Sunday, January 24, 2010

Unsubscribe

I am soooooo tired. You have noooo idea how tiiiiired I am…..

Clinton Kelly (Brightly-blue-eyed-IV): “How tired are you?”

Kathryn: “I can’t even formulate the words to express how tiiiiiired I am. Am I slurring? It feels like I’m slurring. That’s ‘cause I’m too freakin’ tired to enun-she-ate…”

CK: “What’s wrong? Are you hung over? Are you anemic? Are you really wearing pink socks with those green sweats? ‘Cause that’s just wrong…on so many levels…”

K: “Um. That would be: No… I don’t know…and…who cares? Seriously….besides you? However, for the sake of the visual that is so freakin’ important to you…pink socks…green sweats. I’m soooo freaked out by what people might think…what if someone sees me through my own window of my own home and witnesses me baking a chicken cutlet for the dog and sees me in a mismatched ensemble? Zip it, Zippy…or I’ll change one sock over to blue just to mess with your head- -“

CK: “Wait…what?”

K: (Sighs) “I said…” (looks up at ceiling…squints eyes…thinks) “…called you Zippy….ha! I crack myself up…something….something…change to a blue sock.”

CK: (Stares hard) “Am I to understand that you are cooking for an animal but you can’t cook for your own children?”

K: “You know as well as I do that ‘cook’ is merely a generalized term to describe the act of being in one’s kitchen whilst the stove and (in my case, the fan) are simultaneously in operation. This is not technically cooking.”

CK: “Okaaaay. Why are you technically not cooking for the dog? And is that a print out of a recipe for chicken cutlets? You had to look it up??”

K: “Noooo. Well, maybe. Okay, YES…but only because it had to be of the low sodium variety.” (Whispers) “Metro’s got some issues with his h-e-a-r-t.”

CK: (Chuckles) “Way to go…whispering AND spelling. He’ll never catch on. I don’t believe there’s any sodium in chicken cutlets, kiddo. Nice attempt at distraction for that whole ‘missing gene on the cooking thing’, though.”

K: (Hangs head) “I was just born this way. I can’t be good at everything….besides, the dog doesn’t know I can’t c-o-o-k.”

CK: “Don’t be so sure. Look at his face…he’s torn between starving and having his taste buds traumatized. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dog so cautious about eating people food.”

K: “I’m too tired to have this discussion with you at this time. I’d like to unsubscribe. Moving on…”

CK: (Frowns) “Well. That was rude. Did you just ‘unsubscribe’ me?”

K: “No, I merely unsubscribed from that particular dialogue. We can bookmark it and re-visit it at a later date, if you’d like….after a clean re-boot.”

CK: “Wow. You are tired. Insomnia?”

K: “Nope. Metro. He’s on this diuretic…it’s called Lasix. Diuretics evidently have the side effect of making you thirsty and then you have to pee. And pee. And peeeeeee.”

CK: “Okaaay. So, he couldn’t hold it till morning? I mean, you sent him out for the last time at…what? It must’ve been 1am…”

K: “Precicely. He then proceeded to scratch on the door to go out at 3…then he wanted more water and then needed to pee at 5…then I had to listen to the step, step, **CRINKLE!!**, stepclick, click, **CRUNCH!!** click from the Post-it, then he needed to pee again around 7. That’s when I gave up and GOT up. I am positively exhausted.”

CK: “What? A what? Rewind, please.”

K: “Uh….peeing…drinking…not sleeping…Post-it.”

CK: (One eyebrow goes up)

K: “How do you do that? He stepped on a Post-it that dropped off the wall. They say they’re “super sticky”?... but they’re not....at least, not where I put 'em. I knew it the second I heard it…that unmistakable sound of a post-it stuck on a furry paw. This would not be the first time. I found it crumpled up on the seat cushion where he sleeps. Now, what did I do with that crumpled up Post-it? I had that for a reason…”

CK: “So…you knew he was having a problem…yet, you did nothing? Just left him to suffer in sticky-silence?”

K: “Oh, big whoop. The stickiness-factor on those things is laughable…I knew it wouldn’t adhere for more than five minutes, tops. A little Post-it Paw never hurt anyone. I’m going to sleep.”

CK: “Now, there’s a sentence you don’t get to hear every day.”


saku chan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
saku chan said...

all i can say to your blog is hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah that was so funny pujik;l oops sorry fell off my bed haha the result is in the random letters and one punctuation haha oh by the way i have a new video up check it out ^-^ sorry again for the randomness hahahah

Alicia said...

Awww, poor Kathryn. Poor Metro.

Chicken cutlets have sodium though, don't they? I would think the dog would be healthier eating dog food rather than human food. Right? And you don't have to cook dog food Kathryn.

