Monday, January 25, 2010

Random? I'll Show You Random.

In a last-ditch effort to remove the 72 Post-its that have accumulated from my car, I’m going to have to go totally random on you.

Okay. STOP rolling your eyes at me. I am NOT usually random from the very BEGINNING. It is usually a gentle, rolling kind of random…like a butterfly-filled, daisies-blowing-in-the-breeze, hillside-on-a-beautiful-summer-day kinda random. Today’s will be more like a *SPLAT!*, pie-in-the-face kinda random.

You’ll be fine. Just keep you arms inside the vehicle at all times.

What’s the deal with these guys who leave these blanket general comments on your site and then expect you to visit theirs? Example: Comment left by Roger Sherbert: “Your post has brought up many interesting and thought-provoking arguments. I have enjoyed it very much. Visit my blog at
www.RogerSherbertIsProbablyASpammer.com” So, I head over to Roger’s place and leave the following comment: “Wow, Rog. Who knew that wearing neon-green leg warmers to a Nascar event would cause such a stir? I hope that scene when you were chased across the track while you screamed like a little girl doesn’t accidentally make it onto YouTube. I’d like my headband back, when you get a chance. Great post!”


How many different kinds of salt do they sell for water softeners? You would think just ONE, right? Well, you would be wrong. I made a last-minute (tires screeching) pit stop into a hardware store to pick up more bags of salt. I walk in and tell the lady behind the counter that I need some salt for my water-softener-thingie.
She responds with, “What size?”
Me: “I don’t know. The regular size. Not too big…on the smaller side, but still pretty heavy. It’s been a while since I’ve bought any.”
Hardware Store Lady: “Uh huh. What kind?”
Me: “Uh.”
HSL: “What color bag?”
Me: “Um. Green?”
HSL: “There is no green.”
Kathryn’s eyes dart this way & that…looking for the hidden camera. “Blue?”
HSL: “How many bags do you want?”
I figured from here, I was golden. I paid and drove around back to have the burly hardware guy load ‘em into my trunk.
Me: “That’s not the bag I usually get.”
He: “Do you get the pellets or the crystals?”
Me: “I don’t know what they’re called! They’re about thiiiis big (tries to scrunch pointer finger and thumb to resemble a gnarly-shaped, Styrofoam-peanut kinda shape)
He: “Ah. That would be your pellets. She charged you for the wrong one.”
**Now, I’m sure to remember for next time. I’ll just remember Pellets=Crap.**

The other day, I had 5 stops to make: Staples, gas, vet, food and wine. “S,G,V,F,W.”
How am I going to remember this? Ah! I’ll use Mom’s handy-dandy remembering-trick: I’ll assign a word for each letter and fashion some easy-to-remember phrase!

“Some Goon Voted For Wilma.” “Sweet God! Veronica Forgot Whiskey!” “So, Gordon Visited Fiona’s Wallpaper.” “Spit Gobs Vary From Whittling.” I gave up after that.

One more pink Post-it: My neck and shoulders tend to get stiff from sitting in front of laptop for hours at a time. If Taylor’s around, he’ll sometimes spontaneously give me a neck massage…which is THE MOST PAINFUL, EXCRUCIATING, AGONIZING, JAW-CLENCHING massage you’ve ever felt. (I do believe it’s all those video games he plays…it’s made his hands powerful, deadly weapons of destruction.) I bite back the shrieks of pain as he kneads the hell out of what is left of the tendons in my neck and shoulders and through gritted teeth I exclaim, “Wazzn’t dat nize? Tanks zo mush, honey”….as I feel the burn radiating down both arms. It’s probably the nicest, most crippling moment we spend together these days.

Okay. I’m done. That wasn’t so bad…now was it?


Jerry said...

Your post has brought up many interesting and thought-provoking arguments. Nah! Not really. I couldn't find one interesting or thought provoking argument in there...in fact, I couldn't find an argument at all.

Instead I got a hilarious glimpse into the mind...no, the soul...nope...aha -- the Post-it notations of...of...well, you. (I know, that came off kinda' lame.)

You are a joy.

Kathryn said...

Jerry: That's the 2nd time today you've elicited a belly laugh from me..actually, it was probably more like a bark, but you get my drift. Glad you're here!

TC said...

green leg warmers, a thought provoking post, many good arguments.
Do you get an electric tinge sometimes when you sit @ the computer? I don't mean FROM the computer, like when you stand up and reach? OK I'm weird.

Lauren said...

I had post-its at one point... then they fell down. God knows what I'm supposed the remember. Oh well, if I don't get yelled at it wasn't important. YAY FOR RANDOM! Tuna Fish!

saku chan said...

ummmm hmm ?.... uh dont know what to say to that but im killer at my txting on my phone i can type a sentence in a minute if im not doing stuff like school yay for that the fact i dont have school and isnt someone suppossed to be studying instead of playing video games that sounds fishy to me but eh what do i care i live with animals litarully they eat all the food this weekend we had to eat pizza because there wasnt anything else in the household haha

carissajaded said...

