Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Another Day, Another Dollah

The day was coming along just swimmingly. Yes, this day was filled with rainbows and unicorns…everything was unbelievably, impossibly perfect!

Then, I woke up.

Metronome (the wonderdog) evidently has allergies. So says the veterinarian. So says the $78 check I paid to have him evaluated and (in Metro’s humble opinion) violated with a doggie-thermometer. So, I wake to what sounds like an 85-year-old man who’s been smoking for 60.

"Hack! Hack! Blech! Patoohey!"

"Well. And 'good morning' to you, too….someone needs a breath mint. And a spittoon."

The day progresses. Connor’s (12) recovering from a bad head cold and it’s his first day back at school. The nurse is not calling. This is progress. Connor has a class trip tomorrow to see dead bodies on display in Manhattan. Then, they’re off to Ground Zero. It’s supposed to be rainy, cold and windy. Good times.

Somehow, the hours between 7am and 2:25pm are whisked away with phone calls, spread sheets and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. No-one’s sure where the time has gone. I do not question where the time has gone. What’s the point?? It's gone.

2:34pm: My final moment of sanity for the day. Trust me.

2:45pm: I’m on the phone with someone by the name of Ramon from Fidelity Investments. Ramon wants to know if I am comfortable with the Target Asset Mix of 50% stock funds, divided into equal parts by the ratio of the time continuum broken down into chocolate chips divided by the next 26 years of my life, excluding bathroom breaks. I have already put Ramon off once before….he’d called two weeks ago, just as the boys were getting home from school. After my third "I don't know...." and "I'm sorry....what?" he suggests he call back: “How’s Tuesday, October 27th…at 2:45pm?” This is the same time the boys arrive home.

I say, “Okay.”

I’m a freakin’ idiot.

After ten minutes of "I'm not sure…I really haven't had a chance to consider the ramifications of the exclusion of bathroom breaks for the next 26 years of my life,” we decide to re-schedule this conference call. He’s calling back in a month. I think. Probably at 2:45...

Taylor (17) announces he’s got a project due. He’s supposed to cook something.

“Cool-io”, I say.

“Oh and it has to be from scratch and it has to feature some fresh veggies, as I already announced in my report that my diet is lacking in such,” Taylor pronounces. “And it’s due tomorrow,” he adds.

I have no words at first. I just stare.

“You DO know that I don’t know how to cook, right?” I ask.

“I think you’re an excellent cook,” Taylor mollifies.

“You don’t know any better,” I answer. “This is not fair. We’ll just wing it.”

“Uh-oh,” says Taylor. “We'll also need to take two photographs…one of me preparing the meal and the other holding said meal.”

“You’re freakin’ kidding me, right?” I ask.

He was not.

In the end, “we” wound up making three bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches…using tomatoes from the tomato plants on our deck.

That was about as “scratchy” as we were gonna get. That, and a can of baked beans and I proclaimed us done.

Photos taken? Check. Photos printed? Double-check.

Oh, crap.

Now we’re out of bread.

Kelsie Raedfords said...

You choose a title not bad. Its according to your content.

Lou said...

Yummmmmm BLTs my favourite.

BioniKat said...

He actually wrote in a report that his diet is lacking something! Treason! Kick his teenage butt.

BlackLOG said...

Vets - Mischief the scary looking one, that I told you would not hurt a fly.... I forgot about the time when she bit the vet. In her defense he did not warn her or even warm the Violator.....He now guestimates her temperature

Investment advice - Hmmm Ramon was that a cold call? In which case tell him next time you have decided on an invest strategy in paying off your mortgage. This single line scares of 99.999%* of Investment advisers!!! that darken my phone line. Which kind of leads me to believe I must be onto something. Don't worry if you don't have a Mortgage Ramone won't know that...I

* A similar line "I had all my windows, gutters done yesterday” only works on 1% of double Glazing salesmen. (I have had recent experience of Double Glazing Salesmen ) They try and carry on claiming that their product is 1000% better and half the price of the product you have purchased. Which is interesting in that they don't know who supplied the imaginary product in the first place. Saying to them at his point "But it was your firm that supplied my windows. Are you telling me that you overcharged me and gave me your end of line product? gets rid of most of them. Any remaining at this point are clearly mental

P.S. So that’s what the extra $78 was on this months rent. I thought ‘Metro expenses’ was some form of new city tax….

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

I'm guessing that working well under pressure is a family trait. Way to go!

Runnergirl said...

I suppose we should be glad that they are learning about healthy eating in school.... but can't believe he dobbed you in!!!

B-ster said...

I love it! A BLT is the best way to have to "cook" without too much of the cooking involved.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

BLT's under pressure! A woman after my own heart. Way to go.

Jen T said...

Haha perfect! And what a cute little doggie and handsome son you have!

JD at I Do Things said...

HAHAHAHA! Oh, good one, K.

