Friday, March 19, 2010

Ashes by Now

First and foremost: I am not quitting. Or quieting…or quelling…which is defined as “to bring something to an end, usually by means of force”…but quell is also defined as “to allay a disturbing feeling or thought in a reassuring way”…so which is it, Encarta Dictionary? You’re confusing the hell out of me.


Ya know what? Never mind. I’m moving on…as in, “I’m over it” which is what I’d meant in my last post. I’d like to sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding I may have caused…but honestly, your comments were so sweet…your remarks so supportive, I’d be lying if I said you didn’t have me smiling sheepishly from ear to ear. Kind of like this:


…only minus the Christmas hat…and the blue eyes….and the lime complexion…and the fact that he was so mean and cru-el most of the time, especially to his sweet little dog. But yeah…otherwise, just like this.


As Spot so eloquently remarked, I was hurt by someone whom I thought was a friend. I was completely blindsided by it and it stung. Remember being a child and arguing with a sibling or a friend? You’d want all your other friends to “take your side”, right? “It’s their fault…you’re on my side, right?” we’d implore….eyes wide and hopeful.


I do believe you never quite lose that feeling…even into adulthood. I challenge anyone to admit to not having some small percentage of their self-worth hopelessly entwined in the perspective of another. I do believe it’s the nature of being human…like it or not, we’re going to be affected by how others view us. The trick, I suppose, is learning whether that person has earned the right to define us…and if they haven’t, then we need to be able to cut them loose.


To say buh-bye…and move on. Time has a wonderful way of helping to accomplish this…and hearing from you that I’d be missed if I’d exited Blogville does wonders for my ego. So, once again…color me grateful…and give yourselves a big ‘ole cyber-hug…’cause the feeling is oh-so-mutual...


Tonight, I’d planned on washing my hair. How 1950’s is that? “I can’t tonight…I have to wash my hair.” This was so that tomorrow morning, I can bound out of bed and drive straight to Laura’s (cavalry-sister-extraordinaire) to either chop something down, paint something, or install a new light fixture…now I can’t remember which. Connor, in response to my have-to-wash-my-hair-whine, inquired why I’d want to “waste all that time tonight, when you’re just gonna come home all dirty tomorrow”. I had no logical answer for this….and since the phrase “washing my hair” is deceitfully simplistic, given the fact that it needs to be washed, conditioned, rinsed, blown dry, straightened and curling-ironed, it took very little to convince me to stay right where I am.


Now that I think about it, I do believe I’d promised Laura we could install a light fixture where none presently exists. I’ve done this before…but not in a while. I don’t recall it being all that difficult. Yes, we’ll cut the power to the house. And dirty hair means I’ll conduct less static electricity, right??


I’m not worried. Besides, the fire department’s #2 on my speed dial. I’ll keep you posted.


“Baby, I can’t go through this again~
I don’t need to go down…more than I’ve already been~
Just like a wildfire, you’re running all over town~
As much as you’ve burned me baby, I should be ashes by now.” ~Rodney Crowell

(Love you guys)

 

Tina said...

I knew you couldn't leave us. What would we do without you?!

KellyGrrl said...

I'm definitely glad you are sticking around! :-)

Gigi said...

Oh Kathryn - (what did I miss?) Somebody hurt you - just give me the name. Come on - spill it. Cause I take sides!

Girlfriend - I got your back!

Seriously? Am soooo glad you are staying - you make me smile, laugh and think (all at the same time!) So sorry that someone stabbed you in the back - unfortunately such is the way with some humans....which pretty much makes them sub-human - so instead of letting them bring you down; feel sorry for them....

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Well if all else fails with you being an electrician you could always chalk it up to a "perm".

Anonymous said...

(((Kathy)))

Susan F said...

(((Kathy)))

I clicked on anonymous by accident.

Gay Guy said...

Oh, thank God. I couldn't take the stress. And, my BFF Clinton Kelly would be sad, too.

Krista said...

*hugs* I'm so glad to know you're not leaving us. Whoever hurt your feelings is a GIANT TURD and of course I'm on your side. :o)

I love that song Ashes By Now. It's stuck in my head now... will have to find it and listen to it, hopefully that will eject it from the replay loop. ;o)

KT said...

we love YOU Kathryn.

Collette said...

I have to admit that sometimes it does bother me what other people think. But most of the time, I just think-F it! Most of those are just jealous anyway! (((HUGS)))

Heather said...

I am soo relieved your not leaving us. I really was worried, even told hubby about it.
Now I have to retract my statement (Jumpin over the cliff) to him.

Please don't fry yourself, we just got you back. LOL!

