Thursday, October 1, 2009

Boystown

Today I present several male-related incidents. I'm not saying they couldn't happen with girls.....but I highly doubt it. And with photographic proof to back me up for anyone who may be thinking, “There’s no freakin’ way this stuff really happens…” think again, my friend.

These photos don’t lie.

So, I’m sitting with da boys in the living room….our feet propped up on the coffee table. It’s an average day….and we’re talking about your average, mundane stuff. Suddenly, my eye is drawn to something shiny underneath the coffee table.

Me: “Wait. What is that underneath the coffee table?”

Connor (12): “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Taylor (17): (Deadpan) “What coffee table?”

When I finally fished it out, this is what I discovered:

Do you notice anything a little….off…about one of these fireplace tools? The repair job on this item is classic male: duct tape. Evidently, Connor was trying to use the tool on the front lawn as a javelin.

It didn’t work out very well.

Taylor knew nothing about this...but did the typical cover-thy-brother's-butt maneuver, lest he ever need the favor returned in the future.

This morning, I took a photo of the walls on either side of my front door (before I washed ‘em down. You’ll see.)

This is the left side:

….and here’s the right:

I know you’re just dying to know what happened. Taylor was walking up the stairs. He was carrying a jumbo-BJ’s-sized box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, a gallon carton of milk and a tablespoon. Oh, and he was talking on the phone.

Somehow, he fell UP the stairs. It was the crash heard ‘round the world….Cinnamon Toast Crunch and milk everywhere…as evidently, he hadn’t finished a decent amount that was still in the bottom of the bowl.

I know they say cinnamon is supposed to be a welcoming, heavenly smell...but there is a difference between someone entering your home and saying, "Mmmmm....what's that smell?" and saying, "Ewwww. What IS that smell?" So, I cleaned the floor...and I cleaned the walls...and I threw in baking soda for good measure to hopefully remove the lingering smell that reminds one of cinnamon...but, not quite. Something is off.

It's cereal. Mixed with milk. Soaked into the wall.

I'm thinking, "Welcoming? Not so much..."


Janan said...

Maybe a new law needs to go into effect? Right now, cell phone usage is being banned while driving... perhaps it needs to expand to while walking? *giggles* I've 2 boys as well and have holes in my walls to go with them!

JP said...

Oh that's not just boys...

My 11yr old broke the tape dispenser... so what did she do? she taped it back together using 1/2 a roll of tape.

evilteenietiff said...

My housemates do those same things, sad to say they;re in their twenties and still use the "I dunno" line and the whole "I didn't do it." whilst pulling that guilty ol' face.

Personally, I blame Mr, Nobody, he always gets his grubby little mits into things and messes everything up

Anonymous said...

Aww, gotta love the children's creativity and kudos to his brother for the "i got your back" philosophy. That incident will go a long way when they grow up. At least they will always look out for each other.

Kathryn said...

janan:Welcome! Yeah, boys and damage...they seem to go together! Taylor needs to stop eating breakfast in his room...but heaven forbid...there's no teevee in the kitchen. BAD MOM, BAD MOM! Tks for the comment and the flw!

JP: HA! Okay, you've got a point there! Why do kids think scotch tape can fix ANYTHING? But you've gotta admit, it's boys and damage WAY more than girls. Tks for commenting!

evilteenietiff: Hey! "Mr. Nobody" must have a lot of frequent flyer miles, 'cause he's been over here as well! Or, it's his evil twin, "Mr. Noboodie". HA.

jmberrygirl said...

My husband is the middle child in a family with three sons. They still have each other's back. These things never end. They don't really even change that much, either. Oh, the stories his mother can tell! Daring each other to jump off the second story deck, convincing the youngest he was adopted, covering each other when "those teenage events" aka "parties" occur. =) I pray daily for daughters.

lifelove'n'wine said...

Oh man...boys. But really this is NOTHING.

Geoff's mom raised two boys and the stories they tell me...I don't know how any of them survived. Seriously. They were bad. There was a fire in the back yard. Bricks thrown at one another and an incident involving being chased around the fire stove thing and then shoved onto it. She had to take them in for stitches, etc so many times she was afraid the ER would cry child abuse. Holy crap.

