Monday, February 1, 2010

Ice Breaker


What do you suppose this could be? Seriously….is this a large Cat-in-the-Hat….hat?





Is it a very large, (very ugly) push pin?? No?





Perhaps it's a very large (very ugly) canned light fixture? Hmmmmmm?

NO! It is NONE of the above! It is…..(wait for it)…..




the highway department’s way of informing me that the front of my house is now officially a danger to the general public.




And subsequently, this also means it’s a hazard to my own personal safety…as that’s my little ‘ole mailbox there on the right.




Please draw your attention to the footprints in the snow. These were not made by some sweet, innocent child…drawn to the temptation of hearing that familiar crunch of newly fallen snow under his feet.

Nosireebob.

These are the footprints of da boys going off to meet the 7am school bus…and realizing if they didn’t take the snowy-front-lawn-route, they’d have to navigate this:




What? You want to know WHY there’s a photo of a frozen stream in the middle of my post?

That’s no stream. THAT’S MY DRIVEWAY. Here’s the end, where it meets the street:


That’s solid ice, people…..I’m gonna say about 3” thick. That meager brown smattering is my paltry attempt at sanding said iceburg, formerly-known-as-said-driveway.

What do you suppose the odds are that I’ll be able to stop my motor vehicle at the end of said ice-way? Anyone care to place a wager?

What is my life worth these days, anyway?? Anyone?

We’re getting hungry….please send supplies. In lieu of food, please send wine. And a large donation to pay for the snow sled we’ll need to rent to get down the road.


I hereby declare myself unlimited whining rights for the remainder of this season-formerly-known-as.....well, you know.

Is it spring yet??


Sparky said...

Holy Fuck! Thats not a drive way, thats your very own ice rink!


Hey! Maybe you can charge people to use it? hahaha

As always your blog rocks!

Sparky

Runnergirl said...

Could you make some sort of sled out of items in your house? Maybe get Metro to pull you out?

Tina said...

Can you drive out onto the snowy lawn? Can't get the supplies of wine to you and it would be a shame to let them go to waste...

Gillian said...

hysterical!

Fierce said...

Any one who visits you now probably doesn't care about your predicament, they just wanna skate. I agree with sparky, charge people for it. We'll even let you say it was your very own Kath-piphany (Kathryn epiphany is a bit of a mouthful). You won't have to worry about a lawsuit... as long as we get our cut that is.

:)
xoxo

Gigi said...

Oh my hell! After seeing your pictures - I'll quit whining about our weather (for a little while anyway....)

Lauren said...

Wow. The hell kind of weather you been having down there! You need Inspector Gadget's spikey snow tires for that one. Are there fish?

Elfie said...

That is absolutely hilarious. Have you tried sliding down it on some form of a sled?

Mattenylou said...

Great photos! Maybe you could turn it into some sort of amusement ride for daredevils. I heard Punxatawney Phil just saw his shadow... fear not, it will be gone in six weeks!

ValleyWriter said...

Yikes! That's just crazy. Hopefully we get a warm up here soon (though Phil doesn't seem to think so...)

JD at I Do Things said...

Geez. And I thought I had it bad -- having to shovel half an inch of snow off my car -- and maybe getting the bottoms of my pants a little wet.

Poor Kathryn and Family! What will become of them????

Spot said...

Wow. That looks like fun!! I hope that's not a super busy road in front of your house. We used to live in a house that did this, but it was on a side street with little traffic, so we'd sled down the driveway, across the street and into the church parking lot!!

I tried to send you a glass of wine but it keeps leaking out the envelope. So sorry!

♥Spot

WannabeVirginia W. said...

It looked like a candle at first.

Great skating or tobogganing (sledding) you have there. Ooohhh its a driveway.

jmberrygirl said...

Wow. Good luck with that. One of many good things about the south--not so much snow and ice to make winter dreary. Just gray skies, damp air and grouchy inmates, er, spouses. Bless Hubby's heart... I'm ready for spring, too.

Ron said...

OMG...I almost DIED at your mention of the Cat in the Hat because that's EXACTLY what it looked like! That was hysterical!

Holy cow, Kathryn...I'm dying over here discovering that that is your driveway and NOT a lake!@??#

Well...the only thing I can suggest is perhaps getting a pair of ice skates and doing a few figure 8's like Peggy Flemming and posting a sign that says..

I skate for FOOD or WINE

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

GREAT post, my friend!

Don't worry, Spring is almost here. Well...almost.

xoxoxoxoxoo

lifelove'n'wine said...

Oh my gosh, Kathryn! That looks terrible. I HATE ice. Geoff makes fun of me because I take teensytinylittle baby steps when we have to walk on it. I hope you survive the winter!

Also, I was going to send wine...but then I drank it. Sorry!

TC said...

If you could block off traffic on the street you could sled down the driveway and charge for it? Looks fun. Anything else, I think you need airlifts. You can whine ALL you want.

saku chan said...

think of it as a winter ending to rember ^___________^ i mean it couldnt get any worse wright ?

The Shitty Astrologer said...

That groundhog has no mercy eh? (BTW, love your blog)...

f8hasit said...

Mathmatically, if you put on yor brakes at the top of your drive, turn the wheel 23.2 degrees to the left and you should STILL manage to slide into the intersection and get hit by the maintenance truck.

Just pack yourself in bubble wrap so you survive the impact and live to buy yourself a new car!
:-)

KLM said...

OMG I would have to say you are now housebound until spring cause that looks like it may never melt on its own or a dumptruck loaded with sand comes and bails you out!

Anonymous said...

That ice slab is three inches thick? You can chunk it up and build an igloo...then win a beauty contest, become a governor, and run for VP. Then lose, quit, wear that free orange hat at the end of your runway, and ask for more wine online.