Is it wrong that I think your 17-year-old son is kind of hot? He looks way older than 17, so it's OK for me to think that, right? Maybe it's just the sight of a man "cooking" that's got me all excited.

lies down

Spot said...

Um, why not just tell Ramon to go play in traffic? And your son is a very nice looking guy. Your dog is too cute and I hope Connor stays well. But I'm very jealous because my tomato plants are toast. All dryed and brown because it's been so cold here.


Loredana said...

I just want to know whta a BLT has to do with the microwave? Were you "cooking" the B in the micorwave?

Anonymous said...

The dog can probably take baby benadryl and be just fine. Works for my weenie dog. And he's a real... weiner, in every sense of the word. I'm (eventually) going to post a from scratch, real veggie pasta salad on my blog that I bet your son could handle. The only real "cooking" is to prepare elbow macaroni on the stove. Everything else is peeled, chopped, sliced and stirred.

Unknown said...

Aw Kathryn! I had a day that went to shit yesterday too... sounds like you pulled yours out of the can though and saved the day! ;o)

(mine only got better at the end because I gave up and went to bed. lol) post about yesterday's hijinks

Metro is the cutest of cuties and um... yeah... I agree with JD. Men who cook are HAWT!!! hehe

Thanks for sharing pictures, I really enjoyed them. I hope you have a fantastic day today and tell Ramon to get stuffed! ;o)

English Rose said...

The thing I love most about this post? The use of 'patoohey' as a general exclamation. I'm thinking we call in who ever makes the dictionaries

www.nothing-but-blue-skies.blogspot.com - because I'm trying something new and could use all the support I can get:)


Anonymous said...

Aww...your dog is adorable. :D My day yesterday wasn't that great either. I know a dude like Ramon....well knew I guess I should say. I finally got caller ID and just didn't answer when his number came up. xD Lovely meal choice btw.

Unknown said...

Too funny! At least he said he was lacking in veggies. My kids would have said they were deficient in chocolate chip cookies and/or ice cream. You can never have enough of those, right Mom? Besides, there is calcium in ice cream and that's good for you. :)

Ron said...

Ok, first of all Metro is the CUTEST little doggie in doggie kingdom!

What an adorable face!!!!!

And this cracked me up...

"Well. And 'good morning' to you, too….someone needs a breath mint. And a spittoon."


And yummy...bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches! Being a non-cooker myself, I say that's FEAST!

So, brava Julia Child!

Have a great day, my friend!


Clandestiny said...

Poor pup! But it's not unusual for dogs with that "squished in" face to have more issues than dogs with longer muzzles. jmberrygirl is right, you can use Benedryl on dogs! In my experience the vets will likely give steroids and such just to lessen the symptoms since they can't exactly *cure* an allergy. Benedryl will also lessen the symptoms cheaper with less stress for you and the pooch. If it doesn't do as well as what the vet gives you can always decide to go back to that.

Kids with last minute things they MUST have for school? *sigh* I know that song and dance only too well so hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that you are NOT alone!! lol

Sara's Whimsy said...

BLT is high skilled cooking in my book!

Heather said...

oh, the last minute "pull something outta your hat" fun times I had with my mom over those.

Great job..BLT's.. humm now I'm hungry.

Tell Ramon to get a new job and lose my number!

Jen said...

Just be happy you don't have my vet bills. The cooking is one thing I could help you with if I could reach through this computer screen.
But, it looks like you got it sorted out. I'm just jealous you have sunshine.

Alicia said...

Very cute post. Love your doggie & I'm not a big dog person. So how are your feeling about all these people thinking your 17 year old son is HAWT?...lol.

He's a nice looking boy and it cracks me up that the microwave is wide open and he seems not to mind one bit!

carissajaded said...

Um your dog is adorable.

And also, I don't see ANYTHING wrong with your method of cooking from scratch. Mine consists of a lean cuisine meal, so I would say you got me beat!

Lauren said...

Meeko has allergies too. He once sneezed about twelve times in a row. While it was freakin' funny, I was worried his brain would explode and I'd be picking up bits of it for days to come.

As to BLTs... they are awesome. Besides, there wasn't a complexity clause in the assignment was there?


Lauren said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Oddyoddyo13 said...

Don't be worried about the phone call....I couldn't understand a word either.

kathryn said...

Kelsie Raedfords: Thanks....It was just one of those days. Actually, today is making yesterday look like a walk in the park. Thanks for the comment-I tried to comment at your site and they're disabled? It would not let me post one! I tried...

Lou: Me too...but they're not very filling. Have you noticed this? Did I mention that those 3 BLT's were all for Taylor?

momcat: THANK YOU! THAT'S what I said! How NICE that he's so OPEN and SHARING with the 29 other students in his class! (I took it QUITE personally!)

BlackLog: Nah, Ramone was an expected caller. I am the queen of call-screening.

Cynica Sarcastamos: Gee....you thought I did well?! Thanks!! I think procrastination is a family trait...dammit.

