Monday, October 26, 2009

You Can't Make Me

I don’t wanna grow up-
I’m a Toys R Us kid.
There’s a million toys at Toys R Us-
That I can play with.
From bikes to planes to video games-
It’s the biggest toy store there is.
I don’t wanna grow up-
‘Cause baby if I did…
I couldn't be a Toys R Us kid…
(more games, more toys, OH BOY!)
I couldn't be a Toys R Us kid.

(Applause…whistle…applause….applause….)

Okay, people…settle down.

The truth is, there are parts of me that may never grow up. I figure if the grown-up gene hasn’t kicked in by now, I’m probably done.

I’ll give you some examples:

Mom/Dad: “Don’t sit/stand/do cannonballs off of the arm of the couch/chair/kitchen counter. I worked my fingers to the bone to pay for that. When you grow up and have nice furniture of your own, I’m going to come over and do that and see how you like it.”

Dad/Mom: “Don’t run in the house! Someone’s going to get hurt. Do you want to spend the night in the emergency room?”


Mom/Dad: “Don’t go outside without your jacket. It’s freezing outside. Do you want to catch your death of cold?”

You get the idea. Thing is, I still do some of these things…okay, I do all of these things...but I do them in a dignified, adult manner.

Truth be told, I do sit on the arm of the chair/couch. I have even been known to hoist myself up on the kitchen counter when feeling the desire to rest my feet, but also wanting the distinct advantage of being at eye level with my 6’ 2” son during our discussion on the merits of taking out the trash before it overflows to the point where the flip-top on the can fails to close properly, giving Metro unspoken permission to remove any item he deems even remotely edible. I respect my right...as an adult...to sit anywhere I want, dammit. If I can't justify it now....

I’ve been known to sprint through the house at warp speed when the phone’s ringing and I can’t find the remote…screaming like a banshee “Don’t hang up! I’m coming! Where are all the freakin' phones??!!!” Yes, I suppose I could trip, stumble and poke someone's eye out by running in the house. I guess it's a risk I'm willing to take.

I run outside in winter without a jacket all the time. To get the mail, to refill the bird feeder…I figure, “how long can it possibly take?” There’s always that small part of me that worries that I could lock myself out of the house and no amount of knocking would be heard by the boys, whose iPods are blaring…they remain completely oblivious unless they smell food. But the putting on of the coat, the scarf, the gloves, the hat and the boots just seem like an awful lot of trouble for something that should only take...about 30 seconds, tops. Not to mention the fact that if you’re getting into a warm car, you’ll be instantly HOT and have to take it all off again anyway.

I have occasionally been known to throw a folded towel into my overstuffed linen closet and then quickly close the door…before anything could tumble back out again. It’s childish, I know…especially given the fact that I will undoubtedly be the next one to open said door and have the contents topple down on me in a mountain of linens, but I can live with that chance.

I never, ever lick my fingers...unless they’re recently washed and I’m chowing down on the rarest of treasures…a glazed donut…because one simply cannot wipe away the glaze from one’s fingers on a napkin…I believe it’s actually considered a mortal sin in some cultures.

Sometimes, I even squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, or put a pencil back in the cup even though I know the point is broken off. I’ve even been known to walk right past those sticky dots of maple syrup someone (Taylor) dripped on the kitchen floor…all the while thinking that I’ll catch it the next time I’m in there.

After all, it wasn’t me. Somebody else did it....

And I’m telling.

Insanity said...

I don't think anyone ever grows up. We all are a bunch of kids pretending to be grown ups as the occasion calls for it. (; I've found there's no better stress reliever then acting what most would consider childish. But hey, it's fun, and that's what counts, right? (: As long as its legal and all that jazz. xD

book*addict said...

Pfft, me grown up? Never! Although I am only 21 and by having an almost 2 year doesn't mean I have to get all snakry and ogre like typical grown ups. My hubby and I are constantly playing chokes on each other. You'll often find me running around my VERY small town house with my WAY TOO big of a dog taunting him. You'll catch me not making the bed, doing laundary, or putting clothes for days on end. I hope to never grow up, no matter what. How boring life would be if I did.

Thaydra said...