Oooh the blanket comments really get on my nerves. I never know if I should even waste my time visiting their site, thinking they may be sincere... and if I do if I should comment back. I think I'm going to take your lead for now on and just respond in a tacky manner. And for the record, I have no idea what kind of water softening thing you are talking about. I guess that's just further proof of my lack of domestic knowledge. Oh well... And I fear that I give those type of crippling back massages. I think they are good, and some people tell me they are, but recently I was giving one and noticed a grimmace on the guy's face, and now I'm not so sure now. Oh well to that too.

Bernadine said...

Hi

Luckily I haven't received any blanket comments as of yet....
But I did see one on Gavin's blog. It just said invitation: something like check out my blog or something like that. So... nosey me went over to this guy's blog and there was just these pictures... just pictures... It didn't impress me so I went out.

I actually like it when people write their minds in their blogs.

Ok enough said.

Enjoy your Tuesday!!!

Tina said...

I'm really annoyed I got here too late to do the 'brought up many interesting and thought provoking argument' thing first! Anyway, love 'Sweet God! Veronica forgot whiskey' and you can be as random as you like and still entertain our socks off!

Runnergirl said...

HILARIOUS as ever! I often have a lot of random thoughts, but I just forget them when it comes to blogging time!

Thanks for cheering up my day!

f8hasit said...

Loved your post! It was so thought provoking and insightful!
:-)

I really love the way you remember your stops to make. That cracks me up. I'd end up remembering that Gordon visits Fionas wallpaper and forget what they stand for. Except the wine of course, no one forgets the wine.

Fierce said...

Whar's-his-face is right, you DO invoke memories and interesting arguments, just not YOU personally. That comment was probably meant for the blogger over at "invoked memories and other interesting arguments".#

At least Taylor bothers with a massage, I have a crick in my neck from stress and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Then again, I suppose I'll take ball-o-tension over hands-o-horror any day, no matter how mouth-watering the owner of the hands is, or maybe I could make an exception for some major hotness... Nah! I want to live to see tomorrow.

:)
xoxo

Jen said...

Random is good sometimes. I too do not understand the comments for the sake of commenting. Spam at its best. In the interest of randomness I am attempting to comment using my iPhone as we are on holiday. This is not the most ideal way to comment. Talk about involved, but, hey, I'm on vacation and don't have anything else to do.

KT said...

pretty bad. pretty random, but VERY entertaining. Good stuff, Kathryn...very thought-provoking.
Check out my site:......jajajajaja. Sorry, had to. =P

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Love the randomness. I understand random. I speak random. I do random. I am Virginia and I am a random.

Paul Wynn said...

LOL, I hate people who post comments like that too but to call them out is gangsta Kathryn! Who's to say video games is bad and unproductive when Kathryn gets a nice backrub by a gamer.. I am now going to put this on my match.com profile.

ValleyWriter said...

Sounds like my hubby must've given your son massage lessons! :-P Oh well - it's the thought that counts, right?

As for random comments, every day I get a message on the same old post (reviewing turkey breast - woo fr'kn who) in Japanese. Every day I reject the comment. And the next day, it's back. Who knew the Japanese were so obsessed with turkey breast??

Spot said...

Thank you for solving the mystery of why Sean's hands are so freakishly strong. I don't think he'd give me a backrub if I begged. I could send you Lu though, she's very good.

Loved the in-your-face randomness of today's post. Don't forget the whiskey! I mean wine.

♥Spot

jmberrygirl said...

My latest post-it: (in my mind, of course, since I can never remember to pick up the post-its at the store) Dog to vet on Monday, walk 30 mins with Tiff, prepare dinner. I got none of that done. So imagine a line thru Monday and the letters TUS. Which might mean today.

Tinkerschnitzel said...

I love your randomness. I don't feel so bad about mine. :)

Ron said...

Ok...I had to laugh at the first one about leaving blanket comments on your blog. I can't tell you how much that annoys me. Yes, and most of them I find to be SPAM. Over the years I've gotten so perceptive about "sensing" a spam comment. This is one of the main reasons why I moderate. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the fact that you went over to visit this guy and left him a BRILLIANT comment - that was HYSTERICAL! I need to try that once.

And OMG...I can so relate to your neck and shoulder stiffness while blogging for hours. Me too! I will usually try and stand up every so often and do some stretching.

LOVED your random post, my friend!

Hope you're having a great Tuesday!

Love,
Roger Sherbert
X

Heather said...

My current post-it note say: The Subject Was Roses and All Mine to Give.

Love the random stuff!

KellyGrrl said...

I knew the second I saw the title of this post in my blog reader that I was in for a laugh... :-) Love the randomness :-)

Smileyfreak said...

aha thats where all my post its went!! they're in your car! at least they were until whenever you wrote this lol XD thanks for the laugh!!

Gavin said...

XD Loved your post, Kathryn. (: I'm beyond exhausted right now or otherwise I'd leave a much better comment, but I wanted to let you know that I did read and if I didn't post now I'd forget. XD

Oddyoddyo13 said...

The last part....hysterical. Way to be random Kathryn! And here I was just thinking you were kidding.....

Dreamfarm Girl said...