Runnergirl: I felt like I was being railroaded. BUT...then I thought, "Dammit. SHE'S not gonna make run out to the store to make some fancy-schmancy veggie-delight meal all from scratch...just for HER class." I'm simply not one of those meat, potatoes & veggies kinda gal.

B-ster: It was VERY greasy...and took just as long to clean up as ANY meal would have! It was my own little way of "protesting", I think. Teacher annoyed me.

Maureen@IslandRoar: HA! "BLT's under pressure!" I LOVE it! Perfect!

lifelove'n'wine: Thank you, my dear. The males of the house do have a certain handsomeness to them, don't they?

JD at I Do Things: I was wondering when someone was gonna say that...WHY am I not surprised that it's YOU, JD? I've told him many times that he's HOT. He says "You HAVE to say that. You're my MOM."

Spot: Yeah, Ramone's a PITA. Boys & puppy are keepers. My tomatoes are toast NOW...the last decent ones just made it to last night. Have you seen what happens to them when they've been frozen? I shud take a picture of the ones that are left....

loredana: Um. Yeah? I mean...otherwise, you get the grease all over the stove...and all over ME....and.....uh. (You DID read the part where I say I can't cook, right??)

jmberrygirl: So, maybe the non-cooking-gene doesn't have to be passed onto Taylor? That would be nice. I love pasta salad...actually, I love pasta-anything!

PictureImperfect: Aw. I'm sorry you had a crappy day. You DO know that I hit each site after comments, right? Gotta find out what's happenin' in your neck of the woods. Today was actually...worse. Wait...you'll see. I've "VENTED" to Ron already in an email. (Pun intended)

English Rose: That would be Miriam Webster. I'm on it! "Patoohey!"

kathryn said...

Insanity: HA!The last few days...not loving 'em all that much. Sounds like you're with me on this. I am a HUGE call-screener. I figured BLT met 2 of the 3 criteria for veggies, right?

Kimberly: Wow! Your kids are SMART! A chocolate-chip deficiency! It's freakin' genius! He also said he doesn't drink enough water. And I suppose that's MY fault??

RON! Oh, Ronnie....YOU'D eat my sad excuse for a "veggie-laden meal from scratch", now...wouldn't ya? Yes, I do believe you would. I picture Metro staring intently right at your feet...in case you dropped a bite...his hacking all but forgotten.
Metro and Bernie RULE!!!

Clandestiny: You are absolutely correct! Just today, the vet called in Prednisone for pup. It was very strange going to the pharmacy for the DOG. I guess we're lucky we've made it this far w/o issues. I think all the carpet in this rental is partly to blame.
I WISH I could say the same about the boys' procrastination!

Sara's Whimsy: Thank you, my dear! For me, it's high-stress stuff. Then again, I get stressed making eggs and toast...everything's going at once! Where's the butter?! The eggs are BURNING! It's pretty pathetic.

Heather: HA! BLT's are fun, but too messy for my taste! Between the grease and the crumbs...I'll stick to eating them in diners in the future. Poor Ramon...I'll bet he "rues the day" he called me!

talk before sleep said...

AHHH I haven't been online in like a week and I have SOO much catching up to do!! Thank you for giving me some fantastic reading and many laughs on my long day at work!!!

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

What goes best with a BLT? Wine, Beer, Martini? Shot of tequilla?

All of the above?

kathryn said...

Jen: You have big vet bills? Yes, reach away through this computer screen! I need all the help I can get! Nothing even CLOSE to sunshine here, honey!

Alicia: Thank you! I mentioned to him that I was getting some comments with regards to his "hotness"...I got the eyeroll. I honestly don't think he believes me! I'll have to show him. He's at that age...

kathryn said...

carissajaded: Hey, I'm with you, honey. A "Healthy Choice" dinner and I'm good to go. Just stop my stomach from gurgling and I'm down with it. I'm totally missing the "cooking gene".

Lauren: Nope. No complexity clause....geez...at least, none that I know of! She just annoyed me...I mean, da nerve! Who does she think I am? Julia Childs??

Oddyoddyo13: Oh, good. So, I told Ramon to call you next. I'm glad you're on board.

talk before sleep: Aw, honey...any time! Where have you been? And where was my 7-day-required-advance-notice-prior-to-being-offline completed, notarized form? Gee...I don't remember authorizing a break....

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt: ALL OF THE ABOVE. (You KNEW that would be my answer, right?) Ya got all your major food groups (practically) and no nationality to claim they own it, right? I'll have one of each please.

Anonymous said...

Wow, BLT is top notch cooking!! I would have made mash potatoes!! They're vegetables right?

Bobby Allan said...

Metro! Poor sweetie. Give him a big lick and a sniff from Bernie. Boy, that sounds vulgar.

kathryn said...

WannabeVirginaW: Wow! Mashed potatoes are TOO HARD! All that mixing...and mashing...and stuff.

Chrissy: HA! I know Bernie would NEVER be vulgar. She's WAY too much of a lady.

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