Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dig It


Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful, dark-haired maiden. She lived in an unforgiving land called “New York”…where the winters were harsh. I mean, we’re talking downright brutal, people…

One February in this desolate land, it began to snow. It snowed and it snowed and it snowed. It snowed in the morning. It snowed in the afternoon. It snowed all through the night…till the lovely maiden thought she was gonna lose her freakin’ mind.

The striking maiden wondered aloud as she listened to the howling of the arctic wind, “What has-eth I ever done-eth to deserve such crappy weather? I do believe-eth it’s probably warmer in Siberia than here……-eth…

….and yet the snow continued to fall.

The next day, the fine-looking maiden awoke to a bright blue sky.

Oh, sure-eth!” she exclaimed. “Clear up in time for the lads to take the yellow bus-chariot off to school and leave me with the job of shoveling out! …-eth!

And so, the stunning maiden put on her crappiest torn jeans and twisted her handsome hair up into a messy knot and she hauled her gorgeous ass outside to shovel.


And she shoveled….and she shoveled.

Fearing a coronary (and worse: being found face down on the partially-cleared drive with decidedly bad hair), the attractive maiden said “Eff it!” and traipsed back into the house in search of her trusty camera, to record for all prosperity the serious bru-ha-ha tracks left in the middle of what-one-can-only-assume-was-the-front-lawn, before the days of endless snow and black and white turned it into a sea of sameness.


Such odd markings in the otherwise pristine snow!” thought the striking maiden…as she wondered aloud why anything would want to frolic in such a mind-numbing, frosty place as this.


Stopping just short of stepping in it, the dazzling maiden spotted her final clue…before going completely mad…purchasing a one-way mental ticket to Kathrynville….where she lives to this day…absurdly...wickedly...happily...singing the Margaritaville song…and dreamily digging her toes deeper into the sand of insanity.


carissajaded said...

Yuck!! I thought it was bad here today, (the first big snow I've ever seen) (And by big I mean like 4 inches) (that's not what she said) I'm glad it's finally sunny!!!!!

Gavin said...

I'm getting so sick of all the snow too. I'm just lucky that the neighbor guy plows my driveway for me. XD

Gillian said...

Everyone knows I LURVE snow pix...

Jenny said...

Well, aside from this being Effeth Hilarieth, it did peak my curiosity. And in an attempt to help you through this time, I did a little google research regarding the current weather conditions in Siberia. FYI, weather.com does not know anything about any "Siberia." It does however recognize "Russia." But of course you have to know which of 17,000 cities you are looking for, all of which end with a K. I chose Novorossiysk, for it sounds especially Siberian. Join me, dear Kathryn, on the edge of your seat as I tell you the current weather in Novorossiysk, Russia is 36 degrees, whereas the temp in NY is 27 degrees.

To review: You are hilarious, it IS in fact warmer in Siberia, and I need a hobby.

Good day.

Bernadine said...

Hey Kathryn

Well I think I've got some good news. The seasons is changing cause our sun comes up bit later than usual. It usually rises at 5o'clock in the morning already but these days it rises at 6o'clock and it goes down earlier too. So your summer's on the way and our winter's on the way!! :)

Have a fab weekend!!

Collette said...

Oh, I feel for you. You have just been getting blasted over there this year. Keep your chin up! It'll be spring before you know it! (((HUGS)))

Fierce said...

Ah the B-E-A-UTIFUL maiden did (-eth?) forgeteth that her AMAZING hair which was done up in a haphazard bun wath shown in her magic image as a shadow. But the DAZZLING princess dith live happily ever after (-eth?) in yon Kathrynville where the snow doth shovel itself and the sun doth shine and warm her BLINDINGLY GLORIOUS face for all of eternity.

'Twas a beautiful tale thou didst weave, fair Kathryn. We are most grateful that thou could'st brighten our lives with the tale of the mystical princess.

:)
xoxo

jmberrygirl said...

Bless your heart!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I hear you. Shoveling....
Another time I just LOVE being a single mom.

The Shitty Astrologer said...

All kidding aside Kathyrn, don't shovel too much - you'll throw out your shoulder and possibly strain your heart. Believe me I know all about it! If it takes you 2 weeks to clear the path, then so be it but don't overdo it...

...Have a great weekend and Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!

ValleyWriter said...

Great - now I'm going to be singing "Wasting away again in Margaritaville..." all day. That's OK - I wish I WERE wasting away in Margaritaville! Enough of this white cr*p!

Allegria said...

Finally a blue sky here as well. Makes the snow sparkle. Ultra pretty. At least that's something! Your post kind of reminded me of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet going round and round trying to find the Hephalump (or was it Woozle?). Anyway. Know what I mean?

