Friday, January 1, 2010

Days of Our Lives

Happy Twenty-Ten everyone! This is what I wish for you: Bamboo for good luck…candies to remember that life is sweet and a martini for when all else fails. Cheers!

I spent the end of 2009 as I’ve spent most of the year: in The Twilight Zone.

More precisely, we watched a Twilight Zone marathon.

From 11pm up through about 1am, in-between the phone ringing with fam and friends (most of whom are in an earlier time zone, thankyouverymuch) da boys and I got in about six episodes, including pausing the DV-R in the master at 11:54 and barreling down the stairs to watch Dick Clark’s Rocking Times Square Par-tay on Taylor’s tv. All I can say is, “What was J.Lo thinking with that getup??”

Six episodes…in black & white…from around 1960. Rod Serling introduced one episode as being one of “absolute terror”. I responded with “Show me, Rod. Scare the crap outta me….I dare ya.” This one had us laughing so hard, I was crying. My tears were partly from laughing and partly from the pain in my back. I basically sounded like this:

“HA! (Ow!) Noooooo! HAHAHA! (OH, that HURTS!) Are they kidding? OHMYGOD! This is SO CORNY! HA HA HA HA!!! (Crap…I think I just sprained my spleen…ow, ow, ow!)

So. This impoverished woman lives alone, see? And she has no running water…and no utilities. No cable, no telephone, no internet, no toilet to flush…although it’s 1960, so we don’t actually see her use the facilities or anything….because in 1960, I do not believe people were actually crude enough to use the bathroom. They had too much CLASS.

She’s making her traditional Tuesday evening gruel with…what? potatoes?….and possibly…maybe...yams?...something round and very, very hard. She’s making every effort to convey this to her viewing audience…she’s also grimacing as she works, so you get the sense that she’s not a big fan of this particular Tuesday-gruel, or her life…for that matter. Okay…so life sucks for rural-lady…but at least she’s got yams, right?

Things progress….and she hears something land on the roof….winds up climbing some rickety wooden ladder to the trap door which leads to the roof to take a lookie-see. (Kathryn: “Nooooo! Don’t go up there! You NEVER GO UP THE RICKETY LADDER…ARE YOU INSANE??”)

Well. There’s a freakin’ spaceship up there! Who woulda thunk that?? (Rod Serling…that’s who.) It looks to be about 2-3 feet in diameter…but STILL. Totally scary and uncannily realistic. During all this intense drama, I am struck by the fact that the actress is completely mute, aside from some gasping in exertion and the occasional wheeze of surprise. We’re yelling at the screen at this point, randomly deciding what she must be thinking…yelling “WTF?” and “Why can’t I talk? Because they don’t PAY me enough to talk….I can convey pages of dialogue with a single withered glance….a grunt, if you will. They probably spent all of $34.00 on this set. I’m Agnes Moorehead, the actress…not a miracle worker.

Shortly thereafter, a small 6” toy robot emerges from the spaceship and Agnes freaks out and kicks it down the hatch door and into her house. She seems relieved by this narrow escape of certain death until she hears the pitter-patter of yet another little robot-guy...and this one’s pissed! (We’re laughing hysterically at this point ‘cause the little-toy robot cannot walk…it’s doing that toy-robot shuffle and it has a little turning antenna on its head…and I’m coughing and wheezing, I’m laughing so hard.) It’s shooting little red laser-thingies, as seen by the little red light blinking on and then off and Agnes is shouting in pain and clutching her arm, so you know she’s been HIT!


Agnes was basically terrorized by these little metal assassins…and she spent the lion’s share of the show chasing ‘em down with some kind of homemade broom...or may it was an axe. We weren't sure. One robot-ette turned up (wiggling like a kitten) in her bed, where she summarily beat it to death and threw it in the fireplace. Another somehow managed to blow a hole in her stone foundation and cut her with her very own (very sharp) knife! Connor was quick to point out that she’d miraculously healed by the next scene however, where she continued to fight the fight. That's our Agnes....she's a trooper.

