Monday, December 28, 2009

This Just In

STRATFORD, Conn. (AP) - Police say a Connecticut man has been arrested because he showed up at a dental office naked. Police say 41-year-old Christopher Hoff, of Stratford, also was five days late for his appointment. Authorities said Hoff entered Optimus Dental's office Monday with nothing on. A startled female receptionist screamed, and he ran away.

Officers went to his home, and Hoff told them he had been sleeping all day. Police took Hoff to the dental office, where the receptionist identified him.

Hoff was charged with disorderly conduct, public indecency and failure to comply with fingerprinting.

He did not immediately return a telephone message left Wednesday at his home. It's unclear if he has an attorney.

The above newsflash intrigued me on so many levels. The reporter in me had to know more:

Kathryn: “Hello? Is this the receptionist for Optimus Dental? The one who screamed when the naked guy entered the office?”

Woman: “Yes…this is Sheila. I’ve already told the cops everything I know. Why can’t you people leave me alone?”

Kathryn: “This is Kathryn...from The Internal Makeover?”

Sheila: “Oh! Seriously?? I LOVE YOU! How may I help you, Kathryn?”

K: “Huh.... Well, I was reading the account of the events that took place with the naked guy…and I was just wondering…how were you able to identify the allegedly nude patient?”

S: (Confused) “I’m sorry…I don’t know what you mean.”

K: “I mean….if he was naked, then he probably didn’t have any ID handy. Did he provide his name upon entering the office and then you ‘got startled and screamed’, or what??”

S: (Flustered) “Uh. Um…I may have…I don’t really…oh, man. FINE. Christy and I had a brief fling back in March...and he has a distinctive birthmark….ya know….(whispers) down there…”

K: (Sympathetically) “Ah. And are you the one who told police that he was a whole five days late for his appointment? Adding a little salt to the wound, perhaps?”

S: “Wow….you’re good. Yeah, well….he said he’d call….rat-bastard….I was a little peeved.”

K: “I don’t suppose you’ve shared any of this integral information with law enforcement?”

S: “Oh, noooooo. They never asked. Besides, that Deputy Sideweanie? He never called either…”

K: “Well, thank you for your candor, Sheila. Here’s hoping your future includes a man who actually remembers your number. ‘Buh-bye.”


K: “Hello? Is this….Mr. Hoff? This is Kathryn...from The Internal Makeover?”

Christopher Hoff: “Really? Yeah…this is he. Wow! You ROCK. What can I do for you?”

K: “Huh... I’m just curious. When they brought you back to the dentist’s office to be identified, did they have you put clothes on first? Seems to me that it would be harder to recognize you that way…”

CH: “Dammit, Sheila…did she put you up to this? I was gonna call…”

K: “Whatever. One more question: Why didn’t you comply with fingerprinting? I mean…what’s the big whoop?”

CH: “It wasn’t my fingers they wanted to print. And that arresting officer? Sideweanie? Well, I’d meant to call…”

Ah. Mystery solved.

Lauren said...

lol! Okay... how old was that medication? I guess they don't have phones down in Stratford. To think all of this could have been avoided with a simple phone call. Or two... What a shame.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kathryn you're such a brilliant detective, kinda like agent Clouseau [and so famous too :)]. The moral of this story is...
... always call people back!

Runnergirl said...

I'm still wondering why the receptionist screamed. Was he really UGLY?

Seriously, why would you scream if a naked man came in your office? What's he going to do?! Wap you over the head with his ding dong?!

dailyseeking said...

This is too funny!! Seriously, when I read your posts the characters are taking on different voices in my head!

Tinkerschnitzel said...


Unknown said...

Stop it. I get in trouble for exploding with laughter at work. It's against the rules and it makes me look crazier than I really am!

Ron said...

Hi Detective Kathryn!



And I think I just figured out WHY Deputy Sideweanie probably never called...

....penis envy perhaps??


GREAT post, my friend!

Thanks for the brilliant laugh!

Enjoy your day!


Unknown said...

Oh dear Kathryn... this is priceless!

I hope that if somebody ever finds my mangled body in a dumpster somewhere, you're the detective in charge of solving my murder. ;o)


Happy Tuesday!

Spot said...

Who screams when a naked man walks in? Unless he's really really out of shape. This was so funny Kathryn! Maybe you should take pain medicine at least once a know...for creative purposes...=]


Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

The first thing I wondered was "did they let him put clothes on before taking him back to the office"

Thanks for clearing that up!

