Sunday, February 14, 2010

Very Superstitious

For those of us without significant others, Happy Chinese New Year!


Naturally, this whole New Year’s thing got me thinking about superstitions…

Clinton Kelly (Pragmatic-to-a-fault IV-extraordinaire…looks up from doing paperwork): “Wait…what? Rewind, kiddo. ‘Naturally’? How so, exactly?”

Kathryn: “Easy. Chinese to Chinese food. Chinese food to fortune cookies….which aren’t really fortunes at all anymore…which, by the way is a real pet peeve of mine….’cause they should really be called ‘proverb cookies’ ‘cause they always say something like ‘Man who speaks softly and carries big stick isn’t allowed on airplane’ which, you have to admit is really stupid. I wonder if the fortune cookie industry was bought out by people who do not understand what the word ‘fortune’ actually means…you’d think they would have Googled the word before they decided to screw up an entire industry. I'm just sayin'...”

CK: (Stares) “What does this have to do with superstitions?”

K: “I’ve just told you. Weren’t you listening?”

CK: (Sighs….puts down pen.) “Evidently not. Okay…what did I miss?”

K: “Nothing. But yesterday I saw an episode of Platinum Weddings and it was raining and that got me thinking about Stevie Wonder and the new VW ad.”

CK: “Ah. Because Stevie Wonder sang the song ‘Superstitious’. I’m more than a little disturbed that I’ve made this connection so easily…you are definitely rubbing off on me.”

K: “Thank you….that means that you are a very lucky man. Do you realize how many superstitions there are out there? And how, even though we feel kind of foolish for doing it, we still don’t want to mess with Fate…or The Universe…or The Wicked Witch of the West…or whatever it is that gets us into trouble in the first place?”

CK: (Chuckles) “You mean like the way you knock on wood whenever you mention that Connor hasn’t caught his mid-winter cold yet?”

K: (Eyes wide…knocks on desk) “Uh-huh.”

CK: “Um. Technically, that’s veneer…I don’t know if that counts.”

K: (Knocks on wall) “You’re just making me tense, ya know…”

CK: “I know. That’s sheet rock, by the way. Try again…hurry up….five seconds….”

K: (Surprised) “Wait! I don’t remember there being a timing element to this. Hang on….(knocks on armoire, dresser and wooden remote-caddy…just to play it safe) Okay? Now, let’s leave da boys out of this.”

CK: “Fine with me. How about the fact that you won’t drink a martini with two olives?”

K: “Well, everyone knows that it’s gotta be one or three. I mean, two is just asking for trouble. You’re giving me goosebumps…which means someone is walking over my grave. Thanks for that. You might as well just pick up a penny that’s tail-side-up and be done with it.”

CK: “Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you scoop up a penny… regardless of its position….”

K: “That’s ‘cause I’m leaving the luck for the next guy. I'm very thoughtful that way. Besides, do you know how many germs are on currency? It’s a HOTBED. Did you know it’s bad luck to say the word ‘pig’ whilst fishing at sea?”

CK (Laughs) “You are totally making that up.”

K: (Smiles) “No, seriously. I read it on this superstition site I googled. It reminded me about the one about an itchy palm meaning you’re going to get money and that if your ears ring, it means someone’s talking about you….and that dropping silverware means that company’s coming, which explains why there’s always so many people traipsing through my house. I need to stop emptying the dishwasher…I think that from now on, you should do it.”

CK: “Why am I thinking that this was your destination all along? Typical Kathryn….starts with Chinese New Year, ends with my having a new chore…”

K: “Well, since all wishes made whilst burning onions will come true, I figure I shouldn’t have to do another chore for at least the next five years….”

Let’s hear it, readers…what are your superstitions? Are you willing to walk under a ladder? Do you freak out if you break a mirror? Bring it!


Gavin said...

I don't believe in any of that. But your post was just amusing as usual. XD I enjoy reading your posts at 12 or 1 in the morning. XD

Lauren said...

I knock on wood. I'm not overly conscious about supersitions but if someone mentions one I generally attempt to counter it. If only to amuse myself and others. As to fortune cookies, I see more than my fair share of them and you're right; a lot of them aren't fortunes at all. Although the one I will never forget getting read "You and your wife will be happy together." Nearly peed myself laughing. The cookie knew I was gay! AHHH!

Bernadine said...

Supersitions is bunch of crap. I don't believe it at all, but my mom on the other hand. Well she believes in every supersition in the book so to speak and then tells me this and that is gonna happen if you do this or that.

And that is irritating!! :)

Enjoy your Monday!!

Lots of love

From me :)

Runnergirl said...

I salute a single magpie and say "Morning Mr Magpie, how are the wife and kids?". I also make a wish on two magpies. And I make a wish whenever the clock reads something like 10:10 or 21:21 etc. The luckiest is 00:00 which I am rarely awake for!

brite said...

Opening an umbrella in the house...makes my flesh crawl.I don't know if there is any particular 'bad thing that's supposed to happen, very very bad thing.

ValleyWriter said...

