Kathryn: “You would not believe the weekend weather we had here in New York. Seriously…it was un-freakin’-believable.”
Clinton Kelly (My ever-patient IV): “Try me.”
K: (Shrugs) “Well, that’s really not fair. I mean, you live here too. The question would only be valid to someone in another part of the country…or, the world. It would therefore only be a legitimate question for say, the queen of England…
…who by the way, looks very much like my maternal grandmother. I don’t know why I never noticed this before. I’m now beginning to wonder if we could be related.”
CK: (Smiles) “You don’t think that possibly the bling may be affecting your ability to properly recognize familial similarities? It might just be wishful thinking…”
K: “Noooo. I really think I may be related to her. Give me my phone. Would she be listed under “Q”, or “E”, do you think??”
CK: (Slips cell phone into couch cushion) “Wait a minute. Who’s the other person that could legitimately inquire about our New York weekend?”
K: (Sighs) “Your attempt at distracting me is so transparent, it’s insulting, Kelly. I shall play along for the moment: I was thinking of Ah-nold..
…as those teevee ads for California tourism are starting to look better and better, given the insanely bizarre weather conditions we’ve had this weekend. Do you know we received an average of 4-6” of rain and had wind gusts averaging between 50-75mph? That’s the equivalent to a category 1 hurricane. So, we’ve left worse-than-Siberia weather and now we’re down and dirty with the tropics…but with none of the perks of sunshine, balmy temps and well, ya know, the ocean.”
K: (Confused) “And? And…what? You need more than that? That isn’t enough? I mean, granted…our biggest challenge is some major flooding, even more downed trees and as for electricity? Fuggetaboutit. Look, I realize it could be much worse but I’ve got to tell you: listening to that howling wind for close to 48 hours straight starts to get to you. Here…I recorded some of it:
CK “What am I supposed to be hearing? This doesn’t sound like much of anything- - - “
K: “Wait for it….
And for those of you who need a visual to truly appreciate the chaotic scene that accompanied this nightmarish reverberation, I’ve provided a fairly accurate depiction of our humble abode. I'll give you a moment to take it all in:”
CK: “Is this what you were working on all afternoon? I’d wondered what all the swearing, sighing and banging was about…”
K: “Well, I had to make some kind of noise to block out that infuriating howl……….”