Monday, November 9, 2009

Pimped

I believe I used the words "bane of my existence" to explain my woes with not having a second working outlet for my cell phone in my car console.

I may not have used this exact phrase to you...but I did use it when I spoke to da guy.

Da guy turned out to be one of a relatively bored, 3-man group working at a stand-alone car parts store near my house. I popped in there with Connor (12), as we had some time to kill before going to the dentist. I mean, doesn't everyone pop into their local auto parts store on teeth-cleaning day? Isn't it some sort of mandatory tradition? Like sending a thank you card for a birthday gift, or bringing something when invited to someone's house for dinner?

I walked in and basically went into "clueless mode" ("Ep-ep-ep...don't even THINK about remarking here. There's nothing you can say that I haven't already thought")... and as I'm talking, da guys are surreptitiously sneaking glances at each other. I can tell they're sending each other the guy-code message for "Okay. Who's gonna deal with this one?" Since they're getting absolutly no useful information from me in the store, one of them simply heads towards the door and walks towards the only new car in the lot.

I go on to explain about shoving the pennies into the outlet and about the fireworks display I received when my metal screwdriver came in contact with the "hot" surface. (read: she neglected to cut the power before attempting to mix metal with a live power source. Basic electricity 1-0-1...I was physically present for that class, but was having a heated debate with IV on the ramifications versus the benefits of buying a lamp because it matches your favorite pair of shoes, so I may have missed this part.)

Da guy just lets me talk...and I'm impressed to note that he's already located the fuse box in my car and is looking for the correct location of the now-dead one. He waits for me to take a breath before telling me that his fuses come in a pack of five.

K: (Confused) "Five...of the same one? Or five different ones? And why five? Why not one...or three? Three would make more sense to me. Of course, one would be even better."

He opened his mouth to respond but obviously thought better of it.

Without a word, he walked back into the store. Connor and I glanced at each other...was he coming back? Was he done with me? Had I gone too far?

When he emerged a moment later, Connor thought to mention that there were "probably a thousand or so" people waiting to hear how this story played out.

Connor: "Right, Mom?"

Kathryn: "What? Who? What are you talking about?"

Connor: (Sighs. Exasperated.) "Your readers?"

Kathryn: "Oh, riiiiight! Yup. They're just chomping at the bit to see how this turns out."

Da guy finishes installing the new fuse. Hands me the old one, pointing out that the connection between those teeny-weeny metal pieces inside is broken....identifying it as a blown fuse.


Then, he told us there was no charge....and he smiled.

I asked if he was sure (he was) and we thanked him profusely and we headed on our way.

And THAT, my friends...is how I wound up pimping you out to get my new free fuse. I hope you're not feeling too cheap right now. Remember: it's all for the story...'cause I've got nothin' without the story.

Now, go see if you can rustle me up some rock salt for the driveway. Ya done good.

book*addict said...

How do you manage to get things for free? I've determined you live in a fantasy world, and has come down to Earth to torture everyone else. ;)

Whitney said...

FREEEE!!!! I LOVE FREE!!! I manage to get stuff for free too...last summer I got our A/C AND our washing machine serviced for FREE!!! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one out there!! Good for you. Just wish they could've come up with a FREE extra outlet for you too!!

saku chan said...

?....im clueless cus i dont know much about cars and my lder bother is the one you needed to call he's refixing a pralude and a motorcycle so his pretty good he loves what he does and he's very happy when's out there in the garage if you ask him anything he talks for hours and i just nod my head cus i dont understand a word he's saying haha so your not alone in this my the force be with you seriously and with your car

jmberrygirl said...

My husband is a mechanic. All the parts guys jn town know him. Therefore, there are no freebies for us. They expect him to man up and take care of my problems. In fact, should I dare to darken thier doors without him present, the first question I get is usually, "Where's that man of yours?" Because, you know, women shouldn't go to parts stores unattended and what not...

B-ster said...

I love that your son is your accomplice. He must be taking notes and learning from you even when you don't realize it. How smart of him!

Picture Imperfect said...

I feel so USED!

Feel free Kathryn, after all - what are friends... *ahem* readers for, right? RIGHT?

*sigh*

LOL! (hugs) You know I luvs ya!

:oP Next time just stop on by my place and I'll fix your fuse for you. No pimping or flirting required. (unless of course, you feel so inclined. LOL!) It's only a few thousand miles to drive. I'll even rotate your tires for you when you get here.

