Sunday, February 7, 2010

Aw, Punxsutawney....

....Why hast thou forsaken us?

It went down like this:

One deeply slumbering marmot (AKA Punxsutawney Phil) was summarily (and somewhat violently, according to an un-named source close to the Punx family) forced to abandon his warm, comfy bed with the fluffy, triple-layer down comforter...complete with Sunbeam electric blanket in a perfect shade of chocolate that complimented the silky soft fur of said Phil, by a select group of handlers...wearing top hats (AKA The Inner Circle) who then snootily proclaimed that they would return him to his dormancy only subsequent to his posing for the paparazzi and predicting the weather for the next six weeks. Da nerve!

A reporter nearby quotes Phil as having said “I don’t give a freakin’ crap about the weather! I was sleeping. Show a little respect. I can’t believe you could even find me under all this crappy snow....”

The official transcript however, has Phil announcing “A bright sky above me showed my shadow beside me. So six more weeks of winter it will be. Now, put me back…or I’ll have my cousin Guido pay you a visit you’ll not soon forget. Don’t let the double-insulated door hit you on the way out.”

Meanwhile, in New York…Mayor Bloomberg was attempting to lure Wackadoodle Waldo (AKA Wayne-the-Brain-Woodchuck, of the notorious New Yawk Woodchuck gang…arch rivals of the Punxsutawneys) out of his shelter at the city zoo.

Upon hearing that his nemesis had seen his shadow and therefore predicted 6 more weeks of winter, Waldo was overheard to say “Spring’s right around da corner. Who are you gonna listen to? That putz…or me? Fuggetaboutit. Somebody get me a hotdog wit some kraut and a bagel with a schmear, pronto. I'm starving here!”

In Punxsutawney, the Inner Circle scornfully dismissed Bloomberg’s photo opportunity…disdainfully announcing “Our Phil is the only true weather forecasting groundhog. The others are just impostors.”

The group in New York City, donning Gianni Manzoni suits with cashmere overcoats (and not a top hat in sight) could not be reached for comment as they had 2:00 lunch reservations at db Bistro, to be immediately followed by orchestra seats for Billy Elliot.



This reporter swears she overheard Waldo speed-dialing Phil and pronouncing, “Don’t make me come down there, stupido…”

Now, who are you gonna believe?


Gavin said...

"Now, who are you gonna believe?"

Haha...no one. Until I see the snow melting and the temperature warming up. XD

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Huh.
Well, for your sake and the rest of those in New York, I hope that Phil is wrong. Sounds like Ground Hog Day wasn't your favorite one on the calendar!

Lauren said...

Wiarton Willy? He's our Ontario equivalent. Should I not have mentioned that? While I'm a non-believer I would hate for Willy to get whacked. Lord knows he only just escaped whack-a-mole. Although... he too predicted more winter... so maybe... Hehe! Funny post!

Alicia said...

You know what I realize in reading this? That we on the west coast don't have anyone to predict our weather! That's just not right. Let's see, we could have one of the California Happy Cows with huge implants and botoxed lips come out of the barn and if she sees a movie star then we get 6 more hours of winter, since we only get about 30 hours a year anyway. Now I just need a cute name for the California Happy Cow. Maybe Palm-tree Petunia? Hollywood Hallie? Earthquake Ethel?
Hmmmm, I'll let you know.

Bernadine said...

Hi Kathryn

Funny how different the seasons can be when living in two different countries. Here in SA we are literally dying of the heat. I have a headache almost every day these days, but when the winter come I'll be moaning more so I must actually enjoy summer while it's still here. :)

You must enjoy your Monday!!!

Jenny said...

Okay, well, I know I'm braving the possibility of a mob riot over here by saying this, but I've gotta go with Punxy on this one. Don't hit me! I know! You guys are up there all miserable in your coldness, but dangit, I LOVE me some cold weather! I just do! I'm a southern girl though so I understand winter for me is NOT winter for you. But ugh, the hot is just so UGH. It makes me grumpy. I'm so much nicer when the weather is cooler.

Maybe what we need is a northern hog and a southern hog? You can keep the guidos, and I will look into finding a redneck and/or cajun hog. I think this is a healthy compromise.

Fierce said...

Ummmm... I'm gonna go with... Punx... no?... Waldo then... still no?... Ummm... There's too many choices!! What do you want from me??!! *runs around in a circle and holds head*.

Ya know what? I'm gonna believe neither and just wait until I see me some spring. In your faces, Punx and Wald!

:p
xoxo

ValleyWriter said...

I'm going with Wacky Waldo. I need some warmer weather!!
On a somewhat (though barely) related note, ever wonder what the heck is up with those weather guys cheerily announcing that the high today will be 28? 28?!?!? That's not a high!! (Unless, maybe, you ARE high.. which would explain the ridiculous cheeriness at 6:30 in the morning...)

Allegria said...

Hmn, I'm afraid I'll have to go with Phil. He predicted more winter on Monday, by Saturday morning, we had almost 3 feet of snow. The proof is in the puding, I say!

Gingerella said...

I *want* to believe Waldo...but methinks dear Phil is right....

