Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Ribbon Whore-Prelude

Opening Scene:

As credits roll, Kathryn (stunning, slim, dark-haired beauty) steps up to the podium. She smiles a breathtakingly gorgeously-white smile as her perfectly-shaped coffee-colored eyes scan the faces of the thousands of people gathered on the grounds before her.

(“What? Too much?? Did I just notice someone in the third row rolling their eyes at my somewhat overweening description of myself? I’m citing freedom of speech and my right to practice the art of creative embellishment, dammit. Besides, most of it is true....sort of.”)

Now. Where was I??

Clinton Kelly (IV Extraordinairre): “You were standing at an imaginary podium, looking impossibly stunning, scanning the faces of your fantasy audience.”


Kathryn: (Smiles brightly) "Ah, yes. Welcome to the insanity that is the holiday season of 2009. Prepare for long lines, tons of traffic and temporarily losing the ability to properly close one's pants."

CK: "Yes...it's official. Once Black Friday's come and gone, it's every man for himself. Or woman..."

Kathryn: "Always happy for your input, Mr. Kelly. What did you think of those garlic mashed potatoes and candied yams I made for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday? Huh? Huh??”

CK: (Confused) “Um. Thanksgiving wasn’t yesterday…it was Thursday.”

K: “Well, maybe your Thanksgiving was Thursday, but we did a Mock-Thanksgiving this year, so ours was on Friday. This required my creating a pseudo/practice somewhat more compact version on Thursday for the boys and myself, whilst still having the enormous responsibility of contributing the garlic mashed potatoes and candied yams for the hoards of people arriving on Friday at Laura’s for the main-mock-event.”

CK: (Sits back, crosses legs) “Refresh my memory. What’s with the ‘mock’ bit again?”

K: “Mock: (adjective) 1. Imitation: Made to appear like something else. 2. Pretend: Done as an act, especially in order to muse people. 3. Practice: Done as practice for the real thing.”

CK: (Sighs) “I know what it means, kiddo. I’m asking why you have it in the first place.”

K: “Ah. Sorry. Every other year, we have our side of the family on Friday and let the in-laws have the actual day, so there’s no squabbling over seeing children, grandchildren and the like. My side of the family is very flexible this way, so we take the high road. Hence, the ‘mock’.”

CK: “How accommodating of you. So you and da boys had turkey and all the fixings two days in a row? Isn’t that a bit…much?”

K: “God, no. I made a spiral ham, baked potatoes and brussels sprouts on Thursday.”

CK: “Brussels sprouts? Were they being punished for something?”

K: “HaHa. My kids actually like brussels sprouts….at least, I think they do. I know somebody ate them…but it might have been me.”

CK: “Huh. So, how was the main event on Friday at your sister’s? Everything good?”

K: “Everything excellent. The turkeys were moist, the stuffing was incredible, the company was fabulous and the mashed potatoes and yams were simply out of this world, confirming my belief that sending a desperate plea to a higher authority does indeed precipitate an outstanding outcome.”

CK: (Chuckles) “Meaning?”

K: “I sent up a silent plea to God/the universe/the cosmic keeper of good deeds/ to please not let my garlic mashed potatoes and candied yams suck.”

CK: “So, am I to understand that you prepared said dishes, boxed them up, threw them in your trunk and on the way over to the main event, you sent up a plea/prayer/appeal for your contribution to 'not suck'?”

K: “Yes.”

CK: “So. Amidst all the prayers for world peace and an end to world hunger and wishes for good health and prosperity for all those in need, you felt your prayer for raves on your meal contribution were a high enough priority to be recognized and granted.”

K: “Yes.”

CK: “Interesting. And how does this tie in with the title of this post?”

K: “Oh, it doesn’t. That post comes tomorrow. This is just the teaser.”

CK: “Oh, you are bad. Any ham left? I could go for a sandwich…”

K: “Sure. Want some brussels sprouts on the side?”

Hope everyone had a fabulous holiday!



Christiejolu said...

Had a great holiday thanks! Your dinner sounded yummy. My girls saw brussels sprouts for the first time this year. My oldest (6) is usually adventurous when it comes to food. Not this time. And my younger child (4) usually loves veggies wouldn't touch them either. I wonder if it had somehthing to do with the fact their adult aunt was making gagging sounds when they were being offered. I have a feeling it was.

Gavin said...

Haha...brussel sprouts? Seriously? Who eats those? XD My Thanksgiving went decent enough, better then last year so I was quite pleased with myself. XD

serendipitous said...

Hope you had a good holiday!! I haven't had brussel sprouts in quite awhile, but last I remember, I still don't like them. :) Now, mashed potatoes and candied yams.. oh yea! But, I am sad to say that they do not like me very much.

Lou said...

Sounds like a great week Kathryn. Glad you and the boys had fun and your food was a success. My mum loves brussel sprouts and serves them occasionally but she's the only one who eats them *gag*

Heather said...