Unknown said...

Note to self! Do not show up at appointments naked and call people back. (check)

Always show up at the Dentist's office on - time.

JD at I Do Things said...

Can you help me solve the mystery of who pushed my cracker box into the wet sink? I'm not sure phone calls will help, as the suspect is a kitten. But please employ whatever other methods you think are appropriate.

Anonymous said...

Just when I thought life was starting to get boring....something like this happens. XD

carissajade said...

Ahahahaha I freaking love your dialogue posts. I would freak if a naked man showed up in my office too...

wendy said...

OMG, Kathryn, you'd rock as a REAL reporter. News would be more interesting and less depressing to read/watch on TV. Have you ever thought of being a stand-up comedian? Or maybe since your back is acting up, a sit-down comedian? LOL!! Seriously woman, you are too funny =)

Unknown said...

Simply crazy funny. Guys do call after we've given up our... know what.Saves you a lot of drama.

Jan said...

Hilarious! Feeling no pain, are we?

Brooke said...

You know those really good books? The ones that you read and you actually feel like you are there? Yeah those ones.. Yep..I feel like I am reading a really entertaining book.

Anonymous said...

HA! Love it!

Heather said...

Very funny! He should invest in phone service. LOL!

So how are you feeling today? Hopefully better.

Moonrayvenne said...

Awesome interviews on that news story. You really know how to get the dirt, don't you? Of course, anyone would give you info when you brought up your blog! This is the place to be! (((HUGS)))

KT said... Kathryn your FAMOUS!! i mean i know about you and so does most of my family, but suspects in a disorderly conduct case?? AMAZING!
good sleuthing, btw. Have you considered joining the Nancy Drew team?

kathryn said...

Lauren: I know....such a shame. Hopefully Mr. Hoff will think twice the next time he considers blowing someone off. (Oops...did I say that out loud??)

Fierce: That's right, sweetie. What would Mr. Hoff do without you to remind him of this? I may be wrong...but I don't think he's very bright!

Runnergirl: Ohhhhh....that's scary! I'll bet she thought he'd screw up her perfect hair day if he wapped her over the head with his ding dong!!!

dailyseeking: Good! Then you're hearing "the voices" the same way I do! ACK!

tinkerschnitzel: Why, thank you, sweetie!

kathryn said...

jmberrygirl: I can't stop! 'Cause the voices in my head won't let me!!! Gotta. Let. 'Em. Out!!!

RON! Poor Detective Sideweanie....he has so. many. issues. Between Sheila and Mr. Hoff...he doesn't know whether he's coming or going...backwards or forwards!! xoxo

SMOOG: HA! I've got your back, sweetie! I'll be needing a clothespin for my nose, though....

Spot: HA! Out of curiosity...what kind of reaction would YOU have had, doll? Had YOU been the receptionist??

kathryn said...

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: Of course, my dear! Our great minds think alike. Mr. Hoff definitely had some 'splaining to do...

WannabeVirginiaW: Oh, you are toooo funny! up wearing clothing...on the day of your appointment....and don't piss off the receptionist!

JD at I Do Things: I've investigated the incident, ma'am. I'm afraid the kitty done done it.
Under bright lights (okay, so maybe a flashlight) Pru finally cracked (actually she turned and walked away). But there was guilt written all over her butt!!

kathryn said...

Gavin: Oh, it's always happening, sweetie! I just try not to bore you with it on a regular basis!

carissajade: HA! (Enters idea on list for Carissa's next birthday surprise....)

Wendy Blum: HA! Actually, I think sitting down hurts worse! The reporter thing sounds good, think anyone would take me seriously?? Seriously???

Lily Johnson: What? We need drama...we crave drama! It's no fun without it!

Jan: HA! I cannot imagine where you're getting this idea that I'm...somewhat....reality-challenged??

Brooke: Aw...that's soooo sweet! You are damn good for my ego, girl!

kathryn said...

Christiejolu: Thanks, sweetie! I'm glad!

Heather: I AM better! Thanks so much for asking. What a relief!!

Collette: HA! I'm glad you caught that....I didn't know if I was being too subtle. (ME? Subtle?? Not!)

book*addict: Actually, I'd like to be the Pink Panther's sister, please. I'd look all adorable next to him, don't you think??

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