Heather said...

Oh I forgot...You really do all that stuff to your hair? I'm a wash and go kind a gal!

Alicia said...

Well Gee Kathryn! I'm so glad we all misunderstood what you last wrote. I must admit I cried and whined to my sister that you might have quit, never to come back and I was ever so sad and heartbroken. Now I'll follow your lead and move on and enjoy my weekend.

Glad your back kiddo! Even though you never really left.

BlackLOG said...

Can I have my "sorry you’re leaving blogdom" gift and card back....

Just as well I didn't give my "The Kathryn is dead, long live the Kathryn" Speech, which would have been embarrassing. It was also lucky that the New York Times misplaced my “From the Inside out….Out” Obituary and 4 page commemorative centre spread…..Sometimes incompetence has its place

I’m not saying I was worried or anything but having been a Scout for about a week, (before being expelled for eating Rice Paper when strictly told not to). I always remember the only lesson I was taught (Other than don’t eat the rice paper) be prepared….

Angelina said...

Sending you lots of love! : )

ValleyWriter said...

It helps to hear that I am not the only one who is still bothered by what other people think. Sadly, I let it happen sometimes with people who really don't even matter. Maybe someday I'll grow out of that (hoping!).

I'm glad you're moving on from the person who hurt you - but not from us! We love you K!

Kimberly said...

I'll give you the same advice you gave me a while back ... blog for YOU. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks because they just don't matter.

Those weren't your exact words, but you get it. I know you do!

Love ya!

Sir Thomas AKA (Winters Reaper) said...

brings to mind that sone by the Ohio players "Fire"

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I've had some friends that have hurt the hell out of me; I've actually been considering doing a friendship post. I'm such a LOYAL friend that this really pisses me off, that someone did this to you to. If you want me to, I can go all girl-bitch on them. That doesn't involve physical violence, cuz I'm a pansy, but it would get the point across, if you know what I mean.
Love you Kathryn! And I'm in awe you can put in a light fixture...

Fierce said...

Ha! I'd love to color you grateful except I don't know what color 'grateful' is. Speaking of which, I think 'grateful' is the only emotion with no color that I can think of off the top of my head. We'll figure it out later. Right now we need to work on getting you NOT fried!


:)
xoxo

uo-chan said...

\./ some one upset you >.< if it was me IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY.....but if not i did mean what i said about us needing you your a role modle and frankly what would i do with out you on here id have to find another blog...THATS NOT HAPPING >.<

Tinkerschnitzel said...

I'm glad you're not leaving. :D If it makes you feel any better, I told my brother about you and your blog a while back. He asked me if I had your number! If that doesn't make you smile, then I don't know what will.

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Wait -- last time around I was caught up in the worry you were leaving. Now I'm just pissed someone hurt your feelings. Who woulda done such a thing? Well whoever it was isn't worth wasting any bit of thought over anyway. they can eat your dust, and all your fans' dust too. and that is one big dustcloud, baby!

Jerry said...

An electrician hairdresser -- will wonders ever cease?

Lauren said...

Who'm I kickin'! Forget it! I'll start kicking, you point me in the general direction. I'm a good kicker. It's a proven fact. I split my pants to prove I could kick a 6'1" guy in the head. And I could. So again! Who'm I KICKIN'!

I know I'm late... again, but I'm sorry to hear you discovered one of your friends was not worthy of you. It sucks... and I've found, that on the bright side, one less sucky, egoistic, jerk leaves space for someone truly great who appreciates you for who you are.

Blogville is on your side.

5kidswdisabilities said...

If someone says something mean, I just trash it away. The world is made up of lots of people. Many are idiots. However, for each idiot there are many other caring, interesting individuals who love our blog. Thanks for hanging in there!!!
Lindsey Petersen

Christopher said...

I found this shocking. I think you know why.

Daily Panic said...

Girl! there must be something in the air... last week was emotionally challenging for me too... everything. everything set me off... here was my panic http://adayonorbedge.blogspot.com/2010/03/freak-out.html

I'm getting to the point of getting over it- i have a few hours left in my weekend to recover... hope the upcoming week is better for you.

Spot said...

Wow. Someone listens to me. Could you explain why that's a good thing to my teens?? JK.

I got your back girl and you know it. I'll cut somebody...(okay, not really. well..hmm...I'm just gonna quit.)

cyber hugs, because I'm probably *cough* contagious,
♥Spot

Kristy said...

What?! Who the hell hurt you? I'll beat them up. I love having you around, so glad you're staying.

Lynn said...

