Friday, February 19, 2010

Lost in Translation

It seems that no matter where you look lately, someone’s trying out a new angle…some new twist in an attempt to get you to part with your hard-earned dollar.

I don’t know what’s worse: the bad translation...or the 157 steps he wants me to follow before he rips me off:

Subject: Help me to study Don’t delete it please see the message

I'm not going to ask for money!
I'm a studying boy for that I want money
You don't want to give money for me
You just want to register with blow websites and get a free DEBIT CARD “Master Card”
You can use the debit card all around the world
It's not a fake web site
Please if you can register with that you can earn money also
Please thing about me like your brother and do for me
I have tow items one is debit card another one is FREE LAPTOP
1st one follow the steps
1)Go to
2)Click on "JOIN NOW" (Don't worry it's free to join.)
3)Fill the form.
4)Now you'll receive a e-mail from the site.Open ur e-mail account and verify ur e-mail address.
5)Now go to this address
6)On this page click on AFFILIATE SINGUP
7)Fill the form correctly. And log in to ur affiliate account.
8)Click " Account Information" in the upper side of the page.
9)On this page there is a link in upper side of the page called "Here is your account information. Click here to update your information. " Click on the "here" link to update ur information.
10)Scroll down to the bottom of the page. you will see a link (Payoneer: Signup to be paid by Prepaid "Master Card"® .You will be directed to a FriendFinder page hosted by Payoneer, where you can sign up for a card)
11)click on signup to paid by prepaid Mastercard.
12)Remember to fill out the forms correctly in the 1st try. Now you r have a "Master Card" can use all over the world.

If you thing I'm troubled you, sorry for the trouble

...And my speedy response:

Dear Sutharsanumhakanthan,
I am so glad you’re not going to ask for money!
So for all that hard studying, all you want from me is…money?? Well, sure! That sounds easy enough! You are correct in thinking that I don’t want to give money for you…and yet, somehow you got inside my head and knew I wanted to register with blow websites! I’ve been looking everywhere for Blow Websites!! Get out of my head!!
…And a free “Master Card”? I’m not in the least concerned that the word Mastercard is in quotations! For I think of you as my brother! My brother who would never operate a fake web site! Pish!
I have followed your detailed instructions #1 through #12…being careful to fill out the forms correctly on the first try. I am certain there is no problem with having transmitted my social security #, my bank account # and the name of my mother’s best friend’s first childhood pet. I am awaiting both the blood-drawing kit as well as the fingerprinting set and will provide both just as soon as I possibly can!
I can’t wait to get my new “Master Card” that I can use all over the world…because I am constantly bothered by all that tedious conversion to foreign currency. What a pain!!

No….thank YOU for registered!

No trouble…no trouble at all…don’t even “thing” about it….

Unknown said...

This is a great indicator of me not having a life when I am the first one to comment on a blog. I digress. Like always.

I wonder if he is related to Chaka Khanyougivememoney from Nigeria.

He keeps pestering me too. Maybe we should hook them up and they can help each other out.

Unknown said...

Okay, so you know I just HAD to click on the links. Curiosity can get the better of me sometimes. Just know that I never click on links unless they are from someone I trust. :)

"If you thing I'm troubled you, sorry for the trouble"????? Hilarious!!!

Is he related to the guy who gave me one million Euros a while back? Because I never got it. Maybe you could ask? Pretty please?


kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: Well then...we're 2 peas in a pod...'cause here I am!
Yes! Let's fix up Chaka Khanyougivememoney with Sutharsanumhakanthan...they'll live happily ever after!

Kimberly: Oh, you silly girl! God, could you imagine if I'd actually included this guy's SPAM Site?? You never got your 1 million Euros?? Unacceptable!! I'll get right on that.

Lauren said...

Oh my. Thank you for warning me. I was about to send him the money he didn't ask for. If it's all fake... I can't imagine people using education as a means of ripping others off. Mind if I steal your message next time I get messaged by a spammer?

Mattenylou said...

Have no fear, I'm sure tomorrow you'll get an email from his orphaned sister, Sashma Mashma... you know her, the one who's entire family died in that tragic plane crash and her uncle won't give her any money, so she wants to put the entire bazillion dollar inheritance in Your Bank Account, seeing as how she found you on the internet and she knows you're a fine, respected and trust worthy person and all.... right.