This was a compelling tale of good versus evil! We were all mesmerized! (Da boys are patting my back and asking me if they should perform an emergency tracheotomy to stop me from choking...I'm waving my hand in the universal, "I'll be fine...don't worry about me" sign.)

In the end, she wound up back on the roof where she beat the crap out of that spaceship. (Seriously...with drama to spare...grunting...and gasping...and axe-ing...) You then hear a voice-over as she’s hacking away and it’s saying “INHOSPITABLE GIANT CREATURES ON THIS PLANET! EVERYONE’S DEAD! ABORT MISSION! ABORT, I SAY!!” or something to this effect.

The scene ends with a close-up shot of that spaceship…and it has the words “United States NASA” on it.This went straight over Connor’s head. When I exclaimed that the aliens were really US and the lady was the giant alien on another planet, you saw that look of grudging respect appear on his face for those long-ago writers of this classic, campy series.

Was it corny? Yeah. Was it hugely entertaining? Double-yeah. If I could do it all again, would I spend New Year's any differently??

Not a chance.


JD at I Do Things said...

Happy New Year!

Your evening was way more exciting than mine. I was safely tucked away in bed by 9 . . .

. . . when I heard a spaceship land on my roof . . .

Not really. But hey! You can watch that classic Twilight Zone eppie here:

Anonymous said...

Haha....well my evening was much less exciting. Though it's probably due to the fact that I don't remember much of it. XD Oh's probably for the best that I don't. I hope you and your family have an awesome 2010. (:

Jan said...

Did you happen to notice Agnes' beautifully manicured nails?

Gigi said...

Kathryn??? Too, tooo funny!

Do you remember that one (can't remember if it was Twilight Zone or not) called Trilogy of Terror?? Would love to see that now.

I recently took Man-Child to a re-screening of The Birds (Alfred Hitchcock) with the promise that it was "terrifying!" We ended up laughing through the whole thing!! He actually looked at me at one point (with his eyebrow raised) as if to say "REALLY?"

Although, I just watched Paranormal Activity (boring at the beginning) and just freaked myself out so much that, yes, I will be sleeping with the lights on & jumping at every noise.....

Thaydra said...

Happpy 2010~

We watched the kids play video games, then watched Daredevil... so, not quite as exciting as American robot aliens and grunting.. but a good contender none-the-less.

Ron said...

OMG..OMG..OMG...I think I actually saw that Twighlight Zone episode.

No kidding.

As soon as you got to the end of story that's when it clicked. gave me the creeps!!!!

And didn't you just love Agnes Moorehead? I enjoyed watching her in anything. She was one of those actress that never quite made it BIG, but she was good. And of course, who could ever forget her in Bewitched???

Outside of seeing J.Lo in that HIDEOUS spandex rubber suit, I think you had a pretty darn faaabulous New Year's Eve.

And thank you for your New Years wish, my friend.

Bamboo for good luck…candies to remember that life is sweet and a martini for when all else fails.

That is so sweet!

Wishing you a BEAUTIFUL 2010 Kathryn!

Looking forward to another year of blogging with ya!


Unknown said...

We're quite the exciting New Year's Eve bunch here also. DH in bed by 9:15, 4YO in bed by 10, other 2 falling asleep watching a movie - so I had to drag them to bed around 11:30 (when I finally realized they were asleep). Where was I? Right where I am now ... in front of the ole 'puter ... blogging away. I just missed the ball dropping, then off to bed for me. Yeah, I know. You're jealous.

Happy 2010, Kathryn! (Where are all the space ships and hover crafts we should have by now? I mean, it's 2010 for Pete's sake!) :)

Lauren said...

That sounds like so much fun! I am envious. I was still at work at midnight. Totally trippy ending. When do we become robots?! And if we can evolve into robots, why didn't we evolve enough to protect ourselves from brooms? So many questions!

