Friday, October 23, 2009

JDF

So, I’m driving home from somewhere (it was the liquor store) on a very busy street, somewhat far from my home (it’s the biggest liquor store in the county) the other day. Busy, busy road…2 lanes of traffic in each direction…tons of strip malls, shops, corporate office complex-thingies everywhere.

Then I see something JDF. “JDF” stands for “J.D. FABULOUS”. J.D. is my blogbud over at I Do Things So You Don’t Have To and she’s one of the most fabulous people I know. We’ve gotten into the habit of shooting each other emails on a very regular basis for quite a while now and I’m learning more and more about her every day. This is how I am learning about her true fabulousness. Times infinity.

So, I see this spectacle before me…and I can see JDF written all over it. Metaphorically-speaking, of course. I don't know how I know...I just know.

But I can’t pull over…too much traffic…we’re moving too fast. Everything from the back seat of my car will projectile into the front seat of my car and I’ll be decapitated by a flying umbrella, or a tube of hand cream, or a can of WD-40. And then, what’ll become of my blog? Oh, and my children….I meant to say them first….honestly.

Besides, I don’t have my camera and I’ve yet to uncover the mystery that is the camera on my new cell. I must carry on, but I must remember to come back another day with said camera and capture this JDF thing. I must write myself a note…where are my handy-dandy Post-its? I’m not finding them and I don’t want to wreck the car looking anymore, so I make do with the Post-it that’s already stuck to my dash.

Below is the Actual, Copyrighted Real-Life Post-It I wrote whilst driving:

When I arrived home, I promptly forgot all about the note stuck to my dash. After all, I am a very, very busy person. When I saw it again, I couldn’t quite make it out. I thought it read,

“Sip Ideals cart ON self BLD6 LB434 TOYOTA RF=!20”

I knew the exclamation point meant it was VERY important information…and that my hands were VERY DIRTY at the time of this writing….and that I have a very CRAPPY pen in my car.

Short of the word TOYOTA, it was gibberish to me, although the “sipping” part made me think of wine…and I did use a cart in the liquor store….

Another 2 days went by (very busy, remember?) before the note made sense. My JDF sighting! So, camera in hand car, I headed back to the busy, busy autobon with the megamalls and the skyscrapers.

I park my car in the lot closest to my JDF sighting and walk around to take the first shot:

Ooh….scary spiders on a building! JD likes things that are scary. Here’s the side I’d seen from the road:


Then, I walk to the front of the building. MORE spiders….and a SUPER HALLOWEEN COSTUME SALE, written in really scary font!



The name of the store is “Giggles”. Huh. That’s an interesting name for a costume store!

Then I see the sign on the front door. It states:

ATTENTION! PLEASE READ!
YOU MUST BE AN OPEN MINDED, MATURE
ADULT, 18 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER,
WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR TO SHOP
HERE. PLEASE HAVE VALID ID READY.
MEAN PEOPLE ARE PROHIBITED!

THAT’S when I notice the window display:

So. YES, I went in. For informational purposes, mind you. YES, it’s a sex shop. There were three young goth-looking girls behind the counter and several male customers who suddenly looked like deer-in-the-headlights when they saw me walk in. Having a camera in my hand probably didn’t ease their concerns much.

Me to salesgirl: “So. You’re not a costume store, in the traditional sense.”

Girl: “What? Well. You mean like, at the mall?”

(I notice no-one’s moving…and I can sense rather than see that I’m being both watched and listened to. I was tempted to snap into a Charlie’s Angels pose


and yell “FREEZE, SUCKAS!!!”, but I was afraid someone would stroke-out on me and I’d be held liable. Even though I saw no sign clearly stating “Please. No flash photography”.)

I felt I’d seen enough…and I realized that the guys weren’t coming out of their deer-mannequin positions till I got out of there, so I left.

So, here’s to you, J.D.! Scary and porn….all in one place. It’s JDFABULOUS.

(Giggles) Who knew?

Smileyfreak said...

What a surprise lol :) I visited 'I do things so you don't have to' Tis great blog.Thanks for another great blog!

WannabeVirginia W. said...

That is a great idea! You are an awesome blogger.

BlackLOG said...

So to cut along story short and if I read between the lines correctly, you just wanted to visit a porn store and frighten the inhabitants.?

