Monday, March 2, 2009

Monday, Monday

BRADENTON, Fla. (AP) - Sheriff's officers said a 19-year-old man snatched a Starbuck’s customer’s laptop after being told he could not use it to check his Facebook account. According to officers, the man then grabbed the customer's laptop and ran out of the coffee shop, located in an outlet mall.

Two people in the parking lot tackled the man and held him there until a mall security guard arrived.

The victim got his laptop back and the man was charged Saturday with robbery by sudden snatching, a felony.

A felony! Sudden snatching….sounds scary…and capricious…and impulsive. Lock the door! Throw away the key! HE’S A SUDDEN SNATCHER.

If I ever resort to a felony to check my stats on the internet, I hereby give permission for my loved ones to shoot me…right then and there. Just put me out of my misery…please. This is the delineation between technology and madness …the precursor for a whole new classification of criminals and their ensuing defense: temporary-technological-insanity. It will be described as an individual’s inability to function in modern-day society for more than 60 minutes without an internet-fix. These poor, lost people will wander the streets…peering over unsuspecting Blackberry-owner’s shoulders…looking for anything even remotely resembling the world-wide-web.

After several hours of withdrawal, they’ll invariably resort to lurking through any and all coffee houses/internet cafes…any place to get their fix….trying unsuccessfully to live vicariously through those fortunate enough to own portable internet devices. From there, it’s a mere hop, skip and a jump to Felony-ville…and the inevitable SNATCH.

You’ve gotta kind of feel bad for the whole, sorry bunch of ‘em.

And so ends my diatribe on the importance of moderation…in all venues of life….but especially the internet one…even though I’m a strong advocate for visiting THIS particular internet location…for THIS site represents all that is good, wise and entertaining in this world…so, the above really does not apply.

I’m stepping down now.

Anonymous said...

It started with cell phones. I can't get through an interview with someone without them interrupting the meeting to take a c/p call. Now it's the internet, and FACEBOOK of all things.

Though I have to admit that F/B is powerful. I remember going to a basketball game when I was sick, because my friend had it on her status that we were going and I didn't think we could break that. It seemed so official...

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