Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Denied

The above photo is the readout on my dash during the ride home today. (Gee…is that peanut butter on there??)

Notice the outside temp…that would be before the wind chill. Presently, it is 14 ° … with a RealFeel temp of -1 °. Tonight, it’ll feel like -8 °, thanks to 15-27 mph winds.

(Clears throat) So, what can we tell by looking at the above?

Random Reader#1: (Waves hand in the air somewhat frantically) “Oh! Oh! It’s freakin’ freezing out.”

Random Reader#2: (Pumps arms up and down whilst simultenously doing “jazz hands”) “I KNOW! You were driving west and were blinded by the setting sun.”

Random Reader#3: (No arm or hand gestures whatsoever. Is examining one fingernail thoughtfully) “Your car is filthy and could quite possibly be inhabited by nocturnal rodents who consume the traces of food you’ve carelessly smeared on your dash.”

Kathryn: “That’s not even remotely funny, Clinton. Well, maybe it’s a little funny…however, it is only marginally correct. My car may be dusty, but I share my vehicle with no living creatures. I’d sooner die.”

You are all correct. It was freezing….it was blinding….and it was a tad dusty. But mainly, it was bitterly glacial.

Therefore, I declare that winter officially sucks…and I hereby refuse to acknowledge its very existence as a season for the remainder of the….well, the “formerly known as winter" season.

Admit it, people…I’m merely getting a jump on what you’ll all be thinking in about a month anyway…I’m just coming in a little ahead of schedule.

I hereby proclaim that I am officially in Winter Denial:

…and anyone willing to join me does not have to assume the position:

…but may express their defiance in any way they deem appropriate.


This pretty much covers my expression.



Lauren said...

As it's snowing on the austrich... They are weird lookin' but somehow kinda cute. The austrich, not the dude. As to assuming the position, is that really the best choice of words or have I just been up too long? I experienced winter suckage today, but later on, I proclaimed that I liked the smell of winter... so, I'm still in favour of it. Sorry. And yes, winter has a smell. Smells something like despair, longing... lol.

Gropius said...

I guess we should stop bitching about how it got all the way down to 45 degrees last night for a few seconds. We want the seasons here, we really do. Sort of. Maybe not. Definitely don't want to see 14 degrees on the thermostat. Bundle up & visit FL!

Gillian said...

I love that expression.

~:C:~ said...

You're too funny. :D

Now, what would you say if I were to tell you that my friend has that last picture framed on her living room wall?

LOL

Lou said...

Brrrrrr bundle up warm Kathryn, spring in on its way (sometime over the next few months).

Kathy said...

It was so much warmer here yesterday than where you are. It was 2 whole degrees with the windchill. I think today it's supposed to feel like 10! Woo Hoo! Party time!

Tina said...

I think you have the right idea. Pour the drinks and lets forget the weather (wind and rain here now, frost is gone). Yuck!

Gigi said...

I'm with you Kathryn (and we aren't anywhere near that cold here). Informed Hubby that it was cold outside this morning. His response? "Yeah, they are predicting it to be that way for the whole winter." Smarty-pants. I declare winter OVER! Bring on the summer!

ValleyWriter said...

It was just as cold up here (9 degrees to be exact) and I saw someone running BAREFOOT into the food co-op as I was leaving. CrAzY!!!! (But, my hubby would tell you, that's what you get when you shop at a co-op....)

B-ster said...

Christmas eve we had 1/4 inch of ice and then 14 inches of snow. Ugh. So after spending 3 hours shoveling my driveway on Saturday, I got up this morning to 3 MORE inches of snow. Ugh again. I think in this week alone that is more snow than we have had in 5 years, all added together. I am shunning a specific season as well.

Spot said...

Sorry Kathryn...I love winter!!! It has been that cold here and colder lately and very snowy and I am loving it. I bundle up when I go out to play in the snow but for shopping ect...I only wear a hoodie over my clothes and mittens and snow boots. I can't stand to carry a coat around while I shop and I'm just going from car to store to car. Yes, I may be crazy but my dream is to move to Alaska or parts severely north. So, I'll take your winter, if you take the hottest part of summer for me!! I hate being hot. Deal???

♥Spot

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Um, yeah, you saw the horrific amounts of snow we got down here in Texas last week. I officially hate winter. I'm ready to work in the garden again.

Smileyfreak said...

It's cold here too :) lol Thanks for the funny weather post :) happy new year

Picture Imperfect said...

WINTER BLOWS!

