Sunday, March 1, 2009

Spread the Joy

Good day, Ladies and Gentlemen! We hereby request that you make sure your safety belts are securely fastened…please return your trays to their upright position...for it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

March is roaring in like a lion…with a possibility of anywhere from 5-12 inches of the dreaded white stuff blanketing most of the tri-state area between now and noon tomorrow.

Yes, this in spite of my inside scoop from Wackadoodle Waldo the Woodchuck, who assured me that he’d “rather die than be upstaged by that putz, Punxsutawney Phil”.


All I know for certain is that a mere two days after I finish paying the balance due to my snowplowguy, I shall be in debt to him once again.

With the month of March officially upon us, I am hereby estimating another 10 days of winter weather, before the unofficial beginning of spring commences on March 11th. (This highly scientific method of forecasting brought to you by the close-your-eyes-tightly-and-randomly-point-at-calendar-with-finger method of prediction…which I figure is probably no more or less reliable than our local weather channel.)

While I’m on a roll, I believe I shall make some other predictions for the remainder of 2009:

  • Polka dot spandex will become the fashion frenzy of the summer. Women (and men) will be wearing them on their heads, their butts and everywhere in between. It’ll be a moving polka-dot penchant.
  • I will color my hair approximately 14.666 times more (note to self: buy Loreal stock)
  • My pink MIA cashmere scarf with the little tassels will mysteriously reappear…in the middle of the summer.
  • Marvin Gaye will make a surprise comeback with a smash crossover country/pop hit entitled “I Know You Thought I Was Dead But I’m Not So Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em, Cowboy, Yippie-Kai-Yay.” It’ll climb to #3 on Billboard.
  • The post office will first raise the price of stamps (to .44 on 5/11-this is actually true)…and then will subsequently refuse to deliver less than 2 pieces of mail on any given day…just because “we can’t be bothered/gas is too expensive/we have to lean too far out of the car to reach the mailbox and it hurts our shoulder”.

And finally, the MOTHER of all predictions:

  • This blog will become a monster, runaway, blowout, mega-HIT…regularly visited and read by Oprah, The Donald, Martha, Beyonce, Madonna, Prince (formerly known as Prince) and Marvin Gaye…who’ll just owe me big-time for dreaming up his comeback hit song.

So, thanks for reading folks…and remember: we'll always remember this special, quiet time together....


Anonymous said...

You're right about the blog...but you're wrong about the polka dot spandex pants.. I won't be wearing them :)

kathryn said...

Aha! BUT I didn't say spandex "pants"...I see you possibly donning a polka-dot spandex headband...a-la Jackie Kennedy era? Never say never!

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