What is "grown up" anyway? I think it sounds stuffy and boring. I agree- there's no better therapy for a funk day than to tear away all the "adult" stuff, and just be a kid. Not to mention, it freaks my kids out, which is a total bonus!

Lou said...

Yayy for never quite growing up.

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

You are just plain funny.
Your son is 6'2?
Shazam.

BlackLOG said...

Oh,no it's the end of the world. Traditionally it is the male role to never grow up. If you none-guys start/stop (Whatever?) growing up, who's left to play the sensible card....

The vote, standing up to wee and now refusing to grow up - you none-guys are so stalking us?

Gillian said...

Wish I could play Guitar Hero all day.

Lauren said...

I'm totally not a grown up. Given my age I should have come into some maturity, but I haven't. I still think certain words are funny. I scribble 'poop' in my friends binders when they aren't looking. I make weird random noises just to see what people will do. I still skip, dance and sing at random. Most of that is caught on camera at work and my boss laughs at me the next day. When my bosses are speaking in Chinese I make up what they're saying. Last time they were arguing about a cat (actually arguing about having bok choy for supper). Being a grown up is for suckers! I sit on the counter too!

lifelove'n'wine said...

Haha, when you said you still do all those things I was like "She does cannonballs off the arm of the chair???"

I'm totally not a grown up either. Sometimes I'll walk right past dishes that are left in the living room or things on the floor and think, I'll get it later...or maybe Geoff will. I never make my bed and I do lick my fingers for foods that are not glazed donuts. Oh well!

ValleyWriter said...

I don't believe in being a grownup. I think you're only as old as you feel and I don't want to be that old! :-)
One hold over from childhood that my husband has, which I find incredibly endearing, is that he licks his plate at the end of dessert (esp. ice cream). I know, it's not kosher, but damn is it cute!

JD at I Do Things said...

Hee!

I'm still waiting for my mom to come over (as threatened) and do cannonballs off the arm of my couch, but it hasn't happened.

No, instead of my mom yelling at me, it's my husband. The one who eats Lucky Charms and watches Gilligan's Island.

So I shall continue to cannonball with abandon.

B-ster said...

My daughter who is 5 asked me yesterday "Mom, are you ever going to grow up and act like you are old like you should be?" All condesending and such. I just started laughing, and my 8 year old son told her that he likes that I'm a goofball. I don't ever hear her get after my hubby though with his video games and rough housing. "Hey, be careful! You might poke one of the kids' eyes out!" I think it is because she expects me to be the grown up since no one else is acting that way, and I am usually the one hollaring those mommy sayings like "Don't make me turn this car around!"

Tinkerschnitzel said...

I will never grow up. I bought myself coloring books and crayons and refuse to let my 5 year old use any of them. They're mine! I love the smell of new crayons and playdough. I still play with Barbies when I get the chance.

Oh, you remember that one from your parents, "You live under my roof, so you'll follow my rules. When I live under your roof, I'll follow your rules"? I got my mom on that one! Tee hee.

jmberrygirl said...

Cute, cute, cute. I sit on the counter. I climb on it (with my feet) with I need stuff from the top shelf 'cause guess what? I'm short. I have been known to feed my dog with a spoon when I'm done using it. I'm not dead yet. I almost never remember umbrellas or jackets. I do try to keep an extra in my car for super-down pours so I don't look like a drowned rat at work, but hey, who really cares? huh? I had a coca-cola and sour cream and onion chips for breakfast. Sue me, hate me, bite me. Just don't tell my mother... ;)

Spot said...

Oh please! I still stick my tongue out at people when I'm mad. Growing up is for boring non-creative people like accountants or librarians. (no offense to anyone intended, those just seem like grown up jobs).

My dad used to tell us that we were living at his "Burger King" so he got things "his way". And when we grew up we'd have our own "Burger Kings" and we could do it "our way". About ten years ago I asked him when the hell I was getting my "Burger King" because I sure as heck never get things "my way"!!!

great post as usual,
♥Spot

Ron said...

If you could see my apartment, you would instantly know that I've NEVER grown up. I have trolls, teddy bears, and coloring books on the shelves.

I LOVE never growing up.

Oh, and also I'm very irreverent - I never squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom. And I also tear the tags off of pillows, even though they that warn you to NEVER remove under penalty of law!!!

HA!

