Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Attitude

Kathryn: “Did you see it?”

Clinton Kelly (IV-Extraordinaire): “Did I see what?”

K: “Oh, c’mon! You missed it! It was a little, teeny hummingbird.”

CK: “Have you been drinking?”

K: “NO…. Well, yes….but, that’s not the point. Wine is not exactly a hallucinogenic, ya know.”

CK: “Still. Maybe it was a leaf.”

K: “A leaf? Are you kidding me? How stupid do you think I am?”

CK: (Makes face) “Well since you’ve asked, you did offer to loan someone your crepe maker.”

K: “So?”

CK: “You don’t have a crepe maker.”

K: (Shrugs) “Well, that’s okay….I was just trying to be thoughtful…besides, I knew she wouldn’t take me up on it.”

CK: “Well, what about the other day when you screamed bloody murder because you thought the brown leaf Metro tracked in was a mouse.”

K: “Hey. That’s more paranoid than stupid. I mean, seriously….it was moving and everything. You should’ve seen it.”

CK: (Chuckes) “I did. It looked like a leaf.”

K: “Dammit….lies. They’re all lies….”

CK: “Well, what about when you carried the pen from the car into the bank and discovered you’d brought in the thing to check your tire pressure?”

K: (Eyes suspiciously) “What’s it called?”

CK: (Confused) “What’s what called?”

K: “The thing to check your tire pressure. What’s it called?”

CK: “This isn’t about me….it’s about you. You’ve asked a very direct question. The question on the table was, ‘How stupid do you think I am?’ I am merely substantiating a few somewhat questionable events that may merit some further examination.”

K: “I’m hearing ‘Blah, blah, blah.’ What’s it called, Clinton?”

CK: “LOOK! Is that a hummingbird?!” (Deadpan) “It’s called a tire pressure gauge. Do not mess with the master.” (Uses dramatic hand language to bring home his point.)

K: “FINE. But, can you pull together an impromptu dinner party with only 30 minutes notice?”

CK: “Uh-huh.”

K: “Can you….teach a high school English class whilst surveying the specs on a 5,000 square foot reno?”

CK: “Yup.”

K: “Well, can you sign your name with a tire pressure gauge, make fresh crepes and execute a flawless meaningful conversation with a feminine hygiene product stuck in your undergarments?”

CK: “Huh. You’ve got me there. If I say ‘you win’, can I get myself a refill?”

K: “Only if you get me one, too. Now who’s the master, master??”

CK: “Me mordre.”


K: “Excuse me? What does that mean?”

CK: “I do believe it’s French for ‘bite me’.”

K: “Attitude….always with the attitude. I don’t know where this comes from…..”

Ron said...

Oh dear god, I'm laughing so hard at this post, I have tears in my eyes!!!

“Well, can you sign your name with a tire pressure gauge, make fresh crepes and execute a flawless meaningful conversation with a feminine hygiene product stuck in your undergarments?”.

YOU ARE FREAKIN' HYSTERICAL!!!

Thanks for the great laugh, Kathryn!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Hey, I'd be paranoid if a leaf was moving and looked like a mouse too. With or without a feminine hygeine product stuck to my undergarments...

Lou said...

You are hilarious Kathryn. I am still chuckling :-)

Kathryn said...

Aw....you guys!
Ron:Sweetie, what you may not realize is that you make ME laugh when I see ("hear?") YOU laughing. I'm so glad! You've no idea what a relief it is to get him out of my head every now and then.
Maureen: Thank you...I'm glad someone can appreciate how easily the brain can turn an innocent fear into a full-blown paranoia. Ya see 1 little field mouse in the house 1 time...and that's all it takes.
Lou: Thank you! Have I mentioned how much I love my Cloudy? You may stock up on the '07 and '06 for me at any time. Please tell Mr & Mrs Cloudy I'm not fond of the '08....sorry.

Lou said...

Are you talking about Cloudy Bay wine? I enjoy a Marlborough sauv blanc too - lots of flavour as us kiwis think subtlety in flavour is way over rated :-)

Kathryn said...

Lou: YES! Cloudy Bay SB is my alltime favorite wine...and the "Cloudy" I speak of in my opening "schtick" on this page. Been drinking it since '05. It's hard to come by here (still trying to figure out who's holding up the preferred constant shipments I'd like to see on a regular basis) and it's extra-hard to find now, with the '08 out. I heart my Cloudy Bay. I would marry it, if I could...that's how much I love it.

Susan F said...

It's been FOUR years already, since you and Cloudy got together? Boy, does time fly! I remember that like it was yesterday.

Kathryn said...

Yep....time sure does fly. It may be time for a ring....don't you think? I'll wear white....he'll wear...well, green.

Nicole said...

Does this Cloudy fella do 3-somes? ;) Just sounds so damn good, and I must go to either NY or LA to obtain it my dear! :D

As always, hilarious, good way to do a major mind dump. tee hee

Kathryn said...

Ha. "Mind dump"! I like that. Cloudy is mah-ne, doll....go find your own delicious green guy!
(They DO import it to the south, I'm sure.....)

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