Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful, dark-haired maiden. She lived in an unforgiving land called “New York”…where the winters were harsh. I mean, we’re talking downright brutal, people…
One February in this desolate land, it began to snow. It snowed and it snowed and it snowed. It snowed in the morning. It snowed in the afternoon. It snowed all through the night…till the lovely maiden thought she was gonna lose her freakin’ mind.
The striking maiden wondered aloud as she listened to the howling of the arctic wind, “What has-eth I ever done-eth to deserve such crappy weather? I do believe-eth it’s probably warmer in Siberia than here……-eth…”
….and yet the snow continued to fall.
The next day, the fine-looking maiden awoke to a bright blue sky.
“Oh, sure-eth!” she exclaimed. “Clear up in time for the lads to take the yellow bus-chariot off to school and leave me with the job of shoveling out! …-eth!”
And so, the stunning maiden put on her crappiest torn jeans and twisted her handsome hair up into a messy knot and she hauled her gorgeous ass outside to shovel.
And she shoveled….and she shoveled.
Fearing a coronary (and worse: being found face down on the partially-cleared drive with decidedly bad hair), the attractive maiden said “Eff it!” and traipsed back into the house in search of her trusty camera, to record for all prosperity the serious bru-ha-ha tracks left in the middle of what-one-can-only-assume-was-the-front-lawn, before the days of endless snow and black and white turned it into a sea of sameness.
“Such odd markings in the otherwise pristine snow!” thought the striking maiden…as she wondered aloud why anything would want to frolic in such a mind-numbing, frosty place as this.
Stopping just short of stepping in it, the dazzling maiden spotted her final clue…before going completely mad…purchasing a one-way mental ticket to Kathrynville….where she lives to this day…absurdly...wickedly...happily...singing the Margaritaville song…and dreamily digging her toes deeper into the sand of insanity.