You have my vote; a case is on its way :-) -slt

Carol said...

Forget food, you were right about the wine though. Ahhh the joys of winter. I remember the winter of my daughters infancy having to chip the ice off the car so I could get the doors open, while she sat in her car seat in the freezing cold, screaming like a banshee. Sunny California anyone?

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Okay, wow. That is literally scary. How bout I sneak you some of the wine leftover from New Years? There's still a ton of it. Will send a package of Oreos as well! Never fear Kathryn, we have enough food to last you through the winter. I think.

Kristen @ Motherese said...

I hear they're having trouble producing enough snow and ice for the winter Olympics - maybe you could rent them some space in your front yard?

Jerry said...

...and I was just complaining about suffering through rain and 50-degrees here. Now I'll shut up.

But don't you shut up -- you're just too fascinating.

carissajaded said...

HAHAHA in leu of food, please send wine. I love you so much Kathryn. And holy crappola batman... I don't think I could live there. I was planning on surprising you and being your weird new friend that wouldn't leave.... but I don't think i could deal with that ice!

jh said...

Mother Nature can be so cruel dahling!

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Too bad they didn't put one of those wood horses with the blinking lights on them. I had one of those lights once. They only blink when it's dark. It made a great night light!

Picture Imperfect said...

LOL whine away punkin.

I am joining you in wishing for spring. I HATE ice and I HATE w...

win...

this fucking season!!!

*ahem* sorry. ;o)

Kathryn said...

Sparky: Thank you for the compliment! And for the great idea of charging for use of my newly formed "rink". That'll be $7 for the first hour...no shoving, please!

Runnergirl: HA! Yeah....Metro could pass for a sled-dog...like the one from the Grinch...that jumped on and became a passenger?!

Tina: So, drink up...my friend! Nope, no way to drive on the lawn...I've got a 6' fence on the right (going down) and a 1' rock wall on the left. I'm TRAPPED!

Kathryn said...

Gillian: Yeah....easy for YOU go say!

Fierce: HA! I could put a "Skate at your own risk" sign on the fence and on the mailbox! That should cover it!

Gigi: HA! I still can't get over how treacherous it is! Makes me cold just looking at it!

Lauren: See? You guys think that just because you're north of us that you've got it worse?? THIS is what I've been trying to tell you!!

Kathryn said...

Elfie: HA! Well, I would (Slide down on a sled) but the end meets a rather busy road....you can see how this could present a problem)...

Mattenylou: HA! I'd like to see Punxatawney Phil cross my freakin' driveway! Now THAT would make a great photo, eh?

ValleyWriter: Yeah...what a HUGE surprise....6 more weeks. Who would have seen that coming??

Kathryn said...

JD at I Do Things: We. Shall. Survive. Somehow. But you, JD?? WhatEVER shall we do about those damp pant-bottoms?? Hmmmmm??

Spot: Aw....I was afraid of that. They just don't make wine-proof envelopes like they used to. I DO hope you held your MOUTH underneath the leakage, sweetie! And YES...busy street!

WannabeVirginiaW: HA! Yeah...if only I didn't have that damned busy road at the bottom...it'd be an Olympic Louvre run!

Kathryn said...

Jmberrygirl: Yeah...winter is still winter....regardless whether you get snow or not. I still think it's crappy. We need spring....bad!

RON! Nooooo....you LIE. Spring is NOT almost here...not even CLOSE. Each day, it warms just enough to begin to melt my lake formerly known as my driveway and then at night it freezes up again. All new and shiny and treacherous. Spring could not come soon enough! xoxo

lifelove'n'wine: Ah. I do believe a lot of ppl have gotten hammered on wine that was supposed to come to ME! That's okay, sweetie! I take little-old-lady steps on ice as well!

Kathryn said...

TC: Thank you for the "whine permission". It's important to have those rights...don't you think? I do!

saku chan: Oh, honey...it can ALWAYS get worse! Trust me!

The Shitty Astrologer: Nah...I HATE that stupid groundhog! He never says what I want to hear! Thanks for the kudos...and welcome! Hope you visit again!

Kathryn said...

f8hasit: I've called my friend the physicist and of course, your calculations are correct. He suggests you supply me with a lovely bottle of wine to aid in my recovery after impact.

KLM: YES! I could love that dump truck, please! When the cone showed up, I was SURE the truck was right behind!

Anonymous: OH, YAY! And what a FABULOUS story....what a CRAZY imagination you have, Anonymous!! Loving the happy ending, btw!

Kathryn said...

Carol: Oh, how lovely that sounds....screaming, frozen bambino and the happy sound of scraping ice. Margarita AND Sunny California, anyone??

Oddyoddyo13: HA! I'll probably get a note that the postman ate the Oreos...I've had a lot of mailed wine go missing as well! (Sigh....) Somehow, we'll survive!
Thanks for the thought, sweetie!

Kristen @ Motherese: Oh, there you go! I like THAT idea LOT! I wonder how much I could charge???...

Me, Myself and Her said...

Feel your pain! We got a mother of a snow storm beginning on Friday. Our driveway was snowed in and to top it off, my husband's 4wheel drive that we paid $350 to have fixed, wasn't fixed. We got home from grocery shopping Friday evening and tried to back into our drive only to have the truck get stuck in the drifts. And that's when we discovered the 4wheel drive was M.I.A. Saturday morning my husband and son tried to shovel out the drive that had in some areas 4ft. drifts. Thank goodness one of my hubby's friends has a plow and came in to help. And one of our neighbors pitched in til the plow could get here. What made it more frustrating, was the City Crew that plowed snow into our driveway as they were passing by AFTER seeing that my husband and neighbor had made a decent dent in their shoveling endeavors to make it so close to the street!! Winter SUCKS!! Thank the Lord we only have March left to contend with!

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