My Irish (off the boat) mother was definitely into all those superstitious sayings ("fork to the floor, knock at the door;" "if your nose is itching, it means you're going to get into a fight" etc.). I do have a bit of a superstition about broken mirrors. And I find odd #s to be unlucky. I don't like them at all! I actually picked my wedding date based on its evenness (4-20-08 - beautiful!!). Strange, but hey, that's what makes us interesting!

Fierce said...

Hmmm well I'm not superstitious... at all, but I do know someone who believes that if you walk across his legs his kids are gonna look like you (or was it the other way around?). Now thst you mention that palm thing, does it count if the itching is induced by you pouring itching powder on your palm?

;)
xoxo

The Shitty Astrologer said...

My Italian mother was full of these superstitions and some of them she couldn't really explain well but she enforced them with a zeal. I couldn't even begin to tell you the origins of some of them. Like for instance, my mother would practically have a coronary every time she saw my pregnant big sister eating cherries. She couldn't explain why this was forbidden, she just "knew" that it was bad news. LoLz. But you know what? Something of it did stick with me because the stock superstitions I adhere to, like walking under a ladder and crossing the path of a black cat - to this day I won't do it and worry about it if I do. My little sister still won't walk on cracks in the sidewalk, she'll walk on the road in oncoming traffic to avoid them - this sounds like one of my mother's specials for sure.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Okay, the mirror yeah. I mean, how could you NOT get bad luck doing that??

But the ladder.....I walk under them all the time, just to freak Ed out. *innocent cough*

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Totally with you on the Knock On Wood thing. Except if there's no wood around I knock on my head. Now I've got all 3 kids doing this too. It can't Hurt, right?
And an itchy nose means you're looking for a fight.
My friend used to say if you can't remember what you were going to say "it must've been a lie," but not sure I buy that one.

Ron said...

OMG, Kathryn this is so ironic because I wrote a post WAAAAAY back sometime last year, which I have yet published about this same topic. Superstition.

My mother is SOOOOO superstitious to the point of being insane about it. One time when I when I was kid, a black cat ran across the street in front of our car and she slammed on the breaks and went completely around the block, as to not cross over it's path. I kid you not!

OMG...and don't even think of placing a new pair of shoes on the kitchen table when you're around her. She FREAKS!

Me? I'm not superstitious. However, I LOVE to read my fortune cookie whenever I eat Chinese.

FUN post, my friend!

Have an awesome day!

xoxoxoxo

Courtney said...

If I'm going through a traffic light on orange, I touch the ceiling of my car. It's something I picked up from always driving with my brother, but otherwise I'm not overly superstitious. I do occasionally knock on wood (or faux-wood surfaces) too though.

uo-chan said...

yeah i dont believe in that stuff either ha just kidding i believe theres vampires still alive and i believe in luck and i always say after i sneeze that someones talking about me heh i believe in a lot of stuff but most importantly i do believe there is a satin in the world and we all meet from time to time >.<

Alicia said...

I believe that if I leave the house without making my bed I won't make it back home.

I believe that if I don't turn all the shampoo bottles, lotion bottles, toothpaste tube, etc., all facing with their label out then I won't come back home.

I believe if the towel on my towel bar isn't hanging perfectly, I won't come back home.

I believe if all the kitchen cabinet doors aren't closed I won't come back home.

So you see, I have a lot of work to do before I can leave the house.

Actually, I guess that's not superstition, that's O.C.D.

Kathryn said...

Gavin: No?? Not even a little? I'm not really surprised...you don't seem like a superstitious kinda guy.

Lauren: HA! Well, that cookie would have meant that EVERY WOMAN is gay! Great....there's one actual freakin' FORTUNE cookie out there and THAT'S the best they could do??

Bernadine: HA! So, your mom warns you and you don't listen anyway, right? The worst things are those stupid email chain letters that say if you don't pass it on, something bad'll happen. They make me CRAZY. Hope you've enjoyed your Monday too, sweetie!

Kathryn said...

Runnergirl: Wow! Your clock reads 00:00?? (Yes, that's what hit me the most about your comment!)I've just Googled "magpie" (only for you, bay-bee!)...I don't think I've ever seen one here. If I do, I'll wish on it!

brite: Riiiight....I remember that one. Maybe it's better that we DON'T know what could happen??

ValleyWriter: Oh, God! Is THAT why my marriage ended? It was ALL odd numbers in the date! Co-incidence? I. Don't. Think. So.

Kathryn said...

Fierce:So, if you walk across someone's kids, their legs will look like you? I think I've mixed something up. Here's some itching powder...let's test your theory....

The Shitty Astrologer: HA! "Stock Superstitions??" LOVE this! I wonder if with every generation, the superstitions are dying out? It seems like our parents/grandparents worried a lot more about them than we do, right?

Oddyoddyo13: Oh, you're such a naughty girl. Now, every time something goes wrong, Ed's gonna think of YOU and that LADDER!

Maureen@IslandRoar: Or, an itchy nose can mean you're gonna kiss a FOOL. How can you NOT do the knock-on-wood thing??

Wendy Blum said...

