Kathryn (Sullenly): “Oh, I can’t believe it’s over…it’s just So. Freakin’. Sad. What’s gonna happen now? It’s the end…..” K: “My bad. What I meant was, well...there's you (interviewer) and Clinton...and then there's those other voices in my head that we haven't even met- - -"
Interviewer (Rolls eyes that are suspiciously blue, like Clinton Kelly eyes): “Kathryn, you’re not dying. You’re simply coming off the top ten on the Blogs of Note.”
K: (Sighs) “I know, but it was so exciting! Like, like a surprise party with 20,000 of your closest friends…”
I: “Wow. That’s a lot of gifts….but that means a lot of thank you cards.”
K: “I don’t mind. It’s worth the hand cramps, mangled manicures and losing all the feeling in my butt. Look at all the new blogbuds we’ve met!”
I: “Blog. Bloggggg. Bullllogggg. Who came up with this name? It sounds like someone’s gonna throw up.”
K: “Do you mind? A little respect, please. This is the end of an era! Will anyone still listen to me if I’m not on THE LIST? What if I wake up tomorrow morning and everyone's GONE?”
I: “Um. You think they’ll all trample each other in an effort to get away from you? That’s a little narcissistic, don’t you think?”
K: “No. Paranoid and insecure, maybe…”
I: “Hey. It’s still your place. If you write well, they will comment. You’ll only start losing ‘em if you start to suck.”
K: “What? Oh, great! Now I’m gonna get a horrific case of writer’s block! Thanks a-freakin’-lot! You are TERRIBLE at this job! You are so freakin’ FIRED.”
I: “Huh. And yet, I am not upset by this…maybe because without me, you wouldn’t have had your final swan-song post. It’s the last few hours of being on that list before you drop off into oblivion. Don’t you have something that you’d like to say?”
K: (Calmer) “Uh huh. Thank you, Blogger. Thank you to the best bunch of commenters EVER. I love you all…and I would marry/give birth/be best friends/do the funky chicken with each and every one of you…if only I could.”
I: “Well, now you’re making me tear up---"
K: “I promise to always try and make you laugh and to remember to comment on your own blogs and to hold back your hair when you puke. Or, pat your back...if you're like, a guy.”
I: “Okay…and…moment’s over. Wrap it up, kiddo.”
K: “It’s been a blast. I’m so glad we’ve met. Don’t leave me.”
I: “Well, now you’re bordering on pathetic. Let’s raise our glass to everyone and call it a day. Thanks for the visits folks….and keep ‘em coming. You really don’t want to hear her cry…”
K: “I think I speak for everyone here when I say- - -”
I: “Everyone? Wait. I'm sorry, but it's just you. Kathryn...and, Kathryn. Let's be clear."
I: “Seriously. We’re done here. Cheers!”
K: “My bad. What I meant was, well...there's you (interviewer) and Clinton...and then there's those other voices in my head that we haven't even met- - -"