Anonymous said...

I seriously love that show. To this day, the episode with the African bug that goes in the guy's ear and drives him insane still gives me heebie jeebies.

Sounds like you guys had a great time. Way to start off the new year! :D

Mark Price said...

Ok a sprained spleen may need medical attention. I can however solve the mysterious healing of Agnes More-head (pun) You see, she is a witch! I know this because she was Samanthas mom on Bewitched. She prolly cast a healing spell to fix where the aliens(nasa) shot her. This episode may not be all that far fetched due to nasa's recent attack on...wait for it...THE MOON!
See? We are an ornery little blue planet after all. I bet the moon people were all "the hell is going on here? e never did anything to you! First you come here and leave all your junk and a car that won't run and a flag, and now you friggin bomb us! The real kicker is that by placing the flag on the moon we sort of claimed it as our territory right? so didn't we sort of blast ourselves!! Stupid NASA

Horlic said...

Happy New Year to everyone.

dailyseeking said...

I did the same exact thing!!! I've been watching the marathon for two days now and loving it. Happy New Years again.

JennyMac said...

I havent seen that show in ages..the last one I watched as a kid scarred me. LOL.

Happy New Year!

Áine said...

Everything was okay 'cos they had yams lol :) Thank you for the laughter :)

Spot said...

Oh my should have texted. I was watching that very same episode! And yes, Jan, I did notice Agnes wonderfully manicured nails! In fact I pointed them out to my hubby. That particular episode was written by none other than THE Richard Matheson. He gave us such great works as I Am Legend. The original book, not the Will Smith movie. He's considered by many to be the father of all things horror.

I laughed my ass off at the episode too. But I love me some twilight zone!


Unknown said...

We didn't catch this particular episode, but the hubs and I watched several hours of this marathon yesterday, our butts glued to the couch in our PJs. Family, comfy clothes & cheesy TV -no better way to start the decade! :-D

(Oh and as for a what Jewish men wear on their heads, I suppose a ramekin could be the latest fashion... But I think it's technically a yarmulke. Just saying.)

Moonrayvenne said...

I wasn't watching New Year's eve but I did watch all day yesterday! Gotta love 'em! A lot of them I haven't seen before but some I can watch over & over. Agnes used to play Endora (Samantha's mom) on Bewitched. Ah the good old shows...they just don't make 'em like they used to! (((HUGS)))

Tia said...

So, I had 2 thoughts as I was reading this post.

1. I wonder if that round hard food was a turnip? I got some this year at the Farmer's Market and those sons a beaches are near impossible to cut.

2. Once you explained the we are the aliens twist..I thought "Aha! That's why she wasn't talking!" If she started babbling in some freaky 60s version of an alien language we would've lost the surprise. :)

As always, I loved the post!

Tia said...

So, I had 2 thoughts as I was reading this post.

1. I wonder if that round hard food was a turnip? I got some this year at the Farmer's Market and those sons a beaches are near impossible to cut.

2. Once you explained the we are the aliens twist..I thought "Aha! That's why she wasn't talking!" If she started babbling in some freaky 60s version of an alien language we would've lost the surprise. :)

As always, I loved the post!

Mixed Reflections said...

Admittedly, we watched the Twilight Zone too. But ONE EPISODE. That's where it had to end. I was equally amused and repulsed by J-Lo's choice of transparent sparkling bodysuit but got some slight satisfaction knowing she must have frozen her behind off wearing it.

Geist Bites said...

I wasn't aware that 'thinking' was big on J.Lo's agenda.

And I never saw The Twilight Zone. Obviously, it's before my time, and before the advent of satelite TV in my house I didn't have any opportunities to watch it.

On your recommendation, I think I might dig it out.

Anonymous said...