How much is it for at ticket? Definitely ready to join you in a white room. No. Scratch that. Any colour but white. ANY colour.

uo-chan said...

hahahahahahahahaha you kill me kathyren >.< i mean i did NOT exspect the random foot prints and poor you T.T having to put your hair up in a messy knot yuck XP well got a new blog of read it ^_^ thanks again for the story i quit injoyedth i shall leaveth now to my own blogth hah

Lauren said...

Oh lovely. I'm glad you survived the snowfall and the cleaning up afterward. Methinks the lovely maiden needeth a man-servant to do such tedious tasks. Might I recomend a search in the YellowPages? They have man-servants in there right? (Dang... that's in the Perfect World... not this one... my bad.)

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WannabeVirginia W. said...

Good day oh fair maiden, how doth do it.

I believeth that thoust tracketh that you seeth is Bambieth.

Ron said...

Bwhahahahahahahahaha!

OMG..who or WHAT animal left that HUGE pile of DUNK?

It's look like a herd of COWS had a pooping party!

I LOVE your waving hand in the shot!

Hey, I just heard from someone at work yesterday that we're getting MORE snow on Monday!

But I'll be sure to make certain in only stays in Philly, ok?

GREAT post, Tootsie!

Have an awesome day!

xoxoxoxoxo

Gingerella said...

Aww...hang in there, fair snow maiden! Actually, shoveling snow is an excellent way to burn calories and tone the arms. :) So you can look fabulous wearing that bikini and sarong as you lounge on the sand sipping that margarita...

TC said...

White, did you say WHITE?
Bllllleeeeckkkkkkkkkk (that's a sound of crazy disgust)
I did have deer like 10 ft from the house this morning, got video, they were hungry.

Alicia said...

I told you, you and da boys need to movie to California. It's lovely here today.

Kathryn said...

Carissajaded: Oh...that's a loaded comment. I'm not touching it! I'm sure 4" there looks very different than 4" here!

Gavin: Oh, yay for neighbor guy! How do we get him to come over this-a-way?? And whilst he's here, you and I will go snorkeling...somewhere where they've never seen snow...

Gillian: Oh, you can't POSSIBLY love THESE pics!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

You make shoveling sound like so much fun!

Kathryn said...

Jenny: OHMYGOD. You are the FREAKIN' bomb...and I loooooove you! I KNEW it! I JUST KNEW IT! Sweetie? You have Made. My. Day. Seriously!

Bernadine: Oh, yay! I know you're the one who's sending the summer light our way, so from all of us here in Siberia (er, I mean NY)...thank you!!

Collette: I hope so, sweetie! I'm tryin' to be patient...but patience is wearing THIN over here! You're in Michigan, right? Pulease tell me we haven't gotten more snow than YOU have...(sorry, dearie...)

Heather said...

That pic of the tree..did you go over o it and shake all the snow off of it? Such an odd pic.

I saw your hair in the shadow..looks like mine did, before I cut it.

Kathryn said...

Fierce: I TOLD you I'd put my HANDSOME hair up in a HAPHAZARD arrangement...didn't I...eth?? HA! I lived happily ever after? Oh, sure I did! In Kathrynville (ie: Insanityville)!!!

jmberrygirl: Aw! Thanks, sweetie! (I need all the help I can get!)

Maureen@IslandRoar: Uh-huh....I work up a good sweat doing it, though. At least I feel like I got my workout for the day..week...month!

Lily Johnson said...

Oh i am so sorry..eth about all the snow and what it is doing..eth to your mood. Here in Africa, the sun shine..eth with an intensity that can be effing frustrating..eth.
Take it easy ok?

Kathryn said...

The Shitty Astrologer: Aw...thanks sweetie! I will definitely take it slow...I don't need a recurrence of that last back injury of mine. I hope you have a great V-day as well!

ValleyWriter: Uh huh! I'd like to be "wasting away"...any place WARM! (It's been running thru my head for 2 days...sorry, sweetie!)

Allegria: Yes! Heffalumps & Woozles. God, I love Pooh. I can relate to Pooh. Yeah...we need some serious COLOR!

Kathryn said...

uo-chan: You're very welcome-eth! I had lots more fun taking the photos than I had doing the shoveling.

Lauren: Hmmm. "Man-servants...." "M"...."Managed care...management...manicures...manufactured homes...Marbledusting. (No sh!t!) Nope...no man-servants, dammit...-eth!

Claudia Lawrence: Um. Thank you?

Kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: I totally agree-eth. Did you notice Bambi's poop-eth in the snow-eth? Me think-eth it's hard to see. Eth....

Kathryn said...

