Sunday, October 4, 2009

Word Guys

So, I'd recently mentioned the 100 new words that have been added to the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary.

Most of you were seriously not impressed…and more than a few were peeved at “the audacity these guys had to wait so freakin’ long to include some of these words that have already been around like, for-eva…” or something along these lines.

But how do you really feel about it?

Thing is, you’ve got to think about who we’re dealing with here. As far as I’m concerned, here’s a recent shot of the Merriam-guys:

As you can plainly see, they’re half in the bag already…and they’re only ten minutes into the meeting. Furthermore, the left two are totally distracted playing a secret game of chess behind the back of the guy with the obvious acid-reflux disease (hand on da chest)...or he's expressing his undying love to the photographer of this shot, I can't be sure. The next guy looks about ready to lose his lunch and is barely able to keep his hat on (notice how he's literally holding himself up by hanging on to acid reflux/lovestruck guy),whilst the guy behind him has misplaced his hat completely…but no-one’s gonna bring that up ‘cause he’s the guy holding the much-anticipated list of new words, don’tchaknow. The guy all the way on the right passed away about two days ago, but they needed six guys in order for the new words to pass, so ‘ole Simon was propped up, gloves were placed on his hands to distract from the issue of his rotting extremities and if you seriously pay attention, you’ll see that “list guy” is casually holding up Simon’s left arm in the universal “sounds good to me…I vote yes!” position.

The transcript of the last meeting read:

Guy With No Hat: “So-eth, I say-eth to all who can read-eth these words that as of this effing day, we shall now utter words such as ‘acai’ and ‘goji’ to describe the most rarest of fruity berries from faraway lands. And now we shall drink-eth to these newest of words! Whee!”

So, seriously….what did you expect?

Then you’ve got the Urban Dictionary dudes and dudettes:

...who consider it a rad day if "the sidewalk body count is low, the cops don't bust us for 'boarding on the sidewalk and like, if Red Bull comes out Danny's nose from laughin'...'cause that's like, un-natural dude." Two of their latest entries would include:

1) Butter face: (n.) A girl who is hot, except for her (but her, butter) face.
e.g.: “If J. Lo had her face torn apart by wild dogs, people would call her a butter face.”

And

2) Air jerk: Making a ‘jerking off’ motion with one’s hand to express disgust, disinterest or disbelief, while simultaneously rolling one’s eyes. Similar to concept of playing air guitar (Author’s note: I swear…I’m not making this up.)
e.g.: “I think she’s pissed. She just gave me an air jerk and walked away.”

Latest transcript was unavailable as no-one could hold a pen, find a tissue, or stop laughing 'cause of the Red Bull coming out of good 'ole Danny's nose.

(Picture me simulating the motion of playing an air guitar whilst rolling my eyes as I walk away…..)

Pulease.


Spot said...

Oh my stars! (As both my sister and my daughter routinely say). That was hysterical! Why is no hat holding up the other guy's arm?! While I like your interpretation, that's a mind boggler.

And the urban peeps. What's wrong with liking it when liquid comes out of someones nose when they laugh? It's pretty much "de riguer" at our dinner table.

Thanks for the giggles...

♥Spot

Chelsea said...

Haha! That was hilarious. I definitely like your interpretation of that picture, you dedscribed it perfectly.

Are those last two words seriously in the dictionary?

Susan F said...

Too funny!

Kathryn said...

Hey Spot! Hey, I have no idea what's up with no-hat guy. I thought the whole picture was bizarre. As far as the Urban dudes and dudettes go, I'm glad you've found an affinity with them! I don't think I've seen the laugh/liquid/nose phenom since junior high. Does this mean we're not laughing enough in our house??
Thanks for the comment, as always-

Hi Chelsea: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Yup...those are actual new additions to the Urban Dictionary...some of them are hilarious. Good to see you-

Susan F: Hey, Sue! Always a pleasure. I owe you the longest email....how have you been? Hope everyone is well.

Lauren said...

Hmmm... Redbull... I once had rice come out my nose... I work in Chinese restaurant dammit! What else is coming out of there! Well, asides the obvious.

As to No-Hat-Guy, I think he looketh particulary devious. Kind of "Yes, I holdeth dead-Simon's arm, who hath the audacity to question my questionable tactics!" That's why everyone else is otherwise occupied. Would you go up against No-Hat-Guy? He probably has laser eyes or something.

All of this translates to: Funny blog. Good job.

book*addict said...

I think I know why the No Hat guy is holding up dead Simon's arm. It's to air him out. Since, obviously he is deceased; deceased people smell. that's also why the guy 2nd from the left, playing the game has his face all scrunched up.
P-U! I can smell it from here.
jajajaja, love the blog as always.

Collette said...

I just stopped over here from Ron's blog, "Vent". I like it!
Anyway, I hope this is too over the top for your blog, but I thought the "jerking off" motion & the "air guitar" motion were 2 completely different hand gestures. Just my opinion...LOL!

