Thursday, August 27, 2009


Taylor: 17. Male. Overflowing with testosterone. Walking, talking, bottomless pit constantly in search of food and drink. Personal goal in life: Bring Mom to her knees, drive her straight to the brink of madness and then lightly and oh-so-delicately SHOVE her off the precipice and into the abyss…..

Me: The mom screaming in terror as she falls….helplessly….as she thinks of all the laundry she forgot to do….all the things she wishes she’d erased from her hard drive…all the cocktails she never got to try…..

Clinton Kelly: By his own account, my “dangerously inconsistent IV”, who cannot miss an opportunity to offer up his invaluable opinion on well, everything…

Taylor: “I want things that you won’t give me. You never listen to a word I say and I can’t wait till I’m 18 and can move out.”

Kathryn: “You want things that I can’t possibly afford. YOU never listen to a word I say and you’ll be lucky if you LIVE to be 18 so you can move out.”

Clinton: “You really should have gotten those jeans hemmed. And that little pink top with the cami underneath? That is so junior-department.”

Kathryn: "Taylor, I asked you to feed the dog! He's hanging around his empty food bowl looking all starving and sad...!"

Taylor: “I fed Metro already! After eating the dog chow, the bowl was empty.”

Clinton: “Um. Technically, that sentence should be: ‘After eating the dog chow, Metro saw that the bowl was empty.' You’ve got a dangling modifier…”

Taylor: “I want to get another of those jade dragon statues to add to my collection.”

Kathryn: “Are you freakin’ kidding me? I can’t dust in there as it is…those things are everywhere!”

Clinton: “You know, clutter says ‘I’m unclean and quite possibly mentally unstable.’”

Taylor & Kathryn: “CLINTON!”

Clinton: “Yikes. Mothers and sons can be so testy.”

Jen said...

Sounds like you need a drink and an Ipod in your ears.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what you two are yelling about. Clinton sounds completely reasonable to me. Esp. about the dangling modifier. Taylor: Stop antagonizing your mother.

JD at I Do Things said...

I never realized that Clinton knew fashion AND grammar. Taylor needs to stop busting your chops.

kathryn said...

Taylor is refraining from responding to these allegations on the advice of his attorney who has warned him that any future outbursts may land his sorry 17-year-old-butt on the street.
I felt that was probably wise....

Susan F said...

Another one I can totally relate to! That's why God made kids and puppies so cute, so you don't kill them. This will pass, but not until you're at the brink of insanity. For some reason, it goes like that.

kathryn said...

Sue: You promise I'll just hit the *brink*? I won't go *over*?? That's all I'm saying....

Susan F said...

No, you won't go over. I promise.

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