My brother broke my dad's riding lawn mower once. It was February and dad said "don't touch it it's frozen to the ground". When dad went out in the Spring and took the tarp off he found an axle had broken off. My brother had gotten on it anyway and as soon as he hit the gas the wheels stayed in place and the machine went without them. He covered it back up and waited until April for his punishment.

jill said...

Hilarious. The funniest thing is... they never really outgrow that kind of thing! Sheesh.

Gingerella said...

You mean duct tape can't fix everything!? I'm in trouble.... ;)

Agreed, nothing is worse than the smell of sour milk in a place you can't get it out of. Using an enzyme cleaner might help as it'll break down the proteins.

Janan said...

I have no money invested in this but I've heard it works... What Odor was touted by Billy Mays as something that really worked. I've just been waiting for a reason to buy it...
http://www.asseenontvvideo.com/511809/What-Odor.html

Ron said...

OH. DEAR. GOD.....that duct tape photo made me SCREAM!!

bwhahahahahhhahaha!

And when I got to the photos below that, I thought your were going tell us that it was a shot of the side of the toilet after they peed!

You know how us BOYS are!!!!

Poor shots.

HA!

Great post, my friend!

Hope you're having a FABU day!

X

Straight Guy said...

K,

Wait. Is it at all possible that the cereal fiasco happened because the bigscreen TV and/or video games are not located next to the food? If so, then you only have yourself to blame, that's just not good fung shui for guys.

If he's just wandering around with bowls full of milk, well, what can I say?

~:C:~ said...

People pay good money to have their walls "distressed" - maybe you should give Taylor a tip and have him go at the downstairs walls with a carton of OJ. Or Ocean Spray. Or Coke, for that antique look. Mmmm... Antique Coke...

Spot said...

My all time favorite was when I realized that one of the decorations hanging on my kitchen wall was moved (nail and all). I checked behind the bunny to find (dramatic pause...) Knife Marks in my wall. When called to the kitchen about it my children looked around at each other innocently until my daughter blurted "they may or may not be knife marks. I'm just saying..." Wtf??? Knife marks? As in someone was throwing knives at the wall? Please, please tell me that you were not practicing some new circus act and no one was standing against the wall!!! Nope. Just throwing knives at the wall because sure that's an everyday activity. And yet, I let them live.

Good luck with that smell!

♥Spot

Andrea (ace1028) said...

So creative. I enjoy the smell of cinnamon, but the milk mixed in, not so much! Congrats on being Blog of Note!

Insanity said...

xD My house is never that entertaining. Maybe I should come and visit you someday.

JD at I Do Things said...

I have some heavenly cinnamon-scented pinecones in a bowl in our dining room. I have a feeling this is in a completely different category from the scent of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, mixed with milk, mixed with wall.

Hey, who wants to go toss the ol' javelin out back?!

Dr Shivers product review said...

Girl if you only have two boys you can't begin to understand my horror stories. I have 5 boys and they have done some amazing things.The destructions grows exponentially. All you can say is you got to love them.

Jen said...

The duct taped fireplace tool is classic. I love how the kid tried to fix it and just left it there as if you wouldn't notice the repair job. Not sure how you can get those stains off the wall. I thought it was bad having two very large dogs that drool. Teenagers are much worse.

Gary Mchale said...

My 4 year old girl is the greatest artist in the world.
And I have walls to prove it.
She just needs to grow a bit more so she covers more than the bottom 3 feet.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Boys....gotta love 'em.
AND, gotta hit 'em over the head once in a while!

Kathryn said...