I'm with Gavin, I don't believe in that stuff. But I am finding that since I've been reading your blog that Clinton's voice is clear in my head when I am reading his answers LOL I get the complete tone of his sarcasm! It's really kind of superstitous how you worked your blog spell on me....

Kathryn said...

RON! But...it's NOT a fortune! So, you like reading your "proverb" cookie?

I'm not at all surprised that your mom went all apeshit about the black cat....what is it about old-world Italians and their superstitions??

And you're telling me that NONE of that rubbed off on you, my friend?
How did you avoid it?? xo

Kathryn said...

Courtney: So, you're what? Half-superstitous? And your brother is the other half? Sounds like it to me!

uo-chan: Do you mean like, another dimension? I've never heard of that one about ppl talking about you after you sneeze....I thought that was when your ears ring. Must have my superstitions mixed up...

Kathryn said...

Alicia: LOL! Oh, you poor thing! Do you ever worry that you won't make it back home? I'm gonna hazard a guess and say that your mom has some superstitions? Maybe some of it is genetic!

Collette said...

Hmm. I won't walk under a ladder but if a black cat crosses my path, I consider it good luck, like Friday the 13th is good luck to me. Mt daughter was born on Friday the 13th so my superstitions are a little backwards sometimes. I do knock on wood & say "bread & butter" when I split a pole. SO I'd have to say I am a pretty superstitious person. (((HUGS)))

Chrissie said...

I don't think I'm all that superstitious. Except I really hate it when the numbers "5" and "8" are together. I can't stand the thought of it. I don't know why. They just don't seem right together. Especially when "3" is there as well. I dunno...

Pratik Gupta said...

Well I am from India and the list is countless but somehow I have managed to get myself free from all this since I believe Bad-luck is the luck for me :)so what harm a black cat crossing my path can do.

Mark Price said...

if you throw "IN BED" before or after reading your fortune cookie message it is way funnier. hmm wondering if funnier is even a real word.

~:C:~ said...

Happy belated proverb cookie day. : )

jmberrygirl said...

I'm not superstitious, but hub's whole family is! They have these crazy notions about ladders, mirrors, open/closed doors, owls and don't even get me started on the black cats!

Penny (AKA Krista) said...

I'm not superstitious *at all*... but I love the fortune cookies. You know you're supposed to add "in bed" at the end of the fortune, right? ;o)

Kathryn said...

Wendy Blum: HA! Then I have succeeded in conveying the voice in my head! I TOTALLY hear his remarks...and I simply type them in. Scary, right??

Collette: Well then, of course Friday the 13th would be excellent luck! It's stupid anyway...so ppl are supposed to hide under their beds everytime the day/date comes up? Okay, stupid question: What's "splitting a pole"? I've no idea!

Chrissie: Huh. So, no #58 or #85? Maybe there's a childhood trauma in there from kindergarten...

Kathryn said...

Pratik Gupta: So, you're just expecting bad luck, regardless? Well, that's just not right! I hope you've exceeded your expectations in life....

Mark Price: Hey bud! That's 'cause you're a GUY. The mention of bodily functions will have the same effect, no doubt. Why? Who says "funnier" isn't a word??

~:C:~ Hey, sweetie! How've you been?? Happy belated proverb cookie day to you, too! (Thanks for actually "getting" that!)

Kathryn said...

jmberrygirl: Really? Open/closed doors? I don't think I've heard that one. Is hubby superstitious? Or did the "craziness" stop with him??

SMOOG: You and Mark! What's up with the "in bed" thing...and why wasn't I notified of this? I was not aware....but I am now. So, here's the fortune that's taped to my wall: "No profit grows where there is no pleasure to be had in bed." Well, that's MUCH BETTER!!

Jerry said...

I don't know if this qualifies or not...but when we were chasing an ambulance with my father in it to the hospital, suddenly the clouds parted and a shaft of light blazed through to the ground. My six year old daughter was with me at the time, and she exclaimed, "Grandpa's dead. When God sends light through the clouds like that it means he is celebrating a new member to heaven."

True, he had died before reaching the hospital.

To this day whenever I see sun rays piercing though the clouds, I automatically think the God is celebrating again.

Jenny said...

I am a wood knocking fool yo. (Is that a dirty thing to say? I think it might be dirty.) On the rare occasion that I am in one, I do hold my breath while going through a tunnel. More for the entertainment of it than the superstition, but hey, one can never be too careful. I make a wish at 11:11, and I NEVER step on a crack. EVER. And you know what? Mama's back is just fine, thank you.

Krista said...

LOL Kathryn... I don't even remember when I learned about the "in bed" thing... it's just been something I've always done. Even when I was too young to really get it... which is funny now that I think about it!

snoble24 said...

i do the knock on wood thing or knock on whatever there is to knock on thing.i dont walk under ladders cuse im afraid they'll co laps and fall on me. im not worried about the black cat thing though since we own one

Allegria said...

When I remember, I lift up my feet when passing a cemetery. Why? Don't know. It was just something we did as kids.

Unfortunately, this town is full of HUGE cemeteries. I should probably start lifting my feet on a more regular basis. Probably be really good for my leg muscles.

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