired differently! You KNOW Einstein was one of them...god, I envy that! I was fine till da boys hit about 5th grade...it's been all downhill from there, dammit.

kathryn said...

Tia: Nope...one comment this time. I'll always delete the 2nd one if I see it, sweetie. And I'm jealous for your gift of doing math so easily! I used to be better, but it's getting harder as da boys get older!

Straight Guy: Oh, you are such a multi-tasker! Well, I'm no representative of God, but I would have to agree....that's some serious time well used. Skip the baptism...and just don't forget to drain the water...

Wendy Blum: HA! I was just thinking that you could put the stripper pole on the END of the deck, so you could do a perfect header directly INTO the portable Bapistry...kinda like a fireman's pole...only a lot more FUN!

Collette: HA! Well, maybe not a MASS baptism...but maybe one neighborhood at a time! How often do you really think we'd have to change the water??? ((hugs)))

kathryn said...

BlackLOG: Re: South pole...Bastard!

wendy said...

Oh, I LOVE your idea! And perhaps some of those hunky fire brigade men that blacklog was talking about could visit and then that would REALLY be a party ;) We'd also save money on the heater. With all the steam comin' off the hunks we'd have all the heat we'll ever need! WOO-HOO!!

HereIsYourVerse said...

Finally!! Bastistry that is TRULY portable! As apposed to baptistry that is only falsely portable.
And portable goldfish bowls? For taking your fish on walks, I bet. Or you could just let it live in the portable baptistry.

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

I'm alergic to math.

This was too funy.

kathryn said...

Wendy Blum: Well, there you have it! It sounds like we've got one hell of a plan!!

HereIsYourVerse: HA! Very good point! Although, with all the pole-vaulting we want to do into this heated bapistry, I do believe we'd probably kill the fish. Ah, well.

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: I'm with you, kiddo. Unfortunately, this means that Connor's on his own!

Heather said...

Hubby is good with math and he gave up after the first problem, said it was giving him a headache! LOL! I wouldn't even dare try those problems.

That tp cozie, was awesome! Something everyone needs to solve the over and under issue! LOL!

CatandMouse said...

A large milkshake contains 500ml. Mr. M drank 200ml, and Miss H drank 250, so Miss H drank more.
That's as much as I'm doing for a Sunday afternoon. I just turned 13 and this wasn't too bad, just really confusing.

Momiji chan said...

im depressed right now and im not going to have internet in my hotel i dont think so there wont be any after 6 days at least and i love the post you posted it lightened my day thanks kathryn also if you wanna know why im depressed come over to my place trust me its a long story

kathryn said...

Heather: HA! I'm with hubby....it astounds me that 7th grade math has gotten so hard! I don't remember it being this hard!

CatandMouse: Excellent....made even moreso by the fact that you did it on a Sunday. I'm impressed!

uo-chan: You'll be okay, sweetie. You've got the trip to Japan right around the corner!

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