Anonymous: Aw...we can only hope da boys will be friends when they get older...however, that will require that they don't kill each other now. I know that love and hate are supposed to be very close emotions, but geez! Thanks so much for the great comment.

jmberry girl: Oh, honey...I don't blame you for praying for girls! It's funny...you can have 3 daughters and no-one thinks twice, but say you have 3 sons? "Wow! Your house must be on wheels! HowEVER do you manage?" I say, "Um. Well, gee...I drink a lot, have plenty of house insurance..." (JK!) It's great to hear that hubby's still tight w/his bros. Let's hope the universe doesn't decide boys'll be payback for HIM and you're the innocent bystander! Thanks for the great comment!

lifelove'n'wine: Oh, unbelievable! Sounds like your brother was not in the mood to listen to your dad's advice. I'm always hearing horror stories about the trouble kids get into and I really DO realize how lucky I've been. BUT. Why can't they realize that we're only warning them because we've already made the mistake?? WHY must they make the mistake themselves??? Tks for commenting, Jen!

Hey Jill! Oh...don't tell me that. They need to morph into mature, well-mannered, respectful GUYS...not an older version of...of...THIS. (hellllp)

Hey Gingerella- I'll have to look into this enzyme cleaner you speak of. OR, I could re-paint the wall and tell people, "I don't smell anything...."

Hi Janan-Yeah, "what odor?" is kinda what I'm going for. If that smell isn't gone in the next...2 days, I'll be right on that. (First, I'll give it time to...ya know...evaporate, or pollinate, or rejuvinate....then we'll see.)

Oh, Ron! You slay me! WAIT. I've got CLASS, buddy...I wouldn't post no stinkin' pee-missing photo on this here internet! That would be GROSS...like picture-texting your son's first poo in the potty.(I actually had someone do this once.)
Thanks for the great comment, as always...

Oh, Straight Guy. I actually answered you out loud...it's official...I WILL talk to anything. YES, my friend...he is walking around with said food because said food is not in close proximity to said tv and video games. Yes, I am to blame. (Hangs head in shame) (Head snaps up) WAIT. How did you know we have a big screen TV??

Hey ~:C:~! HA. Antique coke! WAIT. How did you know Taylor drinks Coke...and not Pepsi? Are you guys WATCHING US???!!!

OMG, SPOT! I'm dying for you! And the little buggers tried to cover it up...that's what kills me....like we're not gonna notice the picture's been moved...nail and all?? Well, now I don't feel so bad that Connor was trying to use the fireplace poker as a javelin. Just another typical, dangerous, death-defying day....!

Andrea: Thanks so much! Yeah, the milk pretty much ruins it for me! Thanks for visiting...the BoN phenom has been awesome! Hope you'll visit again-

Hey Insanity! You're welcome to drop by...but I cannot be responsible for your physical well-being...with all the milk-soaked walls and pokers on the front lawn. Are you willing to sign a waiver??

Oh, JD! Javelin's are DANGEROUS...don't cha know- you could lose a toe? (HA-2 pts for Dr. Seuss rhyme) Trust me...the cereal, mixed w/the milk and the wall is not a FUN smell, it's a FUNKY one. And I don't mean that in a good way. (Okay, fine...but I get to throw it first!)

Dr. Shivers product review: Oh, I bow you you, oh-insane-parent-to-5-boys....I cannot begin to feel your pain! Well, I feel a percentage of your pain...thanks for commenting!

***I'd just like to say that all of you are the BEST COMMENTERS EVER. Talk about witty....and smart...absolutely a pleasure hearing from each and every one of you!************************

Kathryn said...

Hey Jen! See, that's the thing...he didn't leave it with the others. He hid it under the coffee table. I hadn't noticed it was missing from the set (Hey, it's not winter...yet.), just happened to notice something shiny under there. Unbelievable...and yes, Metro keeps licking the wall. Gross!

Gary McHale: Awww! I remember that stage! Is she getting into the sharpies, or the washable markers? Should we be encouraging this? Thanks for the comment!

Hey Maureen! HA! Man, they are TOUGH. You've had both genders...honestly, which is harder? Boys or girls? I've heard boys @ younger, girls @ older. Thoughts? Heading over to your place now....

Chelsea said...

LOL! Well atleast your kid tried to fix what he broke.

When me and my 3 brothers broke something we tried to hide it or throw it away like it never existed. Of course we always got caught!

saku chan said...

ok so yea ive had that experience lol it's funny how your bros always blame it on you like the other day my little one(that means i have three bros) no seriously and well he was like um i wasnt told do it u where so annoying but i love him(family love) dont get me wrong about that but we argue all the time it's funny how some time's i just don't have the urge to fight with him any more haha

MeanDonnaJean said...