J-lo's outfit was awesome, waddayamean Kathryn??! (me trying to lie and failing horribly). Ok seriously she didn't look THAT bad although I woulda lost... everything :). Just sayin' J, but don't take my word for it 'cuz I don't own a fashion line.

I SO did not see that ending coming. Must've really had you chocking when you realized that we were portrayed as little 6" robots that shot at an alien by flashing an LED (or maybe it was a flashlight) off and on repeatedly, thereby annoying the crap out of said alien. Ya gotta love horror flicks from the '60s.


wendy said...

Ah, those were the days! My husband is a HUGE Twilight Zone fan. I have watched a few Twilight Zone episodes, including the one you talked about. But my husband has nearly all of them memorized. These are shows I don't mind my boys watching. Even if they are considered corny by today's standards. I miss those simple days...

Momiji chan said...

omg i have a friend who likes twilight zone at first i thought it would be like twilight because of the twilight in it but i thought it was really corny so i didnt watcg it but yes i also watched the one where it said on the spaceship it plainly had on it "property of us nasa" written on it ha ha that was ahlirous if i could watch it again i would

Dreamfarm Girl said...

I'd say that was a nearly perfect way to spend New Year's Eve! I love it that we are the invaders. Gee, whaddyaknow, the U.S. invaded someplace!

Unknown said...

I would have loved to be on a space ship new year's eve or in some kind of twilight zone, come to think of it, I might have been in one.

Heather said...

That was awesome! We also watched that episode, in-between flipping from the three stooges.

Not Agnes Moorehead's best performance, but still a great episode. I liked her best in the old movies and in Bewitched.

BlackLOG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BlackLOG said...

Happy New Year, thanks for bringing me and evidently a lot of people good cheer through out last year. Plus your work with visiting us lesser blogs, most appreciated even if you did evict me from the basement of “From the inside….out” and bring virtual blogger legal action against me. ….

P.S. not sure why but both my PC’s seem to freeze when I try and read “From the inside….out”

P.P.S – I’m getting a fair bit of spam on (just) one of my old Blogs – I’ve decided to count it towards my comments total

Lynn said...

Oh my! We were in the car when I read this yesterday, and hubs and I ended up rehashing old episodes that we had watched. Thanks for giving us something to talk about as we drove. You're the best!

kathryn said...

JD at I Do Things: Oh, YAY! Leave it to you, do the one thing I never thought to do....Google it! Have I mentioned that you're da greatest??

Gavin: Thanks, sweetie! I'm wishing you exactly the same! Sounds like you had some f-u-n (albeit amnesia-inducing) on New Year's eve...

Jan: HA! Now that you mention it, I DID! When she was checking the blade on the knife, right? Very good attention to detail, sweetie!

Gigi: Trilogy of Terror? We'll have to look it up under JD's loverly Twilight Zone link above. Re: The Birds....yup! That's why I referred to it as "campy", 'cause it IS...NOW. As for the Paranormal Activity...that would scare the crap out of me....I'll pass!

Alicia said...

Happy New Year...sounds like you had a great time. I wish I had known there was a marathon...I love Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits. I did spend today watching a HOUSE marathon. I love House.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Me and all 3 kids watched a whole bunch of these New Year's day. so much fun!

KT said...

that's exactly what i wish i was doing for new years. instead i had half-listened to my dad-in-law make snide comments for (counts in head..he arrived at left at 12 so...) way too long. and new years DAY was no better. i loved watching twilight zone, my dad and i used to watch it together. it's the only "scary" thing i can watch without getting nightmares...

kathryn said...

Thaydra: Well, it sounds like you guys had fun! I'll bet da kids love when you watch 'em play video games. I know mine do! Happy Twenty-ten!

RON! I can't believe YOU saw it! Yep...Samantha's mom from Bewitched! She was like a character actress, right? Boy, she was some character in this episode! xo

Kimberly: You've made such a good point! Shouldn't we be up to the Jetson's by now?? Hey, you did the 'puter....I did the teevee...po-tay-to, po-tat-oh....

