Friday, August 21, 2009

Beware of Frostbite

So, I’ve been meaning to try this stuff I bought the other day for my keyboard. See, lately when I press the tab key, sometimes I WIND UP TALKING LIKE THIS till I realize that the caps lock key is on. Needless to say, I’m shouting at people A LOT. Which is not always good for business. Sometimes, I get a goofy Japanese-looking symbol as well, which I can’t seem to replicate to save my life, now that I want it here.


The stuff is called Perfect Duster
…and it will evidently “Remove Harmful Dust, Dirt & Lint”.
There are four photos next to these prophetic words:

  • A computer monitor
  • A car steering wheel
  • A 35mm camera *
  • And….a sewing machine.

* It announces "Do not use on camera mirrors" in the instructions for use. What's a camera mirror?

It then proclaims (on the side of the can) “Computers, electronics, automobile, cameras, crafts.” At this point, in my infinite 20/20 hindsight, I realize it does not use the word “perfect for”, or “can be used on”…it just lists these 5 words. Pretty devious marketing, eh? But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Somehow, probably based on my having not eaten food yet that day, I somehow mistook the computer monitor to mean that it would dust away perfectly all the grime, gunk and food particles that I’m sure have (somehow) found their way into the inner workings of my keyboard.

This afternoon, I decided it was time to DEGUNK.

There was a whole SLEW of
RED WRITING all over the back of the can, so I insisted that the boys and I read EVERY SINGLE WORD:

DO NOT shake or tilt can before or during usage. Use in upright position. (This caused both boys to violently grab the can from my hands as I was holding it at an angle towards the kitchen window so as better to read the print that was smaller than this.)
DO NOT use near a potential ignition source or on paper shredders. (We all said in unison, “WHAT?” I still have no idea what possessed these danger-warning-people to feel the need to add paper shredder to its danger-zone list, but I’m sure they have an excellent reason. I’ll bet you $100, though, that it was a GUY's bright idea to try it out.)
DO NOT store in vehicle. DO NOT spray into enclosed space.
(But….I HAD to bring it home in my CAR…and my kitchen is kinda INDOORS…does that count?)
AVOID contact with skin with product in liquid form, may cause frostbite.
(Again….in unison, “WHAT?” Taylor (17): “Do we need special gloves, or what?”)
AVOID contact with product in liquid form, may cause plastic to discolor.
(Connor(12): “What’s the keyboard made of?” Me: “Plastic.”)

It then goes from AVOIDS to WARNINGS …something about “not being defined as flammable by 1500.3 © (6), 16CFR, Fed. Haz. Substance Act, C.P.S.C. Regs. HOWEVER, PRODUCT CAN BE IGNITED UNDER CERTAIN CURCUMSTANCES....yada, yada, yada.”

Taylor: “Like what circumstances?”

All I wanted to do was to get the sesame seeds out of my keyboard.

I bought ‘em at BJ’s in a pack of four. Anybody want some??

Lou said...

I use this type of thing all the time, it's great. Must confess I've never read the cans properly though so is lucky I guess that I've never started a fire or melted something. We buy this stuff at work too so everyone can keep their keyboards clean.

kathryn said...

And, to the best of your knowledge, you still have all 10 fingers (with the tips, I might add)? This is good to know. Maybe it's this particular BRAND that is so life-threatening?
Maybe we'll try it again later on today, Lou. Any last words of wisdom?...before....ya know....

C.J. Koster said...

The dust in Korea has eyes. I think if I used the stuff I might be accused on harming a living creature.

kathryn said...

CJ: Better off leaving well enough alone. You'd need Superman's eyes to read the really-really fine print on this can (times four, I might add...still no takers, eh?)
and it might be illegal there.
Heaven should be here-

edder said...

Whatever you do, don't huff it. No matter how bad a day you're having. That stuff is dangerously addictive according to "Intervention" ;)

Susan F said...

The warnings they put on stuff is out of control because people don't have common sense, and then they are quick to sue when something happens because of their own stupidity.

kathryn said...

edder: I'd HEARD that! I cannot imagine ingesting this's like antifreeze. When we used some of it, the can turned ICY cold. Scary.
Susan:I know. It's like the warnings not to use the snowblowers on the roof all over again...

Unknown said...

Well it does I guess make sense to say that about paper shredders. Paper shredders are often jamming and people attempt to clean it out, so they may use the perfect duster to try to move any dirt or debris. I once worked for a place that would not allow the server to put lids on the coffee but instead had to tell the purchaser where the lids were, all because of some lawsuit years before. Maybe the same thing happened here, who knows.

kathryn said...

Paper: Ya know....I hadn't even considered that! Now it makes perfect sense. I'm such a knucklehead, I'd imagined the guy using it while sitting ON a paper shredder....swear to God.
Now, where's my drink??
(Thanks for commenting!)

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