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Well, if spring doesn't get here fast, I know a couple of groundhogs who are going to be some nice fuzzy slippers. :D

Spot said...

Well, as I look out my window at the rapidly accumulating snow...I'm gonna have to go with the six more weeks of winter. However, I would love to be wrong. Lol.

♥Spot

dailyseeking said...

The Georgia groundhog predicted spring would arrive 6 weeks early! I'll take that one!

The Shitty Astrologer said...

I would have been curious to see if PETA'S proposed "mechanical groundhog" would have been a hit with the masses. Our Ontario "Wiarton Willy" was also in no mood for Spring this year, but at least PETA didn't threaten to replace him with a machine!

TC said...

I will always wonder what Waldo is predicting now... I think Phil was right though, how's your driveway? Mine is impassable sort of.

Ron said...

OMG...what a hysterical post!

The photos of the cute little groudhogs are ADORABLE! Especially the one in the NY baseball cap!

Go, YANKEES!

I know you're just dying for Spring, my friend! And just think...six weeks sounds a lot less saying "a month and a half."

However, April can have some pretty freakish weather. I remember it SNOWING on Easter.

oooops, sorry....didn't mean to be a kill-joy!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA!

FABU post, Kathryn!

Happy Monday!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I'd be grateful for 6 more weeks; we're in for more than that I'm sure!
And didn't Bloomberg get bitten last year by his NY groundhog??? That can't be good luck.

Carol said...

That Phil, he's a fraud. I mean seriously, how long do freaking groundhogs live? Let someone else predict the weather. I choose that little cutie in the ball cap who says spring is on it's way!

Lily Johnson said...

OMG!! The pictures are just so.....hahahahaa. The baseball cap looks so cool on him but he looks like he doesn't understand why he should be wearing it in the first place.
I had fun reading this Kat.

Paul said...

a hip hop rodent, I always knew everything in the NYC has swagger

Anonymous said...

I'm gonna go with the kraut-eating New Yorker 'hog. He has a trust-worthy face.

uo-chan said...

huh?!....im gonna have to with fierce O.O i dont understand this *hids in a corner and rocks band in forth* haha not really but thats what my mind is doing right now and thanks for answering the question i had now i know im not going crazy but im still having nightmares every once in awhile

Heather said...

Too funny! I try knot to believe either. I want to be surprised!

Jerry said...

The comments to your commentary are almost as nifty as your commentary. Almost.

Kathryn said...

Gavin: HA. I'm with you, bud....who came up with this stupid tradition anyway??

Oddyoddyo13: No, sweetie...I'm not a big fan. It doesn't seem to matter what that groundhog says anyway...winter just goes on and on.

Lauren: I say let's just whack 'em all. The whole idea is preposterous, anyway...and we're waaay to smart for that. Right?

Kathryn said...

Alicia: EARTHQUAKE ETHEL!!! HA! This was hilarious, sweetie! Those California Happy Cows sure are peppy, aren't they? They wouldn't be so happy if they were utter-deep in SNOW!

Bernadine: Aw...heat headaches are NO FUN. I wish I could switch with you, sweetie....give both of us a much-needed break.

Jenny: HA! OR.....(here's a thought)...YOU could take some of this freakin' snow and these teen-degrees OFF OUR HANDS! I mean, it seems like a SHAME for us to HOG it, when SOME of us don't even WANT it. I'm just saying...

Kathryn said...

Fierce: I couldn't agree more! We'll let the two Groundhog families duke it out...not that it'll matter much to us anyway...

ValleyWriter: I know....I'm sure these weather guys are thrilled that all the attention is on the stupid weather. Grrrr....

Allegria: I know...and aren't you just OVER it, already? I know I am...

Kathryn said...

Gingerella: I know just how you feel, sweetie. I fear that believing the groundhog is like believing the weatherman...ya takes ya chances!

Tinkerschnitzel: HA! This was hilarious!! I hope they hear you LOUD and CLEAR!

Spot: I hear that. You're getting pounded too, I guess. I am SO OVER this winter...it's taking forever!

daily seeking: Oh, sure! In GEORGIA spring'll come early! How come they get their own groundhog??

Kathryn said...

The Shitty Astrologer: HA! You're the 2nd Canadian to alert me to Wharton Willy...hilarious! I'd no idea there were so many groundhogs!

TC: I'm sure Waldo is flattered. My driveway WAS pretty much an ice-skating rink...now it's got another ten inches of snow. UGH.

Kathryn said...

RON! Thanks, sweetie! Yeah, I couldn't resist putting the Yankees hat on our New York friend Waldo...!

SNOW on EASTER? Are ya trying to KILL me, Ronnie??

It's never gonna stop snowing, is it???

xoxo

Wendy Blum said...

The Yankees ball cap was a nice addition to Waldo's pic =) I'm with Gavin, I won't believe anyone or anything including a groundhog, no matter how cute you made him look, that the snow is going away til I see April on my calendar and the snow melting with patches of green grass peeking from underneath. Having said that, you are so talented! I LOVE what you do with your blogs. Maybe once I get my writer's zing back, you'll be able to read one of my blogs...Think SPRING =)

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