Ok, get some sleep. Cause I'm sure you're asleep cause it's like 11:45pm in NY right now. It's amazing how even when you're tired you're funny :-)

Heather said...

Post-it Paw. LOL!

Your too funny!

Don't forget awards at my place tomorrow. Come an get it!

Lou said...

Awwwwww hope your sleep well tonight.

Gavin said...

Ugh. Speaking of being tired, I'm rather surprised, and proud I might add, that I could read this post. I swear I'm so tired I'm starting to see double. But the humor didn't go over my head so that's good sign. XD Poor Metro. That would suck having to go to the bathroom that much. XD

Runnergirl said...

We always used to cook chicken and rice for our dogs when I was younger because they had special diets. Mind you the dog food in Malaysia in the 80's wasn't really of the quality you can get nowadays!

Sleep well...

Bernadine said...

Hi Kathryn

I like your posts!! To read what happens in your house hold is so funny!!

I agree.. that post-it sticky paper thingy's is crap. I have like 4 pasted at the bottom of my computer screen here at work (of dates I must remember.. long story it's work basically.. and like extension numbers and my fax to mail and so on..) and they keep falling of of my screen.. or the cleaner clean my table and then they are like on the floor.. so irritating. Then I have to either re-write it or just paste it again hoping they will hold...

Nice posting though!!!

Enjoy this nice little blue Monday. Luckily mine is almost over!!! Thank goodness!!!!

Fierce said...

Wow Kathryn, I think I can tell you what the matter is; you have canine-induced Metro-mega fatigue. Oh Carlisle gave me that, I just did all the s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g. Thanks for the unsubscribing idea, I'm totally gonna start unsubscribing people, I mean conversations. Clinton wasn't so nice with that comment about Metro, what'd he mean the dog was trying to decide what he would do about food. It's insulting, it's deprecating, it's an outright insult. Obviously Metro is gonna pick the taste-bud trauma over starvation, as long as the food doesn't look like aliens made it.

:)
xoxo

ValleyWriter said...

Awww - poor little Metro (and poor Kathryn!). Just like having a baby in the house again!
Hope you get some sleep soon!

jh said...

Sounds like a 'nightmare'.

Lauren said...

Awwww! My extra sleep goes out to you (which is a bad thing in my case, the sleeping I mean). Is it too late to train Metro to use a litter box? Sure you'd have to clean it... but... you'd sleep? And your grass would be green and your snow would be white and Lauren is shutting up now! Good luck!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Aww poor metro and you too :(

Maybe he shouldn't go see Dr. I.P. Knightly anymore lol. I thought that was funny!

Kathryn said...

saku chan: You silly girl! Don't hurt yourself! I'm stopping by your place now!

Alicia: Well. The vet's the one who got me on the track of feeding Metro a low-sodium, heart-healthy diet of people food. BIG MISTAKE. Now, he doesn't want to go back. This does not bode well.

Heather: HA! Okay! I'm rested today...I'll be right over! Thanks, sweetie.

Tinkerschnitzel said...

post it notes really do suck, don't they? i'm waiting for the ones you have to remove with a razor blade.

Spot said...

Poor Kathryn, I hope you get some rest. Post its may not be sticky, but at least they come in great colors!

♥Spot

Kathryn said...

Lou: I did...thank you. But how could I not? I was operating on about 90 minutes sleep in total!

Gavin: Poor Gav! Why are you so tired, sweetie? Too much partying? (Good) Insomnia? (BAD)

Runnergirl: I tried rice...he just picked thru it and left it all over the kitchen floor. (It's a PITA to clean up rice, btw!) Then I tried barley...still no luck.

Kathryn said...

Bernardine: Thank you, sweetie! I'm wondering if they're not making them the same way they used to...I don't ever remember them being this crappy.
If we have to use tape to hold them up, then what's the point??

Fierce: OH, NOOO! NOT CIMMF! Anything BUT CIMMF! (LOVE this, btw) Yes, you may unsubscribe from all the people that annoy you. And, unfortunately, Clinton is right: Metro is choosing NO FOOD (just the occasional treat) over MY cooking. I'm gonna have to wean him back onto doggie-food. Sigh...

ValleyWriter: That's EXACTLY what I was thinking! It's that whole "newborn-sleep-deprivation" thing all over again. Last night was definitely a bit better...thanks!

Kathryn said...

jh: HA! Uh-huh....I'm one of those ppl that loves her "zzzzzs"...I don't do well without lots of 'em.
(You know this...right, sweetie?)

Lauren: I like all those descriptions! White snow is waaaay under-rated! Green grass is pretty too...and much better than peed-on grass. Knowing my luck, he'd knock all the sand (litter) out and try to bury a toy in it.