;o) Have an awesome day!

Tinkerschnitzel said...

I wish I could play dumb about car stuff, but alas I can't. No freebies for me. :(

carissajaded said...

I know nothing about cars, so I pretty much just cry in car shops- and its never gotten me anything free!Well Im so glad you got that all worked out. I suppose you can pimp me out whenever need be as long as it helps!

Heather said...

You must be drop dead gorgeous and severly feminine! Sounds like men trip over themselves and don't dare charge the pretty lady. jk sorta!

I got the whole ex biker chic, ex truck driver and slight tomboy granny thing going on here, so I get nothing for free!

Great post!

Lauren said...

Well, I used my readers for grades... so I guess I can't complain. I still don't know how that went either... hmmm. You must have some genetic anomalie that enables you to charm car maintenance persons. You must test this theory! I'm all curious now!

Mark Price said...

HA! Told you he wouldnt charge you for it! Bunch of crap, free auto parts and you get to sit down to pee. (making it a true REST-room). LOL Just kiddin...not really. Glad your car is fixed.

Ron said...

BRAVA Kathryn!

And I don't think it's pimping...

I think it's your magnetic personality and inner and outer beauty that does it!

I think you just naturally HYPNOTIZE them!

As a man, I know absolutely nothing about mechanical things. Especially when it comes to a car. I can barely remember that the car runs on GAS!

HA!

*ok...that was a slight exaggeration, but you get the jist. I'm mechanical illiterate.

VUNDERBAR post, Kathryn!

Have an awesome day!

xoxoxxo

Clandestiny said...

I prefer to chalk it up to the good karma you've accumulated being so sweet to others :)

Spot said...

Wait! I'm still stuck on how people are supposed to bring things to your house when invited for dinner?! Where is that written at?? Nobody ever brings anything unless I specifically ask for it. Maybe I should post this rule in my kitchen. Then again, with my friends, who knows what they'd bring??

Go you for getting a freebie! It truly pays to look sweet innocent and confused. =]

♥Spot

Kimberly said...

Gotta love free stuff! Free stuff is awesome!

You must have some charm in order to keep getting things for free. Either that or he just wanted the crazy lady to go away. :)

Tina said...

Funny! Glad to have been of service!

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

God. I feel so used...

JD at I Do Things said...

I gotta remember this the next time I'm at the car guy. I have no qualms whatsoever about using my 10,000 or so readers in this way. I'd do it for them, after all.

Straight Guy said...

Of course I feel cheap and used!

But that has nothing to do with you...

Alicia said...

I actually was very concerned with whether you got that little problem fixed or not, but I managed to get on with my life in spite of my concern.

I'm glad it's fixed though and glad it was free.

Kathryn said...

book*addict: HA! Nah...I pay for LOTS of stuff...I just don't write about it...it would be boring.

Whitney: Well, good for YOU! You GO, girl! I manage to get little stuff...but YOU?! I bow to DA QUEEN OF FREE.........Whee!

saku chan: Well, you're a good sister for nodding and pretending you know what brother's talking about! Meanwhile, you've gone to your happy place in your head, right?

jmberrygirl: Oh, GOD. Are you kidding me? Are these guys hubby works with like, 100 years old?? It's the NEW AGE, buddies! Now, we only ACT like we don't know what's what!! (Oops...did I say that out loud?)

B-ster: I know! I do believe I may talk about you guys a bit too much. But it's nice to know he's listening!

Smoog! YAY! What's a few thousand miles between friends?? Let's see: if I leave now...wait. I'll have to pack some clothes...and stop for a quick mani/pedi....gotta change my answering machine...stop my mail. Give me about 2 weeks!

Tinkerschnitzel: Aw, honey! Don't sell yourself short! You can PLAY dumb about anything you want! But you may have to drive to another town where no-one knows you.

carissajaded: YAY! I'm glad you're okay w/being pimped out...considering I already did it and all. Aw...how can someone not give you free stuff when you're crying??

Heather: Awwww! No, no and NO. I think I'm just relate-able...and I might make 'em laugh. Connor helps!

Lauren: Huh. Only car maintenance persons?? What about appliance repair-persons? Hmmm....I'll have to think about this...

Kathryn said...