Tina said...

Kathryn, I thing you may have missed a great opportunity here. But not to worry, I can help you! All you have to do in order to earn lots of money, become a better person, lose weight without exercise or dieting and become famous is to follow the instructions below, nos. 1 through 1:
1. Send me your bank account number and sort code.
Congratulations! Don't you feel better already?! (I know I do..)

Anonymous said...

Wow....I feel like the odd man out here. I never get mail like that. I'm jealous. XD You must be more popular then me.

Anonymous said...

Wow....I feel like the odd man out here. I never get mail like that. I'm jealous. XD You must be more popular then me.

Jerry said...

But why do you need my bank account number?

Oh -- of course, that makes have to have someplace to send the money. That's those numbers at the bottom of my check. Right? Let's see -- 02198845. There.

You need those other four numbers too? Uh - 6647.

Why do you need my social security number?

Oh sure -- you need to verify that I am who I say I am. I appreciate that because there would be so many people that would try to rip you off. Here it is: 826-449-0112.

The deposit will be tomorrow. Wow! Thanks.

Oh yes -- it does feel good for us to help each other out. We do need more trust in the world.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Oh yeah, that was definitely one of the more convincing ones.

Spot said...

Flippin amatuers! At least I always use spell check when I'm trying to rip people off, I mean help them. And that wording...grammar much?

Wait a minute...I think that's the same guy who contacted me about the inheritence I was getting from King Naboomba of Gettheflipouttahere, a long lost relative...does this mean my inheritence isn't real??! Or just that he's putting it all on a prepaid "master card" so I can use it all over the world. Because that would be sweet!

still giggling,

Ron said...

..."I am awaiting both the blood-drawing kit as well as the fingerprinting set and will provide both just as soon as I possibly can"!...


That was FLAWLESS, Kathryn!

And BRAVA on the "thing".

It's obvious studying boy hasn't been studying very well. Perhaps he needs your money to install "spell check!"


GREAT post, my wild and crazy friend!

You always make me laugh!

Have a great a weekend!

dailyseeking said...

I would like to know how these people get my e-mail. I'm always getting hit by someone from Nigeria needing money for something.

wendy said...

Used to get that type of email all the time. So I quit using yahoo as my email. Spam ANNOYS me to no end! And I cannot tolerate the fake web sites trying to milk money from me. As if I just walk around giving out my ss# and bank account info to everyone I meet. I really like how you made the fake web site 'I am completely incapable of recognizing a scam when I see' And yet so many people fall for the crap. Sad world we live in at times.

Tom Bailey said...

"Dear Sutharsanumhakanthan"

WOW what a long name to have to spell. It made me think ... how old was this kid when they learned to spell their name?

I do often wonder how many of these things are real. I have had a few encounters with people asking for things on the interenet and really wonder... how many are real?

I liked reading your story.

Tom Bailey

kathryn said...

Lauren: I know! It's so hard to NOT want to send money to ppl who don't ask for it...right? By all means, feel free to pillage this message! Think of how confused "our brother" will be when he keeps getting the same messages back!

Mattenylou: But can we NOT want to help our poor, orphaned sister? I always thought that uncle had serious issues...I mean, the poor girl has NO-ONE but US...right??

Tina: Oh! Who knew it could be so freakin' easy? All in 1 step? So, YOU'RE the one with all the answers, huh? The secret to solving all of life's problems....

kathryn said...

Gavin: Yeah...that's it. I'm more popular than you. Uh-huh. You obviously have much better spam protection than my cable company lucky dog.

Jerry: Oh, yes....we DO need more trust. And more people JUST LIKE YOU who will do the RIGHT thing and provide these poor people (who are just trying to offer us FREE STUFF, remember) with what they need to give us their gifts of happiness...We don't wanna be ungrateful, right? Sigh...we're SO LUCKY to be on such a prestigious mailing list...

Oddyoddyo13: Totally believable, right? Doesn't it make you just wanna open up your wallet??!

kathryn said...