Oh hail the mighty duct tape! My late husband was a damn PRO with that shit....'n I still have lotsa pics to prove it!

Carol Byron said...

I still say it takes courage to raise boys. 'Course what choice do you have? Confession: Since it didn't happen to me I thought it was funny. tee hee. Sorry mom.
Keep tryin'. Love, Carol

Kathryn said...

Hey Chelsea! Yeah, well....he ATTEMPTED to duct-tape it...and I guess he knew it LOOKED BAD, so that's when he hid it under the table. Hey, I don't blame him for trying! I remember my dad saying "WHO LEFT THE DOOR UNLOCKED?" Now, who in their right mind is gonna answer that?? Thanks for commenting!

Saku Chan: HA! Well, boys don't always make it EASY to love 'em....'specially when they get all macho and IN YOUR FACE. Boys can be HARD! Thanks for the comment!

MeanDonnaJean: So...this is a gender thing then? Do boys inherently KNOW to use it? 'Cause he whizzed right past the scotch tape. It sure is STICKY...I'll say that! Thanks for the comment!

Aw, Carol! It's okay....everything is hilarious in hindsight. But, you would not want to have heard the words coming out of my mouth at 6:30 in the morning! Thanks for the looooove.....

saku chan said...

no i didn't buy tha wallet not yet anywas will soon ^^ though cant wait for my bday to come up yay i'll be 19

jrod monster said...

i think it's a right of passage for a guy to fix stuff with duct tape

Mandarin Kitten said...

Hahaha! that's funny!
Poor walls, at least they remind you to eat breafast!

Kathryn said...

saku chan: good for you...go for it! Ya just need some green ($) to keep IN it!

jrod monster: Now, that's a GUY answer if ever I've heard one! I mean, I understand how STICKY the damned stuff is...that I get. But I cannot rip it straight to save my life...I need scissors, which I know makes me look lame. I'm loving the duct tape in colors...I guess THAT makes me look lame, too!
Thanks for commenting!

Kathryn said...

Mandarin Kitty:HA! You've got a good point there! If only it had been something that smelled GOOD....like bacon. Now, bacon smells good. Thanks for the comment!

jrod monster said...

np kathyn. i'm new to blogger...

Kathryn said...

jrod monster: Then, welcome! You are in great company....my commenters ROCK. Seriously.

jrod monster said...

awesome Kathryn, i'll follow you, ok?

Kathryn said...

jrod monster: You got it! Now you're talking!

brenda said...

LOVED that story. It could, of course, happen just like that in my house.
My kids go through duct tape like nothing. Once they made a spider web out of duct tape in the living room; the entire roll.
I'm not sure I'd like the milk on the wall at all. My 6 yr took a sharpie and wrote outside my room "MOM" with an arrow underneath pointing toward my door. She added a heart and star.
Inside her room, she wrote her name (heart and star) and arrow pointing in to her room. Under her name she wrote her brother's name (same thing, heart, star, arrow ) to his room.
Each name was about 36 inches tall. She said, just in case anyone comes to visit and they want to know where our rooms are.

I'm going to paint around those names and leave them there. Except mine, she got made at me and XXXX it out in two different colored sharpies.
Live in the fast line.
Love the story.

Bound4Glory said...

I have two boys, now 17 and 19...I've had broken ceiling light fixtures, gooey stuff inside the VCR, flames in the bathtub (yeah, seriously...don't ask...but ladies, hair mousse IS flammable!) and countless other uh, "memorable experiences." But the worst was the day I walked in on my then 4-year-old in the bathroom, just as he pulling MY toothbrush OUT of the toilet! And all I could think was "how many times has he done this BEFORE and I didn't know it?!?"
A friend of mine once explained the innate difference between boys and girls: "You give a girl a doll and she treats it like a baby--feeds it, clothes it, brushes its hair and talks to it. You give a boy a doll and he rakes its head against the wall, sets it on fire or dismembers it."