Lauren: I KNOW! WTF? That makes no sense that the humans looked like little metal robots with roving antennae on their heads!

kathryn said...

~:C:~ ME TOO! Now, I have to look up that eppy and see if I can find it. They were really SO ahead of their time, right??

Mark Price: Woah, woah! Settle down there, pardner! First of all, I told you to put the car back in the ship...but did you listen? You just HAD to go for a drive....!

Horlic: Same to you!

kathryn said...

dailyseeking: HA! We were probably yelling at the same parts! Wasn't that marathon great??

JennyMac: Happy New Year to you, too! Trust me...they're much campier now...guys talking about "someday visiting da moon" Psssh!

Smileyfreak: You're very welcome, sweetie! Well, she DID have YAMS!

kathryn said...

Spot: Oh, you're right....I shud've texted you! I honestly thought no-one else would be doing something as boring as watching a marathon on tv...but it was fabulous!

ValleyWriter: Oy. I wasn't even close, dammit. Once I started watching those old eppys, it was hard to stop! Glad so many watched it, tho...lovely way to pass the time.

Collette: I know! Most of the shows were new to me...and ALL of 'em were new to da boys. Another generation of fans...(I caught 'em rolling their eyes a lot, though)

kathryn said...

Tia: #1: Totally possible. She crunched away on a slice and didn't seem too happy w/it raw. #2: OMG...that NEVER occurred to me! You're RIGHT, of course....she wud've had alien language! I gotta tell da boys!

Gropius: I still think she probably had long john's underneath it...not that it left much to the imagination. The whole time she was outside, I'm thinking, "What's she got underneath that mink?" After giving birth to twins, not too shabby.

Technolustmaxx: Well, I'd never seen it NEW.....but somehow it still made it onto my radar. It's definitely worth a lookie-see.

kathryn said...

Fierce: Well, I don't think they even HAD LED lights in the '60's...but there was one scene where the supposed "robot" was shining his light back & forth outside and I thought I'd die laughing. Connor said he could imagine the prop guy pacing back and forth w/a flashlight in his hand!

Wendy Blum: It's funny you should say this. At one point,Connor (12) wondered if HIS kids will think that what HE watches now will be considered corny! Food for thought...

saku chan: It was a really hilarious episode. There's a couple that are real classics and definitely worth watching!

Dreamfarm Girl: Yeah...but somehow we developed armor to rival that machine from Lost in Space (another campy old show) saying "Danger, Will Robinson!!!!"

WannabeVirginiaW: That's how I felt! After the first few episodes, I'd felt like the whole year was one BIG Twilight Zone!!

kathryn said...

Heather: I agree...sounds like you were in a bit of a time warp over the New year's hours!

BlackLog: I'm hoping the new year brings a lot of happiness to a lot of people...especially the ones I've met here. What a great group we are!

Allegria: Oh, you're so very welcome, sweetie! I guess most of us folks (except the young-uns) have seen at least some of the classics, right?

kathryn said...

Alicia: Wow! There must've been a whole ton of marathons on this past weekend, eh? Great for us couch potatoes who didn't want to venture outside!

Maureen@IslandRoar: Oh, I'm glad! What better way to bond over something that you can both laugh and wonder about?? Did you notice how many eppys are based around the military or space travel? "Someday, we'll visit the moon!"

book*addict: I know! I find that any of the old "scary" shows are now just campy and corny...but still fun to watch. I don't like the scary stuff that's out DOES give me nightmares. Something tells me your visit is starting to get "stale", I right?

Unknown said...

I'm glad you and da boys had such a great time, Kathryn!

I've never seen an episode of the Twilight Zone so I can't even relate... might have to catch one now though, you've made me LOL just reading about it.

Happy New Year!!!

kathryn said...

SMOOG: Happy Twenty-Ten to you, too! I hope you're staying warm and cozy! Baby, it's cold outside!!

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