Spot: HA! So, you're careful with your grammar when you send out your "Spam Pleas"?? HA. Yeah...Kimberly asked me the same thing. I'm sooooo sure they're just lumping the kazillions together...ya save us the trouble of dealing with several international transfers into the bank all on one day. They're so thoughtful that way....

kathryn said...

RON! I totally agree! He can use some of my drained bank account to install a sophisticated spell-check program! It's the least I can do for my "bro"!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Hope your weekend is fabulous, my Philly friend! xoxo

kathryn said...

dailyseeking: I hear that. I often look at the list (which is NOT "BCC'd" btw) and it seems pretty random. I think either THAT, or we're on some mailing list that's being circulated all over the freakin' place!

Wendy Blum: Obviously, a LOT of ppl fall for this stuff. I guess it's all in the odds...if they send it to hundreds a day, someone's bound to click on the link. I did NOT, so it could have been a virus, for all I know. We really have to seriously beware!

Tom Bailey: I doubt many of them (if any) are real. And who has the time to even bother to check it out? The internet has become such a breeding ground for scams, it's hard to believe anything anymore. As for the kid spelling his name, I only wish he could spell anything else correctly!

Christopher said...

Obviously not an English major. Eeek.

Chrissie said...

This is hilarious! How ridiculous...

snoble24 said...

iv gotten emails like that and iv gotten a dozen of so and so died and left you a bunch of money all you need to do to get it is give this person your bank account information and ss number.yeah sure like im gonna do that. if iv never heard of so and so i dont want to get there money.of course knowing how big my family is there is a real possiblity that some of those so and sos could really be family. but not gonna take that chance. oh i had this one emailed once some dude asking for my home mailing address somebody had died and was leaving me a car or something. and im thinking um i dont know who this guy is and i dont need some perfect starnger at my house. probably some pychotic serial killer person. i swear i hate those spam emails

Tea said...

Wow!! I've never recieved anything like this! I guess I'm lucky. It makes me feel creeped out! Ewwww.

Erika said...

HAHAHAH! This is so hilarious!! I always hate getting emails like that. I love you're response; did you actually send that? If you did I'm not sure anyone would understand it because of all the correct grammar and spelling (or they might just not even open it at all...) but still... I hope you really sent it haha.

Love your blog by the way!! It's so witty, I can't stop reading it :)

ToBlog today said...

I love your response and the response of your followers. Looks like we're on to him and now he'll have to find some other way to get that money he is not asking for.

Moonrayvenne said...

I get these too, but my favorite is the checks I get through the snail mail. I keep getting real checks for around $2000-$4000 to cash in order for me to get the million dollars I have won in a lottery. The check is to cover taxes & fees. I cash the check, send them an amount less than they paid me, & they send me my million dollars! WOOHOO! Is that a great deal or what? Unfortutnately, people fall for this & don't realize that the check they cashed had no money in the account & they are charged with fraud. You really just have to use common sense these days.
Maybe we should all go to Nigeria & take our checks & "mastercard" with us! LOL

Dorothy said...

This is so true....and when they call I am borderline rude...I can't help it...

Dorothy from grammology

Anonymous said...

You really oughta thank that guy more for being so considerate to 'thing' about you with his 'blow website'. Just goes to show that a 'brother' doesn't have to be related to you to totally rip you off. A free laptop he says? How did he KNOW you've always wanted one? Dude must be psychic or something. And you know the best part? He didn't ask for money!


Alicia said...

Darn it Kathryn, I just cleaned out my spam box and I didn't even think that there might be a blog post waiting to happen in there!

Love this one! It's so relateable/relatable/re-late-able? I mean we can all relate.

Have a great week!

Runnergirl said...

I do seriously worry about the people who do get taken in by these phishing emails.

Lynn said...

I wonder if he's in kahoots with the lawyer who sent me an email that his client with my last name in Nigeria is giving me money.

Jenny said...

*big, heavy, dramatic sigh* Well, it finally happened. Sarcasm Overload. I tried Kathryn. I really did. But after reading this and the laughter subsided, the comments that flew through my head were so numerous that I just couldn't decide which one to choose. Which resulted in a very unsightly system powerdown.

You know, actually, now that I've skimmed over it again, I think I dated this guy ??? It didn't last. He was too much like a brother.

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