Have an awesome day, my friend!

P.S. don't ya just love Toys R Us???

Gingerella said...

I still feel so much like a kid, it shocks me to realize sometimes that I'm not.

I always wonder if others feel this way too...others who look and behave like *real* adults, lol. But if being an adult means I have to give up my sense of humor, and a sense of the whimsical and absurd, then NO THANKS!

Loredana said...

I love being a kid in an adult body, you get to get away with a lot more. I love laughing like a kid, acting like a kid when I'm begging my nephew for the last piece of bubblegum and singing along to the music he listens to as he stares at me in shock! I looooooove hiding behind the door to our bedroom when i hear my husband coming up the stairs so I can scare the crap out of him! That's just a few 'kid' things i like to do. I'm an adult only when I'm on the train and there are kids sitting and they can rightfully give up their seat to me then I give them the eye roll for not getting up fast enough or for not getting up at all and going 'who teaches these kids manners?'

carissajaded said...

"I won't grow up,I won't grow up!" Now I'm gonna have the frickin peter pan song in my head all day. But really, I don't think there is anything wrong with this. I will always be the type of person who wants to yell and echo in an empty room, i will always take my shoes off where ever i feel like it, and I will always laugh when someone falls (and doesn't get too hurt.) What of it!

Heather said...

Seems like since my grandsons have been coming around more, I am slowly losing my child like ways. Trying to not corrupt what daughter has instilled in them. I'm trying, but then this happens..

I tell them "Don't go outside with out your shoes, you'll get stickers in your feet!"

My grandson had to rescue me (feet full of stickers and couldn't move), brought me my shoes and lent a shoulder so I could pull them out. I am such a bad example!

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

Coats suck. Donuts do not.

Kathryn said...

Insanity! What? Legal? It has to be legal?? Kidding. (sort of) I think we all need to coax out "the kid" in us, occasionally. My inner child just seems to be "out" more than it's "in". I'm not worried...being a grownup all the time would be too stressful. Nice avatar, btw!

Kathryn said...

book*addict! I agree. Totally. That's what's great about having children, too...you get to look at the world through their eyes. I love to let life surprise me...and I love to laugh. I figure we can laugh or cry...anything is better than no reaction at all. Right?

Thaydra: I know! My kids freak out, too! That's gotta be the biggest bonus for me...catching that look of total surprise on their faces! Once, I threw myself into our (then) swimming pool fully dressed...had just enough foresight to throw my cell onto a chair. They've never forgotten that.

Lou! Yay...I'm glad you agree. It makes me feel validated!

Cynica Sarcastamos: Uh-huh. 6'2" and he has the annoying habit of picking me up....just because he CAN. I'm okay till he twirls me...then I threaten to hurl.

BlackLOG: I think we ALL deserve the break, now and then.

Gillian: Aw! I'll bet you ROCK, too. Maybe we don't HAVE to go to work today? I call the first song!

Lauren: Well, good for you! You and I def have a lot in common...with creating our own (much funnier) subtitles and sitting on the counter. God, my parents NEVER let me sit on the counter...I think that's why I do it now.

Kathryn said...

lifelove'n'wine: It's tedious being a grown-up ALL THE TIME. I just don't want to be one of *those* ppl who's sighing all the time under the burdon of their lives. Let's practice those cannonballs now....

ValleyWriter: Oh, I think that's cute too! But, he doesn't do it at a restaurant...does he? I might have to draw the line there! Good for him, though...a child seeing him to that would be AMAZED!

JD at I Do Things: Good girl! Between you doing the cannonballs and hubby eating Luckies in front of the teevee, it's any wonder you've got any furniture left! (PS: You promised you wouldn't jump till I got there....)

Fierce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathryn said...

B-ster: So, the kids are torn and confused by your behavior....they love it but expect MORE from YOU. Too funny! Connor(12) was okay till around age 10, when I started embarrassing him. Evidently, I am NOT allowed to break into dance whilst walking thru the mall. Were you aware of this rule?

Tinkerschnitzel: HA! Oh, yeah...I remember the "rules" one. It's taken every ounce of willpower I have not to spew that one at Taylor (17). Ah, nothin' like the smell of a brand new crayon! Ahhhh.

jmberrygirl: HA! This was priceless: "Sue me, hate me, bite me. Just don't tell my mother... ;)" I LOVE IT! I LOVE YOU!