You realize that I WAS joking when I said that Blogger was picking on only you, right? Ah, I would miss you so much if you stopped blogging. :( Don't let the minority rule. My husband is from Chicago. I'm sure he could fix you up with someone from the mob...

kathryn said...

Tina: I honestly don't know what I'd do without you guys, either. And I don't want to find out.

KellyGrrl: Thank you, sweetie. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding...I didn't mean to be so cryptic.

Gigi: Wow...talk about making me feel betta! Girl, you've got a GIFT! Can I use you if I ever need a letter of recommendation...for...anything??

kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: HA! That'll be one hell of a frizzy perm!!

Anonymous (Susan F): Sue! I KNEW it was YOU!! You are anything BUT anonymous, my friend! Thanks for the hug...

Gay Guy: Did-ya yet my tweet? I would nevah, evah want to stress out two of my favorite guys.

kathryn said...

SMOOG: Thank you, sweetie. I know you understand...thanks for being on my side! I constantly have that replay loop in my head-that's why my iPod always has to be on.

KT: The feeling is mutual, doll! I always feel like I'm coming home when I log on...

Collette: Aw! You've got the RIGHT attitude, sweetie. I need to make that my mantra....."eff-it"! ((hugs back))

kathryn said...

Heather: HA! You are so sweet. It means more than you know...seriously. I love reading your posts as well! And YES...I do ALL THAT to my hair. If I leave it alone, it's uber-frizzy. Not a good look AT ALL.

Alicia: HA! Yes, I'm back...from not leaving. Isn't that lovely? And I didn't even have to move a muscle! It's so nice to know I'd be missed, though...you've no idea!

BlackLOG: No...no take-backies. Besides, I'll be leaving Blogdom eventually. Now, what am I gonna do with the 200 issues of the NY Times I bought???

kathryn said...

Angelina: Aw. Thank you! I appreciate it...I really do!

ValleyWriter: No, you are definitely not the only one who's bothered by this stuff. What I'm grateful for is the benefit of time...which always seems to make it hurt less...and, of course, blogbuds like you, A!

Kimberly: Wow...who knew I was so wise?? Thanks for reminding me of what really matters. Sending love right back at-cha...

kathryn said...

Sir Thomas AKA (Winters Reaper): Wow...I haven't heard that song in FOREVER.

Maureen@IslandRoar: You are da BEST. You'll "go all girl-bitch" on 'em? That'd be GREAT! (You can't see the huge grin on my face) I'm a pansy, too...but I think all truly gifted writers are. Oh, and hold off on that awe...it's IN, but it's not ON. (Sigh.)

Fierce: HA! Well, maybe grateful and FRIED are both the same color. I think they're both a GOLDEN hue...like french fries...only...ya know, not as fattening. That sounds good, right?

kathryn said...

uo-chan: Aw. No worries, sweetie. I'm not going anywhere! And you didn't do a thing! Don't give it a second thought!

Tinkerschnitzel: HA! That made me laugh! I wonder if he actually visited, or just wanted my # based on your description?! I'd miss you guys too much...seriously.

Dreamfarm Girl: Aw...you give an EXCELLENT pep-talk, sweetie! I appreciate the kind words...and I honestly never meant to give the impression I was out of here. I think one person misinterpreted "I'm moving on" and it snowballed from there.

kathryn said...

Jerry: HA! Oh, riiight. I'd forgotten about my hair-cutting expertise. I've got to add that to my resume!

Lauren: Boy! You've said all the right things! I love the image of you splitting your pants, whilst kicking a guy WAY taller than you! Okay...you kick, I'll hold you UP.

5kidswdisabilities: Aw. And thank YOU for the lovely sentiment. It's that old adage of how one negative thing seems to overpower all the good...right?

kathryn said...

Christopher: (Rolls eyes) Oh, brother. I can't believe you got that in before anyone else thought of it. You slay me...

Daily Panic: Thanks, sweetie. I'm really feeling much more at peace about the whole thing....I mean, what choice do I have? The benefit of time is what did the trick. That and a whole lot of distraction! On my way to your place.

Spot: Aw. Are you still sick?? Thank you for having my back. I think we all need to know we've got some serious backup when we need it. I've also got a mailman that's kinda pissing me off. Mind taking him on as well??

kathryn said...

Kristy: Aw. I can't tell you how lovely it is to have so many people willing to commit bodily harm in my honor! I'm genuinely touched.

Lynn: Okay! You tell hubby that someday I'll be ready to "name names"...and he can "take care of things". Fuggetabout it.

Jenny said...

(((HUGS!)))

kathryn said...

Jenny: Thank you, sweetie. Right back at-cha....

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