I think this is the first year we actually had Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day. All other times is like yours. Your own dinner and then the extended family dinner.

Ours went well, but glad it is over.

Hubby and I both love brussel sprouts!

Wendy Blum said...

Nothing wrong with brussle sprouts. I happen to be a fan of those myself. Never thought to have them on Thanksgiving. Always next year ;) Glad your holiday was wonderful and the food turned out yummy =)

Lauren said...

Congrats on having your prayer granted. I get my grandma to pray for me. It seems to work better. I hope that this rather upbeat blog indicates that your holidays weren't a completely, mind-numbingly, painful affair?

Oddyoddyo13 said...

You and Clinton Kelly have some really interesting conversations.

Kimberly said...

Glad to hear you had a good Thanksgiving! And your dishes were divine.

I love brussel sprouts! When I make them, I have to make peas for the boys. DD and I are the only ones who eat sprouts.

I've had turkey with all the trimmings 3 days in a row now and I'm still not tired of it. One of the benefits of having the meal at my house ... I get to enjoy the leftovers for a few days.

Gigi said...

ICK!!! Brussel sprouts???? Those things ARE NOT edible. But the garlic mashed potatoes? DIVINE!

Glad to hear your family is so flexible - mine?? Would have never been! They would have been the ones to insist on having the family gather on THE day!!

Glad to hear your Thanksgiving and the Mock-Thanksgiving was a success!

book*addict said...

COOL!!! I wish I could celebrate thanksgiving twice. It used to be my absolute fave holiday. But since I haven't celebrated it with my fam since '05 =(, it's been kinda lame. But whatever, someday I'll celebrate it with them again, for sure. =)

Fierce said...

Thanksgiving sounds like it involved a LOT of eating on your end lol.
You know it's not nice to tease people with tantalizing titles and then not follow through with the actual post. Kathryn, I can't wait to read the actual post, it sounds like another rib-cracker.
Clinton Kelly, hilarious as ever.
:D
xoxo
P.S thanks for the comment over at mine

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Your dialogue is always so clever; I can just see you onstage with your dazzling smile and shiny coffee-colored eyes answering the questions under the spotlight. Glad your holiday was fun! But I am dying to know about the Ribbon-Whore business. So was today's a Mock-Post?

Allegria said...

Having a mock Thanksgiving means TWO incredible meals? I'm all over it! And having CK for leftovers? All the more yummy!

Allegria said...

Having a mock Thanksgiving means TWO incredible meals? I'm all over it! And having CK for leftovers? All the more yummy!

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

My God you are a tease.
Did you know that a brussels sprout is not only nutritious but it makes a great ball for the cat when the real deal rolls under the frig?

Mark Price said...

Brussels sprouts. Hmm, I wonder what moron explorer thought we couldn't live without those things. Hulloooo leave those nasty things in Belguim and bring back some chocolate! Yep, don't like em. I bet the smashed potatoes were awesome though!

Gillian said...

double helping of brussels please.

Collette said...

My daughter, hubby & I like brussel sprouts, but with the fam, we had the traditional green bean casserole & plain old potatoes. A garlic mashed would've been so welcomed!
I am glad you got to have 2 different meals. I am thankful I only had to spend 1 day with family! LOL!

Gingerella said...

I have to say I've never heard of brussel sprouts being part of Thanksgiving dinner...is it an east coast thing? ;)

Glad all went well. My own dinner didn't turn out as fabulous as I'd hoped, but ya win some, ya lose some, right?

Smileyfreak said...

This is very funny for me because I ate brussel sprouts with my dinner today lol :) A mock Thanksgiving sounds like a brilliant idea,I think I might have a Crimbo one of those this year :)

Spot said...

I love brussel sprouts now. But I hated them as a child. My sister and I used to call them barbie cabbages. Barbie wouldn't eat them either, just so you know.

Glad your contributions were a success! Hope you had a fabulous couple of days. I know I did!

♥Spot

JD at I Do Things said...

Brussel sprouts seem to always be the go-to vegetable for grossing people out, but a surprising number of people really do eat and enjoy them.

They're so cute! Bite-sized little cabbages. And you must sautee them in garlic.

Mmmm. Thank you for this post. I am now inspired to go out and buy and cook and EAT some Brussel sprouts.

Jen said...

Glad you had a wonderful holiday of food and festivities. Just got back from a family visit to CA. So happy the weather was good and the airports under control.

Ron said...

Hellooooooooo Kathryn!

OMG...you are NOT going to believe this, but Tuesday I ALMOST bought myself a package of pre-prepared brussel sprouts at Trader Joes for Thanksgiving Day dinnner, that were seasoned in what sounded to be the most DELICIOUS sauce. The picture on the package looked freakin' TO DIE FOR!

And then I remembered something....

...I HATE Brussel sprouts!!

