Friday, August 28, 2009


Sometimes, I can pull together an impromptu get-together flawlessly.

Okay, that’s a lie. I can never pull together anything flawlessly.

Especially not an impromptu get together that involves food. That I have to prepare. Myself.

It was a busy, busy day. It just was….with a little of everything mixed in.

Somehow, I managed to make it to 4pm and I’d forgotten to eat. Again.

Okay, it happens….sometimes. I kinda, sorta…just forget to eat.

(Somewhere, I can hear JD’s red pen tapping impatiently on the desk. She’s thinking, “A point? Does. She. Have. A. Point?)

Why, yes. Yes, I do. I’ve learned that having wine on a completely empty stomach makes you really, really buzzed. It can also make you work magic!

By the end of my first glass of Cloudy, I’d finished wiping down powder rooms and lighting candles on the mantle.

By the time the doorbell rang, I was a lean, mean, buzzed-out machine. I immediately offered everyone alcohol, remarking on its magical abilities.

“What do you have?” I’m asked.

“What don’t I have?” is my answer.

Gin & Tonic? Martini? (Gin or vodka) Margarita? White wine? Red Wine? Mudslide? Bourbon?

Too many choices. They’re left by the liquor cabinet to find a beverage of choice. I’m busy being Wonderwoman!

Second glass of Cloudy and I’m:

  • Setting out cheese & crackers
  • Preparing the rub for the salmon

  • Steaming the broccoli
  • Making the rice
  • Pan heating that can’t-live-without-it Voila (Exclamation Point!) all-in-one skillet meal for the underlings.
  • Slicing 2 different kinds of bread
  • Baking 2 dozen chocolate chip cookies for dessert.

"Why?" Why not! I'm not thinking....I'm just doing! I can't think about it...if I do, I'll suddenly remember that I don't know how to cook!!

Oh, and checking every 2.1 seconds to make sure no-one’s left Metro-the-wonderdog unsupervised anywhere near any food product whatsoever. Metro has been known to eat everything from dropped frozen peas, to dropped cantaloupe, to dropped uncooked macaroni. Emphasis on the word “dropped”. Picky, he’s not. Sneaky, he IS.

He checks right....anybody see me? He checks left.....still clear....I'm golden!

Crap. I'm so BUSTED.

Somehow, I pulled it off. Looking back, it didn’t even feel like me. Today, I’ve learned that sometimes….I’m BUI.

That’s Better Under the Influence.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Scary. But I've definitely been there.

f8hasit said...

BUI...that's funny.

"But officer, I'm BUI!"
The meal sounds great! You just made me remember that I forgot to eat yesterday as well!

JD at I Do Things said...

I love it! "BUI!"

If I had a glass of wine on an empty stomach, I'd fall into a red-faced heap, getting up only to eat the cookies my friends would have to rescue from the smoking oven.

My red pen did not even quiver.

kathryn said...

Maureen: Scary? Not scary....WOULD HAVE BEEN scary if I'd been sufficiently sober. BUI was better.
f8hasit: Why is that? I swear...some days food is just the furthest thing from my mind...unless I smell or see it.
JD: YOU LIE. Tha pen must've tapped...I'd swear I'd heard it. (But then again....I WAS BUI...)

Bobby Allan said...

SO funny! I thought I was the only one who forgets to eat. Never at work when I'm on a schedule but always on the weekend. should copyright that.

Metronome is such a cutie pie! Busted!

kathryn said...

Chrissy: I think I've become one of those ppl who eats purely to survive. There's not a lot of emphasis on taste...just, how fast can it make my stomach stop rumbling?
Metro-the-wonderdog...that cute face cuts him a lot of slack.

jh said...

Um, am I a lesbian if I'm in love with Wonder Woman? Would that make me & everybody aged 33-43? I bet she drinks too, she looks like she knows how to have a good time.

kathryn said...

JH: Nah. You're just a sucker for the hairband and the shiny bracelets. And she was so chic with the did she run around in that thing, anyway??

Ron said...

Hi Kathryn!

Just wanted to stop by and say thank you for dropping by my blog earlier today - it was great meeting you!

And judging from the comments you left me and this post...I can tell I'm going to really enjoy your sense of humor - you are VERY funny!

Not only do we share the same regards to mornings, but we both enjoy WINE too.

I'll be back!

P.S. Metro is so adorable!

kathryn said...

Hey Ron!
I'm a new fan of yours as well! Don't-cha love it when talent finds MORE talent?? (It's magic, I tell ya!)
You're officially on my blogroll so I can keep track of's to long & bee-you-tee-ful blogbuds! Cheers-

Susan F said...

Metro is so cute! I'll bet everything went well.

kathryn said...

Metro says "thank you", Sue. He also sends regards to Tosha & Gracie.

Anonymous said...

...And dinner was delicious!! Thanks again for a wonderful time. Sorry again about the Kleptomania...first step is admitting that you have a problem, right? xxxooo

kathryn said...

You're very welcome, anonymous. Your company is always delightful and welcome...even if you DO abscond with some of my belongings.
(I'm not gonna find any strange 900calls on my cell, am I? Any calls to Argentina??)

Susan F said...

Thanks, Kathryn. I will pass that on to my pooches!

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