Mark Price: HEY! You guys get to sit down SOMETIMES...Besides, you have no lines to get INTO the restroom. Don't even get me started. Yes, you were right...no charge! But I had to wait till the end to know that. "Bunch of crap"....pun intended??!

RON! Thank you, sweetie! I knew YOU would believe in my cluelessness...and THAT'S why I put you down as a reference for the judge. The hearing on those "pimp" charges is next Tuesday.
xoxo

Clandestiny: Awww! Thank you, doll! I DO believe in the power of goodwill...but you can't expect rewards for it. But, don'tcha just love when someone does something nice...just for the heck of it??

Spot: HA! Sweet, innocent and confused....that's ME! How can people come to your house and eat your food without bringing something? A bottle of wine, fresh flowers...something? Who are these ppl? I want NAMES.

Kimberly: HA! I think it's probably more the latter. He realized I wasn't gonna stop talking! I DO find that if you've got a story to tell, sometimes they feel sorry for you!

Tina: Yep...you guys came in mighty handy. You might say this fuse is partially yours!

Cynica Sarcastamos: Oh, you LOVE it! You're feeling all warm and fuzzy and VALUABLE...c'mon...admit it!

JD at I Do Things: I know, sweetie. Is it difficult...being such an icon? Being listened to...by so many? I mean, do you still put your pants on one leg at a time??

Straight Guy: HA! An honest man! I'd say you could use me back, but that would get me into all kinds of trouble...so, I won't.

Alicia: How EVER did you get through the days...without knowing the end to my story? My plight, if you will?? I know you've probably thought of little else....

Dreamfarm Girl said...

Happy to be your bitch, ma'am. Fun storytelling, and what good are we if you can't use us for something. Oh, and I completely recognize my own son at that age, sighing and exasperated.

Allegria said...

Kathryn, Kathryn. The very first post I read on your blog you batted those eyelashes and received free car service. When I bat my eyelashes, it looks like I'm trying to get something out of my eyes. You go, girl!

Rambles'N'Shambles said...

Pfft....one day I'll pimp you out

Pimp you out good and proper!



*shakes fist*

I never figured out why the come in the pack of five either

Runnergirl said...

Hi Kathryn! What is it with you and car mechanics? They are always dojng nice stuff for you...

Gingerella said...

Hehehehehehe! I have no problem being pimped out. All for the greater good, lol.

I got a "freebie" once, one of the screws holding my license plate on fell out so I went to a hardware store to find one, lone, tiny screw that looked like it might work. A guy came over to help me and after explaining my predicament, poured over all of the available screws with me. He came up with 3 that he thought might work, so he walked out to my car with me and tried them out. One fit, and then he told me no charge. I imagine it probably wasn't worth the hassle of trying to figure out what to charge for *one* tiny screw.

Picture Imperfect said...

Smoog! YAY! What's a few thousand miles between friends?? Let's see: if I leave now...wait. I'll have to pack some clothes...and stop for a quick mani/pedi....gotta change my answering machine...stop my mail. Give me about 2 weeks!

LOL I'll see you whenever you get here punkin! You could probably skip the mani/pedi as you'll probably want to wear boots and gloves for most of your stay. ;o)

Take care on the road! Looking forward to seeing you. lol

Kathryn said...

Dreamfarm Girl: HA! Well, I promise to only pimp you out when absolutely necessary. Or when there's free stuff involved. Or a cocktail. But, that's IT!

Allegria: HA! You DO NOT look like you've got something in your eye! But thank you for the compliment...you need to protect those beautiful eyes for all your beautiful photographs, missy!

Ranbles'N'Shambles: Honey, you may return the pimp-favor anytime...go ahead....use me...(sighs dramatically)...just get it over with...do it fast!

Runnergirl: I DON'T KNOW! I think it's 'cause I went for about 5 years without doing anything I was supposed to do to my car...and now it's all catching up with me!

Gingerella: Awwww...now, THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. The guy took the time...and went to the trouble...just because. No agenda...no fee...just because. It probably made him feel good to help you out and you remembered it enough to share it with me. That's a story I like to hear!

SMOOG! What? No mani/pedi? BUT...what'll the cabana boys (MEN) think if my nails aren't done? Will they still respect me? You DO realize we're heading south to hook up with Ron, who we'll have to regularly dunk in ice water to keep him happy!?!?

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