You do realise the guys that were in there are already sexually inhibited. You have probably traumatized them so much that they won’t even be able to establish a relationship with their five fingered friend.

ValleyWriter said...

Ha! Nice ;-)
These pictures have me thinking... If I were to, say (very hypothetically, of course), be in the market for something they sell at an adult store, I don't think I'd go to one with spiders all over the side of the building. I mean, aren't creepy crawlies something you generally try to avoid in that arena? Maybe it's just me.... Clearly the management has no problem with this. (*shudders*)

Jen said...

You crack me up. I would not have had the nerve to go in that place with a camera no less. Makes for a good blog entry though!

jmberrygirl said...

Why the spiders? I mean, really, why oh why the spiders? Porn store I can handle, but the image of huge, creepy spiders will haunt my peaceful sleep for at least the next three nights... Thanks.

lifelove'n'wine said...

Gah!!! Can't you put a warning at the top next time? Like "Hi, big, creepy, scary spider pictures here!" Ewwww...creepy.

But hahaha, you walked into a porn/costume shop with a camera. Awesome.

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, my god!!! I'm weeping with joy and terror (from the spiders).

Soooo freaking funny. I mean, it would be funny even if you hadn't mentioned me, JD, but you DID and that makes it beyond awesome.

HA!

I love that a porn shop is called Giggles. How appropriate, because that's my usual reaction whenever I enter one.

And I love the sloppy note-taking too. How many times have I done that--often while working out on the elliptical (where my best ideas come from)?

Thank you for the lovely spider-and-porn-AND-Charlie's Angels shout-out, my friend.

I LOVE IT!

Mark Price said...

I love this post! I'm trying to figure out exactly why. I can't put my finger on it (pun intended). I will just say it is because Halloween is almost my favorite holiday and porn shops are fun and...you are so awesome!

Ron said...

This was brilliant because I had NO IDEA where you were going with this story, so when I got to the end...I POOPED!

*literally

HA!

Oh, HOW FUNNY! There's actually a porn store in the area where I do my grocery shopping, and during the Chistmas holidays they put a Christmas tree in the window; decorated with condoms and eatable underwear. How FESTIVE!

Great post, you crazy lady you!

Hey...and I LOVE the spiders!!

Enjoy your day, my friend!
X

Mark Price said...

I can sooo see you doing the Charlies Angels pose with maybe __________ and _________ < insert 2 hotties here!

book*addict said...

There should have been a disclaimer at the beginning: WARNING! 18 AND OVER ONLY....
I had NO idea you were going to end talking about a sex shop.

Lauren said...

Totally should have done the pose! I got a mental picture and was highly amused. Hehehe, gotta love Charlie's Angels. And I agree with whoever said that thing about spiders outside a sex shop. If I must have spiders in my life that is so where I want them... ew.

Heather said...

That was FABULOUS! LOL

I soo would have done the Charlie's Angels pose. Too funny!

Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt said...

Perfect Friday post. Hilarious. Thanks.

Spot said...

And once again...I spit liquid out my nose! You have got to stop doing that to me!! I adore those spiders!!! I would totally have gone in too. But the fact that you took a camera is priceless! Next girls night out with my crazy friends (as opposed to my more mature ones) we are so raiding the sex shop with cameras!!!

This post was Kathryn-Fabulous!
♥Spot

B-ster said...

I am just loving the spiders. I really should get some for my house! I really would love to show my kids the pictures, but my oldest can read... and then he would start asking me a TON of questions!

TC said...

I'm glad you admit there is Wd40 in your car, your hands were dirty, you maybe think of the kids first, you can't remember WHY you wrote the note(that is the worst kind) and you admitted going into a spider covered porn shop.
I don't get the spiders on a porn shop either but I don't usually decorate for the holidays for porn shops so who am I to criticize?

J9 said...

"but I was afraid someone would stroke-out on me and I’d be held liable." ZOMG! That really made me laugh!

that girl said...

That is awesome!

Gay Guy said...

I saw "spider" right away, but who knew how to connect it to something else.

Bigger question: Who feels more enticed to enter a sex shop because it's decorated for Halloween? What's next? Tom Turkey getting his last request before being beheaded? Santa and Mrs. Claus getting their freak on? The New Year's Baby sporting only the top hat?

