Monday, October 1, 2012

There She Goes Again

TAP. TAP. TAP.
IS THIS BLOG ON?

Lame Excuse #1:   I lost my password for the blog and couldn't log in.
In Actuality:          I lost my freakin' mind.

Lame Excuse #2:   I could swear I'd received an email from someone saying that the Internet would be closed for....(we hear the rustling of pretend papers)...like, three months.
In Actuality:           I lost my freakin' mind.

Lame Excuse #3:   I've spent the past three months traveling around the world on my private jet with George Clooney and they don't allow computers in international air space.
In Actuality:          This is completely, totally, 100% untrue.

Hello, my loves. How I've missed you!

I was gone so long, I was afraid to look. At my inbox (86 unread messages. 86!)...at the comments from my last spiderweb-laden, antiquated post. (I'm still annoyed that I had to lose the comments showing up on the main page. Hey! Maybe they've fixed that since I've been gone! Huh.)

I've worked. A lot. Now it slowed down...just a smidge...and I found myself thinking, "Remember when you wrote just for you? Oh and also for those poor, neglected subscribers on Kindle?? Remember???"

(Hangs head)

The most self-centered, egotistical thought just popped into my mind: "I can't imagine how they've survived without me."

Yikes. Did I just say that out loud? I promise you that I did not mean that....and I will seek therapy first thing in the morning.

Now I find myself wondering if there's an App for that. I mean, maybe I can just download a PDF and have Siri read me the riot act about taking people for granted while she sternly reminds me that, contrary to my innermost thoughts, I am not the center of the freakin' universe, all whilst I'm comfortably commuting to or from work, in my chariot. I mean, my car. You know, kind of a "get over yourself" book on tape? Surely iTunes must have that.

Siri! Set a reminder: Look into self-help book on part-time narcissism...'cause I'm not really all that bad. Oh and look up the meaning of the word DENIAL while you're at it.

I know you've all just plowed ahead...living your fabulous lives without me. I understand...really I do. I mean, what choice did you have?

I could say that I'm back for good (yeah, we've all heard that one), that I've got it from here (this song is getting old), that I miss each and every one of you with every fiber of my being (insert collective eye roll here, followed by a deep, affectionate sigh).

As I've come to realize, I am my own worst enemy.

But you've got to give me credit for tenacity...


Gigi said...

I've been DYING over here...literally! And then what to my wandering eye should appear? But a tweet...telling me to come over and visit.

And despite the fact that I was cozy in my pjs and preparing for a long sleep - I jumped up and headed over.

Kathryn, I know life is overwhelming - believe me I KNOW - but you have been missed.

Hope all is well with you. x

kathryn said...

Gigi: Oh! I've missed you too!! And I'd forgotten about my trusty @rolltome Twitter-automated-tweet-when-I-post feature. Glad it still works...SUPER glad to hear from you! Cozy and pj's, huh? You are a wild woman. I would never be in my pj's this early. (Sniffs.) What's that? You can see me?! In my fabulous Vera by Vera Wang striped jammies from Kohls? Dammit. I sometimes forget that Gigi knows everything. I've missed that as well! xoxo

Allison said...

I have the same story as Gigi, minus the comfy jammies. I think of you every time I hear the name Michael Kors, ya know ;)Glad to hear you're still keeping on...life can be chaotic. Most of us have been there. You do what you gotta do...we'll survive (somehow!). They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder...I know I was sure glad to see that tweet :)

kathryn said...

Allison: This feels like a long-overdue reunion! Please know I think of you often as well and hope all is well on your end. I'm sure Michael Kors is grateful for my financial contribution to his luxurious lifestyle...I know he's done wonders for my wardrobe! Thanks so much for the comment...we really need a good old-fashioned phone call to catch up. Let's do that soon...okay? xo

sage said...

Actually Kathryn, you've been an inspiration to me. Your lack of blogging has made my lackluster effort seen herculean.

StarSculptress said...

I am so glad that you have sharpened that wit and kept your ability to laugh- even at yourself. Great post but don't try, keep em coming!

Lauren said...

I thought Siri was with Raj?! Big Bang Theory? Yes? No?

On the bright side, you are not narcissistic alone. I'm right there with you, pushing you ever so slightly to the left so that I can be the true centre of the universe.

Also, I've seen you more than some of my family members. If that lessens your guilt for leaving me even the slightest bit. Yes, leaving me.

Alicia said...

Well, well, well! Look what the cat dragged in! So missy, bout time you dropped by. You never call, you never write!

I know you really have been on that private jet with The Cloon-man, you just don't want to admit it. Can't wait to hear the wild stories of what the two of you did!

It's nice to have you back even if it's only now and again. Miss you though!

The Expatresse said...

I haven't touched my blog in months. MONTHS!

I do post things on Tumblr now and then . . . just don't have much to say. Life is good.

(Nice to see you reappear.)

wendy said...

Glad you're back, Kathryn. We know you're busy and wouldn't hold that against you. I enjoy reading your blog no matter what it is or when you post it. It's always good to know you're doing well and hope you feel good knowing you've got friends here in blogville :)

kathryn said...

sage: Oh, you're a riot. I'm soooo glad I can inspire you to do...well, not much. Actually, I think I can be the poster child for that! Great to hear from you!

StarSculptress: Oh, I seriously doubt I'll ever lose my ability to laugh at myself. I do believe it's one of my best features. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am cautiously optimistic that I'm on track. Time will tell!

Lauren: Oh, you had me at "Raj". I knew exactly who you meant! And you've successfully poured on the guilt...oh-so-skillfully, I might add. You've always been remarkable with those words (even when they're chewing me out!). I shall try my best not to leave you again!

kathryn said...

Alicia: Hey, girlfriend!! Wow. I'd forgotten how well-versed you are. I'm impressed with the way you've masterfully blended cheerful tidings with just a smidge of mom-guilt. You are the master! I know, I know...there are no excuses....except for the lame ones already covered. But thank you for some seriously stellar ideas for future posts. "Cloon-man"...HA.

The Expatresse: Aw. That's the best reason of all not to blog...'cause life is so good, you can't think of anything to say. I've absolutely noticed it's cyclic and oftentimes I'm convinced that this computer screen is taunting me. Then I start driving...and then the ideas come! Never fails!

wendy: Aw. Thanks so much, sweetie. You always know just the right thing to say...never make me feel guilty (hint, hint to the people above you, who shall remain nameless...Alicia, Lauren). I am so lucky to have such wonderful writers/readers here in blogville...I'll never take that for granted. So happy to hear from you...loving your photo, too!

Kimberly said...

Well hello stranger! Glad to see you are still kicking! Life gets in the way of blogging ... I completely understand. Just try not to stay away so long next time, okay?

Lou said...

What luck, I happen by for the first time in a year and you've just posted. You made me chuckle as usual, sounds like life is keeping you on your toes.

Nicole said...

Wait...who are you again? JK! I've so missed our exchanges, and most of all your witty writing (pardon the alliteration). My blog is even worse, a 2 year absence while caring for my mother, subsequently ending her decade long battle with Alzheimer's. I figure you've ditched me by now, but I wanted to say hello, I miss you; and I call BS on your George Clooney trip as I've been with him the last year consoling my grief, Ryan Gosling too!

I truly needed the laughs you so eloquently share, but let's not lose sight...it is, as you know, all about me! (Note to self: have Siri set up a meet & greet at narcissistic anonymous in short order). xoxo

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