Tuesday, December 28, 2010

How Backing Up Can Backfire


So, the holidays. For anyone who’s been living under a rock…or possibly took a temporary “opt-out” into (insert your name here)-ville for the last month or so, we’re right smack dab in the middle of the two biggest holidays of the year.

I unexpectedly had a four-day weekend this past Christmas, as Menopausal Mother Nature drop-kicked our sorry New York asses in the form of massive amounts of snow. And yes, I realize that to those of you in say, Minnesota (Hey, Jen!), our 18-26 inches of snow sounds like a dusting. But HEY. No-one said you had to move there. Everyone knows that if you move to Minnesota, you’re kinda asking for it, snow-wise…you know what I’m saying??

I digress. My point is that I had three days off…to be home…with my family…which was hell great but my home computer is getting a little wonky. Actually, it’s getting a lot wonky….but don’t tell it I said that or I’m ska-rued, if you get my drift. So, I spent two full days running anti-everything (one of my anti-spyware programs took 12 ¾ HOURS to complete…that is not a typo…and I thought I was going to DIE) and deleting files and emptying recycling bins and just to keep me from completely losing my freakin’ mind, I cleaned out my closet, my refrigerator and my sock drawer whilst everything installed/ran/updated. Then, I backed up. Noooo…I did not back up into something…I backed up my computer. (Kathryn rolls eyes…causing Dragon, Ric Dragon to involuntarily shiver somewhere without ever understanding why.)

Then my computer informed me that its anti-virus software had died croaked expired. WTF?
Question: Who the hell buys a one-year anti-virus subscription that expires on Christmas?
Answer: Me…that’s who, dammit.
I didn’t want to renew it online ‘cause I wanted to be sure that the activation would be good for three computers, so I wanted the hard disk. That meant I needed to get my butt over to BestBuy, which is just. not. happening. So, now I’m downloading it online…as we speak I type. It’s already made me reboot three times. I figure this 300 words has taken me about three hours to type.

I digress. Again. So, it snows Sunday…into Monday…and I log in and work from home….’cause life is good that way. This morning, I drive in…and my car is fro-zen. I don’t mean ice-cream-sandwich-frozen…we’re talking bite-into-a-3”-thick-ice-cube-frozen. We’re talking the snow on the floor from where I’d opened my car door and stood on the sill to clean off the roof of my car the day before was perfectly preserved…I could still see the imprint from my boot.

The ride into work was infinitely messy and my windshield wipers were frozen. After several attempts at pounding on the lever, they sluggishly...with a loud *POP!* came loose and lazily made a half-hearted slide in the general direction of my windshield. (Suh-nap to me.) My heater was on high and I had a four-inch piece of ice stuck to the wiper on MY SIDE of the window, so that it perfectly smeared my exact line of vision. I had the fan on high and the wipers in motion...even when I was standing still...much to the confusion of the motorists around me…hoping the combination of movement and what little heat actually hit the windshield might melt that damned, stupid, f#*%-ing piece of ice. This went on for, I wanna say, 20 minutes? At one point, I actually considered opening my sunroof and pouring my thermos of black coffee down the freakin windshield…and I might have done just that it if I didn’t think I’d total my car in the process. And if you’re wondering why I didn't simply pull over in rush-hour traffic to stand in a spray of ice and wind to manually remove said ice from said wiper, then you really don’t know me at all…and this conversation is so over.

So, we’ve survived (?) the first major storm of the most-dreaded of seasons here in Kathrynville. My new anti-virus is loading as we speak I type and I’m gonna try to jump online just long enough to post this without being summarily attacked by some ice-wielding, snowshoe-wearing hacker.

To say I miss you guys is an understatement. For some ludicrous reason, my boss won’t let me spend seven or eight hours during my workday to get caught up in Blogville. He’s so evil. This is probably the longest I’ve ever gone without responding to comments/visiting others…and it feels similar to when you wind up talking to a friend on the phone and are acutely aware that you’ve done all the freakin’ talking. I’m going to make this right, daggnabbit.

I’ll leave you with this teaser: Ric feels so bad that he’s monopolizing all my time (my bitching and moaning about how much I miss you guys may play a factor here as well) that he’s hooked me up with some serious stuff that I’ll be giving away in January. And not just any crap, either…we’re talking Google stuff.
Example of one piece of some of the awesome Google stuff
This will hopefully cause a short-circuit in all my reader's memories so that no-one will remember that I temporarily, albeit through absolutely no fault of my own, faux- neglected you.

Which honestly and totally never, ever happened.

xo

j.m. neeb said...

If I win the Google mousepad, I'm totally forgiving you. (If not, all bets are off!)

Oddyoddyo13 said...

You always sound so happy when a snowstorm blows through. It just warms the cockles of my heart to think of you dressed in a ski jacket, grinning as you pour black coffee down your windshield.

kathryn said...

j.m. neeb: I've got a good feeling about this, my funny friend. (Kathryn looks about nervously and ducks out)

kathryn said...