RON! "Oh! Ronnie picked up on the POOP! Good boy." (That's what I just said. Out loud. Connor is very confused.) I was waving to YOU! You can keep your "effing" snow, Ron.
UNSUBSCRIBE, Bay-bee! I'm DONE. xoxo

Wendy Blum said...

What an enchanted tale Fair Maiden Kathryn. One can only be certain..eth that your boys have many fond memories of other such fairy tales from the Land of Kathrynville. You crack..eth me up, lady LOL =)

uo-chan said...

eh...he's ok but id dont care for him he's got a ego problem heh sort of like my brother hah

Anonymous said...

That snow laden, bright blue sunny day pic reminds me of asking my college class one day their earliest remembrance in making art. One student said she was "blinded by my foil project." Said student had been staring too long at her earliest creation plastered on the classroom window as the bright sun reflected off of it. Now, I feel relieved you had no similar sun-blinding incident with your snow shovel since you used it instead.

Kathryn, in your work-ethic honor, we must also take note of your trendsetting ways that can hopefully catch on in Siberia, too. May we bequeath Monday, February 15th as top-knot day?
–slt

Tom Bailey said...

This looks perfect for a snowball fight. The margaritaville song in the snow seems ideal for having a great time in the snow.

Are fans in the snow called parrotheads or something else?

Kindest regards,
Tom Bailey

Straight Guy said...

Hey K,

You get no sympathy on the snow from me. We're dealing with a record week, month, and year of snow here. I have been shoveling non stop and as one of your commenters noted, my biceps are BUFF now.

You'd think in a blizzard I'd have more time for my blog and blog friends, but it's been very busy around here.

Good to get back in touch. Be well. Watch your step. Put a blanket on Bambi next time they lay down in the snow.

Chrissy said...

Such a funny-eth post!

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Oh, my dear, you seem to have gotten less snow there than us here in Texas! We got 12 inches (Yes, that IS what she said. lol)in 24 hours. I was stuck inside until today when I had to go into work and finish stuff up. Sigh. I think I'll join you in margaritaville just as soon as everything thaws out here. eth. :)

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Oh my that is sooo much snow. It could definitely drive a person crazy, or to Margaritaville. But then, I'm easily driven to Margaritaville...
love the fairy tale!

Kathryn said...

Gingerella: Oh, you are sooooo smart-eth! Yeah...I'm gonna have serious arms when this winter is through! I'm mentally sipping that Margarita the whole time I'm shoveling!

TC: Yeah...I said WHITE. Or, shades thereof....you know what I mean. Poor Bambi...I used to throw my old bread out the back, but it just attracts stupid crows.

Alicia: Well, sweetie...as always, you were right. If you could just promise me the ground won't shake, I'm so THERE!

Kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Oh, yeah...it's a hoot and a half. NOT.

Heather: Nope...but that tree sure as hell doesn't look that way anymore! Now it's laden w/snow....again. Yeah...spiky, messy hair!

Lily Johnson: HA! So the "sun shine-eth with effing intensity-eth"? That's the opposite-eth of here. Eth.

Kathryn said...

Wendy Blum: I'm glad I crack-eth you up, m'Lady! For it's no fun if I only-eth crack up myself. Eth!

uo-chan: So, then I'm glad you punched him in the arm!

slt: HA! YES! And so...we shall proclaim...in all(eth) the land...that February 15th shall hereby be known as top-knot day...in honor of scrappy shovelers everywhere! What a memory, btw...being blinded by ones own art project!

Kathryn said...

Tom Bailey: Well, it WAS pretty heavy snow...probably the perfect snowball fight consistency....but, "fans in the snow"? I've no idea!

Straight Guy: Yeah, well...ok. So, you don't have to give me sympathy...I'll settle for empathy! As I type this, we're being socked again with another 6-8". It's like I never shoveled at all! As for Bambi? She's on her own. Circle of life and all that....

Chrissy: Thanks, sweetie-eth!

Kathryn said...

Tinkerschnitzel: Oh, sweetie! Let's get OUT of here! -Eth! Let's hit Margaritaville...for some serious NON-SNOW....(If it makes you feel any better, we're in the midst of another 8-10" as I type this.)

Dreamfarm Girl: So, join us in Margaritaville! I seriously can't take much more of this snow. (Like I really have a say in this!!)

Penny (AKA Krista) said...

Awwww....

*giggle*

Ok so I am *TRYING* to have sympathy. but I can't stop giggling.

I'm willing to bet that, by and large, your weather is worse than ours here in the Yukon.

Or... maybe you just whine more...?

LOL seriously... honey... fair maiden... not that much snow. LOL!

That said... I'm ready for stupid winter to be stupid over so that lovely spring can arrive. Let's drink to that ok? Ok... I'll start without you. Join me any time. LOL!

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