WannabeVirginiaW: HA! That's a good one! (Took my muddled brain a minute to get it, though!)

Ron said...

aawwwwwwww, Kathryn....

...I know what YOU need!

A week's vaction in Barbados! Sitting on the beach sipping Martini's, while you're have your hair braided; simultaniously having a full body massage and a pedicure!

Sound great, doesn't it?

*shakes head up and down*

Sorry to hear about Metro keeping you up at night. But, you're such a good mommie - to both Metro and your boys.

Ok, and Post-it's....I don't use them because I always found them sticking to everything except what I had originally stuck them to. They seem to have no "stick-power" unless you don't want them to stick something.

Like, a lamp shade!

HA!

Hope you got some sleep last night, my NY friend!

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Have a great Monday!

xoxoxox

Smileyfreak said...

Post-it paw? Funni one ^^)

Jerry said...

Whats wrong with green sweats and pick socks? It's sort of Christmassy...no, maybe Easter Eggy. I suspect you looked quite fetching.

We have two critters. Hutch, a black lab that thinks he is a lap dog; and Buddy, an I-don't-know-what-he-is. I figure that we cater too much to them because...well, they expect it. We've been known to spend sleepless nights because of an ailment with one of them.

I hope that you finally got a nap or two in.

As always, enjoyed this.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Hilarious. You always know how to go right off topic, then swerve suddenly back to it. Bravo!

KT said...

Kathryn, seriously?? How on EARTH do you come up with this stuff? I just can't fathom it. I thought I was crazy for talking to myself..wait, scratch, arguing with myself ANd losing (yes, i'm insane)....but you're definitely crazier for posting those convo's for all 603 followers to read. love it.
Btw, poor Metro. =( Is he going to be ok?

Wendy Blum said...

Ha Ha a case of Post-It paw! And you're right. They don't stick well. Unless of course you stick them to your dog then you're..what is your phrase..golden ;) Poor Metro, I feel his pain and yours,too. I've been on this drink more H2O kick and so naturally, have to pee and pee and peeee! Sometimes my bladder does wake me and that's not fun considering I wake at 4am. Hope you get some much needed rest =)

TC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TC said...

I deleted my comment above because it made no sense. Re the sticky note I understand completely, the dog can fend for himself even if he does get diuretics and chicken cutlets.
I can't imagine giving Dis diuretics.

Kathryn said...

Tinkerschnitzel: Yes, they suck. And is it me...or are they getting less and less sticky? I don't remember 'em floating around the room as much as they do now....

Spot: Oh, I loooove the colors! That's what keeps me coming back for more...that and the "Super Sticky" LIE. Grrrrrr.

Kathryn said...

RON! YES!!! How did you know? I can feel the balmy tradewinds...I can hear the gentle waves of the ocean...I can feel the warm sun on my back...and I can DEFINITELY taste that martini! The mani/pedi/massage are the ICING on the CAKE, bay-bee!

C'mon....let's GO! We're not getting any younger....and those cabana-men are a-waiting!!! xo!

Kathryn said...

Smileyfreak: Uh-huh. Post-it Paw. You're a human, so you're probably not afflicted with it!

Jerry: Well, definitely more "Easter Egg-y" than "Christmas-y". And definitely NOT fetching. I looked like a schlump. But sometimes, that just has to be okay. Hm. A Lab that's a lap dog? Doesn't that kinda...I dunno...hurt? Labs are BIG!

Oddyoddyo13: Thank you, sweetie! I try to serve it in a nice, sweet bow!

KT: Yeah...seriously! Honey, if you're insane, then I've crossed over a loooong time ago! (Insert "whatever" here.) I feel saner when I get it out! Then it's not rattling around in my head. As for Metro...we'll see. Fingers crossed. Thanks for asking.

Wendy Blum: Yep....if I WANTED to stick a Post-it on Metro, I'd be golden. He's the one place they seem to wanna stick! No drinking water after 8pm!

TC: Okay....but it might've made sense to me! Yeah...it sucks...giving a dog lots of pills. But, the alternative is much, much worse.

Lily Johnson said...

Nice funny post Kat. Now isnt Metro very lucky to have you?Catering to him like that?Post it paw ..had me laughing hard. Try to get some rest.

Collette said...

Lack of sleep will make you do strange things. I hope you can finally get some real sleep soon! (((HUGS)))

Kathryn said...

Lily Johnson: Thanks, sweetie! I'm trying to get to bed earlier...but it's not easy! Yeah...no more post-its on the wall for the foreseeable future!

Collette: I'm trying! It's like having a newborn again....I don't do well on 4-5 hours a night...I'm more like a 9-10 hour girl. Can you imagine? I'm a sleep-whore!

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