Oddyoddyo13: Ski jacket? Honey, I don't even own a ski jacket, for that would imply that I ski...and that would imply that I actually spend time outdoors in winter. You see my point.

.end transmission. said...

Oh, dear sweet Miss K, I laugh in your general direction. You see, here in Ohioland, we only got oh, I guess an INCH of snow? Yeah, we waved it on through to your neck of the woods. Consider it my Xmas present to you and yours. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!
That's me laughing out loud, if you can't hear it over the droning sound of snow plows. Love ya, mean it.

John McElveen said...

So, was it cold? I was in Fl? What did I miss- (he says, ducking under the desk to escape the wrath of K!!!!

You can't get Virus when it's that damn cold!!

Blessings kathryn,

Warm up--I'll send you some Moonshine! That chit will defrost Russia.

Which I can see from my back yard by the way!

And FYI--It Sleeted in Ocala Fl, so I can't imagine what you dealt with!

John

David Barber said...

Sack your boss and get a new one!! LOL!

We've had bad snow here but nothing like what you guys get over there. The Uk comes to a standstill if we get more than a few inches. Stay safe and keep warm!

All the very best for 2011.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Ya know, we were the warmest location in Canada yesterday at 10C (52F)...just sayin'.

What a sweet post Kathryn. I'm not feeling neglected at all *Alan sits alone in empty room, nursing a rum & cola, wiping tears from eyes with the clean bottom part of his turkey-stained shirt...*

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

I was going to say, "I'm with David," about sacking the boss but then again, gooooooooogle stufffffff (swoon). I guess there'll be no boss-sacking on this shift, not with luscious prizes on the way.
Glad you're back! Blogville missed you.

JP said...

usually when I get that hunk of ice on my wiper blade I spend the next 10 minutes trying to grab it as it come up so I can try and smack it against the windshield and break the ice off... of course I always miss and just end up with a frozen hand as it's stuck outside the window trying to grab the wiper blade...

I hate winter.

Gigi said...

Kathryn's here!! *Wiping away tears of joy*

I thought the 4-6 inches we got (before we sent it your way) would kill me - if I had to deal with that much snow you would have found in curled up in a closet somewhere weeping hysterically!

And what do you mean your boss won't let you catch up in blogville? Doesn't he realize that you are the key to keeping bloggville alive and blogging?

Gay Guy said...

Oh, Kathryn, isn't winter wonderful! In addition to being costly, both in time and dollars, the fashion options are not good. Who wants to look like the Michelin Man? Here's wishing you a sunny, warm holiday.

sage said...

Good title, drew me right in, I had to read this to see if you were talking about your computer or driveway... Here in MI, we're in a snow drought. Not enough to x-country ski, but I did go downhill last night (all 300 feet of downhill) and wonder what I did not to be out west or even in NY where I had lots more vertical. May you have a wonderful New Year.

Lauren said...

Wait... what happened? There's a mysterious hole in my memory.

The weather in my corner of Canada was actually pretty good over the last four days. What did you do to Mother Nature? Take it back! Take it back!

ValleyWriter said...

I say you have every right to b*tch & complain about the ice & snow - you guys got slammed. Here in New England, where it's supposed to snow, we only got 5 inches during that last "blizzard." Now, I'm not sad about that, since I feel the same way about snow as you - but really, that's just pathetic.

On a completely unrelated note... not only is your boss giving you Google-swag, he also lets you work from home?!? Sweet - this guy sounds like he rocks!

Runnergirl said...

We heard about your snow and I was a teensy bit jealous - our snow wasn't enough to prevent travel to work... and to add insult to injury, we couldn't even build a fricking snowman or snowball from it cos it was too powdery!!

Gingerella said...

Don't hate me for saying this but I'm jealous that you have snow and we don't. The fact that it has not snowed here even once is so abnormal! So. Not. Fair.

Dontcha just love computers? :::ducks:::

kathryn said...

.end transmission: Oh, God...you're freakin' killing me! First, I'm saying (to absolutely no-one, 'cause there's no-one here), "Who the hell said that?" Referring to the "laugh in your general direction" line. Now I'm tweeting for the answer (I'm guessing Pink Panther?). If you're on Twitter, I'm not seeing a link at your place. ANYWAY. Thanks for that snow. You suck. And I thought I heard laughing over the snow plows...but I'd assumed it was just one of the voices in my head.

kathryn said...

John McElveen: YES, it was cold. And I SEE you under that desk, mister. Wasn't it cold in Florida? (Oops. Note to self: Finish reading comment before commenting on comment.) Crap! You had sleet? Are you sure you were in Florida? Maybe you went the wrong way and you were in OREGON. (Said in a loud voice for emphasis) Hey, it could happen.

kathryn said...