Right now it's 12F here with a wind chill factor of 3F... so, very similar to what you're going through. It's supposed to go down to -17F tomorrow... but I have to concede that this is what we *get* for living North of the 60th parallel. It's to be expected. You... I feel sympathy for. LOL!

I LOVE the shot of the dude with his head in the sand. Reminds me of some people I work with. lol

btw I forgot to mention this before but I love the snow falling on your site. Even though we've established that winter blows. Chunks.

Or... to quote Ron... it sucks donkey dick. LOL!

Mark Price said...

Sorry Kathryn I am going with Spot on this one...I like winter! OK I said it. I like the snow and the cold weather just fine. I don't like driving on slick or icy roads but it can't be helped. If it gets too bad I guess I can stay home and drink. hmmm stay home and drink...oh yeah!!!

Heather said...

Thankfully we haven't had a really bad winter. I think the coldest it got was 28. Haven't seen any smow or ice yet. I'll take winter over super hot summer any day. I got lots of blanket to hide my head in.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Sigh, well where I am sitting the current temperature outside is -3 and that is in celcius. There is a method to calculating it to Fahrenheit but I cannot remember.

Kindle-Sprite said...

Wow, that is too cold! Boycotting winter sounds like the way to go this year!

Fierce said...

Oh I totally support your campaign Kathryn. You call the press conference, I'll paint the picket signs and nail the flat part with the thick-handle parts together. And what's this about sharing you car with other living creatures???
:)
xoxo

Noelle said...

Okay Kathryn, I'm laughing, hard and out loud, not an easy feat these days!!
It IS freaking freezing! Up here in Maine (88 miles from the southern most Canadian Border)I too was on the road yesterday, and as I got closer to home, the wind became more intense, the w.c. factor lower and lower, and the# of inches of snow that we'd received higher and higher! LOVELY I thought as I jumped out of my car sans coat (don't wear it driving on long trips, it's too bulky). I was almost winded by the cold, I swear it belted me in the stomach.
After Christmas is over I become an official sufferer of SAD and use it to get out of many, many things, primarily those that have leaving the tentative warmth of my home in any way.
Laughing is good, laughing can keep you warm! Thanks.
~Mona

Gavin said...

Haha....just another reason why I'm moving south as soon as possible.

jh said...

At least your car has a thermometer, right?? Should I mail you a bag of Campfire Marshmallows?

MeanDonnaJean said...

Oh yes honey, here too. We've got us the same kinda cold snap: those frigid well below freezin' temps; the bone chillin' bitter cold; the batterin' bitin' blastin' winds; 'n notta smatterin' of sun to try 'n soothe ya.

The desert is lookin' mighty good right about now.

Wendy Blum said...

Oh, honey, I was way ahead of you! I have been in winter denial since birth. I was born in summer and that's my season =)

Paul Wynn said...

Hahaha I dig the the bird but the guy ... wow .. thats hilarious.. also thats one futuristic dashboard you have there.

Kathryn said...

Lauren: Yeah....as it's snowing on da bird. As to "assuming the position"...I knew I was stepping into something when I typed it, but it felt right, somehow. Winter smells like dispair & longing?? That sounds about right!!

Gropius: I love the way you've done a 180 on wanting our cold...which you definitely don't! Seasons, yes....but at what price? I'd love to visit...absolutely!

Gillian: That expression is on my face. It's like lookin' in a mirror!

Kathryn said...

~:C:~ HA! I would say, "How did your friend get a photo of ME??" Love it!

Lou: Yeah....more like 3 months PLUS. You're right in the midst of summer over there, right? Soooo jealous....

Kathy: It's a virtual heat wave! Pass the sunscreen, baby!!

Tina: Yeah! While we're at it, let's just forget about EVERYTHING for a while! How about a holiday for THAT??

Kathryn said...

Gigi: Your declaration is seconded by ME. Smarty-pants-hubby can keep it...let's hit the beach and have a margarita!

ValleyWriter: Barefoot? That is insane!! (Was it a guy? I'm guessing it was a male...they're the ones who wear shorts in the dead of winter!)

B-ster: Double-UGH. You poor thang...I feel your pain. We're due for more on Friday. Again: beach + margaritas...be there! Let's goooooo!

Kathryn said...

Spot: Oh, you SOOOOO have a deal. You can HAVE it...you can KEEP it....ALL of it! It's too long and too cold and too dark...I'm so DONE.

Tinkerschnitzel: Um, yeah....I know you're with me, sweetie. I'm quite serious about this denial...I want it out of here!

Smileyfreak: Well then, stay warm sweetie! Happy New Year to you, too!

Kathryn said...