Loredana said...

Wait I didn't catch the part where you wound up buying an outfit. Or is that gonna be another blog for another day? lollllllll

carissajaded said...

hahaha I love this! I'm constantly writing down things that I can't transcribe later.. Also, I have a fascination with porn shops. I never have bought anything, and I'm pretty naive when it comes to alot of those things.. so its kind of like a museum for me! So what did you end up getting? I

Wendy Blum said...

This made me laugh! I LOVE the spiders. Should've thought to decorate my house like this for Halloween. Oh, well always next year ;) And why DO men get the deer-in-the headlights look if a woman enters a sex shop? As if we woman aren't as curious or trying out new sex things,lol. My husband and I went into one of those shops and all the men inside did the same thing as soon as they saw me in tow. I laughed and continued on my merry way. NO I will NOT tell you what we bought...You have a very vivid imagination, Kathryn. I'll let you use it for this one, LOL! And the Charlies Angels pose, priceless!

Kathryn said...

Smileyfreak: Isn't IDoThings fabulous? For I DO know fabulous. Now, if only I'd known what "Giggles" truly meant...

WannabeVirginiaW: Thank you very much! I wish I could have found those spiders in there...those I wud've bought. Unfortunately, the goth-girl said they're from some wholesaler and were very expensive.

BlackLOG: HEY. This cannot be the FIRST time these guys have been frightened by a grown-up WO-MAN walking into their "den" with a camera in hand....can it? Although, they DID look pretty traumatized. Maybe I'll ask the goth-girls for their addresses and send each of them a handwritten note of apology. How about dat?!?

ValleyWriter: HA! Good point! Goth girls said owner (who was nowhere to be seen) does spiders every year. It DOES seem to attract some attention...I'd never noticed the bldg before. (REALLY!)

Hey Jen! I don't think I really thought hard about what I was doing. There was a part of my brain that could not comprehend that it wasn't a traditional costume store!

Jmberrygirl: (Hangs head) Sorry. But, if it has to be part of MY memories, then it shall be YOURS. That's how this works! (Hangs head again) "Sorry".

livelove'n'wine: Hey...someone was bound to do it sooner or later. If they didn't want the attention, they shud've left the spiders OFF the building! (They were like HUGE pipe cleaners!)

JD at I Do Things: SUR-PRISE, sweetie!! And you're very welcome. Somehow, I can't see porn now without thinking of you. I do believe I'll need therapy at least 2X/week.

Mark Price: Ha! "I can't put my finger on it!" Thank you, kind sir. It was my pleasure walking into the porn shop just to hear this great comment!

Ron! Well, now I'm gonna have to re-visit "Giggles" around Christmas and see what's what. And it's all because YOU brought it up! (BTW: I don't remember where I "saw" you today, but "HI, RON!!!")
xoxo

Mark Price: Ah...the Charlies Angels thing got to you, didn't it?? That's what brought you BACK here! THAT'S probably also why you LIKED the post in the first place!

book*addict: Well, I had no idea I'd be walking INTO a sex shop...so we're even. Ya still love me, though...right??

Lauren: I KNOW! Spiders=porn? I. Don't. Think. So. But...it DID catch my EYE. I wonder what the owner is thinking about every year when he puts 'em up...they're all over the building...!

Heather: God, I wanted to pull that pose...but those poor guys looked absolutely TERRIFIED. I mean, WHO did they think I WAS?? (I did notice cameras outside the bldg, though...so who knows??)

Erin @TheLocalsLoveIt: You're very welcome. It was....(sorta)...my pleasure...(in a weird way) to bring it to you!

Spot: Oh, boy! I'm telling you right now: I do NOT have bail money. Just so you know....I'm not looking for any 3am phone calls with you yelling, "Kathryn! Our place is called 'SNICKERS'!! And they have this TOY where you---"
TMI, SPOT!!! TMI!!!

Kathryn said...

B-ster: So, just show him the "innocent ones"! That's why I cropped out the name...there's 2 there that are just your ordinary building. I wish I could have bought just ONE spider there...I would have in a heartbeat. Alas, THAT they didn't sell!

TC: HA! "Going into a spider covered porn shop"! I wonder if that's on anybody's list of things they've always wanted to do?!?