David Barber: Thanks for the kind wishes...and I can promise you that we'll have an excellent twenty-eleven regardless of this damned weather. Gotta stay positive, right? For us, this is only the beginning. As for the boss? I think I'll keep him. The entertainment value alone is worth it...and think of all the great blog material he's giving me!

John McElveen said...

DUCKS!!!!!!!!! Quack Attack--maybe that's why I saw hills instead of NBF---Nuttin but Flat!!!!


J,

You missy are a trip and a 1/4 !!!!

kathryn said...

Alan W. Davidson: Well, thankyouverymuch for that 52-degree update. Can I say that I hate you? Will you somehow inexplicably know that I really don't??

I'm sorry...but I'm laughing my ass off picturing you with the combination of tears, rum & cola and...turkey?...all stuck in your facial hair.

Turkey? Are you Canadians in some sort of Thanksgiving-time-warp??

kathryn said...

Cathy Webster (Olliffe): Aw. Thank you, sweetie! Not to beat a dead horse, (ew. what a gross expression) but I've missed Blogville and all of you terribly. It was like I was missing an arm, I tell ya! (Legal disclaimer: I apologize to anyone out there with only one arm. I do not actually profess to know what your life must be like.)

Anyway.

Google stuff! Whee! Mugs and pens and mousepads, oh my!!

kathryn said...

JP: Okay...this is such a typical guy-reaction, I can't stand it. I'm assuming this hunk of ice just travels from one blogger to another? Like a stupid, annoying computer virus? But if I try to grab it out the window, won't that mess up my hair? I'll respectfully have to reject this method as unfit by reasons of my wanting good hair for the remainder of the day. I hate winter more.

kathryn said...

Gigi: Hey you! (Sniffs...hands over tissue) I remember your tweets about your snow...and your deep concern with the fact that it wasn't stopping. Yeah...we just got the New Yawk version of all that.
As for Ric, we'll let it go...only 'cause he's scored us some Google-love. And we're suckers for the Google-loooove...

kathryn said...

Oh, Gay Guy: Yeah...whoever coined the phrase "winter wonderland" should be shot. Michelin Man...Stay-Puft Marshmallow Guy...such a stunning look, right? It's like being eternally bloated...now there's a visual for you. And don't even get me started on the slipping and sliding. Of course, I'm in 4" heels. Huh. That actually explains a lot.

kathryn said...

sage: Don't you hate people who try and suck you in with a witty, semi-bordering-on-pornographic title? Yeah, me too. So, you voluntarily went down this 300 foot hill? You didn't...like, fall down it? 'Cause I've got a mental image of you rolling and rolling and then that mean magician-guy from Frosty the Snowman would show up. Isn't it amazing how you and I are so opposite (I despise the out of doors and you relish it) and yet we somehow "get" each other??

kathryn said...

Lauren: Oh, if only I could un-do all the crap I must've done to piss off 'ole Mother Nature...but alas...me thinks we're screwed. There have been a couple of times where we seemed to be colder...andsnowier... than you guys. WTF? It's so totally not fair. Again...when in Canada, you should get lots and lots and lots of snow. You are NORTH and we are SOUTH. It seems pretty straightforward to me...

kathryn said...

ValleyWriter: Yes! Being able to work remotely is a definite perk! It's wonderful when you can write anywhere, which I can do...if I can access all the company files of which there are kazillions. I can't wait to share the Google-love...have to hammer out the details. I still can't imagine those Google-ites in Mountainview, CA who get to be surrounded by this stuff all day. Suh-weet.

I keep forgetting you're north of me. Your photo reminds me of a sweet little southern gal...why is that??

kathryn said...

Runnergirl: Well, it's true what they say: You need the wet, heavy snow to make a decent snowman. Slipping and falling, however, can be done on any kind of snow.

Honey, if I could only send you some of ours...we've got plenty to spare! Some of the piles in the parking lots are a full story high! They totally block your vision...and you have to look for little openings to go from the street onto the sidewalk. It's insanity, I tell ya!

kathryn said...

Gingerella: Aw, sweetie...I could never hate you! Believe me, nothing would make me happier than if you had this snow instead of us.

And yes....I DO love computers! I love all the gadgets and the bells and whistles and finding new widgets and connecting with all of you. I mean...how else could we possibly have "met"? Ya gotta love it...

Collette said...

Yes, I am back! (finally) In Michigan, right now, we have rain & 51 degrees. This means our snow has melted(what little we had). Although, the one big blast of snow/below zero windchill did cause me to rip my driver door handle off with my bare hand! (still not repaired). Sending warmer, snow-melting weather to you & cold, house-burying snow to those who actually like & want the white crap! Happy New Year my friend! (& where is this global warming anyway?) (((HUGS)))

Kelly@MentalGarbage said...

Glad you made it through the storm :-) I would have taken the exact same approach to the chunk of ice... haha

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