The never-ending amusing tales of just being Kathryn! The mneumonic devise thingy is pretty insightful into your creatively superior mind. I mean, So Gordon Visited Fiona's Wallpaper?!? That is just genius! I have a vision of Gordon (in a bowler)and Fiona's wallpaper (old timey flowers).

Isabella said...

“Your post has brought up many interesting and thought-provoking arguments. I have enjoyed it very much. Visit my blog at ---

I've gotten the same comment!!! Bastard!

Alicia said...

What I want to know is why is there salt in detergent?

Why do fingernails on the chalkboard hurt the ears?

How does a jet as heavy as it is stay in the air?

What? Huh? What do you mean it's not random day for everyone just for Kathryn???

Oh...it's her blog, her post. Oh ok, well then I guess I'll just say "way to be random Kathryn".

Kathryn said...

TC: What? I've gotten some random beeps, grunts and hisses from laptop, but no "tinges"...you're not touching electrical cords while you're wet, are you??

Lauren: Post-its are useless...except for their pretty colors. Mailbox rosemary unicycle!!

saku chan: Why aren't you in school, missy? I'm not seeing any holidays on our schedule....

Kathryn said...

carissajaded: I've noticed those "blanket comments" more and more. I guess it's better than anything mean or blatantly spam but it's just...annoying. I can't resist having some fun with it. Water softeners make the water higher in salt...which make for GREAT HAIR. (Which is all I care about.)

Bernadine: Well, the "blanket comments" are getting easier and easier to spot. Also, ppl seem to think that if they list their blog address in the comment that they'll draw readers there. Maybe you've proven that they really do!

Tina: Thanks, sweetie! Ha! Yeah...Jerry nailed that one, didn't he?

Kathryn said...

Runnergirl: You're welcome, sweetie! You need LOTS OF POST-ITS!

f8hasit: Oh, you just had to!
Tis true....no-one should forget the wine! It rarely works for me (the letters for the stops...that's why I usually give up. Mom had a knack for it.)

Fierce: You silly girl! Believe me, the pain from the massage will last WAY longer than any warm & fuzzies you may feel about the owner of those too-strong hands!

Kathryn said...

Jen: You're commenting whilst on holiday? Seriously?? I am majorly-impressed! Now, THAT is loyalty, my blogbud!!! Have a wonderful time!

KT: Ooooh....you are SOOOO BAD. And I always try and visit...now, don't I?? And leave thought-provoking comments? Hmmmmm?

WannbeVirginiaW: And you are my soulmate. We speak the same tongue.

Paul Wynn: HA! Definitely! It's an untapped advantage that should be highlighted: playing video games gives you wickedly-powerful-hands!!

Kathryn said...

ValleyWriter: Really? That is just weird! So, you just delete it, right? There must be some automated search engine somewhere in Japan scanning for turkey breasts everywhere. That is bizarre!

Spot: Ha! You KNOW I didn't forget the wine! Well, you probably stand a better chance of getting a backrub from a daughter than a son, anyway!

jmberrygirl: Ha! So? It'll get done...sooner or later. You're a woman that gets things done! Whenever! Right?

Tinkerschnitzel: There you go! Nothing wrong with a little random...it makes the rest of what we say sound much more intelligent. Don't you think?

Kathryn said...

RON! HA! Ron, you are tooo funny! I don't blame you for moderating....it definitely has it's merits. Although, honestly, I've been pretty lucky with spam...not much on here at all. (Now watch...I've gone and jinxed it)

I'll send Taylor down to you--he'll work those kinks right out!
xoxoxo!

Kathryn said...

Heather: Huh. I assume that Post-it will make sense to me when I visit your place? Or maybe not?? We'll see.

KellyGrrl: Aw. Thanks, sweetie. I'm trying! Glad you liked it.

Smileyfreak: Ha! You're right, sweetie! I've got WAY too many of them! I'll leave some for you next time!

Gavin: Aw. That's okay, Gav! Get some sleep, will ya? You're making me tired just listening to you! Thanks for reading me fist, though!

oddyoddyo13: Well, the photo's not me...you knew that, right? Taylor's massages really DO HURT!

Kathryn said...

Dreamfarm Girl: Oh, good one! I love your rendition of Gordon (the bowler-hatted gentleman) and Fiona (the wallpaper-lovin' lady) and their fanciful visit!

Isabella: I'm telling you...it's the standard spam-filled-stupid-generic-comment! We'll have to inundate him with CRAP!

Alicia: Hey, you may be as random with your comments as I am with my post! I'm all for it, sweetie! Let the randomness continue! Besides...they're very good questions!

Pratik Gupta said...

"Sweet God! Veronica Forgot Whiskey!"
I hope you didnt forget the wine :)
' Superman Gave Veronica (a) Funny Warm-up ;D

Kathryn said...

Patrik Gupta: HA! Yeah, the Veronica one seems to be the fav. I love your Superman one, though! "Funny warm-up"! HA!

Jenny said...

I love random posts. It makes me happy. What does it say about my brain that I do better with several topics shooting at me than one topic? Hmmmm. I need to take a look at that spinning naked chick again and see what she has to say about it...

Fun post :)

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