J9: HA! Well, you HAD to see the looks on those guys' faces...that was the first thing to go thru my mind!

that girl: I thought so too! Surprising...but awesome!

Gay Guy! Hey...ya never know with this guy! If it turns out you're dead on for the next 3 holidays, I'm going to recommend you open up some competition for "Giggles". Maybe you've got a hidden talent, GG!

Loredana: HA! I'm telling you....IF (that's a big IF) I'd been the ONLY ONE in there, I'd-a checked it out. Maybe they would have let me knock off a few photos for the masses.....ah, well.

carissajaded: HA! You're not the first person to ask me what I'd actually purchased! I was such a sissy...between the stares and feeling like ppl were on the verge of heart failure from my Canon, I figured I'd better vamoose. BUT, I MAY go back next holiday!!

Wendy Blum: Oh, so funny! I think the main reason I entered the shop was to inquire about purchasing the spiders....yeah, that's it. Hey, if I'd had a man-in-tow, I definitely would have looked around. You'll have to ask hubby what's with the deer-in-the-headlights look, anyway??

Straight Guy said...

Wow, the next time I get caught up in something that I might have a hard time explaining, I'll just pull out the Kathryn excuse.

"I'm here for INFORMATIONAL purposes only, officer! No need to cuff me. I am an accredited member of the Blog Corps, just doing research for my next post."

Or, would it just be easier to say, "Kathryn sent me."?

Kathryn said...

Straight Guy! LOL! Maybe you'd better NOT go with the "Kathryn sent me" line...that might just lead to more trouble.

I do believe the "informational purposes" provides a plethora of leeway on any investigational tactics you may have....and works especially well if you've got a camera tucked under your arm.

I'm just saying.....

evilteenietiff said...

poor 'innocent' little men, I think you would have been the first real woman they have seen in a long time, they froze in fear because they take on a possum like trait, and decided to play dead.

Me personally, would have attempted to take one of the spiders home, name it Horace and proceed to have a tea party on the roof

BlackLOG said...

Be careful with anything hand written around those guys...god if they misinterpreted “How about dat” with “How about date” you will be clearing them off your door stops for months to come.

Please note my contract might include snow clearing but most certainly does not say anything about sad and lonely loser removal – not even if you allow me to use the pitchfork …

I might be tempted to help on every fifth Saturday of the month if you allow me to use the flame thrower…These people are sticky I tell you and I don’t want to get to close…

Insanity said...

Omg..I just about died laughing while reading this. Thanks a bunch, Kathryn. I needed a good laugh this evening.

Chrissy said...

This is so funny! And so bizarre that an adult shop would spend that much time decorating with spiders...

You should have taken a picure of the deer in the headlights guys, though. C'mon, what would they have done? They were frozen.

Sparky said...

I love youre blog!

Check out the post "Apparently I'm Kreativ" on my blog, youve got a mention :)

Kathryn said...

evilteenietiff: Well, that's why I needed YOU there...to help me gnaw through that fishing line the owner used to tie the spiders onto the roof!

BlackLOG: Reconsidering the handwritten notes to the male deer after all. I mean, I had as much right to be there as THEY did, right? You didn't see ME getting all big-eyed and "stony", right? Was I confused? Well, yeah. At first...but THE GUYS knew where they were the whole time! I'll compromise w/you: Loser removal, 3rd Friday of each month.

Insanity! Aw....thanks, sweetie. I'm always happy to hear I've made you smile!

Chrissy- Hey! HA! Yeah, they were frozen....Could you imagine me snapping away as I backed out the door? I sincerely doubt any of the goth-girls could have stopped me, but I'm remember a big, burly man-customer who may have....

Sparky: Thank you! And thanks for the mention! Love your avatar, btw-

saku chan said...

i love the pics they remind me halloween is around the cornr and so is fall hehe

snoble24 said...

well the spiders look cool. for a sex shop that is a little surprising to have them on there. i would of assumed a costume store.but hey a sex shop can do what it wants to. its all good.

Kathryn said...

saku chan: Yes.....what's your favorite candy??

saku chan said...

its skittles and candy corn but some times it differs to m'ms and candy bars like snickers, 3 mustketers and so on

Kathryn said...

saku chan: YUM. I like M&M's better than skittles...sometimes I get them mixed up and then I'm disappointed!

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