SMOOG: AMEN, sista! HA! Yeah...my little flurries on here is about all I'm willing to put up with anymore. I'm seriously putting my foot down. Seriously.

Mark Price: Well, you've just suggested the perfect compromise. YOU can slip and slide on the icy roads and I'LL stay home and drink. What? That isn't what you'd suggested?? My bad.

Heather: There aren't enough blankets on the planet for this cold. I'm sorry, but I have to put my foot down on this. It HAS to go.

Kathryn said...

WannabeVirginiaW: Google says it's 26.6 degrees F. We've waaaay got you beat!

Kindle-Sprite: Thank you! I'm glad you agree. Now, what are we gonna do about it??

Fierce: YAY! You'll handle the thick-handle parts construction....I'll argue the merits of a SUPER-early spring. NO car-creatures!

Kathryn said...

Noelle: Oh, I totally feel your pain! (I honestly don't think anyone keeps their coat on in the car...if this forum is any indication) So, we can still laugh down south on the beach, right?? Let's GO!

Gavin: Wait for me! I wanna come too!

jh: Okay. But, can I substitute some HEAT for the marshmallows? And a palm tree? Please??

Kathryn said...

MeanDonnaJean: Oh, I hear that! Arizona....I'll take it...even with the scorpions. Another 3 months of this crap is gonna be torture...

Wendy Blum: Well, there you go! Just jump onboard the denial-train, sweetie....woo-hoo!

Ron said...

Pumps arms up and down whilst simultenously doing “jazz hands

Bwhahahahahahahahahaha!

OMG...that made me laugh my ass off! I could just SEE those jazz hands!!!!

Well...as you know I love Winter, so I have to agree with Spot. I'll be glad to exchange Summer with ya. Trust me, you'll hear me bitch in July. I HATE the heat!! It sucks donkey dick - HA!

Even though you and I don't agree on Winter, I SOOOOOOO loved reading this post. The pictures were freaking FLAWLESS! You CRACK ME UP, woman!

Sending warm and cozy thoughts your way, my NY friend!

{{{{{{{ Kathryn }}}}}}}}

Chillingly yours,
The Penquin
oxoxoxo

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, I am so there with you, and it's snowing yet again as I write this.
We just got back from 4 days in NH. It snowed and was in the single digits the whole time. I know, what were we thinking??? family time? HA!
I want sun, sweat, pina coladas.

Happy New Year!

Collette said...

Oh, I've already decided that I'm going into hibernation from the end of October till about maybe beginning or middle of April. It should stay warm by then, but this is Michigan...UGH!

Allegria said...

Since I'm feeling particularly wicked, and in the spirit of "if water trickles, you need to go to the restroom," may I offer the following:

Frozen tundra, polar bears, glaciers, snowballs, snowmen, mittens, toques, mukluks, snowsuits, frostbite, northpole, frigid, igloos...

Mwahaha..

*hucks a snowball down Kathryn's neck, then invcites her inside for some hot cocoa*

book*addict said...

and i thought i was suffering with 35 degree F. Good luck for the rest of winter. the upside though...i know how can there be an upside....you get to play in the snow. you know once you get passed the freezing cold.

Kathryn said...

Paul Wynn: I know...I howled when I found the photo of the guy with HIS head in the sand! And actually, I get MORE comments on that dash! It is pretty cool, eh??

Kathryn said...

RON! Yeah....I DO looove me some good jazz hands...but I hate me some winter. We'll just have to agree to disagree. Or better yet....let's compromise! Can't we just move to North Carolina? I'll build you an icehouse in the backyard, Frosty! xo

Maureen@IslandRoar: Okay...what the hell were you thinking? Tell your entire fam that next year's Christmas is gonna be in The Bahamas, mama!!

Collette: UGH is right! Michigan....New York....seems like there's not as big a difference as you might think! Yikes!

Allegria: Okay....seriously. You now owe me:
1 hot chocolate
1 new (dry) outfit (From Macy's...none of that cheap crap!)
2 50-minute therapy sessions to discuss my snowball trauma...and...
1 bowl of lobster bisque to go...just 'cause you SO OWE ME!!

book*addict: Oh, riiiight. So, once my limbs are sufficiently frozen and have lost all sense of feeling, I can enjoy the cold, hard, stupid, stinkin' snow. Lovely.

Sparky said...

I have to tell you that I've stolen the last picture, and it is currently my desktop picture. I love your blog you make me laugh whenever I read it :o)

Sparky

Kathryn said...

Sparky: Ha! You are welcome to it, sweetie! I'm so glad you enjoy my random banter!

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