Monday, September 22, 2008

Up the Ladder, Down the Ladder

Today, I decided to tackle some electrical. Does the very notion of someone with my (ahem) limited expertise in oh-so-many practical areas leave you a tad…concerned?

I can’t say I blame you…if I were anyone but me, I’d be worried about me too.

These days, I simply cut the electrical to the entire house and tackle all things that could potentially sizzle me at one time….this concentrates all my electrical whining into a specific space and time….very wise of me…don’t you think?

For whine, I most certainly do:


“Where’s that stupid circuit-tester?”
“Why can’t I ever find a wire cutter when I need one?”
“Gee…I wonder which one of these 27 boxes contains the electrical tape? Heaven forbid it be with the rest of the electrical tools…”
“It’s too hot.”
“It’s too cold.”
“It’s too dark in here. Why is it so dark in here??”

It’s one of those rare occasions where the boys are actually grateful to be in school…as they’re fortunate enough to be spared my whiny-tirade…and will (hopefully) come home to a more brightly-lit home, instead of a smoking pile of timber.

So far, so good…but I’m knocking on wood…just to cover my bases, don’t-cha-know…

Switching gears: This afternoon, we had 2 deer standing in the backyard. I’d inadvertently walked out onto the deck to check on my withering plant (evidently, this houseplant has a small problem with temps dipping into the low-40’s at night…go figure…) and they were as startled as I. A staring match ensued, with neither myself nor the deer daring to move a muscle. I was trying to alert Connor and Taylor to our unexpected guests but feared startling them if I screamed “BOYS!!!!! COME QUICK!!! THERE’S TWO DEER NOT TEN FEET AWAY FROM WHERE I’M STANDING AND THEY’RE HUGE!!!!!”

So I tried to call them out of the corner of my mouth and it came out like “Cummer….Tay….dares deer…dare doe bic….dumone bet da cammra…” all said at barely a whisper…and I’m gently tapping my foot on the floor of the deck…as if Tay (who’s one floor down and 20 feet over…headphones blaring, teevee on and talking on his cell) can somehow pick up my tapping Mom-code-S-O-S…

Somehow to my utter amazement, Connor came looking for me and stopped mid-sentence as he took in the scene before him. Unfortunately, Metro was under Connor’s feet…weaving in and out in his traditional “prancing-puppy” routine, as Connor had just arrived home and had yet to hit the fridge to dole out the prerequisite puppy treat. Connor still had his 50-pound middle-school bookbag over his shoulder, so it didn’t take much for him to lose his balance, trip over the dog and fall forward, crashing out onto the deck.

Lucky for me, the screen door was open or it would’ve been a goner. Unfortunately, the deer had heard enough, between the crash of Connor hitting the deck and Metro barking up a storm. I can’t say that I blame them….all we saw were receding white, fluffy tails.

But for a split second there, that doe and I had a connection. I thought “Gosh, you’re beautiful....”

And I could swear I heard her say “Right back at-cha, kiddo. Next visit, how about throwing me some of that leftover pork, instead of your son?"

I'll see what I can do.

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