Fumbling confidence said...

It seems my daughters are master magicians. I find out things every other day that happened and I knew nothing about it. They may fight like MMA fighters but if crap goes down, they've got each other's back.

Kathryn said...

Oh, Brenda! That is the sweetest story! Two things came to mind: 1) You shud photograph the "artwork" before painting over it. Then you can frame it at a more appropriate level for guests and mount it on the wall. Daughter's art remembered forever! 2) Did you know they sell paint that dries to a blackboard? Yup...black & green. I made some low-to-the-ground blackboards out of the boys walls when they were little, got them neon chalk and they went to town.
Sweet story...thanks for sharing and for the follow!

Bound4Glory: Um. Remind me never to let da boys babysit a baby. Ever. I hear what you're saying, tho. Whenever I pass an abandoned bldg and see the windows all smashed out, I say (usually out loud, "Now, you KNOW some GIRL didn't do that." True, right? Thanks for the comment!

Kathryn said...

Funbling Confidence: So, are we happy about this...or worried? Sure they've got each other's backs but it's at Mom's expense!! I'm glad the kids are there for each other, but who'll be there for US??

Chrissy said...

Ah, the joys of motherhood.

Kathryn said...

Hey Chrissy! Yeah...."joy" was not the word that was going thru my mind at the time....!

Ann said...

My brother is three years older than me, and he liked to flirt with my girlfriends when we were teens. One day he was chasing a friend of mine around the living room, pretending he was going to kiss her, and they knocked a table lamp over and broke it. My brother and I glued the lamp base back together, and for the next four years I cleaned the living room so my mother wouldn't notice the repaired lamp.

jai said...

Hey kathrine,

your story was hilarious.....boys do have a penchant for damaging things ;-). reminds me of the mischief my bro was upto whn we were kids and of course mom caught him....though i never gave him up.....

i enjoyed your commentators comments too ...they were so funny ;-)

Kathryn said...

Ann: Woah....four years?? And what did HE do out of penance? Anything? That's a loooong time to hold a secret! Amazing.....

Jai: Hello! Thanks for the kind words. Yes, I think boys are prone to breakage...simply a fact of the gender. And yes, my commenters are da BEST. Smart and insightful...a wonderful group, we have!

Susan F said...

I have one of each, and boys are FAR worse! For one thing, all of his friends would hang out at our house and get into mischief here. They broke a windshield, the pool creepy crawler, a front door, dented the front hood of the car by rolling on it and I caught them before they decided to jump into the pool from the roof because I overheard them talking. As part of regular play one day, not fighting, one kid stabbed one boy with a pitchfork and drew blood and then broke my son's foot. They racked up over $800 calling a psychic line too. Then there were all the little things...

Hope your boys realize how lucky they are to have a mom who can see the humor in these kinds of things.

Kathryn said...

Susan: How is it that I've never heard these stories??! It's any wonder M made it to adulthood at all! I can't believe the one about them wanting to jump from the roof into the pool...omg! I promise to take every stupid thing they do with a grain of salt...but I'll still check w/you to keep from losing my mind!!

Tinkerschnitzel said...

Now I'm scared. I have 2 boys. The oldest is 5 and the youngest is 3 1/2 months. What have I gotten myself into?

Kathryn said...

tinkerschnitzel: Oh, boy. (Pun intended) You'll see, my dear...you shall see!
Boys are very funny, though....really. When you're not pulling your hair out, that is....

Heather said...

We have recently moved closer to our daughter and have been blessed to have more time with our grandsons.

Hubby comes home from work after daughter and boys have left, he immedetly sees something not right.

Oldest grandson (9) wanted to set up the horseshoes. I was busy talking with daughter and watching the other two (4,2). I said ok.

Hubby says (in a booming voice)"Who broke my mirror?"

The softy of a pawpaw he is, he let him get away with it. Qouting "boys will be boys".

Kathryn said...

Heather: HA! How long do you think the patience of pawpaw will last? That "boys will be boys" thing will only go so far! I'll give it 6 months. Great story!

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