Tina said...

Hi, I really relate to this. I'm forty in December and I have been waiting for the grown up part of me to kick in and start cleaning the house, but she hasn't turned up yet...

Tina said...

Hi, I really relate to this. I'm forty in December and I have been waiting for the grown up part of me to kick in and start cleaning the house, but she hasn't turned up yet...

filmgirl said...

girl, you're living life right! couch arms are there to sit on--what else are they for? running in the house should be an olympic sport...of course my apartment would take a whole two sprints to make it across but still. I'm all for it!

Trooper Thorn said...

I'll walk around without my laces tied, complete in the knowledge that my stride is long enough to prevent me from tripping over them. Ha!

Kathryn said...

Spot: Thank you, my dear! Huh...I wonder how I avoided the "Burger King" lecture...I must've been busy doing cannonballs at the time and didn't hear. Do you say the same thing to YOUR kids??

RON! Aw, I just keep learning wonderful things about you, my friend! I totally had you figured for a "bottom squeezer", mister! (I mean the toothpaste...mind out of the gutter!)Aren't you glad they make toothpaste with the lids attached? Now, THAT would drive me crazy. I LOVE trolls, BTW. (Check your email!)

Gingerella: I totally agree. I think it's sad when ppl think they HAVE to behave a certain way...there's no LAW that described adulthood...we need to individually define it!

Loredana: HA! So, you are an adult of convenience, basically?!? It's when it suits you! Sounds good to me!

carissajaded: I'll be laughing right there beside you. And I think I just tripped over one of your shoes!

Heather: Okay....what the heck are "stickers"? They sound....sticky! And kinda...fun...but...painful??Splain, Lucy!

erin@thelocalsloveit: Uh huh! Well put...and in so few words, too!

Mark Price said...

Kathryn funny post! I'm never growing up. I still like toys r us too! probably cause when I was little we only had sand to play with. unless the dog pooped. You didnt want to be the one who found the rover cigar on day 1 though.

Allegria said...

*Snort* I'm giggling so hard. This post is so, so, true, but I'd never thought of it quite like this before. I've also been known to grab a cookie right before dinner. Often. Pbbbtht on the age old rule about no snacks before supper!

dailyseeking said...

Reminds me of my toothpaste squeezed from the middle and I threw away the lid a long time ago. Also, I love to lay on a freshly made bed--I can hear my mother sighing across 3 states.

Heather said...

Sticker's..not the ones you lick.

I'm not sure if I can't explain very well, but I'll try.

They are a weed that produces a seed that is enclosed by a hard round shell that has thorns all over them. There are various different veriaties here in Texas and they are nearly impossible to get rid of, with a natural lawn. Those fortuate enough to buy their lawns, don't have that problem.

Kathryn said...

Tina: Well, she may not be showing up for a while yet. Can't we just hire someone to do the grown-up chores? It seems to me that we've got plenty of time to feel all burdened and wracked with responsibility...can't it WAIT??

filmgirl: Hey, whether it's two sprints or 5, what's the diff? I can't stand the thought of being a stuffy "grownup". Where's the fun in that??

Trooper Thorn: HA! Well, that's the "adult" in you that knows you won't trip and look like an idiot. Good for YOU! I'd just leave 'em untied and take my chances....

Kathryn said...

Mark Price: HA! "Rover cigar!" HA! Loved this comment! You are ONE FUNNY DUDE, dude!

Allegria: HA! That one is right up there with not going swimming 30 mins after eating! Uh-huh.....not!

dailyseeking: "I can hear my mother sighing across 3 states" HA! So freakin' true! You KNOW our parents are thinking, "All that talking...and NONE of it sunk in."
Oh, well!!

Heather: Ouch! They sound like they HURT! Ah, so if you "buy" your lawn and it's not naturally found from that area, you don't have 'em, I'm guessing. Ouch! So, you basically MUST wear foot protection from these devils, right?

snoble24 said...

hey i do childish things to. i try not to but i do it. i think we all revert back to childish tings at times

Kathryn said...

snoble24: Hey, nothing wrong with that! We don't need to grow up so fast...there's plenty of time for that!

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