Kathryn has 5 windows open, with approximately 6 tabs open per window. Plus Vista’s version of Outlook Express, plus Microsoft Remote Access Email, plus 3 as-yet-untitled documents in Word.
It’s just another day…nothing to see here, people….move along.
Computer Pop-up Window: “I HAVE AN UPDATE AVAILABLE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO INSTALL IT NOW?”
Kathryn: “No. I’m busy. Can’t you tell I’m busy? Can’t you feel my lightning-fast fingers flying over your keyboard? Not now.”
Five minutes pass.
Computer Pop-up Window: “I HAVE AN URGENT UPDATE AVAILABLE! I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD UPDATE NOW. IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. TRUST ME.”
Kathryn: “Still no….still working. Stop bothering me…you’re messing with my mojo. How am I supposed to concentrate with you annoying me every ten seconds? Go away.”
Ten minutes pass.
Computer Pop-up Window: “CRITICAL REVISION PENDING! AUTOMATIC REBOOT BEGINS IN 20, 19, 18, 17…..”
Kathryn: “NO, DAMMIT! It wasn’t ‘critical’ ten minutes ago! I’ve got unsaved documents and I haven’t bookmarked half of these sites…and...wait. Why am I defending myself to you? The. Answer. Is. No. You are not the boss of me. I’ll reboot when I’m damn good and ready.”
Computer Pop-up Window: “SHALL I REMIND YOU IN A) 10 MINUTES, B) 30 MINUTES or C) 60 MINUTES?”
Kathryn: “How about ‘NEVER’? ‘Cause you’re really starting to piss me off.”
(Presses option “C”)
Ten minutes pass. Kathryn goes to the kitchen to refill her coffee. (You know what’s coming, right?)
Upon her return, she sees a blank desktop…as computer is in mid-reboot.
Kathryn: “YOU BASTARD!!!”
Upon completion of reboot, the following pop-up appears:
“BITE MY LIGHTENING-FAST PROCESSOR. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE. AND BY THE WAY, THOSE JEANS TOTALLY MAKE YOUR ASS LOOK FAT.”
I’ll be shutting down now….someone needs a serious time-out.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010