Paige said...

Funny stuff, lady! How insightful thoust witty commentary, me finds.
Me thinks 'tis time to hit the sauce meself. Cheers!

Kathryn said...

Hey Lauren! Too funny! Love your interpretation of No-Hat-Guy...and I totally agree...he's the scariest looking one. That's why I made him da boss! Thanks for the kind comment!

book*addict: Oh, you guys are SO FUNNY! Ya see the amazing insight you can have over some old, smelly, half-dead group of guys in a painting?? Of course he's airing him out....I should have seen THAT!
Thanks for the kind (hilarious) comment!

Collette: Welcome! I personally think they're one in the same, but they couldn't describe it THAT way, so they changed it to the "air guitar" description. Are you from NY? To me, that's a NY pantomime...that whole gesture...which always meant that someone was "jerking your chain"...as it were. Like, "Yeah...riiiiight." I'm glad you commented....love Ron!

Paige: Me thanks you-eth. Me think-eth you should-eth partake in a cocktail. Eth. (Now it sounds more like a speech impediment!) Cheers!

tigerpast said...

These are Dutch Masters, right? Masters of what, I wonder. 17th century Dutch painters definitely had a sense of humor. Actually, Dead Guy is the most fashionably dressed (depending on the date of the painting) - he's wearing petticoat breeches. (Yeah, I know - it's my job to notice the clothes.)Plus, he seems like the only one with a pop of color.

Laura

midnight_stroll said...

Boy, did I have to place my hand over my belly as I laughed. I couldn't hold myself up. You are witty, I like that.

It's ridiculous how words that people deem "real" should be added to a book of words that have been real for centuries. Especially when the new words derived from people with missing links in their brain stems.

[The part about the 'far right man
being dead for two days...that was my favorite.]

I raise my rum to you and take a drink. The poison is most wonderful tonight.

evilteenietiff said...

I'm pretty sure the two guys playing chess are secret lovers, expressing their undying love through a rich and unknown language that can only be interpretative by playing chest.

Just what does 'checkmate' mean in this unknown language?

who knows, perhaps it means 'take me' or possibly the simple and sweet notion of 'I love you.'


Hilarious blog, loved the way you described the people.

Gillian said...

Love this post....butter face. I'm gonna use that.

BlackLOG said...

"Furthermore, the left two are totally distracted playing a secret game of chess behind the back of the guy with the obvious acid-reflux disease (hand on da chest)"

Sorry to correct you Kathryn but I think you will find on closer inspection they are playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" - for the 300th game in a row they have drawn with Rock:Rock

The Guy who you think has acid-reflux diseases is actually trying to hide his mobile phone which is on vibrate and has just gone off (Merriam-Webster meeting rules state that all mobiles are to be left outside, after a previous incident where a member was caught discussing naughty words with those dreadful Oxford English dictionary people.... )

The guy who you think is about to off load his lunch has actually just been violated by no hat guy, who is handing him the bill for his services.

Finally the pale guy on the right is not dead, just frightfully frustrated because he keeps selecting paper but the two rock guys won't let him play as he keeps beating them......

P.S despite my rude corrections, I like the blog

NSGIRL said...

OMG! I'm going to have to stop reading your blogs at work...too funny!!!

Alicia said...

Kathy,
Only you could look at that picture and come up with this post. Too funny!

Thanks for getting my day off with a laugh!

Kathryn said...

tigerpast: Well, doesn't that just figure....the nicest dressed dude is the one that's dead. You'd be a good one to speak at his eulogy!

midnight_stroll: You are too kind, my dear. My grin is from ear-to-ear. (HA! 2 points for the Dr. Seuss rhyme...I'm ON FIRE!) Thanks for the kind comment!

evilteenietiff: Ha! So..."checkmate" means "take me"? I LOVE IT. Now, every time I play chess...(which is um, never) I'll think of you. Okay, I'll think of you whenever I hear "checkmate". OK?

Gillian: Thanks! You shud check out that Urban Dictionary....the words in there are hilarious!

BlackLOG: HA! You are anything BUT rude, sir....you are hilarious! It's fabulous to hear another perspective on what I (think) I see...but you seem to be unusually fixated on the "Rock, paper, scissors" debacle....which, if you will remember caused No-hat-guy to lose his hat in the first place. I'd forgotten about the no-cell rule from the Oxford-debacle...remember when that broke on YouTube?? Comment anytime...I'm lovin' it!

NSGIRL: Don't you DARE stop reading me, girl! We make each other HAPPY...we can't stop NOW....!

Alicia: You are most welcome, my dear...it is totally my pleasure. Evidently, there's a lot of ppl who can interpret these hilarious old paintings!

WorstSailorEver said...

This makes me happy....very happy. Thank you for the chuckle

Kathryn said...

WorstSailorEver: You're very welcome! I hope you'll visit again!
Thanks for the flw...you are a very good writer, my man!

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