Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Warp Speed

There’s definitely something amiss…the time continuum is somehow malfunctioning in the oddest of ways.

I am losing huge chunks of time…and I’ve no clue where they have gone. Now, I know that everyone’s been thrown by the turning of the calendar from August to September. I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure we bitch the same old tune every year:

Memorial Day: “WOOHOO. Finally! I thought summer would never get here! Can’t wait for all those sum- - - -“

Labor Day: “ - - -mer….wait. What? Nooooooo….this can’t be right. I was gonna learn the names of all the constellations in the eastern hemisphere! I’d planned on working out every other day, maintaining a sun-kissed glow, keeping ahead of the weeds in the garden and photographing butterflies, birds and little baby chipmunks…sunning themselves in the steamy afternoon haze of summer. Articles would be researched, written and published…rinse and….repeat. There’s still propane left in my barbeque grill, for God’s sake!!"

Now I realize that the assignment she sent me two weeks ago was really an entire month ago. A month! Are you freakin’ kidding me? There must be something wrong with the date on this thing…..(she taps impatiently on the edge of laptop, causing it to display error message and threaten to reboot….causing this author a moment of extreme and utter panic, for of the 17 windows presently opened, she has saved approximately…three. She is chagrined.)

Crap. Crap. What the hell?

The school year officially begins one week from tomorrow. You’d think the boys were being executed in a week, by their expressions. Just a hint of what’s to come sends their heads to hanging low and the most pathetic, self-pitying expression to cross their faces.

Connor (12): “What are the odds of someone getting sick on the first day of school?”

Taylor (17) Crosses arms….smiles….silent.

Me: “About one in a million. I do believe students are required to attend the first day, even if five minutes before the bus arrives you’ve coughed up a lung. Seriously. I read that in one of the packets.”

Connor stares…eyes wide…waiting for me to smile. Taylor’s staring at the floor…and I can see he’s biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

I shrug. Throw up my hands, as if to say “What’re ya gonna do? Rules are rules….” And I walk away.

Hey. We’ve got to start off the school year on the right foot.

Straight Guy said...

Remind them (especially the 17 year old), there are no girls at home. If you want to get to know any of them better, and/or meet any new ones, get to school.

Or do kids just exercise their hormones on facebook these days?

Kathryn said...

SG: According to Taylor, FB is for "old people". (Kathryn winces as she types this, even tho she MUCH prefers Twitter to FB.) The opportunity to mingle with the opposite gender is very much on Taylor's mind...unfortunately, it's not an incentive for Connor. Yet.
I figure any time now.....(my baby!)

f8hasit said...

Beam me Scottie to someplace a little slower. Warp speed may make my face look slightly tauter, but I don't like it a bit...

Amelia started school last week. What happened to starting after Labor Day? We are already into 3 hours of homework a night. I sure hope I make it through this year. I need a huge supply of vodka.

Care to join me?
:-)

Kathryn said...

Oh! What a bee-you-tee-ful name! "Amelia"...sounds romantic. I'll bet she's gorgeous, too. I know a lot of kids have already started school-our kids are counting their blessings.
3 hours of homework? Is Amelia in college? I literally *groaned* out loud when I read this...ah, the memories. I think I might be coming down with something myself.
Pass the vodka, please...

Lou said...

I know what you mean Kathryn - how could spring already be here? Lambs abound amongst the daffodils and the trees are heavy with blossom *she cackles*

I can't get my head around the fact that you guys start the school year in September - seems so weird. Our school year is aligned with the calendar year so my 16 year old, Rory, is almost at the end of year 12 and will start his exams soon. His final year of high school will start at the end of January after the Christmas (summer) holidays.

Susan F said...

You summed it up perfectly, Kathryn. It feels so weird to have summer over. It feels like it lasted about 20 minutes this year.

Kathryn said...

Lou: Woah. I'm trying to get my head around the whole Jan-Sept school year. My first thought was: Rory goes to school in the dead of summer? "Nooooo....," I can hear you saying. It's the opposite here. So...he goes to school- (Kathryn's using her fingers to count...."where's my calculator?". Now Connor's in on it as well.)-from mid-summer to spring? Do they have a/c in the schools? (Notice that's my first question. Nature girl, I'm not.) I'll trade you your spring for....um...3 assorted highlighter pens and a can of keyboard air. Deal?

Kathryn said...

Susan: I knew you'd understand....kindred spirits, you and I.
And you always make time to comment. You're such a GOOD Canadian girl! Thank you-

Anonymous said...

You're welcome ;)

Susan F said...

That was me... lol. My fingers slipped when I went to save.

Kathryn said...

Ha! That's okay....I knew it was you....:)

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