Bwhahahahahhha!

But I swear to god, the photo looked so good, that I almost tried them.

So glad to hear you had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with your family!

Can't wait to read your next post. The title sounds FABU!

Hope you had a great day!

Enjoy your evening!

xoxoxox

Kathryn said...

Christiejolu: Oh, the bad press poor brussels sprouts have gotten! Honestly...what did they ever do to deserve it? I'm glad your holiday was great, anyway!

Gavin: WE eat those! (Or, at least...I do. I think.) I hope you've got plenty of turkey left over for sandwiches. I'll be by at 1.

serendipitous: Aw! Carbs not your friend? Connor (12) tried the yams for the first time and proclaimed them "yummy". Success! Whee!

Lou: HA! Oh, come now Lou...you have to set a good example for the little ones! They're not THAT bad!

Heather: Oh, I'm glad we're not the only ones with this unusual tradition. Glad yours went well. I can appreciate being glad it's over....but, look what's coming!!

Wendy Blum: Thank you! (Honestly, it's all I had in the freezer...the "big" meal was the next day and I was totally winging it) Hope your holiday was yummy as well!

Lauren: Nah. My family holidays are usually pretty hilarious, actually. I hope yours were pretty fabulous as well??

Oddyoddyo13: Uh-huh...he makes for some interesting dialogue, right? He's so damn smart! (How're you doing, sweetie??)

Kimberly: Oh, your food sounds so yummy! I'm jealous that you've got turkey leftover...I looove turkey sandwiches...the one thing my sis does NOT send me home with!

Kathryn said...

Gigi: Everything was divine, dahling! I hope your holiday(s) were divine as well?? And the garlic mashed cancels out the sprouts, right?!

book*addict: Aw. I hope that comes back around for you...if that's what you'd like to happen. Thanksgiving twice is a bit much, but better for all involved...saves a lot of bickering!

Fierce: I'm sorry (hangs head in shame). I hope I haven't built it up and now you'll be all disappointed that it's not this whole racy, decadent story. I'm hoping Clinton distracted you a bit! And you're always welcome w/the comments at your place!

dreamfarm Girl: HA! A Mock-Post....yeah, I guess it was! It was supposed to be the actual post, but got a tad too wordy! (Of course, now the insecure writer in me is worried that the actual post will be a letdown in comparison to the "hype"....)

Allegria: HA! I love this comment! You've accidentally posted it twice, but I'm leaving it...'cause I love it THAT MUCH!

Cynica Sarcastamos: Oh, my. You are such a WEALTH of information, missy. I take it you are not a FAN of actually EATING the sprouts??
Yes, I'm a tease. But, I'm a NICE tease.

Mark Price: Yep...the pots and yams were heaven, I tell ya. I don't even know if they're technically "brussels" or "brussel"...I got tired of arguing with "Word", so I let it self-correct. They don't mean THAT much to me! Hope your holiday was a good one!

Gillian: You got it, bay-bee! Finally! Someone on MY side!!

Collette: HA! I hear that, sista! Garlic mashed is a nice change, I think. I only did the mashed 'cause the kids don't really like the yams all that much. Happy Holidays to ya!

Gingerella: Nah, it's just a "Kathryn" kinda thing. I just knew it wud get a reaction out of you guys (you're all SO EASY). Sorry yours didn't go quite as you'd liked, but I'll bet it was just fine!

smileyfreak: YAY! What are the odds? I'm glad you're eating your veggies, sweetie! And really...the "Mock" part is no different than the real thing...same...everything!

Spot: Oh, what does Barbie know? With her perfect hair and her teeny waist and her deformed feet. I mean, seriously. So glad your Thanksgiving was a good one!

JD at I Do Things: You are such a brave, scary girl JD! That's what I love about you. Hardly anyone else even wants to pretend they like poor old BSs....and I think they're kinda fetching, too. Bah.

Jen: Oh, niiiice! California? (I DO have my states correct, eh? CT is Connecticut....and so on) So glad you're home safely...we had decent weather here as well!

Alicia said...

The best part of finding out this post was only a teaser is that I already read the Whore post first...lol.

Picture Imperfect said...

You are such a shameless tease! :oP I always enjoy your IV chats, Clinton is such a sassy fellow.

Glad your food contributions didn't suck! :o) xoxo have a great day Kathryn!

Kathryn said...

RON! If I didn't know you betta, I'd think you were TOTALLY messing with me! HA! Well, maybe you wudn't have tasted the Brussel sprouts if they had enough of that delicious-tasting sauce on top! Hope you had a great day as well, my man. xoxoxo

Alicia: HA! And in the end, it didn't even matter, right?? Yep...I got too wordy on the first post, so had to postpone...story of my life.

Smoog: Thank you. I AM (or can be) a shameless tease...and Clinton's great at helping out! Hope you're having a great day as well!

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